Showing posts with label rage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rage. Show all posts

December 16, 2010

Fucking Parent Groups (not porn)

I go off on parent groups being shit all the time, this is pretty much more of the same. Same dance, new tune.

I saw this on Yahoo, "Parent Groups Colds TV Shows for sexualizing young girls" which I can agree is not the best thing for shows to be doing, but one of the first thing the article does is list shows that are "popular" with the 12-17 crowd. First, that group is too large, 12 year old and 17 year olds are at different maturity levels and are interested in different forms of television. And second, not very show listed is necessarially for that age group, or for that entire age group. House, Family Guy, Grey's Anatomy, NCIS, Desperate Housewives. I mean, they just went after prime time TV, which is when this age group should be studying or doing their homework.

But I also question how much sexualization is too much? Telling teens that teens don't have sex is a lie, looking around many middle and high schools you see visible examples of teens who are having sex. But I think it's worse when you don't know, those girls could be much worse off, I mean, if they are boning, not if they are virgins. I approve of Glee showcasing a pregnant teen in the first season, hot out the gate with that decision. That little bit of truth shows some of what teens have to deal with in that situation, even if it's over hyped and extra-ridiculous pretty much all the time. My point being, the irl is ashamed and embarrassed, but has to deal with it, that's real-ish.

You know, looking at all the things that cause eating disorders, do girls raised without any social pressures what so ever just not develop eating disorders? I want to see this experiment. Take 300 girls, put them in an isolated location from the age of 2 until 18 allow no outside media, no comparisons, no whatever causes eating disorders and social anxiety disorders and see what happens. I'm just saying.

Response to Two-and-a-Half Men - women have already been reduced to sexual objects in media. This show isn't reducing it, just perpetuating the myth that exists in our society. Case in point: why are women areola and nipples more harmful than men areola and nipples? They're the same thing, modified skin cells and sweat glands, but remember what happened when we saw Janet Jackson's ray encircled nipple? Children were hurt by it. The children were scarred! But that extra fat, hairy, bear of a man at the beach in swimming trunks, or a Speedo, their nipples don't harm children. I mean, maybe they run screaming from the fat, just not their nipples.

Why is there no show of sexualization of men? I mean, that's all Sex in the City did, right? I barely watched any episode so I really don't know. I know this study was on network television and not cable, but why don't people ever talk about the issues boys and men have to live up to societal demands? I personally know two dudes who have body image hang ups. Opposite ends of the spectrum. Where are the studies talking about how overly muscular men or extra ripped guys in television harm boys? What about them? Also, why is a sexual situation in a relationship or to build a relationship the only form of a healthy sexual relationship? One night stands don't necessarily objectify men or women, I'd rather see characters get off than be cuckholds and abstinent. Where are the television shows that talk about proper condom use and the psychological effects sex has on a person? Also, show me the outside of skinny gettin' it on, somebody loves every shape. Showing a bigger person, male or female,  boning, or implying that they're going to or they did will help kids understand that they don't have to be waifs to get laid.


Jasmine P.

July 16, 2010

"Adult"

This is bullshit. Applying for FAFSA is fucking bullshit. I jump through all these fucking hoops and now I get stopped just because my father's alive. To quickly explain why his living is a bad thing: my parents have been divorced since I was about 1 year old. My mother had sole custody over my brothers and myself until she died. She died when I turned 18 which automatically makes me an independent. I checked that box on FAFSA because my father does jack shit to provide for my well being. He doesn't even send me money once a month, which he did for my brothers. If I want money from him I have to either directly ask him for it, or I have to try to beg for it by sounding as pathetic as I can to see if he gives me anything. It's gatdamn bullshit.

Cut to now. My mother has been dead for three years, I've been an independent and my father isn't giving me shit. I haven't been working but I've had my inheritance to spend on school for three years, it's running a bit low. I call campus Financial Aid to figure out why they need my father's information and it's because he's alive. If I say I made an attempt to contact him they'll say that and I guess I'll be awarded the money they tentatively told me I could receive. The problem herein lies in the fact that my father will respond, he will fill in his tax information and FAFSA might not give me any money because he of whatever he fucking makes. Or they'll give me less. Either way it works out not in my benefit and I might be screwed and have to apply for a loan from somewhere else.


I guess I understand where the government is coming from in wanting both parent's information, but he's dead. If my mother was still alive they wouldn't have needed his information because she had custody, so now, just because she's dead and he isn't they need his information. I honestly don't know how much he makes, I'm just assuming it's more then enough to keep me from getting shit and that makes me a very sad Jasmine. Sad and furious. I bet you that if I had been in trouble and I told the government the same shit about m father they wouldn't care that he's alive. But when I need money from them they make me jump through the most idiotic of hoops to get a few pennies. In the grand scheme of things $20k isn't that much to the government, I don't understand why they're trying to hard now to not spend it when they spend a few million if not billion every fucking day. I mean if education is so important in this country make it easier for people to either afford fucking college or make it easier for people to get money to pay for college.

I just want money for school. I want to be done with school and I want to really be perceived as an adult because this shit makes me feel like a child. I hate feeling like a child.

Jasmine P.

April 29, 2010

Dream: Rage Fever

Everything between the dashes is in edited English, mostly edited for spelling. A little bit edited for grammar, as you can see. And I am hella amused that I typed 'alarm cock' not once, but twice. I don't know why I was repetitive about The Guy's place, it just happened.


i keep waing up with fits of feverish blind rage. I don't know how they stared, it happened a the time. clickwork. I'd be fine all day, bt nigt would roll around and fits of rage and fever would hapen. I'd have chills, 'd start blacking out ad the only thing that would calm me from being hugged, one of those awesome ugs from behind. It was weird. I'd be weak unable t stand up, unable to move. Things would get broke, in a fit of rage.

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I keep wakin up with fits of feverish blind rage. I don't know how they started, it happened all the time. Clockwork. I'd be fine all ay, but night would roll aroung and fits of rage and fever would happen. I'd have chills, I'd start blacking out and the only thing that would calm me was being hugged, one of those awesome hugs from behin. It was weird. I'd be weak, unable to stand up, unable to move. Things would get broken, in a fit of rage.
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Before my alarm cock rang, I was at some guy's place, tall dude, he was too nice to me. It was day now, after a fit of rage. My father was there to get me, but from the looks of it I'd gone over there befoire in warlier rage things. I had ceramics pieces that needed to be glazed, and The Guy was awesome and started lazing them for me, so I'd have them for my final.

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Before my alarm clock rang, I was at some guy's place, tall dude, he was too nice to me. It was day now, after a fit of rage. My father was there to be me, but from the looks of it I'd gone over there before in earlier rage things. I had ceramics pieces that needed to be glazed, and The Guy was awesome and started glazing them for me, so I'd have them for my final.
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There was a weird bit from a backetall game I went to for whatever reason where some dude, a frend, kept trying ot run around naked. It was like he was having a Blind Fit of Eros, he tried having sex with his girlfriend and I saw his penis, it was werd, tiny and shrivvled. Tere wee a lot f penises shown at the game, they were all tiny and shrivvled Burnt looking.
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There was a weird bit from a basketball game I went to, for whatever reason, there some dude, a friend, kept trying to run around naked. It was like he was having a Blid Fit of Eros, he had tried having sex with his girlfried and I saw his penic. It was weird, tiny, and shriveled. There were a lot of penises shown at the game. They were all tiny and shriveled. Burnt looking.

An army/navy cpatain or high ranking official was standing in front of me at one point, leaving onto the pet covered plexilass then...no, it was a teacher-coach from my school who was lleaning when a commanding occifer gave me the hirdest slap on te ass. Wild man. I somehow tried to get up and fell on the groun I was buy a friend, Clint, - from Borjo - and I mumbled if I had a fever call an ambulance. My teperature was 112, low fo a rage fit, but thy called anyway, I was losing control. I remmeber stumling around my apartment, kinda of, and friends drifted in and out of my awareness and got things togther for me.
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An Army/Navy cpatain or high ranking official was standing in front of me at one point, leaning onto the net covered plexiglass...then not, it was a teacher-coach from my school who was leaning- when a commanding officer gave him te hardest slap on the ass. Wild man. I somehow tied to get up and fell on the ground, I was by a friend, Clint, - from Borjo- and I mumbled I had a fever, call and ambulace. My temperature was 112F, low for a Rage Fit, but they called anyway, I was losing control. I remember stumbling around my apartment, kind of, and friend drifted in and out of my awareness and got things together for me.
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Next, I was at The Guy's house trying to udertad, but I idn't. My father showed up and tried to ask me if I was jut internallizing all my anger and I should exprss it, I said I did internallize, e tried to itnerript me, bt i interrupted im and tried to explain things that made me angry. The Gy was now glazing some random ceamic piece I had made, and my alarm cock woke me p.

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Next I was at The Guy's house trying to understand, but I didn't. My father showed up and tries to ask me if I was just internalizing my anger and I should express it. I said I did internalize, he tried to interrupt me, but I interrupted him and tried to explain things that made me angry. The Guy was not glazing some random ceramic piece I had mad and my alarm clock woke me up.
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I jst typed this up comppletely bleary eue, which I'm saying accounts for som of te typos, I'm tred from getting like, 1hour of sleep, I laid down at 4.35, I rembmer seeing 4.45a and then I guess I fell asleep and right into a fit of rage.

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I just typed this up, completely bleary eyed, which I'm saying account for some (all) of the typos. I'm tired from getting like, 1 hour of sleep. I laid down at 4:35, I remember seeing 4:45am and them I guess I fell asleep and right into a fit of rage.
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i feel as if Alex )theory101) was there somewhere, bt I don't remembe anything much lse than what I typed.

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I feel as if Alex (theory101) was there somewhere, but I don't remember anything much else than what I typed.

Jasmine P.

i

a car was supposed to take me to The Guy's place, but it was weird, all full of old people. Well, they were 4 old chinese men in motrozed wheel cairs. The little little driver offere, bt Clint-friend spoke wo me and kept me calm then I was at The Gy's hous, calmer. Mayb I'd rallen asleep. I don't know, but what' what I kinda remember, i think. There may be more, but I dunno.

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I (?)

A car was supposed to take me to The Guy's place, but it was weird, all full of old people. Well, there were 4 old Chinese men in motorized wheelchairs. The little little driver offered, but Clint-friend spoke to(?) me and kept me calm, then I was at The Guy' house, calmer. Maybe I'd fallen asleep. I don't know, but what I kinda remember, I think. There may be more, but I dunno.
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I remember my apartment being weird. There was a tiered pink jacuzzi bath tub, and everything was get red. It was like being in a lowly lit club and not my apartment. That probably explains when there were random people there. It still doesn't make much sense.

March 29, 2009

Rage Against the Idiotic

Just becuase I keep my flatware out on the counter, doesn't grant you leeway to use it. I can't stand half the people who live in this dorm/apartment.

What this is all about is I keep my flatware in a cup on a counter that is between two cabinets that my things stay in. It's about little things, in truth, but it's also about their lack of respect for property that is not theirs. I seriously go out of my way to not use other people's items, but it seems like at various turns, I find my items depleted. I've noticed my flatware sitting in the Midget-bitch's food bowls. What the fuck, she has her own shit, don't use mine. It was my money, hard earned, though not by me, that procured those spoons. Yeah, their cheap, but they do the job, they've been doing the job for me going on two years, well, a year and a half. I'm saying, why take my things. Use your own possessions, you fucker. Some time ago I noticed that my ketchup was disappearing. The fuck? Just because it was on the top shelf of the door, you'd think people would know what they bought. I can't recall ever granting them the right, ever allowing them to use my condiments.

I'm fucking appalled. I make sure I use what's mine and only mine. If i need things I go without until i buy it myself. Why can't these cock-smokers do the same thing? I'm not their gatdamn mother, I don't have to share everything little thing I buy.

I also just realized what happened to all my fucking pine-sol. When the MB drinks, she vomits. Every fucking time, you'd think she'd learn something by now. My revelation is that on at least one occassion she potentially missed the toilet, and got all her friggin' vomit on the floor or some such. Or maybe the toilet just plain stank, but that's not the point. The point is, why the fuck hasn't this cock-smoker hedonistic whore bought any more? Seriously? I'm going to buy my own pine-sol that will stay in my bedroom that I'll use before moving out.

Huh, my biggest dream is getting closer to becoming a reality. Tomorrow I'll make my fated call to the apartment complex I found last week, and I'll figure out if I can even rent, considreing I don't have any real credit, but maybe they're used to people not having credit trying to move in. April looks to be a busy whore. A very busy whore. The next week or two might not be too terrible, but then there's the last two weeks [i think i'm missing a week somewhere...] but finals start on the 28th or something, (what a lovely day...) until then, I get to make my plans for moving out, and with moving out, since i think the place i'm looking at in unfurnished, i get to buy furniture. Joy of joys. I'm not that cynical about it, it's just having to do it. I should be able t outfit my apartment for less than 3k if I'm careful. Most pertinent items are a bed, a couch, a TV table, and a small dining room table. I'll shoot for the bed first, then hopefully everything else i can get from the salvation army or one of the many thrift stores out here. I'll spring the duckets for a brand new bed, that's no big problem. Plus, this bed may have to last me a few years, so I'll get the most out of it.

Well, I've started delving into the world of mattress shopping, and i know this, I'm buying a qeeun sized frame and mattress. Maybe even an adjustable frame, but at least a queen sized matress. I'll take my space. Plenty of nesting space, and rolling around space. It will be awesome to literally be able to climb into bed again. It won't be 1.5ft off the ground anymore.

Ooh, i forgot about lighting. i assume there's at least one overhead/set per room, but I'll need a bedside light, and something for the living room. I like the standing ones that have 4 lights on it that come on in different patterns for low and high lighting. I'll write up a list soon so I can keep track of the immediate needs versus the needs that can wait a week or so.

Last major need is a job. I mean, after I pay off the summer and fall semester's tuition, I'll have a nice bit to start of my summer to pay for food prior to landing a job. I wonder how likely it would be for me to get this apartment without a job, even though I have the assests to pay for it. And I think I'll see about my trust fund, if not for immediate spending, then for the apartment. I'll talk to the guys about that.

Well, I've run the gamut from anger to calm and planning. Let's hope it stays plasse for the rest of the day. I like not being angry. Let's also go get something to eat. I now have excess cereal and milk, and doggonit, will I enjoy me some milk and cereal :) And maybe some doodling. I enjoyed drawing Seph Hunter, and I would like to work on a picture of Az, to color, I'd love to re-do the 'Masculinity' picture. I feel so much better now.

Jasmine P.