Hmm, it's been a long time since I posted anything over here, I've had thoughts in my head and I want to share them.
I recently posted a piece of fan/gift art on my art blog and it reminded me why i don't do that. I love making fan art i just never want to get attention for that being my thing, it's not, i create original content and sometimes I illustrate an idea that I really latch on to. It was actually deviantArt that drove me away from making fan art. There were really shitty artists getting a lot of attention because all they did was produce popular things. Whatever the hit anime, movie or hot person they drew that and raked in commissions and attention for not being creative.
fuck that shit.
I guess i should be proud of my personal integrity for not just creating pop art but at the same time I want my work to be noticed more. I know I'm not bad i just feel like sometimes i need the validation from the webcomic art community that I'm good at what i do. I don't draw heroes, I draw real people and cartoony situations. I draw me. I wonder if any of this will get better when I have a website that's either my name or for my comic and if I actually post consistently. I really haven't been able to just focus on my own art work because of school and other obligations (mostly school) so will that change an improve when I graduate and the only other thing i'm doing is working some shitty job or three to pay rent and eat.
I don't fucking know.
My other thoughts have been on my current anxiety, not too much depression. i still don't know how to deal with anxiety or how I feel about myself because I don't know how I feel about myself. I spend as much time as I can trying not to think about my feelings and that I really don't know. i kind of feel listless and like I'm not accomplishing anything. i'm not really. I mean, I guess I am, i'm getting a degree and I'm in college but outside of that, i'm doing nothing in the real world.
i think i'm going to just go home and eat something I'm hungry.
In writing this and a few other things today i've come to the realization i'm not writing or really working with words enough. My past week has been weird and I don't know what to do to fix it, so that means I'm feeling depression or something. Fuck i'm hungry. Also, i've always only used the right shift key and something is wrong with it, either a ball of hair under the key or something else obstructing it, it's really not an excuse to not go back and fix my capitals it's just annoying. so there. i know i'm hitting it, or maybe i'm just not holding it long enough when i go to strike the letter. ehh...i'm leaving now.
P.
Showing posts with label creativity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label creativity. Show all posts
July 5, 2012
November 4, 2010
Journals and Journal Comics
I just finished reading Craig Thompson's Carnet de Voyage, it was a journal comic and sketchbook he wrote over a 2 month period when he was on a comic tour and vacation in 2004. At the end of the book he talks about why he did it. He talks about his motivation to draw it and his trepidation about selling his sketches and a journal. It made me think about why I like reading diaries and journal comics, and why I did my own journal comic.
I am a nosy person. In the past I've gone through bathroom cabinets, purses, wallets, bags, pockets, rooms, cellphones, anything. I'm curious about other people. The things people keep in their wallets, the stories the items tell and the explanations their owners give. Items in a way, tell what someone finds important. IN my own wallet right now I have one dollar, my campus ID, my driver's license, my bank card, a membership card for Local Heroes, my social security card, a copy of my savings and checking account numbers, insurance cards, an expired bank card and a few other scraps. The sweatshirt I wore today has my wallet, phone, cigarettes, two lighters, two pens, scraps of paper, some garbage, and pain killers, it had my laptop and mp3 player in it earlier. My bag has ball point pens, inking pens, mechanical pencils, a set of Derwitt drawing pencils, two sketchbooks, two novels, one comic, hand lotion, some candy and probably garbage and loose pain killers.
Those items tell you I enjoy drawing, reading, I smoke, I don't remember my banking numbers, I like comics, I either don't carry cash or I have no cash. That's a lot of things to learn from not talking to me and just going through my things. I think that's why on dA the room meme or bag meme goes on, people are interested in what people keep with them. On formspring I've gotten the question 'what's in your pocket right now' a few times, people are curious about what people keep with them. I think that why I enjoy reading journals and diary comics, to see how others live.
As I was reading Carnet I was thinking about how I'd draw a different journal comic than 100 Days, I want to do another one at some point, maybe this spring. I've been thinking about limiting it to interesting events, but anything can come up, I don't know yet.
Carnet was interesting because of how personal it is. On the last page when Thompson is talking about why he did it, even with the pressure from his publisher, a friend told him he should draw it for himself. I went that route with 100 Days, but I think I may try something different with the last 50 or so pages that I haven't finished yet, in a way make them more personal, even though some days get incredibly personal. I don't know, I might save those ideas for another journal comic.
Some other Internet journal comics I've enjoyed are Dar, Ellerbisms, The Everyday, Journalin' Comix, Johnny Wander, Kid with Experience, Little Gamers, So Far Apart, Three Panel Soul and I'm sure I've got others I'm forgetting. Some published autobio comics I've enjoyed are Will Eisner's work, Blankets, Spent, Too Cool To Be Forgotten, Persepolis, Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic, and all the ones I can't see from my perch on my bed. Some biographies and published journals I've enjoyed are David Carradine's Kill Bill Diary, Room Full of Mirrors, everything I've read by Jonathan Ames, and as before, what I can't see form my perch on my bed. I really like being able to peek in at different people's lives, see how they live, what's important to them and how they change over time.
I think part of that was my motivation for 100 Days, to be able to look back at what my life was for a summer when I was 21. To see times when I was happy, what I enjoyed doing, watching, reading and then being able to reflect on things. Even now I find it enjoyable to look at what I did only three months ago, some of these pages I haven't seen in months so I've forgotten what I did, how I felt. Sometimes I get swept away by my own emotions, falling into a mild depression because of what I did that day or remembering happy days. It's been interesting and good I think. I don't regret drawing this out, I don't regret posting it online, I don't really regret anything I said there either. I do have a moleskin sketchbook/journal that's a larger format waiting for something to be put in it, I might use that for my next one. We'll see. Maybe I'll have a reason to start it earlier.
Jasmine P.
I am a nosy person. In the past I've gone through bathroom cabinets, purses, wallets, bags, pockets, rooms, cellphones, anything. I'm curious about other people. The things people keep in their wallets, the stories the items tell and the explanations their owners give. Items in a way, tell what someone finds important. IN my own wallet right now I have one dollar, my campus ID, my driver's license, my bank card, a membership card for Local Heroes, my social security card, a copy of my savings and checking account numbers, insurance cards, an expired bank card and a few other scraps. The sweatshirt I wore today has my wallet, phone, cigarettes, two lighters, two pens, scraps of paper, some garbage, and pain killers, it had my laptop and mp3 player in it earlier. My bag has ball point pens, inking pens, mechanical pencils, a set of Derwitt drawing pencils, two sketchbooks, two novels, one comic, hand lotion, some candy and probably garbage and loose pain killers.
Those items tell you I enjoy drawing, reading, I smoke, I don't remember my banking numbers, I like comics, I either don't carry cash or I have no cash. That's a lot of things to learn from not talking to me and just going through my things. I think that's why on dA the room meme or bag meme goes on, people are interested in what people keep with them. On formspring I've gotten the question 'what's in your pocket right now' a few times, people are curious about what people keep with them. I think that why I enjoy reading journals and diary comics, to see how others live.
As I was reading Carnet I was thinking about how I'd draw a different journal comic than 100 Days, I want to do another one at some point, maybe this spring. I've been thinking about limiting it to interesting events, but anything can come up, I don't know yet.
Carnet was interesting because of how personal it is. On the last page when Thompson is talking about why he did it, even with the pressure from his publisher, a friend told him he should draw it for himself. I went that route with 100 Days, but I think I may try something different with the last 50 or so pages that I haven't finished yet, in a way make them more personal, even though some days get incredibly personal. I don't know, I might save those ideas for another journal comic.
Some other Internet journal comics I've enjoyed are Dar, Ellerbisms, The Everyday, Journalin' Comix, Johnny Wander, Kid with Experience, Little Gamers, So Far Apart, Three Panel Soul and I'm sure I've got others I'm forgetting. Some published autobio comics I've enjoyed are Will Eisner's work, Blankets, Spent, Too Cool To Be Forgotten, Persepolis, Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic, and all the ones I can't see from my perch on my bed. Some biographies and published journals I've enjoyed are David Carradine's Kill Bill Diary, Room Full of Mirrors, everything I've read by Jonathan Ames, and as before, what I can't see form my perch on my bed. I really like being able to peek in at different people's lives, see how they live, what's important to them and how they change over time.
I think part of that was my motivation for 100 Days, to be able to look back at what my life was for a summer when I was 21. To see times when I was happy, what I enjoyed doing, watching, reading and then being able to reflect on things. Even now I find it enjoyable to look at what I did only three months ago, some of these pages I haven't seen in months so I've forgotten what I did, how I felt. Sometimes I get swept away by my own emotions, falling into a mild depression because of what I did that day or remembering happy days. It's been interesting and good I think. I don't regret drawing this out, I don't regret posting it online, I don't really regret anything I said there either. I do have a moleskin sketchbook/journal that's a larger format waiting for something to be put in it, I might use that for my next one. We'll see. Maybe I'll have a reason to start it earlier.
Jasmine P.
July 23, 2010
Self Esteem and Vanity
This is about my creative ability. I finished pieces and proudly show them to my friends, I love showing them work. The down side is that none of them draw so even the crappiest 15 second scribble gets as much love as a piece I'll slave over for hours. It's almost insulting and I have to explain why the 15 second doodle sucks, or why I don't like it. They just can't get it.
When I try to actually consider selling my work I balk. I freeze in my tracks. I can dream of selling my work, I can imagine and plan, but when it boils down to actually selling it, I want to run. I feel bad for charging my friends for my pieces and then there's charging them for some and not for others. Gifts, or random doodles that they decide they like I have no problem giving away. If I really like something I feel bad about trying to charge them. It's less that I'm trying to short change myself, it's more that because they're friends I feel weird, I feel bad about charging. I don't really want to do the 'friend discount' because I have a lot of friends and plenty of them might try talking my into discounting their friends.
See, I'm worrying about something 80 million steps down the road, I haven't even sold a piece and I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to deal with pricing. In the long run for actually pricing pieces I have to be fair and charge everyone the same, and then there's actually charging for a piece. Should I just charge based on the size of the piece and completion, or should I just charge by how long it takes me, with completion factored in. I don't want it to be arbitrary chosen with every piece I sell and if I sell something I did for me, but decide I need to sell, how to I price it then?
Tucked into all of this I've been offered an awesome opportunity, it's a cross between a commission and being allowed to just plain sell my work somewhere. I'm trying to figure out if how I'd end up making money would be fair. I also have to think about how much work I'm preparing, how long it would take and then how long it would be until I ultimately saw any sort of return. I want it to be fair for both me and the person who suggested this idea, but I'm trying to figure out the likely hood of my making anything from this project. I just about have to figure out ten things concurrently before I even get to work on this project, and in my mind I want it ready for next fall to sell. But based off it's sales I could have a relatively simple series to get going. I dunno, I'll hint at more information when I have more figured out. Buuu.
So, another project that I addressed a few weeks ago on Twitter was for a small published comic. In my mind it's regular comic sized, anywhere from 10-20 pages. I want that to have two short stories, I have one sketched that a friend has agreed to review for me before I actually draw the pages for publication. I don't have much more than fleeting thoughts for the second story. They'd be non-sequiturs, but I want the print to be worth it for whoever buys it so I figured two black and white stories comic book sized and only about $5 would be fair. Two people said they'd be interested in it, which was a friggin' ego boost, especially because this story would only be available offline, meaning it's not being posted on blogger, or on deviantart. It would be offline only. It would be a hard sale because the stories are so short I can't preview more than a few sketches or pin-ups online without telling more of the story than I want to online. And I would try selling the books online and see if my comic shop would be able to sell them. This would be an even smaller printing because it would be all paid for by me, but I feel as if I have to try. I love the first story, and it's incredibly open to interpretation and I think I would damn near die if I saw it published. I want the second story to be more concrete but equally engaging, I just need to figure it out. I was also thinking about adding one or two sketches or tiny tiny versions of the original sketches as special pages. Not too sure or set in anything yet. That I want for this winter, but unless I get the second story written/drawn it's going to have to wait until next summer or later.
This is all what's been going through my head, it's something I've been thinking over and fretting about. In my mind I see myself selling books or having people see me in the coffee shop selling one of these books and ask for a sketch or something and truly liking my work. I love my friends but I don't always feel as if I can trust their opinions about my work, I don't want them to say something is good because I made it, I want them to say something if good because it honestly is. It's weird, I seem as if the only people I can trust for this are faculty, they'd be supportive and would give me encouragement, but I also feel as if I can trust their critical eye to point out faults that I can work on. I feel as if I can get an honest opinion that I should try to sell my work, but also be told in a friendly way what needs to be improved upon. I feel as if they could ask the right questions.
I think I fear succeeding. I think I want to ask my teachers their opinions because they're not just going to tell me something is good. I also want to ask them because they have the ability to draw, they're creatives so there's in a way weight to what they'd have to tell me. I feel bad not wanting to accept my friends' opinions but I know they don't want to hurt me. It's an odd form of trust and not trusting people it seems.
If you look over these past two situation you'll see me proudly thinking of my art as sellable then turning before I get too far into the clouds and beat me back to having low self esteem and no body wanting to buy my work. Selling things is like a friggin' fantasy, like flying like a bird with wings and not inside a plane. I keep bringing me back to reality, even though what I want is entirely attainable. What I wonder because of this type of thinking is, is this me being frightened by people not liking my work or am I equally afraid of succeeding and never thinking my work is good enough.
I consider showing my work to my friends me being vain. I love showing off, I love getting the attention. It's always weird and different, difficult for me to deal with people giving me attention that I didn't command. When I take people's attention and force them to focus on me, that's one thing. When people invite their attention I feel like I'm inadequate of receiving it. [Holy fuck, I think I just realized something about something going on right now. Will think about and address later, maybe...] Maybe that's why I fear selling my work. Now to get to believing my friends when they tell me my work is good. Seriously, when people tell me my writing or my art are good I don't really believe them. In my creative writing class I was told my poetry was really good, I don't understand why I didn't like any of it. But another time, another friend, told me a blog was well written, I considered it to be more of a rant than anything impressive or well done. I mean, I understand and I know I can write well, I don't think it's impressive. I consider my abilities and skill to be normal, I don't feel as if I work all that hard to accomplish something. I mean, I rarely give these more than a typo skim, if even that, and I post them. I am now circling back to my blog from a few weeks ago about being intelligent and knowing I'm intelligent. Two radically different ideas.
Well cheers! I hope you enjoyed me fretting about my drawing ability and fear of selling work. I'm going to clean the apartment a bit, and maybe write some ideas I've had for the movie blog I've had since yesterday.
Jasmine P.
When I try to actually consider selling my work I balk. I freeze in my tracks. I can dream of selling my work, I can imagine and plan, but when it boils down to actually selling it, I want to run. I feel bad for charging my friends for my pieces and then there's charging them for some and not for others. Gifts, or random doodles that they decide they like I have no problem giving away. If I really like something I feel bad about trying to charge them. It's less that I'm trying to short change myself, it's more that because they're friends I feel weird, I feel bad about charging. I don't really want to do the 'friend discount' because I have a lot of friends and plenty of them might try talking my into discounting their friends.
See, I'm worrying about something 80 million steps down the road, I haven't even sold a piece and I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to deal with pricing. In the long run for actually pricing pieces I have to be fair and charge everyone the same, and then there's actually charging for a piece. Should I just charge based on the size of the piece and completion, or should I just charge by how long it takes me, with completion factored in. I don't want it to be arbitrary chosen with every piece I sell and if I sell something I did for me, but decide I need to sell, how to I price it then?
Tucked into all of this I've been offered an awesome opportunity, it's a cross between a commission and being allowed to just plain sell my work somewhere. I'm trying to figure out if how I'd end up making money would be fair. I also have to think about how much work I'm preparing, how long it would take and then how long it would be until I ultimately saw any sort of return. I want it to be fair for both me and the person who suggested this idea, but I'm trying to figure out the likely hood of my making anything from this project. I just about have to figure out ten things concurrently before I even get to work on this project, and in my mind I want it ready for next fall to sell. But based off it's sales I could have a relatively simple series to get going. I dunno, I'll hint at more information when I have more figured out. Buuu.
So, another project that I addressed a few weeks ago on Twitter was for a small published comic. In my mind it's regular comic sized, anywhere from 10-20 pages. I want that to have two short stories, I have one sketched that a friend has agreed to review for me before I actually draw the pages for publication. I don't have much more than fleeting thoughts for the second story. They'd be non-sequiturs, but I want the print to be worth it for whoever buys it so I figured two black and white stories comic book sized and only about $5 would be fair. Two people said they'd be interested in it, which was a friggin' ego boost, especially because this story would only be available offline, meaning it's not being posted on blogger, or on deviantart. It would be offline only. It would be a hard sale because the stories are so short I can't preview more than a few sketches or pin-ups online without telling more of the story than I want to online. And I would try selling the books online and see if my comic shop would be able to sell them. This would be an even smaller printing because it would be all paid for by me, but I feel as if I have to try. I love the first story, and it's incredibly open to interpretation and I think I would damn near die if I saw it published. I want the second story to be more concrete but equally engaging, I just need to figure it out. I was also thinking about adding one or two sketches or tiny tiny versions of the original sketches as special pages. Not too sure or set in anything yet. That I want for this winter, but unless I get the second story written/drawn it's going to have to wait until next summer or later.
This is all what's been going through my head, it's something I've been thinking over and fretting about. In my mind I see myself selling books or having people see me in the coffee shop selling one of these books and ask for a sketch or something and truly liking my work. I love my friends but I don't always feel as if I can trust their opinions about my work, I don't want them to say something is good because I made it, I want them to say something if good because it honestly is. It's weird, I seem as if the only people I can trust for this are faculty, they'd be supportive and would give me encouragement, but I also feel as if I can trust their critical eye to point out faults that I can work on. I feel as if I can get an honest opinion that I should try to sell my work, but also be told in a friendly way what needs to be improved upon. I feel as if they could ask the right questions.
I think I fear succeeding. I think I want to ask my teachers their opinions because they're not just going to tell me something is good. I also want to ask them because they have the ability to draw, they're creatives so there's in a way weight to what they'd have to tell me. I feel bad not wanting to accept my friends' opinions but I know they don't want to hurt me. It's an odd form of trust and not trusting people it seems.
If you look over these past two situation you'll see me proudly thinking of my art as sellable then turning before I get too far into the clouds and beat me back to having low self esteem and no body wanting to buy my work. Selling things is like a friggin' fantasy, like flying like a bird with wings and not inside a plane. I keep bringing me back to reality, even though what I want is entirely attainable. What I wonder because of this type of thinking is, is this me being frightened by people not liking my work or am I equally afraid of succeeding and never thinking my work is good enough.
I consider showing my work to my friends me being vain. I love showing off, I love getting the attention. It's always weird and different, difficult for me to deal with people giving me attention that I didn't command. When I take people's attention and force them to focus on me, that's one thing. When people invite their attention I feel like I'm inadequate of receiving it. [Holy fuck, I think I just realized something about something going on right now. Will think about and address later, maybe...] Maybe that's why I fear selling my work. Now to get to believing my friends when they tell me my work is good. Seriously, when people tell me my writing or my art are good I don't really believe them. In my creative writing class I was told my poetry was really good, I don't understand why I didn't like any of it. But another time, another friend, told me a blog was well written, I considered it to be more of a rant than anything impressive or well done. I mean, I understand and I know I can write well, I don't think it's impressive. I consider my abilities and skill to be normal, I don't feel as if I work all that hard to accomplish something. I mean, I rarely give these more than a typo skim, if even that, and I post them. I am now circling back to my blog from a few weeks ago about being intelligent and knowing I'm intelligent. Two radically different ideas.
Well cheers! I hope you enjoyed me fretting about my drawing ability and fear of selling work. I'm going to clean the apartment a bit, and maybe write some ideas I've had for the movie blog I've had since yesterday.
Jasmine P.
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