Hey There

Hmm, it's been a long time since I posted anything over here, I've had thoughts in my head and I want to share them.

I recently posted a piece of fan/gift art on my art blog and it reminded me why i don't do that. I love making fan art i just never want to get attention for that being my thing, it's not, i create original content and sometimes I illustrate an idea that I really latch on to. It was actually deviantArt that drove me away from making fan art. There were really shitty artists getting a lot of attention because all they did was produce popular things. Whatever the hit anime, movie or hot person they drew that and raked in commissions and attention for not being creative.

fuck that shit.

I guess i should be proud of my personal integrity for not just creating pop art but at the same time I want my work to be noticed more. I know I'm not bad i just feel like sometimes i need the validation from the webcomic art community that I'm good at what i do. I don't draw heroes, I draw real people and cartoony situations. I draw me. I wonder if any of this will get better when I have a website that's either my name or for my comic and if I actually post consistently. I really haven't been able to just focus on my own art work because of school and other obligations (mostly school) so will that change an improve when I graduate and the only other thing i'm doing is working some shitty job or three to pay rent and eat.

I don't fucking know.

My other thoughts have been on my current anxiety, not too much depression. i still don't know how to deal with anxiety or how I feel about myself because I don't know how I feel about myself. I spend as much time as I can trying not to think about my feelings and that I really don't know. i kind of feel listless and like I'm not accomplishing anything. i'm not really. I mean, I guess I am, i'm getting a degree and I'm in college but outside of that, i'm doing nothing in the real world.

i think i'm going to just go home and eat something I'm hungry.

In writing this and a few other things today i've come to the realization i'm not writing or really working with words enough. My past week has been weird and I don't know what to do to fix it, so that means I'm feeling depression or something. Fuck i'm hungry. Also, i've always only used the right shift key and something is wrong with it, either a ball of hair under the key or something else obstructing it, it's really not an excuse to not go back and fix my capitals it's just annoying. so there. i know i'm hitting it, or maybe i'm just not holding it long enough when i go to strike the letter. ehh...i'm leaving now.

P.