Yesterday I spent about...4 hours watching the first two series of Black Books which was created by Graham Linham and Dylan Moran. It's a fantastically awesome series about three misanthropes. Bernard Black run Black Books, a used bookstore; Manny goes bonkers and starts working there and Bernard's friend Fran spends a lot of time hanging out in the shop. They live drinking, smoking and being all around ridiculous. The characters remind me a bit of a British It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia at times, the humor isn't as dry as some British comedies can be. It made yesterday pretty damn awesome as I started sinking into being depressed.
Speaking of being depressed...I went to counseling yesterday morning, like most Tuesdays. Prior to I did that stupid thing where I sleep for four hours. Seriously, I think it's a retarded side effect from quitting smoking. I don't know, it's really friggin' annoying. I woke up at 6, I was able to get back to sleep, but being awake was not plesant. It's not like I didn't feel rested, but I know me and I know my habits so I don't understand why I keep waking up after only four hours of sleep.
In councling I spoke about what's gone on over the past week including going to a festival this past Friday and going to a youth church thing. I can appreciate where the group is coming from by using rap to make the youth feel closer to the message [it was a predominantly black church group] but I don't agree. It sounded mostly like hardcore rap which seems a little counterproductive. What I mean is, if it sounds like gangster, shoot-'em-up rap and you can't understand what's being said, how do they know the message they intended got across to the youth? If you look at my track record of music habits I'm across the board, except for hardcore rap. I never liked that sound, it has never been pleasing to my ears so I was judgemental. If you remember my earlier blogs about my opinion of religion I was already going in judging. I tried to get with it but I couldn't. When the speaker got up on stage to preach I was more or less fine with the message. He spoke about not giving up because something is too hard. That's the Devil's work getting you off your proper path. That I could get behind. I could not agree with his use of a cancer analogy.
For the newcomers, my mother died from cancer. I don't like talking about cancer in that ambiguous manner that if someone died from it, they gave up. Bull-fucking-shit. My family and I never 'gave up hope' we held out candle for my mother the entire time she was ill. We prayed, our church prayed, her co-workers prayed. She's now on a prayer list or something with some church, still. People have not forgotten us. There were a lot of people who didn't give up praying for her. The doctors did the best the could and ended up trying to keep her pain manageable. She died because of science. Why do I not want to accept it as God's will? I'll tell you. I don't want to accept it as God's will because I still needed her. I still need her.
I have met a lot of people who care, who will give me advice and help me should I ask, and even if I don't ask all the time. That's all well and dandy but my mother is still dead. It's not the same. If God cared about me than why did she need to die? So I could grow up? What's going to happen in my life that I couldn't stay naive for a few months longer, a few years longer.
Why did she have to die, science can explain. The massive amounts of chemicals in her system took their toll on her body, it could not take it anymore. Her kidney's stopped flushing water from her blood; her lungs deteriorated from pneumonia getting a hold of her chemotherapy weakened system and her body was too far deceased and disconnected to continue. Her body knew it was time, it tried to keep up but it couldn't repair itself fast enough. The thought that biology happened, that it's the natural order of life and death, that all living things die at some point made me feel better than saying 'God wanted her to come home.' Science gives me answers. I believe in science. I believe in some deity getting things started and is now sitting back or just plain gone and this world continues circling that fucking star. Science has yet to give us all the answers. I can accept that. I mean, if the universe started from the 'Big Bang' where did the elements come from for that initial beginning? If they came from an even earlier universe, what happened to that one? And where did that one come from?
We don't know, so I believe in science as far as it can give me an educated answer. It might all be wrong but it makes enough sense and seems plausible enough for me.
I left counseling this morning with my counselor asking me to detail how I felt as my mother was sick, when she died and after. Thankfully I have so many damn blogs and journals it's kind of like aggregating it and maybe writing something new, or taking this. Not too sure yet.
I left counseling and killed some time until I went out to Jerry's Art-Arama to get supplies for my color theory class. I spent $184 to get my supplies, giant 19X24 bristol, color aid, pencils, triangle, compass and a shit ton of 'other'. I did get to save abut $20, my friend who is now dropping the class, is letting me borrow some things for the duration which is pretty sweet.
Now, the trip back from Jerry's, which is out in Virginia Beach was an interesting and highly irritating one. Remember how I said I was slipping into depression last night? Well it reared it's bastardly ugly head. Fucking bastard. People's driving was irritating me and my friend tried to give me some advice on how to deal with it. It didn't help. I was in the middle of being depressed, being told just about anything does not help. We were stuck in traffic because of an accident on 64 and people just kept irritating me. My friend couldn't placate me and was actually counter productive. When I cry I don't want to be told it's fine to cry, I like rationalizing things out. I like words, I like taking the elusive and explaining it to the best of my ability. Why? It focuses me. It keeps me in control. I like being in control.
That's not to say I don't let myself go and go with the flow of things. I have been stepping out of my box, out f my comfort zone for a while, trying new things. At the festival I tried crawfish, I went back to a church for the first time in three years, I've gone out with people I don't know. I have no problem feeling joy, happiness, bliss, anger, irritation, depression. I feel, I like feeling with words. Tears do nothing. No, crying doesn't make me feel better, I hate crying, I hate it when I cry, it's like I've lost control in an unpleasant way. Science on wikipedia gives me a few answers but not much is going on right now to really prompt this. It's irritating and I really can't stand crying.
And looking at that and knowing me I can now predict a few things. As I said yesterday I knew I was getting depressed. As I cried I said I was feeling depressed. I've written more journals in the past few weeks than I have in a while. Writing is one of the things I do when I'm depressed, I'm trying to put my feelings into words, trying to work through it. Writing about any thing that comes to mind. [Yes, I want 'any' and 'thing' to be separate words]. I've been depressed and I'm PMS-ing. I'm not as hard up about candy unless I'm pms-ing, and I want peanut butter. It was never chocolate for me, always peanut butter. At the moment it's peanut butter M&Ms, yeah there's chocolate, but it's about the peanut butter. It's usually Reese's Pieces, I know these things.
So I'm in my car, trapped in my traffic, in the Virginia heat [with A/C], and I'm crying and depressed. My friend it telling me it's fine. It's not fine. It's never fine when I cry. Very few of my friends have seen me cry and it's always when I can't put my frustrations into words.
I hate crying. Period.
I dropped him off, came home, and made a 16 oz Cosmopolitan in a water-bottle. I downed it in an hour and rolled around on my bed drunk and doing nothing on the internet until I decided to see Toy Story 3. I have been thinking about not seeing it, but in the long run I had to. It was awesome. I didn't like that the three trailer's before the movie were for 3D flicks, I saw Toy Store in classic 2D and these trailers seemed like those movies weren't going to be distributed in 2D, I assume they will be but we'll see. One of these days on my movie blog I'll put up my opinion about 3D and elaborate on my distaste for it. And if you pop over to my movie blog, you can see my opinion on making pseudo 3D/CGI animated films, as critiqued by the Smurfs movie slated for next year. I also have some ideas about photo-realism, which can fit into that blog but will get it's own, because that owl movie looks creepy (it had human eyes..wtf?!? -ovular-). But, I don't like barn owls, their faces are disturbingly flat, and the movie seems to 'star' a barn owl. Joy. Or it's a masked owl...I don't like the flatter faces. The other things I noticed in the trailers is that there are two animated movies for this summer/fall that seem like they're supposed to be sympathetic to villains. The Will Ferrel one, Mastermind or whatever (...'it's BIG for a reason'...great, penis envy jokes); and the Steve Carell one, Despicable Me (reading this plot, this seems weak. I like the beginning idea, but where it goes, not as much). I think the trailer could be made stronger if the minion characters said the word right, instead of tailoring it to kids, if they broke it down on the screen for the kid to learn the damn word and not having the minion stumble on the word then having the announcer say it correctly.
So, Toy Story 3, fantastic. It was also hella depressing. It was also hella brilliant. I loved the toys that were there in the the day care, I loved how things played out. It was all really well written an animated. I don't want to spoil much, but I do with that more had been done with Bonnie's toys, they were awesome. And great voices all around. I could have gone with the Spanish Buzz joke, it went on a bit too long for me and seemed to be a little contrived, but outside of that bit of nit picking I enjoyed everything. It was written on a kid's level, but was great for adults without it needing to be vulgar, a la Shrek.
Yeah...I came back home and wrote all this out. It's taken me a bit more than an hour. So today was a roller coaster of hell, kind of. But I feel better now that I've written..something! See, crying doesn't help, words do!
Jasmine P.
Showing posts with label observation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label observation. Show all posts
June 30, 2010
August 21, 2009
Cinema
I don't think I've addressed the purpose of Cinema too often. I don't think I've addressed the purpose of any of my worlds too much further than talking about their inspiration.
As I've thought about creating and adding things to the world of Cinema I've picked up a few habits. From it's name being 'Cinema' to the characters loving old movies to this year deciding that the theater they go to is the Retro Cinema. The Retro is a theater that shows movies thirty years or older. As I've thought of that and chapter titles and themes I've come to an understanding about why Cinema is important to me.
The characters were originally some throw away characters I drew when I was depressed and couldn't draw my normal stuff. Alphabet was a joke, making fun of my self. She wasn't even the first one drawn, Davey was first. He was the star, but Alpha quickly became top dog in the world. Smyth was their third, the most level headed of them. There was originally only one chapter, but it blossomed. The cast grew. Sephy, Aster, Suma, Beta were all added in a few weeks of creating Alpha, Davey, and Smyth. Micha showed up in 2007, Jayden a bit later in 2007 early 2008 and most recently in 2009 an unnamed kid who has an interest in Sephy. I've also drawn Alpha's father at least once.
Wow I'm all over the place with this. Back to the main four, Alpha, Davey, Smyth and Sephy. These four characters love film and movies. They spend their time going to the RC every weekend pretty much. Aster, Alpha's younger brother, also has an intense interest in movies, and is out to make his own and Alpha and crew get enlisted to help him make these 'masterpieces'. Their lives pretty much revolve around film.
What I've learned from the Four, and the supporting cast is that they have a deep love tor the 20th Century. Cinema, I think, is a way for me to honor things from or about the 20th century. They love and damn near worship old film, but they also love modern, present films. They're just as happy seeing big blockbusters as they are seeing a 50's B-movie. They emulate what they see in these movies. But through my character's love for things of the 1900s, I think it shows my own love, or at least appreciation for these things. I have chapters planned called things like 'discotheque' and 'delicatessen' because those words are awesome, but they're also things that were big at different times of the 20th century.
The point for Cinema for me, I think, is for me to have a world where I can explore some aspects of the 20th century with modern characters. These characters have, and will gain, the ability to have intelligent discussions on film. They have leanings toward careers that are in the movies, in differing aspects of movies. If they're not in film, they'll still have that deep love and appreciation. With Cinema I have an excuse to watch more older movies and see a broad array of things.
It's great to see how they've grown. This is the first image of them of ever I think. They're may be a doodle before this, but this is the first. A more recent pic of them. And a collection of them from my sketch blog. I love these characters and hope that anything I do is worthy of them and their love of film, and I'm interested in seeing what I learn as I write their stories. This jumped all over the place, but I did get to what I wanted to talk about, I think.
Jasmine P.
As I've thought about creating and adding things to the world of Cinema I've picked up a few habits. From it's name being 'Cinema' to the characters loving old movies to this year deciding that the theater they go to is the Retro Cinema. The Retro is a theater that shows movies thirty years or older. As I've thought of that and chapter titles and themes I've come to an understanding about why Cinema is important to me.
The characters were originally some throw away characters I drew when I was depressed and couldn't draw my normal stuff. Alphabet was a joke, making fun of my self. She wasn't even the first one drawn, Davey was first. He was the star, but Alpha quickly became top dog in the world. Smyth was their third, the most level headed of them. There was originally only one chapter, but it blossomed. The cast grew. Sephy, Aster, Suma, Beta were all added in a few weeks of creating Alpha, Davey, and Smyth. Micha showed up in 2007, Jayden a bit later in 2007 early 2008 and most recently in 2009 an unnamed kid who has an interest in Sephy. I've also drawn Alpha's father at least once.
Wow I'm all over the place with this. Back to the main four, Alpha, Davey, Smyth and Sephy. These four characters love film and movies. They spend their time going to the RC every weekend pretty much. Aster, Alpha's younger brother, also has an intense interest in movies, and is out to make his own and Alpha and crew get enlisted to help him make these 'masterpieces'. Their lives pretty much revolve around film.
What I've learned from the Four, and the supporting cast is that they have a deep love tor the 20th Century. Cinema, I think, is a way for me to honor things from or about the 20th century. They love and damn near worship old film, but they also love modern, present films. They're just as happy seeing big blockbusters as they are seeing a 50's B-movie. They emulate what they see in these movies. But through my character's love for things of the 1900s, I think it shows my own love, or at least appreciation for these things. I have chapters planned called things like 'discotheque' and 'delicatessen' because those words are awesome, but they're also things that were big at different times of the 20th century.
The point for Cinema for me, I think, is for me to have a world where I can explore some aspects of the 20th century with modern characters. These characters have, and will gain, the ability to have intelligent discussions on film. They have leanings toward careers that are in the movies, in differing aspects of movies. If they're not in film, they'll still have that deep love and appreciation. With Cinema I have an excuse to watch more older movies and see a broad array of things.
It's great to see how they've grown. This is the first image of them of ever I think. They're may be a doodle before this, but this is the first. A more recent pic of them. And a collection of them from my sketch blog. I love these characters and hope that anything I do is worthy of them and their love of film, and I'm interested in seeing what I learn as I write their stories. This jumped all over the place, but I did get to what I wanted to talk about, I think.
Jasmine P.
August 16, 2009
Touched By a Book
This is not the first nor will it be the last time that I write about how a book I've read has affected me. One of the last was A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints by Dito Montiel. Before That I wrote about how Hells Angels: The Strange and Terrible Saga by Hunter S. Thompson affected me, I think more how aspects of his writing had made me think because I know I have referenced the Wave Speech from F&L in Las Vegas.
The new book, the new story, is that of one police officer Mr. Frank Serpico. At this time his name is mostly tied to the film where Al Pacino did a fantastic job of dealing with the stress and difficulties that the real man had to deal with only a few years prior. I watched the movie and fell in love. While reading the book, some things were pulled straight from it, and the tapes that the real Serpico made during these trying times, so it was easy to transpose the film into the book. They were one in the same, but they are also wholly separate entities. The book, like any book, was able to cover more details about what Serpico had to deal with and more instances of his altruism were shared with the audience. There were more chances to see how and why he'd become disenfranchised with his job. Reading about is temper, I could only think of Pacino blowing up and just how well the actor fit the part.
There are a few things the book made me consider. First it made me consider what makes a truly good person. I like to think I'm alright, but I have severe doubts that I could do anything that Serpico did. I'd probably turn a blind eye to the corruption in the precincts. I'd probably accept my share; maybe use it, maybe save it up. I'm not sure, but I couldn't deal with the pressure he lived it, and I don't think I could deal with it for as long as he did. He had conviction that what he was doing was right, that it made a difference. It did. More than thirty years after the fact it brought to light what was going on inside precincts and just how corrupt the system is. Every yea we hear about some short comings, but they're never as extensive as what Frank Serpico's story shared with readers and viewers. They're also not as gripping, they weren't as ground breaking. It's interesting to think about just how different things are; it's also a little bit disgusting to see what was going on inside the heads of these people. The police officers, not the people they were booking. How the officers thought, that black people cried rape after it was wanted, shaking down people because of their race. The racism, it's painful to read. I know it still exists, but sometimes I like to stay in my little bubble where those things don't happen, where people look past the color of one's skin and onto the more important parts about them.
Reading the book I wanted to see again just what Frank Serpico had to deal with. His own moralistic hell. People not helping him because he was classified as a hippie. I know people brake off into groups based on their appearance, but it's still a bit bothersome. How many times he was shot at or harassed because he actually looked like he didn't belong to the NYPD, the point since he was undercover. He had to not look like a cop to be a cop. The separation between him and the other officer was insane. I'd say unreal, but it was real. We have the news papers to tell us the truth of what happened, the reporting. A lot of it's there, just waiting to be read.
Something this book did for me was make me consider about my few interactions with people of the Badge or Shield. I have apprehension every time I see a cop that I'm going to get pulled over for something, that I'm doing something wrong. I could be walking down the street to class and I wonder about a cop stopping to ask me a question. I worry about being pulled over again. After first being pulled over last year, that's what I think of. I know he's doing his job, but I was fucking terrified. I then think of when I was out in Wisconsin and I needed some stamps that some officers in the blue and white about to go and police something helped me. I asked them where I could find some stamps, they gave me a name and general direction and I found a grocery store. Something little that helped me out.
That little instance of the cops in Wisconsin helping me makes me think simple of Serpico, or a bit of the other way around. I needed help, sought it in the police, and things were fine. They didn't talk down t me; they expressed confusion, but were willing to help me on my quest for stamps. That makes me think I should be a little less apprehensive the next time I'm outside leaning against my car for a smoke. What I'm saying is that the story of Frank Serpico reminds me that cops are good. They can be trusted, and they accomplish more than pulling people over and arresting criminals. That's important, but giving the public a sense of safety ad well being by helping them on their way can be just as useful It improves the public image, and possible starts competition between the officers to perform more little good deeds.
This story kind of makes me want to try harder as a human to help my fellow person. Should I be able to help someone with a quick phone call-that would be fantastic.
Jasmine P.
The new book, the new story, is that of one police officer Mr. Frank Serpico. At this time his name is mostly tied to the film where Al Pacino did a fantastic job of dealing with the stress and difficulties that the real man had to deal with only a few years prior. I watched the movie and fell in love. While reading the book, some things were pulled straight from it, and the tapes that the real Serpico made during these trying times, so it was easy to transpose the film into the book. They were one in the same, but they are also wholly separate entities. The book, like any book, was able to cover more details about what Serpico had to deal with and more instances of his altruism were shared with the audience. There were more chances to see how and why he'd become disenfranchised with his job. Reading about is temper, I could only think of Pacino blowing up and just how well the actor fit the part.
There are a few things the book made me consider. First it made me consider what makes a truly good person. I like to think I'm alright, but I have severe doubts that I could do anything that Serpico did. I'd probably turn a blind eye to the corruption in the precincts. I'd probably accept my share; maybe use it, maybe save it up. I'm not sure, but I couldn't deal with the pressure he lived it, and I don't think I could deal with it for as long as he did. He had conviction that what he was doing was right, that it made a difference. It did. More than thirty years after the fact it brought to light what was going on inside precincts and just how corrupt the system is. Every yea we hear about some short comings, but they're never as extensive as what Frank Serpico's story shared with readers and viewers. They're also not as gripping, they weren't as ground breaking. It's interesting to think about just how different things are; it's also a little bit disgusting to see what was going on inside the heads of these people. The police officers, not the people they were booking. How the officers thought, that black people cried rape after it was wanted, shaking down people because of their race. The racism, it's painful to read. I know it still exists, but sometimes I like to stay in my little bubble where those things don't happen, where people look past the color of one's skin and onto the more important parts about them.
Reading the book I wanted to see again just what Frank Serpico had to deal with. His own moralistic hell. People not helping him because he was classified as a hippie. I know people brake off into groups based on their appearance, but it's still a bit bothersome. How many times he was shot at or harassed because he actually looked like he didn't belong to the NYPD, the point since he was undercover. He had to not look like a cop to be a cop. The separation between him and the other officer was insane. I'd say unreal, but it was real. We have the news papers to tell us the truth of what happened, the reporting. A lot of it's there, just waiting to be read.
Something this book did for me was make me consider about my few interactions with people of the Badge or Shield. I have apprehension every time I see a cop that I'm going to get pulled over for something, that I'm doing something wrong. I could be walking down the street to class and I wonder about a cop stopping to ask me a question. I worry about being pulled over again. After first being pulled over last year, that's what I think of. I know he's doing his job, but I was fucking terrified. I then think of when I was out in Wisconsin and I needed some stamps that some officers in the blue and white about to go and police something helped me. I asked them where I could find some stamps, they gave me a name and general direction and I found a grocery store. Something little that helped me out.
That little instance of the cops in Wisconsin helping me makes me think simple of Serpico, or a bit of the other way around. I needed help, sought it in the police, and things were fine. They didn't talk down t me; they expressed confusion, but were willing to help me on my quest for stamps. That makes me think I should be a little less apprehensive the next time I'm outside leaning against my car for a smoke. What I'm saying is that the story of Frank Serpico reminds me that cops are good. They can be trusted, and they accomplish more than pulling people over and arresting criminals. That's important, but giving the public a sense of safety ad well being by helping them on their way can be just as useful It improves the public image, and possible starts competition between the officers to perform more little good deeds.
This story kind of makes me want to try harder as a human to help my fellow person. Should I be able to help someone with a quick phone call-that would be fantastic.
Jasmine P.
April 10, 2009
Commendable Strengths
I just finished reading the story 'Me and My Shadow' the story of Jason Mewes cleaning up from drugs as told by Kevin Smith. I think both of them were commendable. I know Mewes cleaned up on his own, but Smith was still an inspiration for him. Not so much showing Mewes what he was hurting, but showing Mewes just how much he was still loved, and as he did his soul searching and everything it took for him to get clean, Mewes realized what he really wanted in life, in part to live, but also to spend more time with Smith.
I think Kevin was as commendable as he was for spending time for those long years with Mewes, bailing him out, but accepting him back after ever relapse. Yeah, he was not always in the right in what he did, but it helped, which is more important to a degree. He was strong enough to turn his back, but also supported Mewes and helped in the end, not just as an inspriation and giving him a home, but he never gave up.
I myself, don't know if I could ever go that far. I pray I never have to go that far for someone, and if I ever have to, that I have the strength to do whatever's necessary. I love and support my friends, but I don't know how far I'd go. It is inspiring to see just how far one would go for another. I know one person I might go to such lengths for, but I also hope I never have to. I don't know if I'm that strong.
Jasmine P.
I think Kevin was as commendable as he was for spending time for those long years with Mewes, bailing him out, but accepting him back after ever relapse. Yeah, he was not always in the right in what he did, but it helped, which is more important to a degree. He was strong enough to turn his back, but also supported Mewes and helped in the end, not just as an inspriation and giving him a home, but he never gave up.
I myself, don't know if I could ever go that far. I pray I never have to go that far for someone, and if I ever have to, that I have the strength to do whatever's necessary. I love and support my friends, but I don't know how far I'd go. It is inspiring to see just how far one would go for another. I know one person I might go to such lengths for, but I also hope I never have to. I don't know if I'm that strong.
Jasmine P.
March 1, 2009
A Continuation
Now, to continue with my not quite sordid affairs that have lasted me the past two months, we are now in February and I remember the past month with much more clarity than the prior, because it has been two goddamn months since January. Also, January was so long because it was packed with non-sequitors that came to mind and extra details. But onto the rest of Feruary.
On the 15th we went out to UVA for a tournament and I drank so much goddam coffee that my addiction as seriously be re-ignited in a painful way. Seriously, I drank 2 double shots before 8, and a edius Dunkin' Doughnuts coffee so I could be alert enough for the drive. I learned that Glenn is crap at maintaining a speed. He says this is the furthurest he's driven him 'new' stick shift, which I can accept, he also blames his cruise control for not working properly and I don't accept that because I can maintain my speed better, as far as I'm concerned, and I haveno cruise control. It's all in my foot, baby.
Oh yeah, the previous day, Valentines day, after sobering up enouhg for it to be safe for me to drive from Ian's place, I head over to the Walmart on Little Creek to buy some gatorade and thigns because I don't know what UVA's going to have, and it was a good idea. The gatorade was quite welomed as was the water, so I think I'll keep that up next semester, buying a case of water and a few gatorades for the fencers.
Za made some awesome cookies. Just pointing that out. They were delicious.
Hmm, I glossed over the torunie yesterday, it was a tournie the stats were put down quick style, so let's move back to me. That was Sunday, I was too tired upon returning to Norfolk to do my English reading, but ehh, I tink I had a writing and didn't do it it. Sleep prevailed. Hel, I was tired all day Monday from making the drive and not sleeping properly the weekend before. Hmm, On the Tuesday I went into the EVMS for a surgical consultation for my skin bacteria of terrible and pain and annoying and now itch. Fuck the healing, I'm tired fo the itchiness. But I go in there and after Dr. Britt sees them we figure outwhen I'll be getting them taken care of, the Thursday of my Spring Break, the 12th or something. I think it's the thirteenth.
After about an hour long conversation with my grandmother...
I spent the rest of that tuesday and that week to tell the truth trying to placate my family and tell them what was going on. That was tedious. Seriously tedious. I had to alay theri fears, but noe my father, Patti and my brothers are coming for about two days to hang with me and I dunno, to show they care. My brothers Ihave no problem with. But my father a few more issues because it's not like he's tried to maintan contact with me. I mean, yeah, I do call my brothers about once a week or so, so it's not that often, but we can still maintain a conversation. I never rally want to tell my father anything so I avoid telling him too many truths. He knows I'm goinginto surgery because you tell people that. And he's paying my insurance bills, he kind of really should know. I don't really want them to be here, but they're coming, so I guess I can deal.
Ehh, I've decided that augmentin is a bitch of a anti-bacterial. They gave it to me and now these things bleed, but they don't hurt all the time like before. They're just bloody and gross more often. Man, I'm sleepy now, but I have things to do and things I want to do, like see if I can find a new comic or two, but back to the past. That was that week.
I was bored and alone on Friday. I had been fine up until Friday to be on my own for the weekend, but once Friday ngiht hit I had a mean wave of lonely going on, so I went on an adventure down 64, heading east. That eventually took me to route 17, so I went south and all the way to Elizabeth City. I never didn't anything there, but that's because it was ten, it was dark and nothing was really open. Bumble-fuck towns suck like that. Back in Reston I could drive around and find something, almost anything would have been viable in NoVA, but not here. Yeah. I burned through half a tank of gas doing that too. Thankfully I havne't needed any more glas since then though, or else it would have been that much more annoying.
Saturday I don't remember what I did, but Saturday evening I hung out with Nicole. Incase of anything in the fture, Nicole is a new member to the odufc and she's pretty chill. Anywho, she made a homemade hot pocket, that's something I think I'll try, but I'll need a different type of binding agent, not cream cheese. I might try some type of gravy that's thickened with cracker crumbs or bread. I don't know yet.
This past week was fine, nothing spectacular. This past weekend I watched Clerks and have fallen in love. Ever since I saw Zack and Miri I read a book about Kevin Smith, well, it was a series of journals he had written back around 2003 before filming Jay and Silentbob Strike Back. I found the whole thing to be interesting and Smith has an interesting and unique writing style. I fell in love with Clerks for the reasons it got picked up. There's no real story, but it is a series of interactions. Some are inspired by things that have really happened, some are just some fucked up things he made up. It's a smooth combination of the two that make it awesome to watch. These conversations remind me of my favorite interactions with people, most notably, my interactions with Alex. Dant and Randal have a rapport that reminds me of me and Alex chatting about everything and nothing. And at the same time, everything is important, even if we're just talking about some movie or something stupid. Their conversations were what people did.
My opinion on why the movie is so well loved is that it is one of the most realistic looks at a normal 2o something. They're just stumbling around life and chatting about whatis important at that age. There's no easy way to lay the movie out, but I was caught my Smith's writing during Z&M which is why I needed to see this and for the next few months I'll be watching his other movies. I'll continue through the View Askew Universe to see what I can gleam from everything else. It's jsut a really unique writing style so it's also easy to see why he doesn't like ad-libbing, even thought ad-libbing is one of my favorite things.
I seriously can't put it all into words, this is easily something I'll be able to come back to some time in the future, what I think about this movie. But it's on my list. Something I will own as a DVD, and whatever entity of personal film ownership there will be in the future. It's something I will love when I'm 50, and I'll show it to my kids. Why, it just says something that most anyone at the age of 20-ish can get. Everyone will take away something different, but still important to know or understand about themselves and their friends.
From the extras there were comments about Randal's sexuality, but like they said it's a friend thing. People you're reall ygood friends with you become very protective of them. I'm highly protective of all of my friends, and I'm serious about it all. I would do most anything for any of my really good friends. That's how I am, that's how I pictured Randal. There's another character...Shawn and Gus from PSych have that type of relationship. They're best friends, and they're the only ones who can properly set the other straight, though in the movie Randal set Dante straight more often than not. It would seem like Dante would be in that position, but it works that it's Randal who does that. It's interesting to see the person who seems to be less serious and in control of things to be the much more centered person. The free spirit leads better sometimes and that day, that was the truth.
---
Well, not much more than a nut shell, that was the past two months for me. This journal and the previous one. I've needed to write and haven't had a good topic until now. A large part of it has been Clerks it made me want to write a script. I may start it. I may now, possibly. That's something I have to think about, but at the moment, it is something I'd like to do. But writing this out will also be good for the future when I don't remember my college experiences. Things like this will put some things back into perspective. I'll write more, probably. I might need to just write out something every evening since I have such a writing bug. I guess simply writing out my day will suffice. So maybe for a time this will just be a real journal and not a random collection of essays, but I do love the essays. They're me at my most me. Me at my most me. I'm at ease. I think the rain plus the movies and finally writing has set me to an easy. It's been so cathartic, I miss writing like this. I'll make the time for it since I can't draw worth shit right now, I might as well spend my time writing again.
Well, peace, love and applesauce. I'm not going to sleep, but I'm signing out for now. so PL&A and I'm rocked out, bitches.
Jasmine P.
On the 15th we went out to UVA for a tournament and I drank so much goddam coffee that my addiction as seriously be re-ignited in a painful way. Seriously, I drank 2 double shots before 8, and a edius Dunkin' Doughnuts coffee so I could be alert enough for the drive. I learned that Glenn is crap at maintaining a speed. He says this is the furthurest he's driven him 'new' stick shift, which I can accept, he also blames his cruise control for not working properly and I don't accept that because I can maintain my speed better, as far as I'm concerned, and I haveno cruise control. It's all in my foot, baby.
Oh yeah, the previous day, Valentines day, after sobering up enouhg for it to be safe for me to drive from Ian's place, I head over to the Walmart on Little Creek to buy some gatorade and thigns because I don't know what UVA's going to have, and it was a good idea. The gatorade was quite welomed as was the water, so I think I'll keep that up next semester, buying a case of water and a few gatorades for the fencers.
Za made some awesome cookies. Just pointing that out. They were delicious.
Hmm, I glossed over the torunie yesterday, it was a tournie the stats were put down quick style, so let's move back to me. That was Sunday, I was too tired upon returning to Norfolk to do my English reading, but ehh, I tink I had a writing and didn't do it it. Sleep prevailed. Hel, I was tired all day Monday from making the drive and not sleeping properly the weekend before. Hmm, On the Tuesday I went into the EVMS for a surgical consultation for my skin bacteria of terrible and pain and annoying and now itch. Fuck the healing, I'm tired fo the itchiness. But I go in there and after Dr. Britt sees them we figure outwhen I'll be getting them taken care of, the Thursday of my Spring Break, the 12th or something. I think it's the thirteenth.
After about an hour long conversation with my grandmother...
I spent the rest of that tuesday and that week to tell the truth trying to placate my family and tell them what was going on. That was tedious. Seriously tedious. I had to alay theri fears, but noe my father, Patti and my brothers are coming for about two days to hang with me and I dunno, to show they care. My brothers Ihave no problem with. But my father a few more issues because it's not like he's tried to maintan contact with me. I mean, yeah, I do call my brothers about once a week or so, so it's not that often, but we can still maintain a conversation. I never rally want to tell my father anything so I avoid telling him too many truths. He knows I'm goinginto surgery because you tell people that. And he's paying my insurance bills, he kind of really should know. I don't really want them to be here, but they're coming, so I guess I can deal.
Ehh, I've decided that augmentin is a bitch of a anti-bacterial. They gave it to me and now these things bleed, but they don't hurt all the time like before. They're just bloody and gross more often. Man, I'm sleepy now, but I have things to do and things I want to do, like see if I can find a new comic or two, but back to the past. That was that week.
I was bored and alone on Friday. I had been fine up until Friday to be on my own for the weekend, but once Friday ngiht hit I had a mean wave of lonely going on, so I went on an adventure down 64, heading east. That eventually took me to route 17, so I went south and all the way to Elizabeth City. I never didn't anything there, but that's because it was ten, it was dark and nothing was really open. Bumble-fuck towns suck like that. Back in Reston I could drive around and find something, almost anything would have been viable in NoVA, but not here. Yeah. I burned through half a tank of gas doing that too. Thankfully I havne't needed any more glas since then though, or else it would have been that much more annoying.
Saturday I don't remember what I did, but Saturday evening I hung out with Nicole. Incase of anything in the fture, Nicole is a new member to the odufc and she's pretty chill. Anywho, she made a homemade hot pocket, that's something I think I'll try, but I'll need a different type of binding agent, not cream cheese. I might try some type of gravy that's thickened with cracker crumbs or bread. I don't know yet.
This past week was fine, nothing spectacular. This past weekend I watched Clerks and have fallen in love. Ever since I saw Zack and Miri I read a book about Kevin Smith, well, it was a series of journals he had written back around 2003 before filming Jay and Silentbob Strike Back. I found the whole thing to be interesting and Smith has an interesting and unique writing style. I fell in love with Clerks for the reasons it got picked up. There's no real story, but it is a series of interactions. Some are inspired by things that have really happened, some are just some fucked up things he made up. It's a smooth combination of the two that make it awesome to watch. These conversations remind me of my favorite interactions with people, most notably, my interactions with Alex. Dant and Randal have a rapport that reminds me of me and Alex chatting about everything and nothing. And at the same time, everything is important, even if we're just talking about some movie or something stupid. Their conversations were what people did.
My opinion on why the movie is so well loved is that it is one of the most realistic looks at a normal 2o something. They're just stumbling around life and chatting about whatis important at that age. There's no easy way to lay the movie out, but I was caught my Smith's writing during Z&M which is why I needed to see this and for the next few months I'll be watching his other movies. I'll continue through the View Askew Universe to see what I can gleam from everything else. It's jsut a really unique writing style so it's also easy to see why he doesn't like ad-libbing, even thought ad-libbing is one of my favorite things.
I seriously can't put it all into words, this is easily something I'll be able to come back to some time in the future, what I think about this movie. But it's on my list. Something I will own as a DVD, and whatever entity of personal film ownership there will be in the future. It's something I will love when I'm 50, and I'll show it to my kids. Why, it just says something that most anyone at the age of 20-ish can get. Everyone will take away something different, but still important to know or understand about themselves and their friends.
From the extras there were comments about Randal's sexuality, but like they said it's a friend thing. People you're reall ygood friends with you become very protective of them. I'm highly protective of all of my friends, and I'm serious about it all. I would do most anything for any of my really good friends. That's how I am, that's how I pictured Randal. There's another character...Shawn and Gus from PSych have that type of relationship. They're best friends, and they're the only ones who can properly set the other straight, though in the movie Randal set Dante straight more often than not. It would seem like Dante would be in that position, but it works that it's Randal who does that. It's interesting to see the person who seems to be less serious and in control of things to be the much more centered person. The free spirit leads better sometimes and that day, that was the truth.
---
Well, not much more than a nut shell, that was the past two months for me. This journal and the previous one. I've needed to write and haven't had a good topic until now. A large part of it has been Clerks it made me want to write a script. I may start it. I may now, possibly. That's something I have to think about, but at the moment, it is something I'd like to do. But writing this out will also be good for the future when I don't remember my college experiences. Things like this will put some things back into perspective. I'll write more, probably. I might need to just write out something every evening since I have such a writing bug. I guess simply writing out my day will suffice. So maybe for a time this will just be a real journal and not a random collection of essays, but I do love the essays. They're me at my most me. Me at my most me. I'm at ease. I think the rain plus the movies and finally writing has set me to an easy. It's been so cathartic, I miss writing like this. I'll make the time for it since I can't draw worth shit right now, I might as well spend my time writing again.
Well, peace, love and applesauce. I'm not going to sleep, but I'm signing out for now. so PL&A and I'm rocked out, bitches.
Jasmine P.
February 28, 2009
Mr. Smith
Kevin Smith,
It is apparently imperative that I write a letter you will most likely never see. If I in fact leave my waning sanity and send it to you, this line would be kept in because that's how I roll.
To being, let's put something in perspective, you graduated high school the year I was born.
Now that that's out of the way, to the meat and potatoes of this little little bit of verbose lovefest. I seriously loved Clerks. The second time I tried to watch it. Funny thin is it's been about two months since the first time I tried to watch it, but something wasn't right with me. I loved the cartoon and had to see where it all stemmed from, and finally after readng Silent Bob Speaks and after watching Robert Rodriguez's first couple of movies I had a better appreciation for 1) modern black and white film and 2) something as box destroying as Clerks.
I have spent the past month of January loving El Mariachi, Desperados, From Dusk Till dawn, Four Rooms and The Faculty and I read his book Rebel Without A Crew which put a whole new perspective in my mind about smaller budgeted films that legally there was no way I was seeing when they came out.
What I have decided I have to say to you is that I have spent my entire evening watching Clerks, about 4 times, and most of the special features from the Tenth anniversary collection that I rented from an independent movie rental place near my college campus. I loved the writing. I loved seeing words that most people don't see much too much further than outside of an English class room or in a dictionary when they're looking for dirty words. The rifts between the characters were hella realistic. That's not near how I talk with my friends, but we can and have gotten into conversations, deep conversations on such a variety of topics that how serious they were when they were talking about the most trite of subjects was one of the things that made it special.
Every group of friends has their topic[s]. It was an interesting peek inside your world, well, the world you lived in when you were about my age [you old fuck :)]and it is always nice to see that the youth of the world do have the love of a good conversation or debate, no matter what age they are. Here, it's that awkward stage between being an adult and being a child. I mean, in my eyes right now, I don't usually think of myself as an adult, and I don't can, truly call myself a child.
What this movie has done was inspire me to take my writing mroe seriously. I don't really want to write for a movie, but like many non-famous people I am interested in meeting some celebs. I'm much more interested in getting my own comic drawn and published, or to become a world reknown botanist. Those are things that make me happy. Comics and plants. What was the point of that, note sure, these things are mostly rants to tell the truth.
I loved Clerks and when I have the chance I'm renting the rest of the flicks from the Askewniverse. It seems to be an interesting place to visit every now and again. I know the rest won't be like Clerks, but I'm sure I'll fall in love with each of them for different reasons.
And another point, I loved Zack and Miri Make a Porno. That was the most interesting romantic comedy I've ever seen. The characters did seem to be the most real and they didn't follow the stereotypic relationship arc as in most romantic comedys. And the set up that they've known eachother for just about the entireity of their lives and they live together is a great set up for why they never slept together themselves. I loved what you did with the characters, everybody. Everything fit into the rules of the world. Every movie world has it's own set of rules, and the rules for Z&M were engaging and awesome.
Jasmine P.
It is apparently imperative that I write a letter you will most likely never see. If I in fact leave my waning sanity and send it to you, this line would be kept in because that's how I roll.
To being, let's put something in perspective, you graduated high school the year I was born.
Now that that's out of the way, to the meat and potatoes of this little little bit of verbose lovefest. I seriously loved Clerks. The second time I tried to watch it. Funny thin is it's been about two months since the first time I tried to watch it, but something wasn't right with me. I loved the cartoon and had to see where it all stemmed from, and finally after readng Silent Bob Speaks and after watching Robert Rodriguez's first couple of movies I had a better appreciation for 1) modern black and white film and 2) something as box destroying as Clerks.
I have spent the past month of January loving El Mariachi, Desperados, From Dusk Till dawn, Four Rooms and The Faculty and I read his book Rebel Without A Crew which put a whole new perspective in my mind about smaller budgeted films that legally there was no way I was seeing when they came out.
What I have decided I have to say to you is that I have spent my entire evening watching Clerks, about 4 times, and most of the special features from the Tenth anniversary collection that I rented from an independent movie rental place near my college campus. I loved the writing. I loved seeing words that most people don't see much too much further than outside of an English class room or in a dictionary when they're looking for dirty words. The rifts between the characters were hella realistic. That's not near how I talk with my friends, but we can and have gotten into conversations, deep conversations on such a variety of topics that how serious they were when they were talking about the most trite of subjects was one of the things that made it special.
Every group of friends has their topic[s]. It was an interesting peek inside your world, well, the world you lived in when you were about my age [you old fuck :)]and it is always nice to see that the youth of the world do have the love of a good conversation or debate, no matter what age they are. Here, it's that awkward stage between being an adult and being a child. I mean, in my eyes right now, I don't usually think of myself as an adult, and I don't can, truly call myself a child.
What this movie has done was inspire me to take my writing mroe seriously. I don't really want to write for a movie, but like many non-famous people I am interested in meeting some celebs. I'm much more interested in getting my own comic drawn and published, or to become a world reknown botanist. Those are things that make me happy. Comics and plants. What was the point of that, note sure, these things are mostly rants to tell the truth.
I loved Clerks and when I have the chance I'm renting the rest of the flicks from the Askewniverse. It seems to be an interesting place to visit every now and again. I know the rest won't be like Clerks, but I'm sure I'll fall in love with each of them for different reasons.
And another point, I loved Zack and Miri Make a Porno. That was the most interesting romantic comedy I've ever seen. The characters did seem to be the most real and they didn't follow the stereotypic relationship arc as in most romantic comedys. And the set up that they've known eachother for just about the entireity of their lives and they live together is a great set up for why they never slept together themselves. I loved what you did with the characters, everybody. Everything fit into the rules of the world. Every movie world has it's own set of rules, and the rules for Z&M were engaging and awesome.
Jasmine P.
February 16, 2009
Talent
I'm rubbing my back here for this, but my writing has time after time amazing and surprised me with just how well written things may be, or just how I say things.
The first time I noticed this was when I was proving some point for another and referenced my Flintstone Syndrome journal that I wrote last June or July. I was seriously stopped in my tracks when I read it. The writing surprised me because it was written at a level different from where I was. I mean, I know I'm a good writer, but I never re-read my work aside from a quick skim for major typos or grammatical brouhaha, but I never notice anything like this. I actually had to finish the journal just because I liked what I'd written so much.
I've been thinking about this for about a week off and on, and today I had another of those moments. It was one of those memes that's like '15 things about you' and i said "Death is the ultimate spoiler. Tell me how I'll die and I'll tell you how I'll live"
That just seemed like a poignant message. It was something written in the blink of an eye before, but now, it seems to have that much more weight to it. I don't know how, but I think it's an interesting display of my strength that I don't always feel. Seeing it so blatantly in front of my eyes, it's no wonder that I scare people. Now I seriously need to find someone who can compete with that strength. Match it as a perfect foil, keep it in check.
I dunno. I'm a mite distracted, and I got most of my point here. But this brings up another point of my journals. Some of them are incredibly unfullfilling because I end them when I lose focus. It's like running into a brick wall. But I also know that when I can't focus on them properly, the over all tone changes and then they become both a drag to read and a drag to write.
Anywho, I'll be back here...some other time. I finally have things to write, like about yesterday's tournament, but not now. I should start my paper before the night is over.
Jasmine P.
The first time I noticed this was when I was proving some point for another and referenced my Flintstone Syndrome journal that I wrote last June or July. I was seriously stopped in my tracks when I read it. The writing surprised me because it was written at a level different from where I was. I mean, I know I'm a good writer, but I never re-read my work aside from a quick skim for major typos or grammatical brouhaha, but I never notice anything like this. I actually had to finish the journal just because I liked what I'd written so much.
I've been thinking about this for about a week off and on, and today I had another of those moments. It was one of those memes that's like '15 things about you' and i said "Death is the ultimate spoiler. Tell me how I'll die and I'll tell you how I'll live"
That just seemed like a poignant message. It was something written in the blink of an eye before, but now, it seems to have that much more weight to it. I don't know how, but I think it's an interesting display of my strength that I don't always feel. Seeing it so blatantly in front of my eyes, it's no wonder that I scare people. Now I seriously need to find someone who can compete with that strength. Match it as a perfect foil, keep it in check.
I dunno. I'm a mite distracted, and I got most of my point here. But this brings up another point of my journals. Some of them are incredibly unfullfilling because I end them when I lose focus. It's like running into a brick wall. But I also know that when I can't focus on them properly, the over all tone changes and then they become both a drag to read and a drag to write.
Anywho, I'll be back here...some other time. I finally have things to write, like about yesterday's tournament, but not now. I should start my paper before the night is over.
Jasmine P.
December 22, 2008
Behind Closed Doors
Last night I saw Milk, starring Sean Penn, Emile Hirch and Josh Brolin. It reminded me of things I knew but it introduced me to many things I hadn't ans it showed the severity of the hatred people have for others.
I know people have issues with homosexuality but I can't understand why? Why do the Christian Fundamentalists believe that they're trying to 'recruit' children to love those of the same sex? Because some men sexually abused children doesn't mean that all men want to. It did say that statically child abusers were heterosexual. I saw somewhere once that abuse is primarially a rift on power, for the man to feel as if he's in control.
But today I've read over Harvey Milk's life, I've read over the 'Save our Children' campaign and at the moment I can't read about John Briggs or his Initiation. It's painful and illogical. That amout of idiocy in the world, why? Why do people hate so much? Why do the they feel the need to shut down people who have done nothing wrong. Yes, I understand homosexualty is a sin, but when did humanity become God? Just because you believe wiht all your heart that it's right, but science or something can prove you're wrong, that doesn't mean you're right.
I truely don't know what I'm trying to say here, but if people are allowed to be discriminated on and they're banned from housing and work, what are they supposed to do with themselves? There's nothing wrong with their cognitive abiities but they can't have a home because they love their own gender. How does that hurt other people? People go to prison because they are a danger to the world around them, but how is homosexuality a danger to the surrounding world? Unless they're knowing transmitting diseases, they're not a danger.
I don't know if I truely want to understand what those type of people think. I don't think I want to understand why because I'm that much happier not knowing. My homosexual friends are fun and amazing to have. People are people before their sexuality. People eat, breath, live and want to pursue whatever their happiness is, so how does who they sleep next to fut into this?
Jasmine P.
I know people have issues with homosexuality but I can't understand why? Why do the Christian Fundamentalists believe that they're trying to 'recruit' children to love those of the same sex? Because some men sexually abused children doesn't mean that all men want to. It did say that statically child abusers were heterosexual. I saw somewhere once that abuse is primarially a rift on power, for the man to feel as if he's in control.
But today I've read over Harvey Milk's life, I've read over the 'Save our Children' campaign and at the moment I can't read about John Briggs or his Initiation. It's painful and illogical. That amout of idiocy in the world, why? Why do people hate so much? Why do the they feel the need to shut down people who have done nothing wrong. Yes, I understand homosexualty is a sin, but when did humanity become God? Just because you believe wiht all your heart that it's right, but science or something can prove you're wrong, that doesn't mean you're right.
I truely don't know what I'm trying to say here, but if people are allowed to be discriminated on and they're banned from housing and work, what are they supposed to do with themselves? There's nothing wrong with their cognitive abiities but they can't have a home because they love their own gender. How does that hurt other people? People go to prison because they are a danger to the world around them, but how is homosexuality a danger to the surrounding world? Unless they're knowing transmitting diseases, they're not a danger.
I don't know if I truely want to understand what those type of people think. I don't think I want to understand why because I'm that much happier not knowing. My homosexual friends are fun and amazing to have. People are people before their sexuality. People eat, breath, live and want to pursue whatever their happiness is, so how does who they sleep next to fut into this?
Jasmine P.
September 23, 2008
Social Study
Its interesting to see how people interact, but it's even more to try to observe oneself on the objective in a very subjective situation. It's also interesting to analyze how I act and to try to figure out why.
A few of the whys: I'm horny, I'm getting depressed, I am just plain lonely.
Now that we have a few possible answers, let's get to the meat of the situation. I'm trying to figure out how a guy I know feels about me, but I'm not sure if this is just me pushing my feelings onto him, or if there is something behind how I'm thinking. I could just be horny, my period is right around the corner and I do get needy and horny right before it so that could be it. Or I could be feeling something for him and that's what I'm unsure of. Two things I noticed today was we got into a bit of a poking war while playing Rock Band, but it didn't just tickle when he poked my side, it was pleasurable. Then there was a time a bit later when we were done fencing and we shook hands, a pleasant feeling ran through my hand.
These are feelings I normally associate with a crush, but this is potentially mutual, so I don't want to just write it off. Another thing is though, last year I said I'd date no fencers, and I met him through fencing. But at the same time, I've not been in a relationship for...well, ever, so I might say 'yes' if he says something just so I can feel loved and feel special and everything that is involved with being in a real relationship with someone. I guess that's what I want, but I don't know if he's who I want.
There's another guy who's always nice and fun to talk to, but he's someone I never see. Well, it's rare, then we don't usually have the chance to talk about much. He might just be nice to all the girls, which would be fine and saddening at the same time. But between these two guys, Guy 2 has props for being both older than me and not a fencer, but Guy 1 has a much closer proximity and we have been hanging out a lot.
That might also be the inspiration for false feelings, close social interaction.
So, like I said, Social Study. A study of me socially. I want some answers soon, hell, I want one of them to say something so I'd actually have something to think about and something to get advice on. I would finally need advice, and it would be fine with me.
Time shall tell.
Jasmine P.
A few of the whys: I'm horny, I'm getting depressed, I am just plain lonely.
Now that we have a few possible answers, let's get to the meat of the situation. I'm trying to figure out how a guy I know feels about me, but I'm not sure if this is just me pushing my feelings onto him, or if there is something behind how I'm thinking. I could just be horny, my period is right around the corner and I do get needy and horny right before it so that could be it. Or I could be feeling something for him and that's what I'm unsure of. Two things I noticed today was we got into a bit of a poking war while playing Rock Band, but it didn't just tickle when he poked my side, it was pleasurable. Then there was a time a bit later when we were done fencing and we shook hands, a pleasant feeling ran through my hand.
These are feelings I normally associate with a crush, but this is potentially mutual, so I don't want to just write it off. Another thing is though, last year I said I'd date no fencers, and I met him through fencing. But at the same time, I've not been in a relationship for...well, ever, so I might say 'yes' if he says something just so I can feel loved and feel special and everything that is involved with being in a real relationship with someone. I guess that's what I want, but I don't know if he's who I want.
There's another guy who's always nice and fun to talk to, but he's someone I never see. Well, it's rare, then we don't usually have the chance to talk about much. He might just be nice to all the girls, which would be fine and saddening at the same time. But between these two guys, Guy 2 has props for being both older than me and not a fencer, but Guy 1 has a much closer proximity and we have been hanging out a lot.
That might also be the inspiration for false feelings, close social interaction.
So, like I said, Social Study. A study of me socially. I want some answers soon, hell, I want one of them to say something so I'd actually have something to think about and something to get advice on. I would finally need advice, and it would be fine with me.
Time shall tell.
Jasmine P.
August 14, 2008
Movie Review: Tropic Thunder
I don't usually write review, but responses to movies, but there isn't anything to respond to, so a review instead =D I also think I need to analyze something before I go crazy, and this is the most recent thing I have to analyze.
TT was not a great movie, it was okay, it is worth seeing again. The fake trailers were ehh, Satan's Alley made me laugh the hardest. The the theater the audience laughed the most at the trailers and the Booty Sweat commercial and not as loudly at the rest of the movie. Or I stopped paying attention to them seeing as how I was wrapped up in the movie. Overall it was poorly written and disjointed, my opinion saved by RDJ's excellent acting, and secondary character Jay Baruchel as Kevin Sandusky. Stiller was weak, Black was in a very Black type of casting, and everyone else filled their parts fine, the pyro/FX technician, Sargent dude, etc. Cruise's character was odd.
Hmm, the movie was disjointed in the fact that there was the set up, then the middle seems to be kind of random, then the conclusion makes sense, well the 'movie's conclusion' before they go to the fake Academy Awards. Also, the characters had very rapid personality growths. Only character Baruchel and Brandon T. Jackson's character 'Alpa Chino' also seemed to have somewhat logical growth, having not changed until whenever the award ceremony was.
I think the conclusion to the movie that would have been more satisfying for me would be something related to how the Downey, Black and Stiller's characters had changed after their ordeal instead of having Cruise dance around for another 5 minutes. I would have liked to see how each actor changed, even if it was some simple little 'post ceremony red carpet' type of thing.
Downey in those blue contacts was one of the scariest things I have ever seen. Well less scary and more disturbing because it didn't work. I loved his use of accents in the movie. No issue with the blackface, because the movie did it's job of straight up making fun of self-absorbed celebrities.
Jasmine P.
TT was not a great movie, it was okay, it is worth seeing again. The fake trailers were ehh, Satan's Alley made me laugh the hardest. The the theater the audience laughed the most at the trailers and the Booty Sweat commercial and not as loudly at the rest of the movie. Or I stopped paying attention to them seeing as how I was wrapped up in the movie. Overall it was poorly written and disjointed, my opinion saved by RDJ's excellent acting, and secondary character Jay Baruchel as Kevin Sandusky. Stiller was weak, Black was in a very Black type of casting, and everyone else filled their parts fine, the pyro/FX technician, Sargent dude, etc. Cruise's character was odd.
Hmm, the movie was disjointed in the fact that there was the set up, then the middle seems to be kind of random, then the conclusion makes sense, well the 'movie's conclusion' before they go to the fake Academy Awards. Also, the characters had very rapid personality growths. Only character Baruchel and Brandon T. Jackson's character 'Alpa Chino' also seemed to have somewhat logical growth, having not changed until whenever the award ceremony was.
I think the conclusion to the movie that would have been more satisfying for me would be something related to how the Downey, Black and Stiller's characters had changed after their ordeal instead of having Cruise dance around for another 5 minutes. I would have liked to see how each actor changed, even if it was some simple little 'post ceremony red carpet' type of thing.
Downey in those blue contacts was one of the scariest things I have ever seen. Well less scary and more disturbing because it didn't work. I loved his use of accents in the movie. No issue with the blackface, because the movie did it's job of straight up making fun of self-absorbed celebrities.
Jasmine P.
August 10, 2008
The Notion of 'Bad' Movies
I don't think that there are any really 'bad' movies. First and foremost a movie is meant to entertain and most do. Even boring movies have their merit, they an be excellent for getting people to go to sleep. I'm tired of seeing people harshly criticize every last detail in movies thinking that every movie needs to be the next Citizen Kane [which I've heard is boring as all hell, even if it's one of the greatest movies of all time].
I just saw Shoot 'Em Up and the perfect comment's title is 'gun porn' because that's all the movie was. It glorified guns and violence in a very cartoony fashion. It was Kill Bill: 1 with guns, seriously. People gave the movie harsh criticism because there was naught much other than shooting going on in the move. But look at the fucking title. It says what's going to happen right there, fucking shooting! I resented the fact that the author of the excellently titled critique said his friend's review was to be 'expected' because the friend was female. I quite enjoyed the movie, but wasn't looking for anything other than a violence fest.
But to where I started, I've spent my summer watching a lot of movies and I've found something to like in each of them. I've either liked and actor, their performance, the story, the cleverness of the script or other. I don't understand why people can be so closed minded about movies. Before this summer I wouldn't have called myself a movie fanatic, but after watching 50+ movies over the summer [hell, I've got one on atm for BG noise] But what I'm saying is, there's something good in every movie something to like so why are people so harsh. You can tell when you look at the movie when walking up to see it the type of movie it's going to be. If you're not going to like it, why see it?
Not every movie out there is supposed to have a message. Not every movie is supposed to have a life lesson. Movies still have the merit to be pure entertainment and that's what Shoot 'Em Up was meant to be. Why can't people go to a movie and just enjoy the wild ride they're sent on, I mean really. Even movies that are poorly made have the merit of being camp and kitch. They're fun because of how bad they are. I like most every movie I've seen and never really call things bad. But I'm also artistic, so I guess I feel bad in calling someone's artistic attempt to be inherently 'bad'.
Hmm, well, my point is not every movie is supposed to hit the same point. Some are pure entertainment and love stories to some random item. It's like a romance story, no real sustenance, and you can usually predict what's going to happen, who's going to get together, but they're still entertaining...sometimes, in what happens to force the couple apart. Some movies have a moral to the story, and others have subtle messages. People need to learn to rate movies on their own personal merits and not just the genre's they fit in. I guess that's what the cult following is for, but people who understand what was being accomplished. I can't expect the many to accept the amazing of the few.
I've kind of lost my point, but that's not new in these.
Jasmine P.
I just saw Shoot 'Em Up and the perfect comment's title is 'gun porn' because that's all the movie was. It glorified guns and violence in a very cartoony fashion. It was Kill Bill: 1 with guns, seriously. People gave the movie harsh criticism because there was naught much other than shooting going on in the move. But look at the fucking title. It says what's going to happen right there, fucking shooting! I resented the fact that the author of the excellently titled critique said his friend's review was to be 'expected' because the friend was female. I quite enjoyed the movie, but wasn't looking for anything other than a violence fest.
But to where I started, I've spent my summer watching a lot of movies and I've found something to like in each of them. I've either liked and actor, their performance, the story, the cleverness of the script or other. I don't understand why people can be so closed minded about movies. Before this summer I wouldn't have called myself a movie fanatic, but after watching 50+ movies over the summer [hell, I've got one on atm for BG noise] But what I'm saying is, there's something good in every movie something to like so why are people so harsh. You can tell when you look at the movie when walking up to see it the type of movie it's going to be. If you're not going to like it, why see it?
Not every movie out there is supposed to have a message. Not every movie is supposed to have a life lesson. Movies still have the merit to be pure entertainment and that's what Shoot 'Em Up was meant to be. Why can't people go to a movie and just enjoy the wild ride they're sent on, I mean really. Even movies that are poorly made have the merit of being camp and kitch. They're fun because of how bad they are. I like most every movie I've seen and never really call things bad. But I'm also artistic, so I guess I feel bad in calling someone's artistic attempt to be inherently 'bad'.
Hmm, well, my point is not every movie is supposed to hit the same point. Some are pure entertainment and love stories to some random item. It's like a romance story, no real sustenance, and you can usually predict what's going to happen, who's going to get together, but they're still entertaining...sometimes, in what happens to force the couple apart. Some movies have a moral to the story, and others have subtle messages. People need to learn to rate movies on their own personal merits and not just the genre's they fit in. I guess that's what the cult following is for, but people who understand what was being accomplished. I can't expect the many to accept the amazing of the few.
I've kind of lost my point, but that's not new in these.
Jasmine P.
August 9, 2008
Fucked Up Future Babies
I think that if television and movies and other forms of entertainment continue to follow the trends that the Baby-Boomers are leading us towards that our entertainment will start to retard and become infantile.
What I mean is that with the biggest movie and television companies they're omitting things that people do because they consider it to be marketing of negative habits or traits that children will hone in on and replicate. They're slowing getting rid of smoking in tv shows and in movies, so people don't smoke, but when you walk down the street, through and amusement park, a regular park, people are smoking. It's what they do. My mom smoked, that never really made me want to try smoking, and it's my lungs and decision. I understood it wasn't something one did until 18, and it fucks you up so why do it? The addiction. Okay, whatever, that's your M.O.They're getting rid of things that people just do because they're pessimistic thinkers in how impressionable children are. If they're taught properly to do or not to do something they will or won't do it. If they watch things geared toward their age group, they're also less likely to bear witness to something 'harmful'.
I also think it's quite idiotic that that Disney is going to retroactively ruin so many of their movies be omitting cigarettes and smoking. That's an integral habit to that character, or the stereotype the character represents. The father, Darling I think his name was, from 101 Dalmatians smoked like a chimney the night the puppies were born, so they're removing his cigarettes. Cruella just plain smoked like a chimney and if I remember right the other characters reacted to her throwing ashes all around from her cigarettes and what not. I know they own the right and the property, but there is still artistic integrity to not change something so long after the fact. When the cartoon was made, it's what people did. People smoked. They gave away cigars when their babies were born. Or re-rating it by the MPAA. Why?
With the trend in making the world 'child safe' I don't see things boding well for mainstream entertainment. I think once they've gotten that nasty little smoking habit kicked from TV, and movies, they'll go after drinking if they're still in power. I think that with the degradation that seems to be going on will last for another 5-15 years until whatever our generation is. Y or whatever bull shit they decided to name us. I think that when those of us who were born to the liberal stoner parents or that generation, the 70s and 80s babies. We're in our 20s and 30s now and we look at the changes going on in TV and think it's a waste. There are signs of a culture. I'd rather not see the only smoking in movies in stoner flicks, they're not all bad, but what about a post coital fag every now and again. It's what people do!
I hope that when the babies of 80s/90s babies are born that the 70s/80s adults will be in control of the movie companies and such so that television will show realer people being real. People smoke, they drink, they fuck. I swear, they're going to also remove instances of pre-maraital sex from movies and such probable in an attempt to get kids to not have sex randomly. It happens, it's always happened and it will continue to happen. Where things are going, people want to protect their children from the world. You have to let them experience things, let them experience life and learn what really happens in life. I'd rather have a kid that knew too much than one that knew too little. Too little knowledge of the real world and there will be severe culture shock.
If I become a parent, my children will learn just how bloody history was. They will have the opportunity to see violent, perverse movies and television, I will find someway to get a DVD player once we move onto something more futuristic. I will explain just why on TV people sit in all white rooms and talk about the weather and not about the news. My kids will have the opportunity to experience the same things I have. I'll hold onto my books so my kids have the chance to read some hard hitting literature, some idiotic literature, some violent literature, intelligent everything I own. We're moving closer to a Fahrenheit 451 dystopic future that needs to be stopped.
When I say 'book' I mean paper. Fuck digital books. Maybe I'm just a bibliophile, or a romantic, but it's not the same to read digital print. There's something about the scent of ink on paper. There's something about actually seeing a different font in a book something that's sans serfs [aparently serfs are important for letter recognition] Hell, it's cozier to hold a book than a cold piece of hardware with a million books downloaded. It's nice to sit in a library and to have hundreds of books up on the walls.
All in all, this was written over the course of an hour , in between surfing the net. It's quite unusual I was able to maintain focus every time I came back, but it's equally unusual that I didn't just bust this out all in one go. But my point is if things keep going at the rate they're going and where they're going, the children of the future will end up being bigger pansies than we were as children, and don't fucking deny that you weren't a pansy. Look at the shit that kids had during the middle ages, or hell, even the early 20th century. So grim and gruesome, but they were fine. There was smoking and drinking everywhere and they were fine, so why not now and into the future. People say they do things for the children to protect them, but it's more for their twisted, idiotic lives. They don't want their kids to fear the things they feared so they don't want them to experience it, but that only makes things worse, delaying the inevitable. Let them grow up with it and they'll be fine. They'll be better adjusted to life outside America if they know of the violence and the harsh reality of reality.
Jasmine P.
July 20, 2008
What Do You Believe In?
I've seen Dark Knight twice, which is adequate to give it a proper review and I have a lot of opinions about the movie and Gotham U. to think on and respond to.
Part the First: Joker.
When I say 'Joker' I don't just mean Heath Ledger, but also Jack Nicholson, The Joker from the books, every series and entity of Batman ever and will be.
Quite understandably and considered by many people, but I agree with the opinion that the Joker is the greatest Batman villain of all times. Batman has such contempt for the Joker, and the joker goes to such great lengths that no one understands that makes him the greatest villain in my opinion. As described my Christopher Nolan, The Joker has no creation story. He's just a Freak that shows up in Gotham one day and runs amok. I think that part of the reason that The Joker is the greatest villain is the fact that he doesn't make sense. He has no motive that Batman can figure out or find. The others in his rogue's gallery have a reason for their vendetta against Gotham. Joker's motivation seems to be that Batman exists at all. I think that's an important aspect of the character that writers need to keep in mind when writing for him. When writing him in general. The best Jokers are the ones who don't have a plan. The one's who confuse Batman to no end. The ones who make you want him to win instead of Batman.
Part the second: Batman's Rogue's Gallery
I think that Batman has always had one of the classiest of Rogue's Galleries out there. This has to do with what Gotham is and when Gotham takes place. Not the stories, but Gotham itself. No matter when, integral parts of Batman cannot leave the 40s when Kane and everyone else created the characters. Gotham is a character in the story and in the Universe. It's a character that encompasses everything else. But as for the villains, some of the villains that give Batman the greatest challenge are the classiest dressed. Not quite the best, but the classiest. The Joker, The Penguin, Two-Face, Solomon Grundy, and The Riddler to name a few. If the Batman U wasn't next to time the way it is people wouldn't accept the villains staying so dressed up. Many of the other big comic book series out there have everyone in spandex or native clothing to their homeland, or something out there. Batman has some of the most down to earth dressed characters, with some of the most whacked out personalities.
In my opinion, his Gallery is one of the most impressive because they're all brilliant. They can't be stupid in what they do. They know their risks, they throw caution to the wind. The know their chance of survival, partially due to Batman's no killing stance. They know he'll never kill them, but they also know he'll beat them to a bloody pulp. They're also brilliant in how they monopolize the lives of so many and in how they systematically harm them. Some of the greatest were listed above, but some of my favorites are Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn and Catwoman. Catwoman is the greatest female villain because she is so wrapped up in Batman and he in her that they can't resit one another, costumed or not.
I think my favorite aspect of the Batman U is that everyone is a human. They're marred humans, but humans none the less. They don't have super powers, they have abnormalities created by science and the real world that make it ever more acceptable.
Par the Third: Short Comings
Yes, I do love and adore the newest Batman, but there is something missing. There's a feeling, a tast of something missing from the movie. There are also a few too many threads in the movie. They could have introduced Dent without Lau. I think Dent in court as the DA for the mob would have been fine without adding in Lau. He was a bit of an unnecessary complication in my opinion.
There were also a few strings in the over all story that could have been cleared up a bit better.
They could have displayed Gordon's family interaction a bit more than just after his return home and saving them. Lau's presence.
Things would have been just as entertaining and simple if there was just Batman, Joker, Harvey, the mob and the socital stance on Batman which is always important to the series. But I still love the movie. It can't be compared to Iron Man because though both movies were about superheroes, they were on two different aspects of heroism, their motivation is entirely different, their execution of being a hero and the over all feeling of both films were different. Iron Man overall was a lot more light hearted than Batman was. That's just how both movies are. I love them both for different reasons.
Last thing: Joker in drag, favorite part ever! Well, the Joker in general. Fave villain after Catwoman. Well, not quite after, but next to. They're awesome for their own reasons and the two of them are upfront in my mind, but everything the Joker was in the movie was amazing. The greatest tragedy of Ledger playing the Joker is that the Joker is such a force in the Gotham underworld that it can't be right without him and whoever puts on the white face paint next won't be right. IT won't work out as well in this entity of Batman. The joker damn near shouldn't be used again until the next endeavor because of what he is to Gotham. Such a power that can't be controlled and can't be the same.
Jasmine P.
Part the First: Joker.
When I say 'Joker' I don't just mean Heath Ledger, but also Jack Nicholson, The Joker from the books, every series and entity of Batman ever and will be.
Quite understandably and considered by many people, but I agree with the opinion that the Joker is the greatest Batman villain of all times. Batman has such contempt for the Joker, and the joker goes to such great lengths that no one understands that makes him the greatest villain in my opinion. As described my Christopher Nolan, The Joker has no creation story. He's just a Freak that shows up in Gotham one day and runs amok. I think that part of the reason that The Joker is the greatest villain is the fact that he doesn't make sense. He has no motive that Batman can figure out or find. The others in his rogue's gallery have a reason for their vendetta against Gotham. Joker's motivation seems to be that Batman exists at all. I think that's an important aspect of the character that writers need to keep in mind when writing for him. When writing him in general. The best Jokers are the ones who don't have a plan. The one's who confuse Batman to no end. The ones who make you want him to win instead of Batman.
Part the second: Batman's Rogue's Gallery
I think that Batman has always had one of the classiest of Rogue's Galleries out there. This has to do with what Gotham is and when Gotham takes place. Not the stories, but Gotham itself. No matter when, integral parts of Batman cannot leave the 40s when Kane and everyone else created the characters. Gotham is a character in the story and in the Universe. It's a character that encompasses everything else. But as for the villains, some of the villains that give Batman the greatest challenge are the classiest dressed. Not quite the best, but the classiest. The Joker, The Penguin, Two-Face, Solomon Grundy, and The Riddler to name a few. If the Batman U wasn't next to time the way it is people wouldn't accept the villains staying so dressed up. Many of the other big comic book series out there have everyone in spandex or native clothing to their homeland, or something out there. Batman has some of the most down to earth dressed characters, with some of the most whacked out personalities.
In my opinion, his Gallery is one of the most impressive because they're all brilliant. They can't be stupid in what they do. They know their risks, they throw caution to the wind. The know their chance of survival, partially due to Batman's no killing stance. They know he'll never kill them, but they also know he'll beat them to a bloody pulp. They're also brilliant in how they monopolize the lives of so many and in how they systematically harm them. Some of the greatest were listed above, but some of my favorites are Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn and Catwoman. Catwoman is the greatest female villain because she is so wrapped up in Batman and he in her that they can't resit one another, costumed or not.
I think my favorite aspect of the Batman U is that everyone is a human. They're marred humans, but humans none the less. They don't have super powers, they have abnormalities created by science and the real world that make it ever more acceptable.
Par the Third: Short Comings
Yes, I do love and adore the newest Batman, but there is something missing. There's a feeling, a tast of something missing from the movie. There are also a few too many threads in the movie. They could have introduced Dent without Lau. I think Dent in court as the DA for the mob would have been fine without adding in Lau. He was a bit of an unnecessary complication in my opinion.
There were also a few strings in the over all story that could have been cleared up a bit better.
They could have displayed Gordon's family interaction a bit more than just after his return home and saving them. Lau's presence.
Things would have been just as entertaining and simple if there was just Batman, Joker, Harvey, the mob and the socital stance on Batman which is always important to the series. But I still love the movie. It can't be compared to Iron Man because though both movies were about superheroes, they were on two different aspects of heroism, their motivation is entirely different, their execution of being a hero and the over all feeling of both films were different. Iron Man overall was a lot more light hearted than Batman was. That's just how both movies are. I love them both for different reasons.
Last thing: Joker in drag, favorite part ever! Well, the Joker in general. Fave villain after Catwoman. Well, not quite after, but next to. They're awesome for their own reasons and the two of them are upfront in my mind, but everything the Joker was in the movie was amazing. The greatest tragedy of Ledger playing the Joker is that the Joker is such a force in the Gotham underworld that it can't be right without him and whoever puts on the white face paint next won't be right. IT won't work out as well in this entity of Batman. The joker damn near shouldn't be used again until the next endeavor because of what he is to Gotham. Such a power that can't be controlled and can't be the same.
Jasmine P.
July 17, 2008
Displaying my Art
While washing some dishes and playing my usual game of 'If I I Meet A Celebrity, I'll Ask Them These Questions' I was explaining why I was curious for 'one of the harder parts you did in your opinion' instead of 'what is the hardest part you've ever played' because trying to define something as a 'hardest' of any extreme is not easy, and it's not something I condone because verything has it's own difficulties and eases.
I was explaining my wording and relating it to pieces I do. There are things I dislike about most everything I do, and no matter how many things I dislike, there's usually some little thing I like about a piece I've done. And That got me to thinking about why I show people my art.
I don't show people my art to be told 'it's great' because most of my friends are not artists. They think damn near every doodle, every sketch, every finished piece is amazing. I sure as hell don't, not for my art, or anyone else. There are aspects I like. But what I had gotten around to thinking was I show people my art for their reactions. Their responses, questions, understanding, acceptance, confusion. I'm not digging for compliments. I'm digging for responses that I can file away. There are people whom I show my work who most often respond with 'that's nice, but why are you showing me this?' it gives me the chance to explain something I've created, in turn explaining myself, but it gets me away from the 'yes men' who think it's amazing that I an hold a pencil, a pen, anything in such a fashion that I am able to make something out of it.
My line of questioning is more on the aspects of a film, of a project and working on it more so than a laundry list of favorite, least favorite parts. My questioning gave me the 'why' What was a hard aspect of a part? Why? What is something about a past performance you'd want to change? That damn near gives me the 'why' without having to ask it. This question is also fun because actors always want to change and improve a performance, but can't. I think it'd be fun to hear about some of the things they wish to change about their performances, or parts they disliked and wish they hadn't done, or any myriad of things. My list of questions goes on and is probably terribly redundant after a while.
~~~
Part of what got me thinking about this was reading 'A Guide TRYS' the book that inspired the movie. It's interesting to see that Dito didn't so much as write about himself whereas he wrote more about the people around him and his interaction with them, which at the same time says a lot about himself. He's not vain and he loved the people he was around. A Guide is also great because of how it's written. It's not one long narrative, it's written more like how he'd be telling the story to someone else. There are interjections about how a past event made him feel and so forth. That makes it interesting. And the chapters aren't terribly long. It's just about one chapter per interaction. 'Tag' was one chapter, but it was about general tag games, and one special tag game. Nothing's really in chronological order which also makes it interesting to read as time just around.
Reading this was making me think of the movie and commentary with how Dito kind of let the actors do what they would and how things worked. I remember hearing RDJ talking about filming the movie with Dito and how only Dito would make a movie with five acts. Or from Dito talking about how he had the actors really go at it in a scene, like the scene where Young Dito was being beaten up by the Reaper, he told the actors to really wail on LaBeouf for the scene. Or in the retaliation when Antonio attacked the Reaper, Dito told him to hit him as hard as he could upside the back of the head with the prop bat. It made me think about difficulties that actors have with some directors, but also how different directors tackle a movie, or people who aren't 'trained' as directors but become directors.
Did I mention a spoiler warning? Too late.
My point in bringing in Dito's directing style is that letting the actors give everything they could as they saw necessary, as they felt the characters felt gave them a real humanity and at the same time showed a real vulnerability int he actors. It would also prove to be more difficult for everyone involved because it wasn't the lack of directions the actors didn't have, it was showing so much of themselves in these characters. It was a different sort of challenge for the actors to go for it which made it's own difficulties. That lead me to my who thing about my own art because as I pose these questions in my head I give my responses for other people which have little bearing on what their responses would really be because I don't know more than what I've read online or gleamed from commentary or interviews.
Jasmine P.
I was explaining my wording and relating it to pieces I do. There are things I dislike about most everything I do, and no matter how many things I dislike, there's usually some little thing I like about a piece I've done. And That got me to thinking about why I show people my art.
I don't show people my art to be told 'it's great' because most of my friends are not artists. They think damn near every doodle, every sketch, every finished piece is amazing. I sure as hell don't, not for my art, or anyone else. There are aspects I like. But what I had gotten around to thinking was I show people my art for their reactions. Their responses, questions, understanding, acceptance, confusion. I'm not digging for compliments. I'm digging for responses that I can file away. There are people whom I show my work who most often respond with 'that's nice, but why are you showing me this?' it gives me the chance to explain something I've created, in turn explaining myself, but it gets me away from the 'yes men' who think it's amazing that I an hold a pencil, a pen, anything in such a fashion that I am able to make something out of it.
My line of questioning is more on the aspects of a film, of a project and working on it more so than a laundry list of favorite, least favorite parts. My questioning gave me the 'why' What was a hard aspect of a part? Why? What is something about a past performance you'd want to change? That damn near gives me the 'why' without having to ask it. This question is also fun because actors always want to change and improve a performance, but can't. I think it'd be fun to hear about some of the things they wish to change about their performances, or parts they disliked and wish they hadn't done, or any myriad of things. My list of questions goes on and is probably terribly redundant after a while.
~~~
Part of what got me thinking about this was reading 'A Guide TRYS' the book that inspired the movie. It's interesting to see that Dito didn't so much as write about himself whereas he wrote more about the people around him and his interaction with them, which at the same time says a lot about himself. He's not vain and he loved the people he was around. A Guide is also great because of how it's written. It's not one long narrative, it's written more like how he'd be telling the story to someone else. There are interjections about how a past event made him feel and so forth. That makes it interesting. And the chapters aren't terribly long. It's just about one chapter per interaction. 'Tag' was one chapter, but it was about general tag games, and one special tag game. Nothing's really in chronological order which also makes it interesting to read as time just around.
Reading this was making me think of the movie and commentary with how Dito kind of let the actors do what they would and how things worked. I remember hearing RDJ talking about filming the movie with Dito and how only Dito would make a movie with five acts. Or from Dito talking about how he had the actors really go at it in a scene, like the scene where Young Dito was being beaten up by the Reaper, he told the actors to really wail on LaBeouf for the scene. Or in the retaliation when Antonio attacked the Reaper, Dito told him to hit him as hard as he could upside the back of the head with the prop bat. It made me think about difficulties that actors have with some directors, but also how different directors tackle a movie, or people who aren't 'trained' as directors but become directors.
Did I mention a spoiler warning? Too late.
My point in bringing in Dito's directing style is that letting the actors give everything they could as they saw necessary, as they felt the characters felt gave them a real humanity and at the same time showed a real vulnerability int he actors. It would also prove to be more difficult for everyone involved because it wasn't the lack of directions the actors didn't have, it was showing so much of themselves in these characters. It was a different sort of challenge for the actors to go for it which made it's own difficulties. That lead me to my who thing about my own art because as I pose these questions in my head I give my responses for other people which have little bearing on what their responses would really be because I don't know more than what I've read online or gleamed from commentary or interviews.
Jasmine P.
July 3, 2008
Guides, Saints and Friends
July 3rd, 2008 -10.15 pm – 10.50pm
I just finished watching ‘A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints’ I’ll call it ‘Guide’. Spoilers
I have many things to say, so many thoughts running rampant through my head. No rhyme or reason. My response to the movie, to life at the moment, to where I am in what I’m doing with my life.
I haven’t cried when watching a movie since I saw ‘Finding Neverland’ last summer when I realized that the mother died. Before that, I don’t know. I cried today when Mike, Mik, died. I loved him. His accent, his personality, the fact that he was a clean, upright personality in the hello that Dito had to live with. Mik was something positive. Mike was something kind and new. Mik wanted to stop the violence and get Dito out. They had to get away rom the insanity before things got to deep, but before they could. Before they could get out of New York Mik was shot down. He died a senseless death. His death, the only good thing Dito had in his life was gone. Mik was a future, a positive future. That had to have been hard to write and harder to film.
Loss. Loss of what’s good in one’s life is quite devastating. I think about my loss. The magnum opus of loss in my short 19.5 years of life, 19.6, I don’t know, don’t care. Last year everything changed. I changed in an instant. I say I have no regrets. That used to be true. My one regret from everything I done is how I interacted with my mother. If I could go back, knowing what I know, I’d try to lie less. I’m a terrible liar anyway, I don’t know why people believe me. I mean, I can be brutally honest, tactfully honest unless I’m going to get hurt, then It’s everyman for himself and I lie terribly.
My regret is that she’s dead. She’ll never get to see me as an adult. She won’t be able to see me as what I’ll become. She only knew me as the fuck up I was, the fuck up I am. I keep saying I’m brilliant, but if I’m so smart, why don’t I pass my classes? If I’m so smart, why don’t I go after what I know will help everything. I regret that she won’t be able to see me in 15 years, she won’t be able to see my great ‘return’ afte I’ve made something of myself.
In Guide, Dito left
It’s cold. It’s the truth. He’s one of the few, one of the many who doesn’t know this. I don’t care. He doesn’t care about me, why should I care about him? I can’t change because he’ll never live up to even the most minimalistic expectations. All I want, all I want ot expect is to be truly cared about. That’s what I want. That’s something I’ll never have every again. Well, not for a while. I know my first boyfriend will care, but it’s won’t be the same. I want my mother. She’ll never see how strong I’ve become. She was the most important person in my life for 18.5 years and she still is. Her memory, everything. I miss her, I need to settle things. So much is buried. I need someone with the shovel to dig it out. I need someone to get in here with me and help me back out. Not a shrink, something more visceral, a true connection to fix everything.
On the flip side of my mom not seeing what I’ll become is that fact that everything changed last year. If she were still alive I’d be a very different person. I’d grow to be some sort of adult that wouldn’t be what I’ll turn into. I pray that what I end up as though, is something she’d be proud of. Be it a botanist, or be it a comic artist.
~~~
Today started out as a good day. I was up at 7.17, too used to working for going to the USBG, but that’s alright. I woke, read, fucked around on the internet. Whatever. Went to the store then hung out with Alex for a while. Good times, most of which were caught on tape.
I truly don’t know if there’s anyone I trust more on this earth. The most trustworthy, the best friend ever. More than a friend. I said this before, I wouldn’t be the same without him. I can’t think of not knowing him anymore. Ridiculous for someone I met only 2.5 years ago. First day of junior year, a blonde head sitting a few rows back in 11th grade English. Beauchmin’s class, then a blond head witting in the back of Warstler’s history class. That’s when it all really began, in History of the
I think about the people I know at school. The two most important, Glenn and Elizabeth. I regret my mom not knowing what I’ll end up as a result of my knowing these people. All my regrets are her not seeing what I’ll become in the future. I have plans, I have dreams and I have a path to follow and I don’t know where it leads, but I –
I think about the video Alex and I made today, mostly playing with the camera more than anything serious. Some great things were said, some great things happened. Things you have to be there for. I think about the future and looking back at out stupid actions. I think about the fact that a year ago I wouldn’t have done half of what I did in that video, half of what I do on a normal daily basis right now. Random touches, random hugs, relying on someone else. ‘My life revolves around Alex’ he said what amounted to that. Scarily enough, that has a shred of seriousness even if said in jest.
God grant me the strength to accept the things I can’t change. –RDJ ‘Broken’
I trust other people on the spot, but this is more than trust. A sort of reliance. But, there is the fact that nothing more is possible for the two of us. A sexual relationship wouldn’t solve anything, it wouldn’t’ break anything, but it wouldn’t solve anything.
A year ago I would not randomly hug people. A year ago I would not let my self get to close. I’m more vulnerable in some ways, more closed off in others. I have things that need to be taken care of, things that will be taken care of.
It’s been a while, I can’t quite remember everything that sparked this, but there is more. Somewhere.
Guide was interesting. It spoke volumes. Dramas always make me internalize, they make me look at what I’m doing. They make me question life and what I’ve done, what I will do.
There’s more to this, to be written some other time. I’ve lost it. It won’t be back for a while. Maybe I’ll be less morose then, or maybe I need to be morose for it to feel real.
June 27, 2008
Throwback
So, I found one of my notebooks from a few years back with some observational things, and because i never really read what I write, transcribing it could prove interesting, to me, if no one else.
This is written exactly as I' written it years ago. No editing for grammar, structure or punctuation.
I can't finish this...it's too idiotic. I don't even care what my point was then. And I couldn't spell Britain. This is about half of what I had from that night I assume. C'est la vie. I'll have something here later. After sleep.
Adios for now
:salute and bow:
Jasmine P.
This is written exactly as I' written it years ago. No editing for grammar, structure or punctuation.
Thoughts on Languages
May 2, 04
I don't think that there are so many different languages. I think that there is one master 'language' of meaning that represents names and words in out facts of language. If this theory (with no evidence) is true humans, animals, computers and any and everything on earth, in space, this reality and realm all speak the same language, but each has a different understnaidng of it.
One example of this theoryis between present-day-British-English and present-day-Northern-American-English. Take the flat, doughy, usually sweet treat Americans call a 'cookie'; go to England, Great Britian, and the same flat, doughy usually sweet treat and you'll find it may also go by the name 'biscuit' and not 'cookie--
I can't finish this...it's too idiotic. I don't even care what my point was then. And I couldn't spell Britain. This is about half of what I had from that night I assume. C'est la vie. I'll have something here later. After sleep.
Adios for now
:salute and bow:
Jasmine P.
June 26, 2008
Movies
Okay, since I'm obsessing over KKBB and movies at the moment this is well timed.
Firstly, I love movie commentary. If I buy my camera [and I will, dammit!] whatever movies I make will feature commentary, mine and Za's since she'll probably be in half of what I make, and whoever else wants to comment on my videos.
Commentary is fun, it tells a lot about the behind the scenes of a movie and if there is character/actor commentary and not just director and writer commentary, it's even better. Actor commentary is the most fun because they're usually incredibly vain, or their general reaction to their fellow actor's performances. You learn a lot about the actors themselves and they just enhance the fun of the movie.
One of my other things about movies are how much fun is sounds like the actors have on set. The jokes and such. I guess it's the same general bullshit that happens between me and my friends, but it just sounds like so much fun, and for it to be on video, that's like a second bit of awesome and amazing because all that shit you say off the top of your head, you can hear it again later and it just plain sounds like fun.
Over on facebook my status says/said I wanted a youthifier. Actually, I want the Youthifier 2.0, the 1.0 version only lasted 1 minute before the 2.0 was created, but there is a reason for this. It's quite annoying to adore an actor who's old enough you be your father, but part of the charm of an actor is their age, their intellect, so a Youthifier make them younger than they are, but leaves their mind, their mentality, their intellect where it is for their age which helps them you keep their awesome, part of it at least.
The first Youthifier was a doorway, one way through de-ages the person. The Youthifier 2.0 is a gun instead of a doorway, so you point and shoot, causing the physicality of their body to get younger.
Regretfully this is only for flings. A few hours hanging out. Truthfully, I wouldn't want long term interaction, but for a while it would be quite fun, but they have the right to be as awesome and sexy as always, so they must be returned at some point, so I'd need an Ager to return things back to normal.
Okay, so I'm watching Batman at the moment, but my question is why does the Riddler give Batman clues to foil him? I mean, it's like Superman telling Lex Luther 'Hi, just so you know, whenever you decide to kick my ass just surround me in Kryptonite <3'>
New question, how the fuck does Batman just know 64 squared off the top of his head? [4096, if you're curious] Don't ask why I'm so hyper critical at the moment, but what I'm saying is true. If the Riddler really wanted Gordon to die, or whatever, he wouldn't have brought Batman back.
Back to the jaw thing, cap him in his face. I mean they catch him and tie him up all the time, but never manage to kill him. Batman had living chess long before Harry Potter did.
So, back to the whole movie thing, well, the Youthifier first. It'd be fun, but then again I've also said I'd be fine with just a general conversation with various celebrities. The Youthifier would be for...something else. Not too dirty, but it would be nice. Less guilty for making out and the like. But seriously, a conversation would be fun, I'd even let them ask the questions. Let them know what they would about me instead of me knowing what I would about them. Unless they wanted to just tell me about every aspect of their lives that I would think of questioning.
The whole inspiration for the Youthifier came from waking up this morning and trying to not feel guilty about feeling attracted to someone twice my age. Then I decided to make them my age and I figured out how. The Youthifier, a doorway to making them my age, but keeping their mind and everything they know that makes them sexy.
After logically thinking that getting someone to walk through a random fuck doorway and not walking through with them it needed an upgrade into something a lot more logical to be using, so I made it into a gun instead. The Youthifier 2.0. At some point there may be a 3.0, but I don't know. I kind of want to draw it in action, too bad I can't draw real people with the skill it requires for them to look like whoever I'm trying to draw.
I had some other movie obsessiveness, but Batman distracted me, and now I can't remember what else I was going to say. But still, 'yay' for sexy actors. Wow, this is more something like I'd post in LJ, this gets to go to LJ anyway. Fuck it
Adios for now
:salute and bow:
Jasmine P.
Firstly, I love movie commentary. If I buy my camera [and I will, dammit!] whatever movies I make will feature commentary, mine and Za's since she'll probably be in half of what I make, and whoever else wants to comment on my videos.
Commentary is fun, it tells a lot about the behind the scenes of a movie and if there is character/actor commentary and not just director and writer commentary, it's even better. Actor commentary is the most fun because they're usually incredibly vain, or their general reaction to their fellow actor's performances. You learn a lot about the actors themselves and they just enhance the fun of the movie.
One of my other things about movies are how much fun is sounds like the actors have on set. The jokes and such. I guess it's the same general bullshit that happens between me and my friends, but it just sounds like so much fun, and for it to be on video, that's like a second bit of awesome and amazing because all that shit you say off the top of your head, you can hear it again later and it just plain sounds like fun.
Over on facebook my status says/said I wanted a youthifier. Actually, I want the Youthifier 2.0, the 1.0 version only lasted 1 minute before the 2.0 was created, but there is a reason for this. It's quite annoying to adore an actor who's old enough you be your father, but part of the charm of an actor is their age, their intellect, so a Youthifier make them younger than they are, but leaves their mind, their mentality, their intellect where it is for their age which helps them you keep their awesome, part of it at least.
The first Youthifier was a doorway, one way through de-ages the person. The Youthifier 2.0 is a gun instead of a doorway, so you point and shoot, causing the physicality of their body to get younger.
Regretfully this is only for flings. A few hours hanging out. Truthfully, I wouldn't want long term interaction, but for a while it would be quite fun, but they have the right to be as awesome and sexy as always, so they must be returned at some point, so I'd need an Ager to return things back to normal.
Okay, so I'm watching Batman at the moment, but my question is why does the Riddler give Batman clues to foil him? I mean, it's like Superman telling Lex Luther 'Hi, just so you know, whenever you decide to kick my ass just surround me in Kryptonite <3'>
New question, how the fuck does Batman just know 64 squared off the top of his head? [4096, if you're curious] Don't ask why I'm so hyper critical at the moment, but what I'm saying is true. If the Riddler really wanted Gordon to die, or whatever, he wouldn't have brought Batman back.
Back to the jaw thing, cap him in his face. I mean they catch him and tie him up all the time, but never manage to kill him. Batman had living chess long before Harry Potter did.
So, back to the whole movie thing, well, the Youthifier first. It'd be fun, but then again I've also said I'd be fine with just a general conversation with various celebrities. The Youthifier would be for...something else. Not too dirty, but it would be nice. Less guilty for making out and the like. But seriously, a conversation would be fun, I'd even let them ask the questions. Let them know what they would about me instead of me knowing what I would about them. Unless they wanted to just tell me about every aspect of their lives that I would think of questioning.
The whole inspiration for the Youthifier came from waking up this morning and trying to not feel guilty about feeling attracted to someone twice my age. Then I decided to make them my age and I figured out how. The Youthifier, a doorway to making them my age, but keeping their mind and everything they know that makes them sexy.
After logically thinking that getting someone to walk through a random fuck doorway and not walking through with them it needed an upgrade into something a lot more logical to be using, so I made it into a gun instead. The Youthifier 2.0. At some point there may be a 3.0, but I don't know. I kind of want to draw it in action, too bad I can't draw real people with the skill it requires for them to look like whoever I'm trying to draw.
I had some other movie obsessiveness, but Batman distracted me, and now I can't remember what else I was going to say. But still, 'yay' for sexy actors. Wow, this is more something like I'd post in LJ, this gets to go to LJ anyway. Fuck it
Adios for now
:salute and bow:
Jasmine P.
June 20, 2008
Flintstone Syndrome
I'm sure Holllywerid has some other name for this, but that is a common enough reference point for what I'm brining up this morning [it being 1.22 am as of starting this]
What I'm talking about is how the hell do fat bastards like Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble, to name a few, end up marrying intelligent enough and attractive enough women suck as Marge, Lois, Wilma and Betty? Those women are frigging MILFs and you know it. They still have figures and brains after getting married and after three kids in some cases they shouldn't sitll have.
But my point is what the fuck is Hollyweird, Hanna-Barberra, Fox etc, saying about women? Everybody knows they want somebody attractive, and I understand there are more than one sort of attractive, but some of these are real long shorts. My inspiration and true complaint comes from an article on Yahoo news about unlikely couples in these summer movies and older movies.
http://movies.yahoo.com/summer-movies/The-Love-Guru/1809932977/photos/370/9621/#info
What I'm saying is, yes, I want a fun guy who's great to hang out with and blahddy-blahddy-blah, but why can't he be attractive? What is this saying about the choices women in movie land have with picking someone to marry. These guys are jobless losers who get into serious relationships or even marriage with a brillient bombshell of a woman who chances are probably wouldn't all look at these guys.
I'm not trying ot shoot down the Average Joes of the world, I'm just asking Hollywood to make a realistic movie whee the leading lady and the leading man are of some sort of equal status of wealth and intelligence. I know not every ugly person is married to another ugly person and that not every stupid person is married to another stupid person, but give me a bit of reality every now and again.
My argument goes both ways for ugly women getting with gorgeous men, but I can't think of that one happening too often. What I'm also tired of is seeing every 50+ actor marrying/fucking ever 22 year old actress [and vice versa]. If two characters have an age difference, keep the actors in line with that too because sometimes it gets weird to listen to commentary and hear that some actress or actor grew up watching somebody they admired as a kid and now they're in a sexual relationship with "them" due to the parts they play.
I'm not saying there aren't actors old enough to be my father that I don't think are attractive [there are plenty of them.] but that doesn't mean that if I ever get eh chance ot meet them that I'd want to fuck them, or act like I was. Part of what makes them alluring is their age and their talent. Yes, I think they're attractive, but no, I'd never want to date them for many reasons other than the fact that they're fucking old enough to be my parent. There are also actors around my age whom I find attractive, but at this moment they don't have the presence that age and skill births. In twenty years when I'm married they'll possibly inhabit the same qualities I find attractive about actors of the same age right now, but that's an issue for the future.
May looping arguement says this. Match characters realistically and hapilly with characters from their social ranks. If you're going to have a lovable loser, match them with some sort of bohemian. Have the girl next door grow up to be a bombshell of a woman who marries someone who is just as pretty and intelligent as she is, have them be happy.
I'm not saying don't stir the waters every now and again, but staying within the realms of reality every now and again also help the self esteem of regular people and their dream of finding a realistic love and not just a fantasy. Those of you reading this know me well enough to know that I love and live outside of this reality and have no issue with accepting things that aren't 'normal' but I also appreciate the reality in a situation, the possibility that It's not all that long of a shot for something to happen.
Oh yeah, the initial point of this is what are these movies saying about a woman's ability to choose a successful mate? I understand people want to all live in a fairytale happy ending with someone who's fun and women want ti be in charge of the relationship, but sometimes they need someone who has more then they do to lean on.
Other notable movies and tv shows that showcase the Flintstone Syndrome as far as I can remember are: The Honeymooners, Love & Sex, As Good As It Gets, Something New, etc. There are a million others out there, but I can't list half of 'em. Too tired, too late. But think about it: in many romantic comedies the brilliant/rich lead falls in love with a lovable/poor loser. It doesn't always happen like that, so why in Hollyfake? I know movies are a serious source of escapism from the realities of life but why everyone? [i have my own arguments for others medias that showcase this habit or similar habits, but that's for another note/journal of it's own]
[1.52am]
Adios for now
:salute and bow:
Jasmine P.
What I'm talking about is how the hell do fat bastards like Homer Simpson, Peter Griffin, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble, to name a few, end up marrying intelligent enough and attractive enough women suck as Marge, Lois, Wilma and Betty? Those women are frigging MILFs and you know it. They still have figures and brains after getting married and after three kids in some cases they shouldn't sitll have.
But my point is what the fuck is Hollyweird, Hanna-Barberra, Fox etc, saying about women? Everybody knows they want somebody attractive, and I understand there are more than one sort of attractive, but some of these are real long shorts. My inspiration and true complaint comes from an article on Yahoo news about unlikely couples in these summer movies and older movies.
http://movies.yahoo.com/summer-movies/The-Love-Guru/1809932977/photos/370/9621/#info
What I'm saying is, yes, I want a fun guy who's great to hang out with and blahddy-blahddy-blah, but why can't he be attractive? What is this saying about the choices women in movie land have with picking someone to marry. These guys are jobless losers who get into serious relationships or even marriage with a brillient bombshell of a woman who chances are probably wouldn't all look at these guys.
I'm not trying ot shoot down the Average Joes of the world, I'm just asking Hollywood to make a realistic movie whee the leading lady and the leading man are of some sort of equal status of wealth and intelligence. I know not every ugly person is married to another ugly person and that not every stupid person is married to another stupid person, but give me a bit of reality every now and again.
My argument goes both ways for ugly women getting with gorgeous men, but I can't think of that one happening too often. What I'm also tired of is seeing every 50+ actor marrying/fucking ever 22 year old actress [and vice versa]. If two characters have an age difference, keep the actors in line with that too because sometimes it gets weird to listen to commentary and hear that some actress or actor grew up watching somebody they admired as a kid and now they're in a sexual relationship with "them" due to the parts they play.
I'm not saying there aren't actors old enough to be my father that I don't think are attractive [there are plenty of them.] but that doesn't mean that if I ever get eh chance ot meet them that I'd want to fuck them, or act like I was. Part of what makes them alluring is their age and their talent. Yes, I think they're attractive, but no, I'd never want to date them for many reasons other than the fact that they're fucking old enough to be my parent. There are also actors around my age whom I find attractive, but at this moment they don't have the presence that age and skill births. In twenty years when I'm married they'll possibly inhabit the same qualities I find attractive about actors of the same age right now, but that's an issue for the future.
May looping arguement says this. Match characters realistically and hapilly with characters from their social ranks. If you're going to have a lovable loser, match them with some sort of bohemian. Have the girl next door grow up to be a bombshell of a woman who marries someone who is just as pretty and intelligent as she is, have them be happy.
I'm not saying don't stir the waters every now and again, but staying within the realms of reality every now and again also help the self esteem of regular people and their dream of finding a realistic love and not just a fantasy. Those of you reading this know me well enough to know that I love and live outside of this reality and have no issue with accepting things that aren't 'normal' but I also appreciate the reality in a situation, the possibility that It's not all that long of a shot for something to happen.
Oh yeah, the initial point of this is what are these movies saying about a woman's ability to choose a successful mate? I understand people want to all live in a fairytale happy ending with someone who's fun and women want ti be in charge of the relationship, but sometimes they need someone who has more then they do to lean on.
Other notable movies and tv shows that showcase the Flintstone Syndrome as far as I can remember are: The Honeymooners, Love & Sex, As Good As It Gets, Something New, etc. There are a million others out there, but I can't list half of 'em. Too tired, too late. But think about it: in many romantic comedies the brilliant/rich lead falls in love with a lovable/poor loser. It doesn't always happen like that, so why in Hollyfake? I know movies are a serious source of escapism from the realities of life but why everyone? [i have my own arguments for others medias that showcase this habit or similar habits, but that's for another note/journal of it's own]
[1.52am]
Adios for now
:salute and bow:
Jasmine P.
June 19, 2008
Gonzo.
I have so many avenues with which to start this. This is more than a movie review, this is gonzo, maybe not after declaring it is, or maybe it is even more so since I declare it so. I, Meister Jazz, retrieved my good acquaintance Senor Kovo from his domicile to accompany me to Silver Spring for a film festival previewing of Gonzo: The Life and Works of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. I admire what the man was able to accomplish in his life and wish it hadn't had ended, but the world would be a much different place is his mind had continues to punch words to paper in his fashion.
The Dr. was brash, loud, booming, spastic, sincere, blunt, honest. These are qualities that I admire and wish to keep with me in my actions. Dr. Thompson was honest and kind when he needed to be. He didn't live for anything other than the moment and the people he was with. Everything was reality and fiction. Everything was captured on miles, leagues of film and tape. He recorded everything. Proof, reference for what happened in the haze that he lived in.
To the point and set in his ideas. The Dr. lived a life that no one else could handle and if he hadn't then the world would be different. If he had bee a traditional journalist he would not be so well known now. It's not those that follow the rules that history remembers, it's those that demand to be remembered in history by shaking things up, leaving it a mess and leaving it better than they found it. It's those that change the world they live in that are remembered, those that can prove just how mighty they were at their peak and will admit to just how weak they were when they fell.
I've been asked why I take so many photos of my acquaintances, why so many photos of what I do and where I am. It's so I can not only tell a story, but show it. If I don't have the pictures I try to recreate it as accurately as I can. It's all about the ride and being able to bring more people along the next time. I have tickets to share and the people to share them with, not let us all experience it. Love, hate, joy, pain, confusion, clarity, reality fiction. Meister Jazz and Kovo, of Jasmine and Alex. One and the same, yet both are real and both are fake. The proof is in who you talk to.
This is anything but Gonzo, and that's fine because this is mine. Only one person could accurately portray gonzo as it should have been and only one person could have written this. The right people for their occupations.
Adios for now
:salute and bow:
Jasmine P.
The Dr. was brash, loud, booming, spastic, sincere, blunt, honest. These are qualities that I admire and wish to keep with me in my actions. Dr. Thompson was honest and kind when he needed to be. He didn't live for anything other than the moment and the people he was with. Everything was reality and fiction. Everything was captured on miles, leagues of film and tape. He recorded everything. Proof, reference for what happened in the haze that he lived in.
To the point and set in his ideas. The Dr. lived a life that no one else could handle and if he hadn't then the world would be different. If he had bee a traditional journalist he would not be so well known now. It's not those that follow the rules that history remembers, it's those that demand to be remembered in history by shaking things up, leaving it a mess and leaving it better than they found it. It's those that change the world they live in that are remembered, those that can prove just how mighty they were at their peak and will admit to just how weak they were when they fell.
I've been asked why I take so many photos of my acquaintances, why so many photos of what I do and where I am. It's so I can not only tell a story, but show it. If I don't have the pictures I try to recreate it as accurately as I can. It's all about the ride and being able to bring more people along the next time. I have tickets to share and the people to share them with, not let us all experience it. Love, hate, joy, pain, confusion, clarity, reality fiction. Meister Jazz and Kovo, of Jasmine and Alex. One and the same, yet both are real and both are fake. The proof is in who you talk to.
This is anything but Gonzo, and that's fine because this is mine. Only one person could accurately portray gonzo as it should have been and only one person could have written this. The right people for their occupations.
Adios for now
:salute and bow:
Jasmine P.
May 12, 2008
May 12th, I Feel So Alone
I'm so bored and so alone right now. I crave socialization and people. I crave something to do, somewhere to go, and for this damned rain to let up. I need my computer to be working so when I get the desire, the inspiration to write one of these that I actually can, that they work out. I had this great rant earlier about how annoyed I am to be so alone right now and what I want. Well, here's a bit of it.
First and foremost, I want a damed hug! I crave and need physical contact. Last time I had a hug was on Saturday when I ran into CR when I was literally on my way out to leave for home.
Secondly, I want to not be alone, and I need to find something to do outside this house, especially at night. I've always been worse about being on my own at night than any other time. I've got the cabin fever like nobodies business and I need to get away.
Thirdly, I miss everyone and damn near everything about being in Norfolk. I miss the ease of being able to hang out with people, of being able to go somewhere. I miss the jokes and the silliness. Hell, I looked through the last 80 photos on my camera before going to be last night just so I could laugh and reminisce about people I met in just September, for the most part.
I've lost most my rant to distractions, but I'm always thinking about everyone back from ODU. I'm craving a reason, an excuse to leave my house. I desire not so much entertainment, but fellowship, not living to such a solitary degree. My brothers don't cut it. Sure, we all like video games, but I don't care for being around them for extended periods of time. I'll be fine in a week or two, I hope. But I don't always want to be the one reaching out to everyone else. I want someone to reach out to me first so I feel needed and not just needful.
Adios for now
:salute and bow:
Jasmine P.
First and foremost, I want a damed hug! I crave and need physical contact. Last time I had a hug was on Saturday when I ran into CR when I was literally on my way out to leave for home.
Secondly, I want to not be alone, and I need to find something to do outside this house, especially at night. I've always been worse about being on my own at night than any other time. I've got the cabin fever like nobodies business and I need to get away.
Thirdly, I miss everyone and damn near everything about being in Norfolk. I miss the ease of being able to hang out with people, of being able to go somewhere. I miss the jokes and the silliness. Hell, I looked through the last 80 photos on my camera before going to be last night just so I could laugh and reminisce about people I met in just September, for the most part.
I've lost most my rant to distractions, but I'm always thinking about everyone back from ODU. I'm craving a reason, an excuse to leave my house. I desire not so much entertainment, but fellowship, not living to such a solitary degree. My brothers don't cut it. Sure, we all like video games, but I don't care for being around them for extended periods of time. I'll be fine in a week or two, I hope. But I don't always want to be the one reaching out to everyone else. I want someone to reach out to me first so I feel needed and not just needful.
Adios for now
:salute and bow:
Jasmine P.
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