Every fucking time I have a friend or family tell me that art is an 'easy' degree I want to slap them in the face. For many reading this it's preaching to the preacher but to continue trying to make it on my own or with a tiny group of friends is not easy. I'm not trying to work for a big company, I have my own stories and ideas that are bursting to be released. I'm like a zombie but instead of craving brains and entrails I crave time and paper because I always have ideas. I have ideas I think I can sell, I have ideas that I think people will buy and I have skill and talent, and it's hard. I always want to draw, but I'm always up for social engagements, take tonight for instance: I have my journal comic that I need to continue inking and preparing to upload. I have pages I need to go back to and refine and I need to rescan everything I've scanned/posted so far because days didn't have full shading, but I went to listen to Christian Lander speak instead. Dude was funny and it was a good evening, but I didn't work on my comic. I need it get off the ground so I can start selling my fiction and not just my reality.
What makes art so difficult is that even as I'm laying on my be typing this my fingers are itching to pick up a pencil and draw something, ink something create something anything and I have a million other things I need or want to be working on first. I have offers left and right to create things to sell, which I need to get going on before I forget for one thing, and I have other offers to get my name out there and be published once again in my college newspaper. I want to drop out of college so I can devote more time to comics, but I don't have the money for that. I want to take out a hypothetical loan on my future for now, I'm not going to because there are things I want to improve while I'm in this environment to find ways to make things better. I'm working at getting more of my work known and out places. And art degree is serious and difficult business because of the market. The work isn't especially 'hard' because you're selling what you can do, but it's harder then other jobs because every project is tailor made for whoever you're selling things to or creating things for. I'm taking everything I'm learning now, flipping it on it's head to make it all work for me.
In doing all this I talk big. People tell me I sound like I know what I'm doing. I don't, I'm fucking terrified. I'm afraid that I'm going to have to move home, that I'm going to fail and I'll just keep dreaming that I made it in comics and sequential art. I'm also terrified that I'll succeed, I'll make comics that people like, I'll have fans and people will want to buy every stupid thing I draw. I also fear staying in the middle, being known to a handful of people and selling some things, but spending most of my time in some horrible office job were people didn't know I spent my night and weekends creating comics and my life ever got better.
These ideas keep me from picking up a pen and being jealous of everyone who has made it. It also inspires me to grab hold of a pen even sooner so I can prove my worth and get my foot in the door. I want to be known, but I'm afraid of what I have to do to get to that point. That time comes every night where I have to buckle down and get things drawn, it's time for me to work on my journal comic, I've put off doing more than a few pieces of spot shading for a about a week and I need to be prepared to spend Monday scanning and prepping more pages. I can make it, I'm not so afraid and my work is good enough. People will want to buy my pieces and I won't be too afraid to sell them.
Jasmine P.
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
September 16, 2010
September 8, 2010
Questions and Statements
I'm not asking for answers to any of this, it's just what goes on in my head sometimes. How bad is it if I ask that nobody comments on this? And don't like it either, I think the like feature is bollocks.
---
Why
Why am I such shit at staying asleep?
Why do I lose interest in people from simply not pursing them?
Why am I so fucking passive aggressive?
Why do I want or feel as if I need other people to tell me I'm a good person for me to believe it?
Why so much self-loathing?
Why do I run away?
Why do I speak my mind as rarely as I do?
Why do I speak my mind at the wrong times?
Why am I so fucking vague?
---
Pretend
Sometimes I feel as if I'm a kid pretending to be an adult.
Sometimes I pretend I'm a kid when I want to shirk my responsilbilties.
I might pretend I never wrote this
---
How
How can I be vain at the same time as I have low self-esteem?
How long will I feel like this?
How long until I am able to deal with this better?
---
Statement
I second guess most of the comments I leave before I leave them.
I only look at a few people's profile pages.
Every now and again I click on webpages/websites linked from profile information
I can't stand tagging people, I feel as if I'm being exclusionary
I only read notes sporadically
I feel as if I impose.
I don't mean to be as abrasive as I feel I come off as
---
What
What do I need to do to be happy?
What am I doing wrong?
What am I doing right?
---
When
When will I be happy with me for more than a few hours, days or weeks at a time?
When will I feel loved? And I do mean feel it. I know I am loved, but sometimes I don't always feel it.
When will I get off my ass and publish things?
When will I feel successful?
Jasmine P.
--This could go on, but I don't feel like it.
---
Why
Why am I such shit at staying asleep?
Why do I lose interest in people from simply not pursing them?
Why am I so fucking passive aggressive?
Why do I want or feel as if I need other people to tell me I'm a good person for me to believe it?
Why so much self-loathing?
Why do I run away?
Why do I speak my mind as rarely as I do?
Why do I speak my mind at the wrong times?
Why am I so fucking vague?
---
Pretend
Sometimes I feel as if I'm a kid pretending to be an adult.
Sometimes I pretend I'm a kid when I want to shirk my responsilbilties.
I might pretend I never wrote this
---
How
How can I be vain at the same time as I have low self-esteem?
How long will I feel like this?
How long until I am able to deal with this better?
---
Statement
I second guess most of the comments I leave before I leave them.
I only look at a few people's profile pages.
Every now and again I click on webpages/websites linked from profile information
I can't stand tagging people, I feel as if I'm being exclusionary
I only read notes sporadically
I feel as if I impose.
I don't mean to be as abrasive as I feel I come off as
---
What
What do I need to do to be happy?
What am I doing wrong?
What am I doing right?
---
When
When will I be happy with me for more than a few hours, days or weeks at a time?
When will I feel loved? And I do mean feel it. I know I am loved, but sometimes I don't always feel it.
When will I get off my ass and publish things?
When will I feel successful?
Jasmine P.
--This could go on, but I don't feel like it.
August 31, 2010
Aggressively Passive-Aggressive
Going with me being so estoeric is I am aggressively passive-aggressive. I swear, I'd own this if it was a competition. My passive-aggressive tenancies include and are not limited to: telling other people to invite me out when they can, being esoteric, acting disconnected so other people will ask me what's wrong and I can get attention, craving attention and validation by showing off but acting like I'm not stealing the limelight, asking if other people support my ideas before I follow through, maintaining a blog where I whine about things every time I get a little depressed and sharing it on twitter.
I'm so passive-aggressive that I forget I am until after I've acted like a right twat. It's getting to be incredibly irritating. I think I know what I want in life, but I'm so afraid of rejection that I don't want to take any initiative, but I want to appear open for what I want to accept me.
Passive-aggressive is really weird power play. I act submissive or passive so I can then decide weather or not to accept someone or something that I already do. I am such an asshole.
Jasmine P.
I'm so passive-aggressive that I forget I am until after I've acted like a right twat. It's getting to be incredibly irritating. I think I know what I want in life, but I'm so afraid of rejection that I don't want to take any initiative, but I want to appear open for what I want to accept me.
Passive-aggressive is really weird power play. I act submissive or passive so I can then decide weather or not to accept someone or something that I already do. I am such an asshole.
Jasmine P.
Esoterically Me
I am esoteric. I rely on other people without blatantly telling them that I rely on them. I use my friends to validate me to such an extent that when I'm alone I decide I'm worthless and want other people to tell me what to do, how to act or even just tell me to do something I already want to do. Like, right now, I'm friggin' giddy over this dude. I spend too much time contemplating what he thinks about me, what I'm wearing or things I like or say. I have elaborate fantasies of us just hanging out or him actually asking me out and it both cheers m up an depresses me. I feel like I'm loved but then I think about who I am and how I act and decide there's no way he'd like me and I'm back to where I started again. Sometimes I make elaborate plans to boldly say what I feel but it never works out. I'm either too distracted in the moment (too giddy, too eager, too nervous) or I'm finally calm again and I'm confused as to how I feel. I'm going insane. The person I actively turn to tells me to just go for it, but then I'm too afraid, or I don't know the next time I'll see this guy.
I'm esoterically me because I post song lyric for unrequited-love songs as my status on facebook hoping he gets the message. I say we should do something together, effectively saying we should go out or I go out on a limb and directly ask him out. I'm tired of being so stressed out, I want to forget about romance and infatuation and just focus on being stressed about school and classes and getting my life together.
I want a cheat code to get to the end. I want to peek at the last page of the book to see how it all ends, I'm tired of turning the pages one by one and feeling like I progress no further into the story then I was when I woke up this morning. I at least want to say something before my journal comic gets online. There's flirting something like...6 or 12 days in, love sick whining for the next two months then meager interaction for the last few weeks with an increase in pining and being a whiny bitch.
I'm tired of being so esoterically me.
Jasmine P.
Fuck, this whole rant is esoteric.
I'm esoterically me because I post song lyric for unrequited-love songs as my status on facebook hoping he gets the message. I say we should do something together, effectively saying we should go out or I go out on a limb and directly ask him out. I'm tired of being so stressed out, I want to forget about romance and infatuation and just focus on being stressed about school and classes and getting my life together.
I want a cheat code to get to the end. I want to peek at the last page of the book to see how it all ends, I'm tired of turning the pages one by one and feeling like I progress no further into the story then I was when I woke up this morning. I at least want to say something before my journal comic gets online. There's flirting something like...6 or 12 days in, love sick whining for the next two months then meager interaction for the last few weeks with an increase in pining and being a whiny bitch.
I'm tired of being so esoterically me.
Jasmine P.
Fuck, this whole rant is esoteric.
July 16, 2010
Visual Identity
I just read an article about a lesbian woman who is now with a man. She spoke about how she would display her lesbian habits and pro GLBTQ community ideas in her younger years with a mohawk, rainbows and radicallism.
I look at that, then I look at me. I have thought on more than one occasion that I am a gay man in a woman's body. Seriously, I don't dress like a woman, I rarely admit to liking woman's things, I enjoy hanging out with guys and to a point I'm much more comfortable around men. Something I working with at the moment though is how I present myself. Like I said, kind of, I'm straight. I like men. I've contemplated women and end with men. I dress like a lesbian and worry that other people think I'm a lesbian.
In saying I dress like a lesbian, I prefer wearing men's clothes, I keep my hair cropped short and rarely display my breasts. [I was going to use the euphemism 'assets' but decided we're fucking adults, call them what they are.] I have been called sir on many an occasion, which is irritating. I wear a cap every day very rarely outwardly display myself as female.
With how I dress and present myself and my vulgar sense of humor I'm really not trying to make a statement, I'm just trying to be comfortable. Because of my hidridenitis I don't really wear revealing shirts, I know it is possible to show off breasts without showing off arms. But, I can't wear tank tops because the edge of the material cut into the wounds or bandages causing pain, and I don't want people to see the bandages and judge or question them. They're kind of disgusting and not really socially fun to talk about. I accept my weight, but am still a bit self-conscious of it. That self-consciousness leads to what I wear, I don't wear sleek, tight or formfitting because it would show and highlight all of the fat. All of the fat everywhere.
Most days I'm wearing a tee shirt from Threadless, if it's cool or cold a sweatshirt or a light shirt/jacket. In the summer I wear man shorts, the ones that stop below the knee, and in the winder jeans or cargo pants. I prefer buying man pants because they have better pockets, I swear you can only fit a condom into woman's pants pockets. In man's pants pockets you could save the moon, or at least hold onto a sandwich.
I wear what I consider to be comfortable. Dressing like a woman is rarely comfortable in my mind because there's heeled shoes which I rebel against. There's primping which I dislike because that hiding who I am in a way I don't like. Make up and nail polish, why? I don't want it so I don't wear it. Then there's tight, form fitting clothes, or even just clothes cut for the female figure. I prefer to know my breasts aren't going anywhere. I don't care if people stare, they're fat. Breasts are fat, fat my body decided I needed hanging off my front. I don't understand why people are so uptight about men looking at their breasts and I'm tired of that joke in movies. I actually find them to be annoying, seriously. The pains that you go through with large breasts, not worth it. If you have average or a small sized bust, rejoice! Bras costs too much as is, but the bigger the boob the more they cost. Hell, my bras cost more than the shirts that cover them, seriously. It's fucked up.
But as I was saying, sometimes I feel as if people give me the title of Lesbian when they see me without knowing me. Everyone judges on first sight, but I want people to value me for my mind and not because I have a large bust that is on display. My figure is far from an hour glass, but I like it, it's mine dammit. I do want to lose some weight, but I am happy with where I am.
I dunno, just some thoughts.
Jasmine P.
I look at that, then I look at me. I have thought on more than one occasion that I am a gay man in a woman's body. Seriously, I don't dress like a woman, I rarely admit to liking woman's things, I enjoy hanging out with guys and to a point I'm much more comfortable around men. Something I working with at the moment though is how I present myself. Like I said, kind of, I'm straight. I like men. I've contemplated women and end with men. I dress like a lesbian and worry that other people think I'm a lesbian.
In saying I dress like a lesbian, I prefer wearing men's clothes, I keep my hair cropped short and rarely display my breasts. [I was going to use the euphemism 'assets' but decided we're fucking adults, call them what they are.] I have been called sir on many an occasion, which is irritating. I wear a cap every day very rarely outwardly display myself as female.
With how I dress and present myself and my vulgar sense of humor I'm really not trying to make a statement, I'm just trying to be comfortable. Because of my hidridenitis I don't really wear revealing shirts, I know it is possible to show off breasts without showing off arms. But, I can't wear tank tops because the edge of the material cut into the wounds or bandages causing pain, and I don't want people to see the bandages and judge or question them. They're kind of disgusting and not really socially fun to talk about. I accept my weight, but am still a bit self-conscious of it. That self-consciousness leads to what I wear, I don't wear sleek, tight or formfitting because it would show and highlight all of the fat. All of the fat everywhere.
Most days I'm wearing a tee shirt from Threadless, if it's cool or cold a sweatshirt or a light shirt/jacket. In the summer I wear man shorts, the ones that stop below the knee, and in the winder jeans or cargo pants. I prefer buying man pants because they have better pockets, I swear you can only fit a condom into woman's pants pockets. In man's pants pockets you could save the moon, or at least hold onto a sandwich.
I wear what I consider to be comfortable. Dressing like a woman is rarely comfortable in my mind because there's heeled shoes which I rebel against. There's primping which I dislike because that hiding who I am in a way I don't like. Make up and nail polish, why? I don't want it so I don't wear it. Then there's tight, form fitting clothes, or even just clothes cut for the female figure. I prefer to know my breasts aren't going anywhere. I don't care if people stare, they're fat. Breasts are fat, fat my body decided I needed hanging off my front. I don't understand why people are so uptight about men looking at their breasts and I'm tired of that joke in movies. I actually find them to be annoying, seriously. The pains that you go through with large breasts, not worth it. If you have average or a small sized bust, rejoice! Bras costs too much as is, but the bigger the boob the more they cost. Hell, my bras cost more than the shirts that cover them, seriously. It's fucked up.
But as I was saying, sometimes I feel as if people give me the title of Lesbian when they see me without knowing me. Everyone judges on first sight, but I want people to value me for my mind and not because I have a large bust that is on display. My figure is far from an hour glass, but I like it, it's mine dammit. I do want to lose some weight, but I am happy with where I am.
I dunno, just some thoughts.
Jasmine P.
May 23, 2010
Concepts of Beauty
My Grandmother keeps trying to get me to change what I like about myself. We're supposed to be going on a cruise this August around the Bahamas. When I spoke to her last week she told me what it was like on the boat, "you're going to forget you're on a boat, it's like being in a mall' or she'd tell me about the Governer's Ball which happens one night on the ship, and that I have to be dressed nicely for dinner. I'm like 'alright' and she continues asking me if I'm going to 'get my hair done' or wear earrings, or telling me I can't wear denims, she's old and doesn't usually say 'jeans' for whatever reason.
I try to listen, but when she asks me an honest question I decide I'm going to answer honestly:
-"Will you get my hair done in a beauty salon": no, I like my hair short and natural
-"well, will you go to a barber? How much does it cost?"; between $10-15, and no, my friend can cut my hair;
-"how do you know they can cut hair? What if you don't like it?": I'll cut it all off then let it grow back. Hair will grow back.
-"You're not going to wear a hat every day, your hair won't grow long if you wear a hat all the time.": I like my hats and I don't want my hair to grow long, Grandma.
-"Fine, you're going to wear earrings right?": No Grandma, they irritate my ears, I don't like 'em. As I kid I didn't like them.
"Well, you have to dress nice, you can't go out to eat wearing denims. When you go out with your friends you have to look nice so you can meet people."
You'd think I'd be dizzy from rolling my eyes so much. I finally get her to stop this ridiculous attempt at changing me by explaining I wear and present myself how I like. I don't like dresses or earrings so I don't wear them. I like my hats so I wear them. I have the commonsense to not go to a nice dinner in baggy messy jeans or cargos, but it's the same commonsense that keeps me from going to a messy art class in a really nice shirt. It's neither the time nor is it the place. No, I won't wear make-up, no I won't conform to society's conventions of beauty because I don't like them.
I am me, let me prove to you my life is fine, that I'm happy, when I'm not depressed - my appearance doesn't affect my depression, so I'm happy in how I look, how I dress and ow I carry myself. I have been told that things I have ae nice, that they look good, stop trying to compare me to my mother. Stop trying to compare me to other people, be happy that I'm happy.
I don't know. I could easily just say yes to everything she says I should do, but I wouldn't be happy. It's better to get this stupid non-important argument out of the way now instead of it being a stupid non-important argument in three months when sh sees me to wearing earrings, not wearing make-up, not wearing nail polish. I'll primp to my own tastes not hers. The thing is, like I said, I like how I dress, I like the clothes I wear, I don't want to 'work' that goes into being 'beautiful' and that shit all costs too much. Concealer, mascara, lipstick, blush, facial wash, zit cream, nail polish, nail polish remover, hair rollers, hair relaxant. If I had one of each of those things I'd've spent $100 easy. Why? To fit into what society considers to be beautiful. I want to buck trends and fuck convention.
It's like I questioned in this image http://dichigo.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d1kcwn9 a scribble from a few years ago, I want to go back to it again at some point, but why should I listen to the magazines, the voices outside. To hell with them, if I'm happy how I am, why do I have to listen to people out there who work so hard to change themselves and others to their own conventions and beauty, to what they think society would like. No, that's not me.
When I leave for that cruise I will have some nice shirts, I will have one or two skirts, I will also have sneakers, sandals, denim gouchos, one or two of my hats, either my FreakAngels or Israeli Paratrooper bag, at least one sketchbook, pens, pencils, two or three novels and my DS, plus other odds and ends. I'll have things to look nice in, to look nice with that I like, and I'll have the things I like that are comfortable. It's what I like
Jasmine P.
I try to listen, but when she asks me an honest question I decide I'm going to answer honestly:
-"Will you get my hair done in a beauty salon": no, I like my hair short and natural
-"well, will you go to a barber? How much does it cost?"; between $10-15, and no, my friend can cut my hair;
-"how do you know they can cut hair? What if you don't like it?": I'll cut it all off then let it grow back. Hair will grow back.
-"You're not going to wear a hat every day, your hair won't grow long if you wear a hat all the time.": I like my hats and I don't want my hair to grow long, Grandma.
-"Fine, you're going to wear earrings right?": No Grandma, they irritate my ears, I don't like 'em. As I kid I didn't like them.
"Well, you have to dress nice, you can't go out to eat wearing denims. When you go out with your friends you have to look nice so you can meet people."
You'd think I'd be dizzy from rolling my eyes so much. I finally get her to stop this ridiculous attempt at changing me by explaining I wear and present myself how I like. I don't like dresses or earrings so I don't wear them. I like my hats so I wear them. I have the commonsense to not go to a nice dinner in baggy messy jeans or cargos, but it's the same commonsense that keeps me from going to a messy art class in a really nice shirt. It's neither the time nor is it the place. No, I won't wear make-up, no I won't conform to society's conventions of beauty because I don't like them.
I am me, let me prove to you my life is fine, that I'm happy, when I'm not depressed - my appearance doesn't affect my depression, so I'm happy in how I look, how I dress and ow I carry myself. I have been told that things I have ae nice, that they look good, stop trying to compare me to my mother. Stop trying to compare me to other people, be happy that I'm happy.
I don't know. I could easily just say yes to everything she says I should do, but I wouldn't be happy. It's better to get this stupid non-important argument out of the way now instead of it being a stupid non-important argument in three months when sh sees me to wearing earrings, not wearing make-up, not wearing nail polish. I'll primp to my own tastes not hers. The thing is, like I said, I like how I dress, I like the clothes I wear, I don't want to 'work' that goes into being 'beautiful' and that shit all costs too much. Concealer, mascara, lipstick, blush, facial wash, zit cream, nail polish, nail polish remover, hair rollers, hair relaxant. If I had one of each of those things I'd've spent $100 easy. Why? To fit into what society considers to be beautiful. I want to buck trends and fuck convention.
It's like I questioned in this image http://dichigo.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d1kcwn9 a scribble from a few years ago, I want to go back to it again at some point, but why should I listen to the magazines, the voices outside. To hell with them, if I'm happy how I am, why do I have to listen to people out there who work so hard to change themselves and others to their own conventions and beauty, to what they think society would like. No, that's not me.
When I leave for that cruise I will have some nice shirts, I will have one or two skirts, I will also have sneakers, sandals, denim gouchos, one or two of my hats, either my FreakAngels or Israeli Paratrooper bag, at least one sketchbook, pens, pencils, two or three novels and my DS, plus other odds and ends. I'll have things to look nice in, to look nice with that I like, and I'll have the things I like that are comfortable. It's what I like
Jasmine P.
November 10, 2009
A Little Catching Up and A Few Random Thoughts
I will do a proper birthday write up, I pretty much usually do, but friggin' Norfolk mail didn't deliver yesterday, so I'll see what I get today, and then there's chatting with the Ficus and figuring out if he's visiting, or if our revelry for me being old enough to purchase alcohol will have to wait. It would be lame for it to be delayed for another two weeks because until Thanksgiving.
But onto my thoughts. I haven't written not really, since before I was sick. I wrote while I was sick, but that only barely counts. On a positive side, I seriously have not been depressed since I had my kidney infection. Before I was writing my usual 'oh woah is me! Nobody loves me, I have no body I'm oh so fucking alone' type of crap because that's what it's always about. Then I was sick, and I've been pretty alright. I've been doodlin' and I do have a whole mess of sketches in my personal sketchbook and my class sketch book to scan one of these days. It'll be 'fun' sitting in Webb scanning 11x14" sheets of paper covered in silly pencil sketches, and some 'figure studies'. I put apostrophes around that because I was never looking at people, I imagined the figure I wanted to draw.
So, I saw my school's performance of Dracula on Saturday night, the last night of the show. It was pretty entertaining. I did enjoy the show, then I masochistically decided to help strike the set. I say masochistically because three days later my back, neck and arms are a little sore. But I plan on helping again in the future. Striking is fun. Best quote from the night was one of the prop masters found a black pump, just one shoe. I called it 'Cinderella's Goth Slipper' he called it 'Cinderellas Goth Fuck-Me Pump' me and two or three other people who heard it paused, then laughed. Pretty funny. Then after strike when the actors and crew got to eat, I was chatting with I think the lighting master/teacher whatever, and he remembered me from striking the Rocky Horror set from two years ago. Hell, I think I wrote up striking Rocky, but being remembered from two years ago from a more or less one off meeting is always pretty interesting.
So, I had this thought. I checked out this awesome photo that Paulo Coelho took when he went ot Kazakhstan back in 2005 and he was with some members of the village [i think he said village] who were out falcon hunting. My thoughts on this aren't on the hunting, though, the falcon was huge and a gorgeous animal. It was that he was wearing all black. It made me think that there's a weird dichotomy with wearing black. Depending on the type of black clothing you wear you can either look distinguished, you can look elegant, or you can look like you're emo, goth or depressed. I was just thinking that, it's kind of interesting. I know that depending on how anything is worn it can change how people will perceive the wearer. Black is just such a pivitol color it seems at time that the thought stood out the most to me when I saw that photo. Thinking about it, just about any time someone wants to dress up and look good, they wear black. Why is black the color of distinction? It has been considered slimming, and ever year something come out as 'the new black' but black still reigns. Nothing else lasts for more than a season as the color to wear before black is back. Or, they'll both be big together. My question on this point all together is, why black? But I also like rich darker colors. Wine or burgundy reds, royal blue and the like. The rich dark colors are some of my favorites. They have been. In the right type of suit with the right accents these color can work, or as accents with the black.
I'm not too sure where my thoughts on color are going, but it did start from my question of 'why black' after thinking about how it works for two types of people that society might not necessarily consider all that similar at face value.
Jasmine P.
But onto my thoughts. I haven't written not really, since before I was sick. I wrote while I was sick, but that only barely counts. On a positive side, I seriously have not been depressed since I had my kidney infection. Before I was writing my usual 'oh woah is me! Nobody loves me, I have no body I'm oh so fucking alone' type of crap because that's what it's always about. Then I was sick, and I've been pretty alright. I've been doodlin' and I do have a whole mess of sketches in my personal sketchbook and my class sketch book to scan one of these days. It'll be 'fun' sitting in Webb scanning 11x14" sheets of paper covered in silly pencil sketches, and some 'figure studies'. I put apostrophes around that because I was never looking at people, I imagined the figure I wanted to draw.
So, I saw my school's performance of Dracula on Saturday night, the last night of the show. It was pretty entertaining. I did enjoy the show, then I masochistically decided to help strike the set. I say masochistically because three days later my back, neck and arms are a little sore. But I plan on helping again in the future. Striking is fun. Best quote from the night was one of the prop masters found a black pump, just one shoe. I called it 'Cinderella's Goth Slipper' he called it 'Cinderellas Goth Fuck-Me Pump' me and two or three other people who heard it paused, then laughed. Pretty funny. Then after strike when the actors and crew got to eat, I was chatting with I think the lighting master/teacher whatever, and he remembered me from striking the Rocky Horror set from two years ago. Hell, I think I wrote up striking Rocky, but being remembered from two years ago from a more or less one off meeting is always pretty interesting.
So, I had this thought. I checked out this awesome photo that Paulo Coelho took when he went ot Kazakhstan back in 2005 and he was with some members of the village [i think he said village] who were out falcon hunting. My thoughts on this aren't on the hunting, though, the falcon was huge and a gorgeous animal. It was that he was wearing all black. It made me think that there's a weird dichotomy with wearing black. Depending on the type of black clothing you wear you can either look distinguished, you can look elegant, or you can look like you're emo, goth or depressed. I was just thinking that, it's kind of interesting. I know that depending on how anything is worn it can change how people will perceive the wearer. Black is just such a pivitol color it seems at time that the thought stood out the most to me when I saw that photo. Thinking about it, just about any time someone wants to dress up and look good, they wear black. Why is black the color of distinction? It has been considered slimming, and ever year something come out as 'the new black' but black still reigns. Nothing else lasts for more than a season as the color to wear before black is back. Or, they'll both be big together. My question on this point all together is, why black? But I also like rich darker colors. Wine or burgundy reds, royal blue and the like. The rich dark colors are some of my favorites. They have been. In the right type of suit with the right accents these color can work, or as accents with the black.
I'm not too sure where my thoughts on color are going, but it did start from my question of 'why black' after thinking about how it works for two types of people that society might not necessarily consider all that similar at face value.
Jasmine P.
October 11, 2009
I spend a lot of time on Twitter, well TweetDeck specifically. It has ended up becoming my first source for news because I'm not really news mined enough to just go and check out Washington Post, or NY Times that often. I'll glance at CNN every now and again, Hufington Post when I decide I want to laugh at the right then hate the left for bieng just as bad as the right, and periodically I check out BBC for the fuck of it. I'll read interesting sounding news links, as bad as it is, I have sensationalist leanings toward my news, and every now and again the sensation is actually news and not just attention fodder, so it works out.
I have had varied conversations with people I don't know, people I don't know if I'll ever meet and those have been interesting. I'm am entirely intrigued by my followers. I consider myself to be a comic and art person, but I have a habit of talking about movies a lot. My followers astound me. I truly wonder how they find me. I know it's from the front page, or my '@' mentions to people, but still, I'm an 'Internet Nobody' and there are a few people I don't know IRL who take any time to read the stupid things I spout every day. I may post a movie quote, a song lyric, other quotes, or I end up just cursing the stupid things in life that happen. I promote my dA account periodically when I post stuff, but other than that my Twitter is just a place for me to yell into the void, just so what I have to say is heard by something and doesn't just echo off my skull.
But for me this relatively short and not super verbose journal is a wee bit of a shot out to some of the people I follow. On TweetDeck I have people broken down based on how/why I follow them, in some cases people who know each other if I have no other reason, and what they do. From Left to Right it's: All Friends, DA People, Thinkers, News, Webcomicers, Comics, Directors, Actors & Celebs, Critics and Reviews, Writers, Real Friends. My real friends are so far to the right because they as a collective don't say as much as the other groups, and they're always a pleasant surprise when I finally sit down and read my tweets. The groups have grown as the number of people I follow increases. It is currently at 152 accounts. It will grow. I break them down as such so going through all of them is less overwhelming. Some of the groups were one group until I realized I had too many in one group, Webcomics/Comics is one such, as are 'Directors-Writers' it's broken apart for my sanity.
But from all of my groups there are my gems. I'm taking a moment to highlight some of the accounts that I follow and a little bit about why.
@Joe_Hunter: Somebody I watched over on dA starting just this past January. It's been an amusing ride thus far. Conversations btween here and dA are an amusing combination of 'why the fuck do you have the Internet' and 'Hay! This movie owns!!1!' and 'Fuck I want to shoot my 13 year-old self in the face'. A person I gab with and horrify because it's all good and amusing.
@ThatKevinSmith I like the man's movies. They make me laugh and were a part of my shift in movie culture this year, it's been an avalanche ride since I finally sat down and rented Clerks back in February. His lve for his wife is easy to see, and the crudeness all in all I find amusing. I'm also a nosy frig, so taking a peek at someone else's life with as candid as he is in intriguing.
@mental_floss: Just about any sort of trivia can and will pop up here. I like trivia, I love the magazine and it's one of my favorite sites to check out when I'm killing time. It's also one of the accounts I retweet the most because their random trivia is always interesting to read, and I think some people need more random facts in their life.
@JonathanAmes: I was first introduced to his larger than life writing when I picked up 'The Alcoholic' out of the blue in my campus bookstore, and I do not regret that move. His writing is real life fantasy, some thing seem amazingly fantastic, but it's not shroud in magic, it's from his amusing way of looking at the world. His tweets are about his new TV show, and... not sure what else, I've only recently started following him on twitter.
@PauloCoelho: I loved The Alchemist when I was first assigned to read it back in 9th grade Pre-IB English I. I liked the adventure, I had a great introduction to his writing then. I didn't read another thing of his until I got to college and bought The Alchemist again, and some of his other books. His tweets are interesting, they kind of make me evaluate my life, my world and the people around me. Not so much in a negative fashion, but to get another look at things. He's very active with his posts, philosophical.
@EdgarWright and @JasonReitman I put these two together because it's their combined banter that makes me laugh. Edgar is doing a daily photoblog this year, so those are interesting to see. I like hearing about interaction between the directors as they're both editing films at the moment, or as they're taking them to different festivals.
@Slashfilm, @FirstShowing, @MovieGeeks a trifecta of movie reviewers and critics right there. I hear about a air number of movies from these accounts which is cool. Only downside to following them is it makes me really want to get to a movie festival some time, and also makes me annoyed that nothing interesting happens in Virginia, and if something does, it's far as fuck away from Hampton Roads.
@CameronStewart is the writer and artist for a Harvey Award Winning webcomic Sin Titulo. He has angry comments about Canada, nice comments about Canada and talks about drawing professional comics. He shares sketches periodically, and is pretty entertaining
@CalaveraKid another person makin' with the funny pages on and off the internet. His two comics are awesome to see when he has the chance to update, life and conventions happen often. Kukuburi is full of adventure, bright colors and a story that I can't wait to see how it continues. His other comic Butternut Squash is a slice of life comic that is fun to read. Fantastically silly happenings
@hawkster @ananathymous @aidosaur @konistehrad and @grohac all together inter-tweet and their collective conversations are entertaining. Hawkster draws Applegeeks, Ananthymous writes for both AG and Johnny*Wander which Aidosaur draws. The last two are friends of theirs, but between reading J*W and them on twitter their lives are highly amusing to read/see about. I've been reading AG for years and totally hopped over to J*W when Ananath started pimping it last fall.
@Serafinowicz I really only know him as 'Dwayne' from Spaced and the roommate from Shaun of the Dead, but he's been amusing to follow. He spends a bit of time every day tweeting short jokes which I know I've retweeted on more than one occasion.
@StehenFry He just is. I dunno really what to say, he's an English actor. Comedian, friend to Hugh Laurie who is a technophile and writes a blog where he periodically reviews new bits of technology that gets released. I enjoy following him. I dunno what else to say.
@Theory101* he is my best friend and a good third of things I quote are because I know he'll get a kick out of it. We frequent different universities and talk and quote the same shit all the time. He is The Ficus of awesome, he's a special frig, and that's how it should be. He's also the inspiration for Ficusxander the Great, yeah. Fuck yeah, best friends.
Well, for other people I follow and who happen to follow me, it's nothing against you for me not saying something, I just had more to say about these. This year I've been wrapped up in the romanticism of movies and film which may in part explain why I chose these accounts to begin with. I may do this again, go through the accounts I follow and comment on them. I'd work at not repeating accounts from this one, or I may go to some of those I copped out on and give better reasons for why I like following them. I mean, this is barely the tip of the following iceberg here. I think it's easy to see where I lost concentration when I typed this, but it's still something. I've been needing to just write for me for the past week, and here is it. I guess this one's for me, and for everyone I decided to pimp.
Jasmine P.
*note! he has a locked account as is, so no link will be provided...as if I don't openly tweet to him anyway, but no link nonetheless. Enjoy :)
I have had varied conversations with people I don't know, people I don't know if I'll ever meet and those have been interesting. I'm am entirely intrigued by my followers. I consider myself to be a comic and art person, but I have a habit of talking about movies a lot. My followers astound me. I truly wonder how they find me. I know it's from the front page, or my '@' mentions to people, but still, I'm an 'Internet Nobody' and there are a few people I don't know IRL who take any time to read the stupid things I spout every day. I may post a movie quote, a song lyric, other quotes, or I end up just cursing the stupid things in life that happen. I promote my dA account periodically when I post stuff, but other than that my Twitter is just a place for me to yell into the void, just so what I have to say is heard by something and doesn't just echo off my skull.
But for me this relatively short and not super verbose journal is a wee bit of a shot out to some of the people I follow. On TweetDeck I have people broken down based on how/why I follow them, in some cases people who know each other if I have no other reason, and what they do. From Left to Right it's: All Friends, DA People, Thinkers, News, Webcomicers, Comics, Directors, Actors & Celebs, Critics and Reviews, Writers, Real Friends. My real friends are so far to the right because they as a collective don't say as much as the other groups, and they're always a pleasant surprise when I finally sit down and read my tweets. The groups have grown as the number of people I follow increases. It is currently at 152 accounts. It will grow. I break them down as such so going through all of them is less overwhelming. Some of the groups were one group until I realized I had too many in one group, Webcomics/Comics is one such, as are 'Directors-Writers' it's broken apart for my sanity.
But from all of my groups there are my gems. I'm taking a moment to highlight some of the accounts that I follow and a little bit about why.
@Joe_Hunter: Somebody I watched over on dA starting just this past January. It's been an amusing ride thus far. Conversations btween here and dA are an amusing combination of 'why the fuck do you have the Internet' and 'Hay! This movie owns!!1!' and 'Fuck I want to shoot my 13 year-old self in the face'. A person I gab with and horrify because it's all good and amusing.
@ThatKevinSmith I like the man's movies. They make me laugh and were a part of my shift in movie culture this year, it's been an avalanche ride since I finally sat down and rented Clerks back in February. His lve for his wife is easy to see, and the crudeness all in all I find amusing. I'm also a nosy frig, so taking a peek at someone else's life with as candid as he is in intriguing.
@mental_floss: Just about any sort of trivia can and will pop up here. I like trivia, I love the magazine and it's one of my favorite sites to check out when I'm killing time. It's also one of the accounts I retweet the most because their random trivia is always interesting to read, and I think some people need more random facts in their life.
@JonathanAmes: I was first introduced to his larger than life writing when I picked up 'The Alcoholic' out of the blue in my campus bookstore, and I do not regret that move. His writing is real life fantasy, some thing seem amazingly fantastic, but it's not shroud in magic, it's from his amusing way of looking at the world. His tweets are about his new TV show, and... not sure what else, I've only recently started following him on twitter.
@PauloCoelho: I loved The Alchemist when I was first assigned to read it back in 9th grade Pre-IB English I. I liked the adventure, I had a great introduction to his writing then. I didn't read another thing of his until I got to college and bought The Alchemist again, and some of his other books. His tweets are interesting, they kind of make me evaluate my life, my world and the people around me. Not so much in a negative fashion, but to get another look at things. He's very active with his posts, philosophical.
@EdgarWright and @JasonReitman I put these two together because it's their combined banter that makes me laugh. Edgar is doing a daily photoblog this year, so those are interesting to see. I like hearing about interaction between the directors as they're both editing films at the moment, or as they're taking them to different festivals.
@Slashfilm, @FirstShowing, @MovieGeeks a trifecta of movie reviewers and critics right there. I hear about a air number of movies from these accounts which is cool. Only downside to following them is it makes me really want to get to a movie festival some time, and also makes me annoyed that nothing interesting happens in Virginia, and if something does, it's far as fuck away from Hampton Roads.
@CameronStewart is the writer and artist for a Harvey Award Winning webcomic Sin Titulo. He has angry comments about Canada, nice comments about Canada and talks about drawing professional comics. He shares sketches periodically, and is pretty entertaining
@CalaveraKid another person makin' with the funny pages on and off the internet. His two comics are awesome to see when he has the chance to update, life and conventions happen often. Kukuburi is full of adventure, bright colors and a story that I can't wait to see how it continues. His other comic Butternut Squash is a slice of life comic that is fun to read. Fantastically silly happenings
@hawkster @ananathymous @aidosaur @konistehrad and @grohac all together inter-tweet and their collective conversations are entertaining. Hawkster draws Applegeeks, Ananthymous writes for both AG and Johnny*Wander which Aidosaur draws. The last two are friends of theirs, but between reading J*W and them on twitter their lives are highly amusing to read/see about. I've been reading AG for years and totally hopped over to J*W when Ananath started pimping it last fall.
@Serafinowicz I really only know him as 'Dwayne' from Spaced and the roommate from Shaun of the Dead, but he's been amusing to follow. He spends a bit of time every day tweeting short jokes which I know I've retweeted on more than one occasion.
@StehenFry He just is. I dunno really what to say, he's an English actor. Comedian, friend to Hugh Laurie who is a technophile and writes a blog where he periodically reviews new bits of technology that gets released. I enjoy following him. I dunno what else to say.
@Theory101* he is my best friend and a good third of things I quote are because I know he'll get a kick out of it. We frequent different universities and talk and quote the same shit all the time. He is The Ficus of awesome, he's a special frig, and that's how it should be. He's also the inspiration for Ficusxander the Great, yeah. Fuck yeah, best friends.
Well, for other people I follow and who happen to follow me, it's nothing against you for me not saying something, I just had more to say about these. This year I've been wrapped up in the romanticism of movies and film which may in part explain why I chose these accounts to begin with. I may do this again, go through the accounts I follow and comment on them. I'd work at not repeating accounts from this one, or I may go to some of those I copped out on and give better reasons for why I like following them. I mean, this is barely the tip of the following iceberg here. I think it's easy to see where I lost concentration when I typed this, but it's still something. I've been needing to just write for me for the past week, and here is it. I guess this one's for me, and for everyone I decided to pimp.
Jasmine P.
*note! he has a locked account as is, so no link will be provided...as if I don't openly tweet to him anyway, but no link nonetheless. Enjoy :)
August 21, 2009
Cinema
I don't think I've addressed the purpose of Cinema too often. I don't think I've addressed the purpose of any of my worlds too much further than talking about their inspiration.
As I've thought about creating and adding things to the world of Cinema I've picked up a few habits. From it's name being 'Cinema' to the characters loving old movies to this year deciding that the theater they go to is the Retro Cinema. The Retro is a theater that shows movies thirty years or older. As I've thought of that and chapter titles and themes I've come to an understanding about why Cinema is important to me.
The characters were originally some throw away characters I drew when I was depressed and couldn't draw my normal stuff. Alphabet was a joke, making fun of my self. She wasn't even the first one drawn, Davey was first. He was the star, but Alpha quickly became top dog in the world. Smyth was their third, the most level headed of them. There was originally only one chapter, but it blossomed. The cast grew. Sephy, Aster, Suma, Beta were all added in a few weeks of creating Alpha, Davey, and Smyth. Micha showed up in 2007, Jayden a bit later in 2007 early 2008 and most recently in 2009 an unnamed kid who has an interest in Sephy. I've also drawn Alpha's father at least once.
Wow I'm all over the place with this. Back to the main four, Alpha, Davey, Smyth and Sephy. These four characters love film and movies. They spend their time going to the RC every weekend pretty much. Aster, Alpha's younger brother, also has an intense interest in movies, and is out to make his own and Alpha and crew get enlisted to help him make these 'masterpieces'. Their lives pretty much revolve around film.
What I've learned from the Four, and the supporting cast is that they have a deep love tor the 20th Century. Cinema, I think, is a way for me to honor things from or about the 20th century. They love and damn near worship old film, but they also love modern, present films. They're just as happy seeing big blockbusters as they are seeing a 50's B-movie. They emulate what they see in these movies. But through my character's love for things of the 1900s, I think it shows my own love, or at least appreciation for these things. I have chapters planned called things like 'discotheque' and 'delicatessen' because those words are awesome, but they're also things that were big at different times of the 20th century.
The point for Cinema for me, I think, is for me to have a world where I can explore some aspects of the 20th century with modern characters. These characters have, and will gain, the ability to have intelligent discussions on film. They have leanings toward careers that are in the movies, in differing aspects of movies. If they're not in film, they'll still have that deep love and appreciation. With Cinema I have an excuse to watch more older movies and see a broad array of things.
It's great to see how they've grown. This is the first image of them of ever I think. They're may be a doodle before this, but this is the first. A more recent pic of them. And a collection of them from my sketch blog. I love these characters and hope that anything I do is worthy of them and their love of film, and I'm interested in seeing what I learn as I write their stories. This jumped all over the place, but I did get to what I wanted to talk about, I think.
Jasmine P.
As I've thought about creating and adding things to the world of Cinema I've picked up a few habits. From it's name being 'Cinema' to the characters loving old movies to this year deciding that the theater they go to is the Retro Cinema. The Retro is a theater that shows movies thirty years or older. As I've thought of that and chapter titles and themes I've come to an understanding about why Cinema is important to me.
The characters were originally some throw away characters I drew when I was depressed and couldn't draw my normal stuff. Alphabet was a joke, making fun of my self. She wasn't even the first one drawn, Davey was first. He was the star, but Alpha quickly became top dog in the world. Smyth was their third, the most level headed of them. There was originally only one chapter, but it blossomed. The cast grew. Sephy, Aster, Suma, Beta were all added in a few weeks of creating Alpha, Davey, and Smyth. Micha showed up in 2007, Jayden a bit later in 2007 early 2008 and most recently in 2009 an unnamed kid who has an interest in Sephy. I've also drawn Alpha's father at least once.
Wow I'm all over the place with this. Back to the main four, Alpha, Davey, Smyth and Sephy. These four characters love film and movies. They spend their time going to the RC every weekend pretty much. Aster, Alpha's younger brother, also has an intense interest in movies, and is out to make his own and Alpha and crew get enlisted to help him make these 'masterpieces'. Their lives pretty much revolve around film.
What I've learned from the Four, and the supporting cast is that they have a deep love tor the 20th Century. Cinema, I think, is a way for me to honor things from or about the 20th century. They love and damn near worship old film, but they also love modern, present films. They're just as happy seeing big blockbusters as they are seeing a 50's B-movie. They emulate what they see in these movies. But through my character's love for things of the 1900s, I think it shows my own love, or at least appreciation for these things. I have chapters planned called things like 'discotheque' and 'delicatessen' because those words are awesome, but they're also things that were big at different times of the 20th century.
The point for Cinema for me, I think, is for me to have a world where I can explore some aspects of the 20th century with modern characters. These characters have, and will gain, the ability to have intelligent discussions on film. They have leanings toward careers that are in the movies, in differing aspects of movies. If they're not in film, they'll still have that deep love and appreciation. With Cinema I have an excuse to watch more older movies and see a broad array of things.
It's great to see how they've grown. This is the first image of them of ever I think. They're may be a doodle before this, but this is the first. A more recent pic of them. And a collection of them from my sketch blog. I love these characters and hope that anything I do is worthy of them and their love of film, and I'm interested in seeing what I learn as I write their stories. This jumped all over the place, but I did get to what I wanted to talk about, I think.
Jasmine P.
August 16, 2009
Touched By a Book
This is not the first nor will it be the last time that I write about how a book I've read has affected me. One of the last was A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints by Dito Montiel. Before That I wrote about how Hells Angels: The Strange and Terrible Saga by Hunter S. Thompson affected me, I think more how aspects of his writing had made me think because I know I have referenced the Wave Speech from F&L in Las Vegas.
The new book, the new story, is that of one police officer Mr. Frank Serpico. At this time his name is mostly tied to the film where Al Pacino did a fantastic job of dealing with the stress and difficulties that the real man had to deal with only a few years prior. I watched the movie and fell in love. While reading the book, some things were pulled straight from it, and the tapes that the real Serpico made during these trying times, so it was easy to transpose the film into the book. They were one in the same, but they are also wholly separate entities. The book, like any book, was able to cover more details about what Serpico had to deal with and more instances of his altruism were shared with the audience. There were more chances to see how and why he'd become disenfranchised with his job. Reading about is temper, I could only think of Pacino blowing up and just how well the actor fit the part.
There are a few things the book made me consider. First it made me consider what makes a truly good person. I like to think I'm alright, but I have severe doubts that I could do anything that Serpico did. I'd probably turn a blind eye to the corruption in the precincts. I'd probably accept my share; maybe use it, maybe save it up. I'm not sure, but I couldn't deal with the pressure he lived it, and I don't think I could deal with it for as long as he did. He had conviction that what he was doing was right, that it made a difference. It did. More than thirty years after the fact it brought to light what was going on inside precincts and just how corrupt the system is. Every yea we hear about some short comings, but they're never as extensive as what Frank Serpico's story shared with readers and viewers. They're also not as gripping, they weren't as ground breaking. It's interesting to think about just how different things are; it's also a little bit disgusting to see what was going on inside the heads of these people. The police officers, not the people they were booking. How the officers thought, that black people cried rape after it was wanted, shaking down people because of their race. The racism, it's painful to read. I know it still exists, but sometimes I like to stay in my little bubble where those things don't happen, where people look past the color of one's skin and onto the more important parts about them.
Reading the book I wanted to see again just what Frank Serpico had to deal with. His own moralistic hell. People not helping him because he was classified as a hippie. I know people brake off into groups based on their appearance, but it's still a bit bothersome. How many times he was shot at or harassed because he actually looked like he didn't belong to the NYPD, the point since he was undercover. He had to not look like a cop to be a cop. The separation between him and the other officer was insane. I'd say unreal, but it was real. We have the news papers to tell us the truth of what happened, the reporting. A lot of it's there, just waiting to be read.
Something this book did for me was make me consider about my few interactions with people of the Badge or Shield. I have apprehension every time I see a cop that I'm going to get pulled over for something, that I'm doing something wrong. I could be walking down the street to class and I wonder about a cop stopping to ask me a question. I worry about being pulled over again. After first being pulled over last year, that's what I think of. I know he's doing his job, but I was fucking terrified. I then think of when I was out in Wisconsin and I needed some stamps that some officers in the blue and white about to go and police something helped me. I asked them where I could find some stamps, they gave me a name and general direction and I found a grocery store. Something little that helped me out.
That little instance of the cops in Wisconsin helping me makes me think simple of Serpico, or a bit of the other way around. I needed help, sought it in the police, and things were fine. They didn't talk down t me; they expressed confusion, but were willing to help me on my quest for stamps. That makes me think I should be a little less apprehensive the next time I'm outside leaning against my car for a smoke. What I'm saying is that the story of Frank Serpico reminds me that cops are good. They can be trusted, and they accomplish more than pulling people over and arresting criminals. That's important, but giving the public a sense of safety ad well being by helping them on their way can be just as useful It improves the public image, and possible starts competition between the officers to perform more little good deeds.
This story kind of makes me want to try harder as a human to help my fellow person. Should I be able to help someone with a quick phone call-that would be fantastic.
Jasmine P.
The new book, the new story, is that of one police officer Mr. Frank Serpico. At this time his name is mostly tied to the film where Al Pacino did a fantastic job of dealing with the stress and difficulties that the real man had to deal with only a few years prior. I watched the movie and fell in love. While reading the book, some things were pulled straight from it, and the tapes that the real Serpico made during these trying times, so it was easy to transpose the film into the book. They were one in the same, but they are also wholly separate entities. The book, like any book, was able to cover more details about what Serpico had to deal with and more instances of his altruism were shared with the audience. There were more chances to see how and why he'd become disenfranchised with his job. Reading about is temper, I could only think of Pacino blowing up and just how well the actor fit the part.
There are a few things the book made me consider. First it made me consider what makes a truly good person. I like to think I'm alright, but I have severe doubts that I could do anything that Serpico did. I'd probably turn a blind eye to the corruption in the precincts. I'd probably accept my share; maybe use it, maybe save it up. I'm not sure, but I couldn't deal with the pressure he lived it, and I don't think I could deal with it for as long as he did. He had conviction that what he was doing was right, that it made a difference. It did. More than thirty years after the fact it brought to light what was going on inside precincts and just how corrupt the system is. Every yea we hear about some short comings, but they're never as extensive as what Frank Serpico's story shared with readers and viewers. They're also not as gripping, they weren't as ground breaking. It's interesting to think about just how different things are; it's also a little bit disgusting to see what was going on inside the heads of these people. The police officers, not the people they were booking. How the officers thought, that black people cried rape after it was wanted, shaking down people because of their race. The racism, it's painful to read. I know it still exists, but sometimes I like to stay in my little bubble where those things don't happen, where people look past the color of one's skin and onto the more important parts about them.
Reading the book I wanted to see again just what Frank Serpico had to deal with. His own moralistic hell. People not helping him because he was classified as a hippie. I know people brake off into groups based on their appearance, but it's still a bit bothersome. How many times he was shot at or harassed because he actually looked like he didn't belong to the NYPD, the point since he was undercover. He had to not look like a cop to be a cop. The separation between him and the other officer was insane. I'd say unreal, but it was real. We have the news papers to tell us the truth of what happened, the reporting. A lot of it's there, just waiting to be read.
Something this book did for me was make me consider about my few interactions with people of the Badge or Shield. I have apprehension every time I see a cop that I'm going to get pulled over for something, that I'm doing something wrong. I could be walking down the street to class and I wonder about a cop stopping to ask me a question. I worry about being pulled over again. After first being pulled over last year, that's what I think of. I know he's doing his job, but I was fucking terrified. I then think of when I was out in Wisconsin and I needed some stamps that some officers in the blue and white about to go and police something helped me. I asked them where I could find some stamps, they gave me a name and general direction and I found a grocery store. Something little that helped me out.
That little instance of the cops in Wisconsin helping me makes me think simple of Serpico, or a bit of the other way around. I needed help, sought it in the police, and things were fine. They didn't talk down t me; they expressed confusion, but were willing to help me on my quest for stamps. That makes me think I should be a little less apprehensive the next time I'm outside leaning against my car for a smoke. What I'm saying is that the story of Frank Serpico reminds me that cops are good. They can be trusted, and they accomplish more than pulling people over and arresting criminals. That's important, but giving the public a sense of safety ad well being by helping them on their way can be just as useful It improves the public image, and possible starts competition between the officers to perform more little good deeds.
This story kind of makes me want to try harder as a human to help my fellow person. Should I be able to help someone with a quick phone call-that would be fantastic.
Jasmine P.
June 29, 2009
Crossroads: Built to Help, Only Impede
I was originally going to do a write up of the past week I spent in Wisconsin, but this seemed to be a bit more pertinent. I still want to write up about the week before I forget. That's why Twitter's nice, I wrote some stuff up there most days, so I can review it and remind myself what I did and what to write about. But for now, less about last week and more about me.
I've in a funk, again. I don't know what to do to break it. I've spent the past few days since returning to Norfolk watching Wonderfalls and Pushing Daisies, which I guess I can include in my review blog. But not right now. I'm at that annoying impasse where I don't know what I want to do. Not with my education and not with tomorrow. I can't draw, so write I must.
I've recently fallen in love with writing things by hand. I hand wrote a note to a woman from New York, more to be expounded upon in the SWS/Wisconsin journal. But I kind of want to write more people letters. One to Scott, another to Ralph...that's it. Yeah, so two letters. There's the personal touch of recieving mail, and writing them. They take time, and even once the idea is written, there's writing a presentable form of the letter.
Well, let's start somewhere. Is It Okay If I Call You Mine? written and sung by Paul McCrane. Ironic time to play this song. This is kind of how I feel about Paul, but also at the moment, men in general. Kind of. I mean, first there is my interest in someone who hasn't called me back. I fear his phone is lost or something. Then there's Phillip, who's interest in my was professed by two other people in drunken stupor. I doubt they remember telling me this, but a large part of me doesn't want to inquire about it, but if someone cares, why not try for something. Then there's Beau, and that one I assume is all in my head. He's a cutie, and I could have sworn just last week when I friended him on facebook he was in a relationship with someone, but that's beside the point. Interest in him came from his drunken excitement in seeing me. Yeah, prefixed by drunken, so who knows. I have also decided that the actors Lee Pace and Tyrone Lietso. Bt incrredible cute and adorable. I see Paul is Pace's performace from PD, which makes me think he's still quite in the running for my heart for things more serous, but at the same time, I haven't seen the man/boy in a month! A month! He hasn't answered his phone or anything. I'm sitting in the middle of a road of attention, attraction and affection [alliterative a...] and not a peep. I tied calling about thirty minutes ago. Maybe he'll call. I hope so. Hell, I want the simplicity of a kiss. I want and crave contact. So many people, so close and yet oh so terribly far.
Like aways, I know what I want, but differently, I have potential venues, but won't go for any of them. I was fine, when I almost had someone, now? Ha! I'm back to just plain needing someone. I need something to guide my attention, to help motivate me. For whatever reason I've actually made the Fourth of July into something important and want someone to spend the night with. I normally couldn't give a rat's ass for the damn day, but apparently in my vulnerable state I want someone. Last week I was distracted, as with the week before, but now, it's me and only me.
This is an island that sucks. Maybe someone will actually call. The Ficus might, but that's not as pressing to me as pretty much anyone else calling. I want attention. I want to be loved. I want to be romantically loved. Hell, I know plenty of people on this stupid orb love me, platonically, but I want a romantic relationship. Pining, I'm pining away for most anything.
Aside from my heart, I was feeling a change of pace for a short period f time and going back to science for a degree, but now I'm feeling art again. I'm also feeling not earning a degree and just striking out on my own. Dorien and Miguel keep saying how hard it is, but they haven't done that. They both almost got away, then went crawling back home. I'm not doing that. Love or not, I'm getting out of this crummy state. I'm getting away where all the disturbed girls are. My papa never put his ping-ping in my po-po, but there is something rotten in the Denver of Virginia. And the Denmark too.
Apparenlty, I've stopping caring about who might stumble upon this piece of privacy, and that's well enough. It's here for someone to read, and not just for me to write. I dunno, maybe I'll escape the easiest way I know how, into the tombs of a new book. Well, new, old, re-read, or something I left to be enjoyed at a later date. I dunno, maybe I'm a little inspired from eading the writings of Jonathan Ames who had his writings published, and they were of a varying private nature, personal if nothing else. Maybe it's better to toss life out to the void of it's reality and see who stops and inspects. Maybe something good will come out of it. With my luck, nothing will, but that's also just as well. I always want someone to read these, but at the same time, I seriously want no one to read them.
Jasmine P.
I've in a funk, again. I don't know what to do to break it. I've spent the past few days since returning to Norfolk watching Wonderfalls and Pushing Daisies, which I guess I can include in my review blog. But not right now. I'm at that annoying impasse where I don't know what I want to do. Not with my education and not with tomorrow. I can't draw, so write I must.
I've recently fallen in love with writing things by hand. I hand wrote a note to a woman from New York, more to be expounded upon in the SWS/Wisconsin journal. But I kind of want to write more people letters. One to Scott, another to Ralph...that's it. Yeah, so two letters. There's the personal touch of recieving mail, and writing them. They take time, and even once the idea is written, there's writing a presentable form of the letter.
Well, let's start somewhere. Is It Okay If I Call You Mine? written and sung by Paul McCrane. Ironic time to play this song. This is kind of how I feel about Paul, but also at the moment, men in general. Kind of. I mean, first there is my interest in someone who hasn't called me back. I fear his phone is lost or something. Then there's Phillip, who's interest in my was professed by two other people in drunken stupor. I doubt they remember telling me this, but a large part of me doesn't want to inquire about it, but if someone cares, why not try for something. Then there's Beau, and that one I assume is all in my head. He's a cutie, and I could have sworn just last week when I friended him on facebook he was in a relationship with someone, but that's beside the point. Interest in him came from his drunken excitement in seeing me. Yeah, prefixed by drunken, so who knows. I have also decided that the actors Lee Pace and Tyrone Lietso. Bt incrredible cute and adorable. I see Paul is Pace's performace from PD, which makes me think he's still quite in the running for my heart for things more serous, but at the same time, I haven't seen the man/boy in a month! A month! He hasn't answered his phone or anything. I'm sitting in the middle of a road of attention, attraction and affection [alliterative a...] and not a peep. I tied calling about thirty minutes ago. Maybe he'll call. I hope so. Hell, I want the simplicity of a kiss. I want and crave contact. So many people, so close and yet oh so terribly far.
Like aways, I know what I want, but differently, I have potential venues, but won't go for any of them. I was fine, when I almost had someone, now? Ha! I'm back to just plain needing someone. I need something to guide my attention, to help motivate me. For whatever reason I've actually made the Fourth of July into something important and want someone to spend the night with. I normally couldn't give a rat's ass for the damn day, but apparently in my vulnerable state I want someone. Last week I was distracted, as with the week before, but now, it's me and only me.
This is an island that sucks. Maybe someone will actually call. The Ficus might, but that's not as pressing to me as pretty much anyone else calling. I want attention. I want to be loved. I want to be romantically loved. Hell, I know plenty of people on this stupid orb love me, platonically, but I want a romantic relationship. Pining, I'm pining away for most anything.
Aside from my heart, I was feeling a change of pace for a short period f time and going back to science for a degree, but now I'm feeling art again. I'm also feeling not earning a degree and just striking out on my own. Dorien and Miguel keep saying how hard it is, but they haven't done that. They both almost got away, then went crawling back home. I'm not doing that. Love or not, I'm getting out of this crummy state. I'm getting away where all the disturbed girls are. My papa never put his ping-ping in my po-po, but there is something rotten in the Denver of Virginia. And the Denmark too.
Apparenlty, I've stopping caring about who might stumble upon this piece of privacy, and that's well enough. It's here for someone to read, and not just for me to write. I dunno, maybe I'll escape the easiest way I know how, into the tombs of a new book. Well, new, old, re-read, or something I left to be enjoyed at a later date. I dunno, maybe I'm a little inspired from eading the writings of Jonathan Ames who had his writings published, and they were of a varying private nature, personal if nothing else. Maybe it's better to toss life out to the void of it's reality and see who stops and inspects. Maybe something good will come out of it. With my luck, nothing will, but that's also just as well. I always want someone to read these, but at the same time, I seriously want no one to read them.
Jasmine P.
April 29, 2009
A Good Day
Today, over all has been a good day.
It's two years to the day...well, by the time this is posted, two years to yesterday that my mother died from organ failure after her body succumbed to pneumonia and cancer. I thought I'd be more upset about it, but I wasn't I took a moment not too long after noon to think about her, then I went back to the rest of my day, thinking my mother would rather have me happy then to dwell on her death. I spent my afternoon straightening up my room because Paul was going to see it. Paul is the guy referenced in the other two journals. I think I can use his name now.
Anywho, today I woke up and chilled. Took care of a few things, and was late to geology because I magically could not get to that class on time this semester. At least I was there, unlike last semester where I skipped. Hell, I skipped it a lot this semester too, but I was there for the last day of class. I went to class and then left so I could hit up the mall to buy AJ a graduation gift.
I got him a $50 gift card to Barnes & Noble then came back to campus. I hung out with Elizabeth for about an hour before I made it back to my own apartment to chill before hanging out with Paul. I made up the certificates then went to meet Paul outside. He was sweet enough to text me saying he'd be late. I assume traffic was a player in that. Then he called, I guess, saying he was there. We walked around for about 40 min, just chatting and walking around campus.
We roll over to IHOP and I tell him about my brothers and father a bit. He tells me a bit about his family. We're the first to arrive at IHOP closely followed by Jay and Allison, then Nick, Casy and Sean. We get a table then others join us. Nicole and Andrew, a friend of Seans. Glenn, A friend of Drew's then Ian and AJ. Dan shows up about an hour later. It's a usualy night at IHOP. Lot's of chatting and lots of fun and perversion.
Our waiter is awesome and splits the bill, two meals per bill seeing as Tuesday's are buy one, get one free. Paul pays for his, but my meal is on his ticket. The group makes plans to go over ot Jay and Allison's and as we're leaving IHOP Paul and I end up chatting with Drew and Nicole about Drew's broken window. This Saturday, someone broke into his car to steal his radio. He wasn't able to get the window fixed today.
We're out there chatting about cars for a while when this homeless man comes up to us and takes twenty minutes to get to his point of asking us for money. We give him maybe three dollars in change, he then keeps talking to us. It was a little awkward.
Paul drives me back to campus and we chat about nothing really. He gives me a hug before I get out the car, and both of us are apparently bad at farewells, because we said good bye a few times, and I wished him luck at his job interview for tomorrow. It was all pretty damn disconnected, but he did say he'd call to tell me how the interview went. And we agreed to make plans to hang out together again, so I think the next time will be more of a date. Yeah. It was nice. Man, I still feel special, and I think really dating him would be nice.
Even though it's been two years since my mother died, today wasn't a bad day. Better than last year, whatever I did. I'm glad I'm not as depressed as I was last year around this time.
Jasmine P.
It's two years to the day...well, by the time this is posted, two years to yesterday that my mother died from organ failure after her body succumbed to pneumonia and cancer. I thought I'd be more upset about it, but I wasn't I took a moment not too long after noon to think about her, then I went back to the rest of my day, thinking my mother would rather have me happy then to dwell on her death. I spent my afternoon straightening up my room because Paul was going to see it. Paul is the guy referenced in the other two journals. I think I can use his name now.
Anywho, today I woke up and chilled. Took care of a few things, and was late to geology because I magically could not get to that class on time this semester. At least I was there, unlike last semester where I skipped. Hell, I skipped it a lot this semester too, but I was there for the last day of class. I went to class and then left so I could hit up the mall to buy AJ a graduation gift.
I got him a $50 gift card to Barnes & Noble then came back to campus. I hung out with Elizabeth for about an hour before I made it back to my own apartment to chill before hanging out with Paul. I made up the certificates then went to meet Paul outside. He was sweet enough to text me saying he'd be late. I assume traffic was a player in that. Then he called, I guess, saying he was there. We walked around for about 40 min, just chatting and walking around campus.
We roll over to IHOP and I tell him about my brothers and father a bit. He tells me a bit about his family. We're the first to arrive at IHOP closely followed by Jay and Allison, then Nick, Casy and Sean. We get a table then others join us. Nicole and Andrew, a friend of Seans. Glenn, A friend of Drew's then Ian and AJ. Dan shows up about an hour later. It's a usualy night at IHOP. Lot's of chatting and lots of fun and perversion.
Our waiter is awesome and splits the bill, two meals per bill seeing as Tuesday's are buy one, get one free. Paul pays for his, but my meal is on his ticket. The group makes plans to go over ot Jay and Allison's and as we're leaving IHOP Paul and I end up chatting with Drew and Nicole about Drew's broken window. This Saturday, someone broke into his car to steal his radio. He wasn't able to get the window fixed today.
We're out there chatting about cars for a while when this homeless man comes up to us and takes twenty minutes to get to his point of asking us for money. We give him maybe three dollars in change, he then keeps talking to us. It was a little awkward.
Paul drives me back to campus and we chat about nothing really. He gives me a hug before I get out the car, and both of us are apparently bad at farewells, because we said good bye a few times, and I wished him luck at his job interview for tomorrow. It was all pretty damn disconnected, but he did say he'd call to tell me how the interview went. And we agreed to make plans to hang out together again, so I think the next time will be more of a date. Yeah. It was nice. Man, I still feel special, and I think really dating him would be nice.
Even though it's been two years since my mother died, today wasn't a bad day. Better than last year, whatever I did. I'm glad I'm not as depressed as I was last year around this time.
Jasmine P.
April 24, 2009
Happyhappyhappyhappy
So, in another journal I said I was going to tell this guy I think he's cute.
I did.
He told me he thinks i'm pretty.
I'm happy. We exchanged numbers, so hopefully we'll go out...do something...soon... but I'm still just plain happy.
Jasmine P.
I did.
He told me he thinks i'm pretty.
I'm happy. We exchanged numbers, so hopefully we'll go out...do something...soon... but I'm still just plain happy.
Jasmine P.
April 11, 2009
Movie Marathon Dreams...And Men
And so, nothing really special has gone on. I'm currently in the middle of watching my 73rd movie for the year. I understand Donnie Darko a lot better now having watched it with commentary.
I have decided that I much preferred Heath Ledger's performance in Lords of Dogtown than to his performances in both Brokeback Mountian and The Dark Knight. The voice, mannerisms, the character/person. Much more engaging, and a character than one can like more.
I have also thought of a nice little connector for my movies, but I don't have some of them, so I'm more in the middle of the connector than the beginning. If I were to do that, I'd start with Emile Hirsch in Into the Wild, Milk then Dogtown which would segue into Ledger, then after that Brokeback which would lead into Donnie Darko then Zodiac then any friggin Downey movie I could think of to tickle my fancy. That would be a sweet marathon set up.
On another note. Emile Hirsch is a total friggin' cutie, and I'd love to tell him that to his face. Hell, it's not often that I en up fancying a actor anywhere near my own age, that little piece of bombshell is 24. Very attractive, I tells ya.
Another attractive gent is this dude from fencing club. I won' go into details...or hell..this is my journal, and after going into detail about my surgery, I can be as fucking personal as I damned well please. The gent in question is Paul. Not often at practice, but way too fun to tease when he is there. But I also think that's the basis for the attraction. So easily flustered, but that's also what I try to do at times, just plain make him flustered. I think I do it because I crush on him a little. I dunno, maybe if he's at practice on the 28th I'll tell him I think he's cute.
I have decided that Jake Gyllenhaal has an adorable smile. I think that's what I end up liking the most about dides, their smile. Their personality, of course, but their smiles. Mouths apparently.
I've always thoguht I was an eye person, but I love ot smile, so I probably like seeing someone who knows how to smile myself. Makes for a good personality, and good spirits with proper smiling. I dunno. I've waxed on why I liked Ledger in Dogtown but that chatacter ezperienced such a wide array of emotions and such a downfall that he was much mroe interesting. Granted the emotional waves that occurr during Brokeback, but it was still something different and much more intriguing.
I like me some men, but I've never had one. It's a pipedream that doesn't seem as if it'll ever come to fruition. I guess pipedreams don't some to fruition, that's what they're called pipedreams. But the problem is I can't see my future. Normally see something. Well, I do see me moving out to California after graduation. Maybe some part of my dream will come true then.
That would be fun. Having any sort of change onthe relationship front would be pretty alright. From where I'm sitting, it would be a change for the better. Portnetioanlly. Then again, I guess I'm saying I'm not entierly happy with my life where it is.
That's also me saying, or thinking I'm depressed. I tend to think about relationships more when I'm feeling depressed or alone. Considering the movies I end up watching sometimes, that doesn't help anything. I'm a lonely frig. That's what I'll be, pretending I'm not.
My depression writing, these journals, are always full of fail. I end up writing about being forlorn or lonely. Doesn't really help anythijng. Time will grant me things I don't have now, and let's hope that somewhere in my future is love.
Bah, any time I think about men, my writing goes to crap. It's so depressed and boring.
And to voice a lament I've voiced before-I wish someone here would choose me. However...I can't wait until I'm more than just a bench warmer of life. Maybe this fall. Heh, I keep pushing my time back further and further. Time is a whore of a mistress. Things you want never last as long as you want them. And things you're waiting for take too long to arrive.
Jasmine P.
I have decided that I much preferred Heath Ledger's performance in Lords of Dogtown than to his performances in both Brokeback Mountian and The Dark Knight. The voice, mannerisms, the character/person. Much more engaging, and a character than one can like more.
I have also thought of a nice little connector for my movies, but I don't have some of them, so I'm more in the middle of the connector than the beginning. If I were to do that, I'd start with Emile Hirsch in Into the Wild, Milk then Dogtown which would segue into Ledger, then after that Brokeback which would lead into Donnie Darko then Zodiac then any friggin Downey movie I could think of to tickle my fancy. That would be a sweet marathon set up.
On another note. Emile Hirsch is a total friggin' cutie, and I'd love to tell him that to his face. Hell, it's not often that I en up fancying a actor anywhere near my own age, that little piece of bombshell is 24. Very attractive, I tells ya.
Another attractive gent is this dude from fencing club. I won' go into details...or hell..this is my journal, and after going into detail about my surgery, I can be as fucking personal as I damned well please. The gent in question is Paul. Not often at practice, but way too fun to tease when he is there. But I also think that's the basis for the attraction. So easily flustered, but that's also what I try to do at times, just plain make him flustered. I think I do it because I crush on him a little. I dunno, maybe if he's at practice on the 28th I'll tell him I think he's cute.
I have decided that Jake Gyllenhaal has an adorable smile. I think that's what I end up liking the most about dides, their smile. Their personality, of course, but their smiles. Mouths apparently.
I've always thoguht I was an eye person, but I love ot smile, so I probably like seeing someone who knows how to smile myself. Makes for a good personality, and good spirits with proper smiling. I dunno. I've waxed on why I liked Ledger in Dogtown but that chatacter ezperienced such a wide array of emotions and such a downfall that he was much mroe interesting. Granted the emotional waves that occurr during Brokeback, but it was still something different and much more intriguing.
I like me some men, but I've never had one. It's a pipedream that doesn't seem as if it'll ever come to fruition. I guess pipedreams don't some to fruition, that's what they're called pipedreams. But the problem is I can't see my future. Normally see something. Well, I do see me moving out to California after graduation. Maybe some part of my dream will come true then.
That would be fun. Having any sort of change onthe relationship front would be pretty alright. From where I'm sitting, it would be a change for the better. Portnetioanlly. Then again, I guess I'm saying I'm not entierly happy with my life where it is.
That's also me saying, or thinking I'm depressed. I tend to think about relationships more when I'm feeling depressed or alone. Considering the movies I end up watching sometimes, that doesn't help anything. I'm a lonely frig. That's what I'll be, pretending I'm not.
My depression writing, these journals, are always full of fail. I end up writing about being forlorn or lonely. Doesn't really help anythijng. Time will grant me things I don't have now, and let's hope that somewhere in my future is love.
Bah, any time I think about men, my writing goes to crap. It's so depressed and boring.
And to voice a lament I've voiced before-I wish someone here would choose me. However...I can't wait until I'm more than just a bench warmer of life. Maybe this fall. Heh, I keep pushing my time back further and further. Time is a whore of a mistress. Things you want never last as long as you want them. And things you're waiting for take too long to arrive.
Jasmine P.
April 10, 2009
Commendable Strengths
I just finished reading the story 'Me and My Shadow' the story of Jason Mewes cleaning up from drugs as told by Kevin Smith. I think both of them were commendable. I know Mewes cleaned up on his own, but Smith was still an inspiration for him. Not so much showing Mewes what he was hurting, but showing Mewes just how much he was still loved, and as he did his soul searching and everything it took for him to get clean, Mewes realized what he really wanted in life, in part to live, but also to spend more time with Smith.
I think Kevin was as commendable as he was for spending time for those long years with Mewes, bailing him out, but accepting him back after ever relapse. Yeah, he was not always in the right in what he did, but it helped, which is more important to a degree. He was strong enough to turn his back, but also supported Mewes and helped in the end, not just as an inspriation and giving him a home, but he never gave up.
I myself, don't know if I could ever go that far. I pray I never have to go that far for someone, and if I ever have to, that I have the strength to do whatever's necessary. I love and support my friends, but I don't know how far I'd go. It is inspiring to see just how far one would go for another. I know one person I might go to such lengths for, but I also hope I never have to. I don't know if I'm that strong.
Jasmine P.
I think Kevin was as commendable as he was for spending time for those long years with Mewes, bailing him out, but accepting him back after ever relapse. Yeah, he was not always in the right in what he did, but it helped, which is more important to a degree. He was strong enough to turn his back, but also supported Mewes and helped in the end, not just as an inspriation and giving him a home, but he never gave up.
I myself, don't know if I could ever go that far. I pray I never have to go that far for someone, and if I ever have to, that I have the strength to do whatever's necessary. I love and support my friends, but I don't know how far I'd go. It is inspiring to see just how far one would go for another. I know one person I might go to such lengths for, but I also hope I never have to. I don't know if I'm that strong.
Jasmine P.
April 4, 2009
Speculation on Entertainment
I dunno. I love movies. That's how I escape from this sometimes abysmal reality. I also use movies for inspiration. I also watch for certain actors. New to my radar is Emile Hirsch. The cutie from Milk and The Lords of Dogtown. Noticed him first in Milk, but then rented Dogtown from the Naro, and will purchase it, and rent the other movies about the Z-Boys. I want to check out the documentaries about them because they are excellent references for Idrissa and maybe some generic charactes skating, but Dogtown did capture my imagination, but most movies are good at doing that. Then again, sometimes I'm just miles away, I guess that's what people would call a 'bad movie' one that doesn't keep the audience as engaged as it should. I dunno, I'm no movie critic, but I can find something enjoyable from most flicks I see.
That last part came up because I bought 'How To Lose Friends and Alienate People'. The issue with that movie is the main character isn't believable. It shouldn't take a guy months to stop making tremendous fuck ups at work and to be as alls to the wall idiotic as he was. Truly, I enjoyed the movie in the third act when everything picked up and the character was successful. I guess I lik stories that are deeply seated in reality, or just seated enough that I can belive it could happen. I mean, not everything that happens in a movie could, but if the characters are likable then...it was just very cartoony. Some things could have ben executed better, but it did what it was meant to. Entertain enough, distract from the doldrums of life fore a few hours.
Will I watch it again, quite probably. But to go back to the beginning, I still love me some Emile Hirsch and hope to see him in more things from the future. I have a slew of thumbs that I sketched up during Dogtown to work into real pictures, so I think I'll use at least one of them at some point. And I'm just plain a fan of being entertained and watching movies. Hell, documentaries entertain me. That baffles my brothers. Yeah, they teach me something, but it's still fascinating, or else I would be watching it. I'm enthralled sometimes, and it's onver the simple thing of how something is made. It answers a question I never knew I had.
Not terribly sure where this was going, but it's been written now, and I can totally go to sleep. No plans until tomorrow afternoon, so this girl is sleeping in! Good night world, don't stop revolving.
Jasmine P.
That last part came up because I bought 'How To Lose Friends and Alienate People'. The issue with that movie is the main character isn't believable. It shouldn't take a guy months to stop making tremendous fuck ups at work and to be as alls to the wall idiotic as he was. Truly, I enjoyed the movie in the third act when everything picked up and the character was successful. I guess I lik stories that are deeply seated in reality, or just seated enough that I can belive it could happen. I mean, not everything that happens in a movie could, but if the characters are likable then...it was just very cartoony. Some things could have ben executed better, but it did what it was meant to. Entertain enough, distract from the doldrums of life fore a few hours.
Will I watch it again, quite probably. But to go back to the beginning, I still love me some Emile Hirsch and hope to see him in more things from the future. I have a slew of thumbs that I sketched up during Dogtown to work into real pictures, so I think I'll use at least one of them at some point. And I'm just plain a fan of being entertained and watching movies. Hell, documentaries entertain me. That baffles my brothers. Yeah, they teach me something, but it's still fascinating, or else I would be watching it. I'm enthralled sometimes, and it's onver the simple thing of how something is made. It answers a question I never knew I had.
Not terribly sure where this was going, but it's been written now, and I can totally go to sleep. No plans until tomorrow afternoon, so this girl is sleeping in! Good night world, don't stop revolving.
Jasmine P.
March 23, 2009
Smith & Movies
Well, I watched Chasing Amy once more and it put me in a mood. The type of mood where I had ot take some time before getting into anything else, but in that thought process I've decided to attempt to discuss just how I think Mr. Kevin Smith's movies have affected me. Why I like them and such. This is hopefully different from what I wrote before, but just as necessary for me.
Let's go!
Clerks: The writing was highly impressive. I liked the rapport between the characters. I like how there are distinct beats to his movies. They start showing an any person going about their business before the story gets going, but these characters are very human which makes relating to them that much easier. Clerks was important because it was a nice way to jump into the crew and the world, from the beginning.
Mallrats: Jason Lee. I'll say it here, I find younger Lee to be adorable beyond belief. I accept my mini crush on him. Aside form Lee, seeing Smith put Clerks in a mall, yes, but seeing how things changed from his absolute control to studio control and what he learned [i learned via commentary] was fine too. I've said this before, but Rats can't fail at making me laugh. It's light hearted and fun to watch. I can watch it repeatedly because of how much happens from Brodie and TS being dumped, to Jay and Bob's attempts to wreck the stage, and on to the conclusion of the movie. So much happens, and Less is just to brilliant in it that I can love it immensely every time I watch it.
Chasing Amy: just as Rats was a light hearted affair, Amy is the emotional rollercoaster. So much happens from the beginning of the movie to the end that I get wrapped up in it and sucked into the character's emotions as everything happens. I can get to such a depressed low from watching this movie. I mean, at the conclusion there's no defined 'happy ending' it ends. The characters have moved on. I would love to see a sequel to it where Banky accept his homosexuality or whatever, to see what Holden is up to, aside from drawing and writing the comic Chasing Amy, and to see what Alyssa is up to and how they each grew and will interact with one another after accepting the conclusion to the events in the lives in this movie. And any excuse to see Hooper X again, man, great side character.
Dogma: This movie is interesting seeing as how it's about Smith's relationship with religion and his opinion of it. I find it enjoyable for all the characters, and how slender and pretty Jason Lee is here, and clean shaven. Mmm, Lee. But to the movie, the growth of the characters is nice to see. I like watching it because of the journey, and in the scope of Smith's films it's a stretch because almost constantly there are more than two characters interacting on screen. It was a learning progression for him to have os many characters together at once. Nice to see. For me, I have my own questions for religion, but that's for another day. it's a heavy topic, but so few people share their relationship with religion as openly as he did in that movie, it's special in that way.
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back: The movie to end all of the Askweniverse...but didn't. This was a very cartoony movie, out of all of them this had the most motion. Another trip movie with a varied cast, but at it's core, just Jay and Bob. It was an experiment in a way, very slapstick which makes it stand out. It's one of those movies that you don't need to watch too many time. It's not heavy, not ever. It's the lightest of all the movies, but it is different.
Jersey Girl: His first foray out of the Askewniverse. I liked the movie becuase it was all about a father having to grow up and take care of his child. It was his response to having a daughter and having to truely be responsible for something. I thuroughly enjoyed the movie for the range of emotions that happen, but the ultimate happy ending when Affleck's character understands that he doens't need New York to be happy, but to be home. His understanding that he wanted what was best for his daughter more than what he thought was best for him was nice and important to see. It makes me smile.
Clerks II: This, in a way, is how the Askweniverse truely needed to be closed out. It needed to end with Dante and Randal, and yeah, Kevin did say he pictured everything wrapping up in the Quick Stop so that's how it happened best. This movie had it's deep moments with Dante realizing who he really loved and why he loved Jersey. His extended family made it special and was what he really wanted out of his life. It had the over the top cartoony elements, like the dance number, but it was entertaining. From the first movie to the last there is the full gamut of emotions of drama and serious to slapstick and comedy. Maybe one day he'll venture to comedic mystery...
Zack and Miri Make A Porno: This movie was my first Smith Flick and this is where the writing frist and truly impressed me. The characters were fun to watch, and seeing Mewsey grow up from being Jay to being Lester, seeing him clean up and everything was kind of cool. Seeing Smith really get out of Jersey in spirit too, and not to travel was different. These new characters were interesting, and for a romantic comedy, one of the few I truely liked. It wasn't a 'love at first sight' type of thing, since Zack and Miri knew each other and their boundries were well established, it was interesting to see them pushing on their own boundries. How they resisted, but moved past their trepidation.
All these movies have been interesting. This is partially me understanding of some of the whys for everything that happens in the movies for the characters and behind the lense. I love that DP David Klein came back for CII to stay. Friendships make me happy. People who know each other better than anyone else know them. These movies make me want write, I want to go back to my characters I created oh so many years ago and re-work them. I want to make my characters better then show them off to the world. This is a wonder story, we need more stories of people making their life their own and going for it. That's what I'm slowing working towards, making my life my own. Moving out of the house, finishing off my education and getting on with what I need for me to be happy, which is venturing off on my own to live as an adult.
This rant barely had any guidence, but still needed to be writting. I'm glad I took the time to write this. It jumped from point to point and doesn't seem like it accomplished what I wrote it to accomplish, but it has. It seriously has. I need an emote or something for a laid back smirk, the smile of someone who accepts their life at the moment, and I think I should be sleeping soon. God night world, let's rock together tomorrow.
Jasmine P.
Let's go!
Clerks: The writing was highly impressive. I liked the rapport between the characters. I like how there are distinct beats to his movies. They start showing an any person going about their business before the story gets going, but these characters are very human which makes relating to them that much easier. Clerks was important because it was a nice way to jump into the crew and the world, from the beginning.
Mallrats: Jason Lee. I'll say it here, I find younger Lee to be adorable beyond belief. I accept my mini crush on him. Aside form Lee, seeing Smith put Clerks in a mall, yes, but seeing how things changed from his absolute control to studio control and what he learned [i learned via commentary] was fine too. I've said this before, but Rats can't fail at making me laugh. It's light hearted and fun to watch. I can watch it repeatedly because of how much happens from Brodie and TS being dumped, to Jay and Bob's attempts to wreck the stage, and on to the conclusion of the movie. So much happens, and Less is just to brilliant in it that I can love it immensely every time I watch it.
Chasing Amy: just as Rats was a light hearted affair, Amy is the emotional rollercoaster. So much happens from the beginning of the movie to the end that I get wrapped up in it and sucked into the character's emotions as everything happens. I can get to such a depressed low from watching this movie. I mean, at the conclusion there's no defined 'happy ending' it ends. The characters have moved on. I would love to see a sequel to it where Banky accept his homosexuality or whatever, to see what Holden is up to, aside from drawing and writing the comic Chasing Amy, and to see what Alyssa is up to and how they each grew and will interact with one another after accepting the conclusion to the events in the lives in this movie. And any excuse to see Hooper X again, man, great side character.
Dogma: This movie is interesting seeing as how it's about Smith's relationship with religion and his opinion of it. I find it enjoyable for all the characters, and how slender and pretty Jason Lee is here, and clean shaven. Mmm, Lee. But to the movie, the growth of the characters is nice to see. I like watching it because of the journey, and in the scope of Smith's films it's a stretch because almost constantly there are more than two characters interacting on screen. It was a learning progression for him to have os many characters together at once. Nice to see. For me, I have my own questions for religion, but that's for another day. it's a heavy topic, but so few people share their relationship with religion as openly as he did in that movie, it's special in that way.
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back: The movie to end all of the Askweniverse...but didn't. This was a very cartoony movie, out of all of them this had the most motion. Another trip movie with a varied cast, but at it's core, just Jay and Bob. It was an experiment in a way, very slapstick which makes it stand out. It's one of those movies that you don't need to watch too many time. It's not heavy, not ever. It's the lightest of all the movies, but it is different.
Jersey Girl: His first foray out of the Askewniverse. I liked the movie becuase it was all about a father having to grow up and take care of his child. It was his response to having a daughter and having to truely be responsible for something. I thuroughly enjoyed the movie for the range of emotions that happen, but the ultimate happy ending when Affleck's character understands that he doens't need New York to be happy, but to be home. His understanding that he wanted what was best for his daughter more than what he thought was best for him was nice and important to see. It makes me smile.
Clerks II: This, in a way, is how the Askweniverse truely needed to be closed out. It needed to end with Dante and Randal, and yeah, Kevin did say he pictured everything wrapping up in the Quick Stop so that's how it happened best. This movie had it's deep moments with Dante realizing who he really loved and why he loved Jersey. His extended family made it special and was what he really wanted out of his life. It had the over the top cartoony elements, like the dance number, but it was entertaining. From the first movie to the last there is the full gamut of emotions of drama and serious to slapstick and comedy. Maybe one day he'll venture to comedic mystery...
Zack and Miri Make A Porno: This movie was my first Smith Flick and this is where the writing frist and truly impressed me. The characters were fun to watch, and seeing Mewsey grow up from being Jay to being Lester, seeing him clean up and everything was kind of cool. Seeing Smith really get out of Jersey in spirit too, and not to travel was different. These new characters were interesting, and for a romantic comedy, one of the few I truely liked. It wasn't a 'love at first sight' type of thing, since Zack and Miri knew each other and their boundries were well established, it was interesting to see them pushing on their own boundries. How they resisted, but moved past their trepidation.
All these movies have been interesting. This is partially me understanding of some of the whys for everything that happens in the movies for the characters and behind the lense. I love that DP David Klein came back for CII to stay. Friendships make me happy. People who know each other better than anyone else know them. These movies make me want write, I want to go back to my characters I created oh so many years ago and re-work them. I want to make my characters better then show them off to the world. This is a wonder story, we need more stories of people making their life their own and going for it. That's what I'm slowing working towards, making my life my own. Moving out of the house, finishing off my education and getting on with what I need for me to be happy, which is venturing off on my own to live as an adult.
This rant barely had any guidence, but still needed to be writting. I'm glad I took the time to write this. It jumped from point to point and doesn't seem like it accomplished what I wrote it to accomplish, but it has. It seriously has. I need an emote or something for a laid back smirk, the smile of someone who accepts their life at the moment, and I think I should be sleeping soon. God night world, let's rock together tomorrow.
Jasmine P.
March 22, 2009
Self-loathing
Its been a long time since I outright hated myself or how I acted. Today was one of those days, one of those times. While I was out Elizabeth called to tell me she was too afraid to move off campus. I have made my resolution that I'm not living on campus anymore. I want to move on, but I was hoping to live with her. My motivation is I want to live with my own rules and not with people I disliked. I'm tired of having to share my living space with people I barely know and don't like, so I guess it works out. I mean, I've know for a long time that the only person I can truly rely on is myself, so I guess it's down to me a wee bit sooner than I thought, but it's what I want. I was a little annoyed and stress. I was annoyed because Elizabeth is so afraid of moving on. I'm trying to break my tethers, I'm fighting to be independent. I'm trying to grow up and she's too afraid of the outside world to be able to make the jump.
I'm a resolute person, I want to as close to the final say in my life as possible. She's not ready for that type of responsibility, I'm ready to try, to prove to the world that I'm an adult in my own right, or to try for it. She can't do that, I was upset that my friend whom I thought could make the trip into proving to the world that she was an adult too was unable to do it. I showed I was upset the way I always have. I cried. I sat in a chair in the middle of a Uni of Mary&Wash gym crying, I tried to sink into music, but I had friends to distract me which was both good and bad. I waxed on it a bit and explained how I was feeling, slightly betrayed, but how I need to move on. Living on campus is holding me back and I need more in my life that I'm in control of, so it's time for me to move on.
So, not too long after I've barely picked up the pieces of me and put myself back together and was almost back to being the strong Jasmine that I show the world I was broken by something as stupid as mushrooms being on my burger at Cheeburger Cheeburger. Nothing tastes as good when you're upset, and I was still upset for another ten minutes. I hated myself. Seriously. To a degree, I hated myself. I hate it when I cry and when I can't get back into control of myself.
Eventually when we were just about done I had calmed myself down, then I spent about ten minutes alone in the Barnes and Noble. I felt much better, then I had to apologize to Ian and AJ because I didn't like how I had acted, but I never like it when I cry especially not when I don't have the chance to sit on my own and get my mind straight. Now, a few hours past, and having written it out and apologized to everyone, except Tristan mostly because I don't know him on facebook, I'm feeling better. I'm back in control of my emotions and I think I can handle things now.
I can nw find a place of my own and be happy. A nice one person apartment, not in some fucking house, but a real apartment, and I'll make my own rules and I'll be happy. Things will be better for me, because I declared it how. Fucking seriously.
Jasmine P.
I'm a resolute person, I want to as close to the final say in my life as possible. She's not ready for that type of responsibility, I'm ready to try, to prove to the world that I'm an adult in my own right, or to try for it. She can't do that, I was upset that my friend whom I thought could make the trip into proving to the world that she was an adult too was unable to do it. I showed I was upset the way I always have. I cried. I sat in a chair in the middle of a Uni of Mary&Wash gym crying, I tried to sink into music, but I had friends to distract me which was both good and bad. I waxed on it a bit and explained how I was feeling, slightly betrayed, but how I need to move on. Living on campus is holding me back and I need more in my life that I'm in control of, so it's time for me to move on.
So, not too long after I've barely picked up the pieces of me and put myself back together and was almost back to being the strong Jasmine that I show the world I was broken by something as stupid as mushrooms being on my burger at Cheeburger Cheeburger. Nothing tastes as good when you're upset, and I was still upset for another ten minutes. I hated myself. Seriously. To a degree, I hated myself. I hate it when I cry and when I can't get back into control of myself.
Eventually when we were just about done I had calmed myself down, then I spent about ten minutes alone in the Barnes and Noble. I felt much better, then I had to apologize to Ian and AJ because I didn't like how I had acted, but I never like it when I cry especially not when I don't have the chance to sit on my own and get my mind straight. Now, a few hours past, and having written it out and apologized to everyone, except Tristan mostly because I don't know him on facebook, I'm feeling better. I'm back in control of my emotions and I think I can handle things now.
I can nw find a place of my own and be happy. A nice one person apartment, not in some fucking house, but a real apartment, and I'll make my own rules and I'll be happy. Things will be better for me, because I declared it how. Fucking seriously.
Jasmine P.
March 21, 2009
More Disgusting Medial Blah Blal Blah
So, yesterday I went back to Dr. Reed's office to get my incisions checked out and they look like hell to me. I was told they were fine, but they feel like shit, and hurt, and now I have more drugs so they make things better to deal with. But I also know that I have a vag that no dude is going to want to get near once it's all healed up. Seriously, I have pits in my flesh that I can put my finger in. I have pits under my arms I can put my finger in, and I don't know how much is going to heal properly. I don't know how much it's going to hear correctly, but from my perspective, I'm a little worried.
And there my reduced update of information you never wanted to know about my health =D
Suck it, or stop reading this, bitch. It's my journal and you're the one who decided to read this. Rolling out to a tournie tomorrow, maybe I'll have a less painful and medically detailed journal to post.
Jasmine P.
And there my reduced update of information you never wanted to know about my health =D
Suck it, or stop reading this, bitch. It's my journal and you're the one who decided to read this. Rolling out to a tournie tomorrow, maybe I'll have a less painful and medically detailed journal to post.
Jasmine P.
March 15, 2009
Movie and Medical Madness
So, it's been a short period of time and I have a small window of writing ability ot take care of a bit of story telling about my last few days. I blame typos on my little medi-collada I took five minutes prior to attempting to write this.
I spent last weekend hanging with Alex, that was awesome, per usual, and we watched a whole mess of awesome movies, which was pretty sweet. We caught Watchmen, which I enjoyed thuroughly. I made it home on Sunday and spent a few days there before my surgery on Thursday morning. Nothing special happened at home, but I was in a whole mess of pain. That I do remember.
Wendesday Dorien and I drove down to Norfolk. We went to Moe's for a late lunch. We sat around the apartment for a while and I took a nap before eating my last pre-op meal around 9 that night. I didn't consume anything after 10:30/11. I went to bed not too long before midnight. I slept like shit because I didn't take any tylenol. Woke up a few times during the night, and dreamt that my surgery would have to be pushed back because I kept forgetting I couldn't eat, and would eat stuff.
I woke up around 7:44am and got ready. I left the old bandages, but changed the ones from the groin area because those were straight up foul, and not taped to me, like the ones under my arms. Dad got here literally right when we were going to leave and I got to the hospital around 9:47, when they were calling me to make sure I was on my way. I checked in and we hung out in the waiting room until about...10:15 then I left the fam. and headed for pre-op. I got an IV placed in my left hand, and changed into a gown. I was nervous, but tried not to be, I was also cold and said as much.
From the pre-op I was asked a variety of health related questions such as the likelyhood of my being pregant and the last time I had imbibed anything from food, to booze to cigarettes and the frequency. I answered truthfully, not reason not to. Well, aside from how much tylenol I took, that I lied about.
Dr. Reed came in during the second round of the questions and marked me up with a purple pen so they knew where they were going to cut and what not. That was interesting. Mildly awkward...thankfully only mildly. I saw Dorien and Dad one last time, Miguel didn't arrive until I was in my 24hour post op room. I got wheeled into the operation room. It was cold in there, they gave me some warm blankets and had me slide from the first bed to the operation bed. That was a skinny little bed. I laid on it and I think they ran something through IV I think. I remember them putting the mask over my face, the air in it was cold. I was out and I have been told that the surgery went fine. I feel fine two days later.
I remember waking up in the recovery room. It was cold there, and somehow between the surgical studio and the recovery room my IV fell out, so tehy had to try to give me another. I was fine with the first few attempts, but by the 5th attempt to give me an IV from torunaquette all the way to them stabbing me and failing I was getting annoyed and whiney and fidgity. I told them I was cold and after tehy warmed me up a bit they were able to get an Iv into me, in my left arm. And at one point they tried my foot. That one annoyed me. My friggin' foot. I got a few doses of morphine, that was sweet. No pain, and I wanted to sleep.
Terry, my man nurse, kept telling me to breath deeper, I have a penchant for shallow breathing apparently. He was also awesome and gave me some ice chips and apple juice after I was out of surgery for a few hours. He asked me how tolerable my pain was. At it's worst I was only at 6, and at the best in the recovery room I was at about 2. He also got me a bedpan. That was pretty embarassing and awkward, trying to use a bed pan. I was sure that I had peed in the bed and not in the bedpan, but I had to pee. I had to pee a lot.
I was moved form the recovery room to the post-op 24 hour stay around 5 or 6. I was in the room for a few minutes before Dad, Pattie and Dorien got there. I told them about the IV and how I was feeling. I made it to the bathroom again at some point, and I did have fun telling Dad to close his eyes or what not when the doctor's were looking at the bandages or when I went to the bathroom.
Oh, aside from Dr. Reed remember me and the fact that I fenced, my post op doctor I met back in September, Dr. Noorbakhsh also remembered me and my fencing. Weird, seriously. He was nice still, so my stay in thehospital was bearble. I slept terribly that night, and that it the conclusion of the story for now. My next post will tackle Friday and Saturday which will recant my being doped on pain killers and watching TV and trying to type and do things on the computer. Nothing too crazy, but I do want to remember this time, and this is on the internet for the fuck of it. It's not so personal that I need to save it to my HD, and if you think it is, fuck off and find something else to read.
Jasmine P.
I spent last weekend hanging with Alex, that was awesome, per usual, and we watched a whole mess of awesome movies, which was pretty sweet. We caught Watchmen, which I enjoyed thuroughly. I made it home on Sunday and spent a few days there before my surgery on Thursday morning. Nothing special happened at home, but I was in a whole mess of pain. That I do remember.
Wendesday Dorien and I drove down to Norfolk. We went to Moe's for a late lunch. We sat around the apartment for a while and I took a nap before eating my last pre-op meal around 9 that night. I didn't consume anything after 10:30/11. I went to bed not too long before midnight. I slept like shit because I didn't take any tylenol. Woke up a few times during the night, and dreamt that my surgery would have to be pushed back because I kept forgetting I couldn't eat, and would eat stuff.
I woke up around 7:44am and got ready. I left the old bandages, but changed the ones from the groin area because those were straight up foul, and not taped to me, like the ones under my arms. Dad got here literally right when we were going to leave and I got to the hospital around 9:47, when they were calling me to make sure I was on my way. I checked in and we hung out in the waiting room until about...10:15 then I left the fam. and headed for pre-op. I got an IV placed in my left hand, and changed into a gown. I was nervous, but tried not to be, I was also cold and said as much.
From the pre-op I was asked a variety of health related questions such as the likelyhood of my being pregant and the last time I had imbibed anything from food, to booze to cigarettes and the frequency. I answered truthfully, not reason not to. Well, aside from how much tylenol I took, that I lied about.
Dr. Reed came in during the second round of the questions and marked me up with a purple pen so they knew where they were going to cut and what not. That was interesting. Mildly awkward...thankfully only mildly. I saw Dorien and Dad one last time, Miguel didn't arrive until I was in my 24hour post op room. I got wheeled into the operation room. It was cold in there, they gave me some warm blankets and had me slide from the first bed to the operation bed. That was a skinny little bed. I laid on it and I think they ran something through IV I think. I remember them putting the mask over my face, the air in it was cold. I was out and I have been told that the surgery went fine. I feel fine two days later.
I remember waking up in the recovery room. It was cold there, and somehow between the surgical studio and the recovery room my IV fell out, so tehy had to try to give me another. I was fine with the first few attempts, but by the 5th attempt to give me an IV from torunaquette all the way to them stabbing me and failing I was getting annoyed and whiney and fidgity. I told them I was cold and after tehy warmed me up a bit they were able to get an Iv into me, in my left arm. And at one point they tried my foot. That one annoyed me. My friggin' foot. I got a few doses of morphine, that was sweet. No pain, and I wanted to sleep.
Terry, my man nurse, kept telling me to breath deeper, I have a penchant for shallow breathing apparently. He was also awesome and gave me some ice chips and apple juice after I was out of surgery for a few hours. He asked me how tolerable my pain was. At it's worst I was only at 6, and at the best in the recovery room I was at about 2. He also got me a bedpan. That was pretty embarassing and awkward, trying to use a bed pan. I was sure that I had peed in the bed and not in the bedpan, but I had to pee. I had to pee a lot.
I was moved form the recovery room to the post-op 24 hour stay around 5 or 6. I was in the room for a few minutes before Dad, Pattie and Dorien got there. I told them about the IV and how I was feeling. I made it to the bathroom again at some point, and I did have fun telling Dad to close his eyes or what not when the doctor's were looking at the bandages or when I went to the bathroom.
Oh, aside from Dr. Reed remember me and the fact that I fenced, my post op doctor I met back in September, Dr. Noorbakhsh also remembered me and my fencing. Weird, seriously. He was nice still, so my stay in thehospital was bearble. I slept terribly that night, and that it the conclusion of the story for now. My next post will tackle Friday and Saturday which will recant my being doped on pain killers and watching TV and trying to type and do things on the computer. Nothing too crazy, but I do want to remember this time, and this is on the internet for the fuck of it. It's not so personal that I need to save it to my HD, and if you think it is, fuck off and find something else to read.
Jasmine P.
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