Visual Identity

I just read an article about a lesbian woman who is now with a man. She spoke about how she would display her lesbian habits and pro GLBTQ community ideas in her younger years with a mohawk, rainbows and radicallism.

I look at that, then I look at me. I have thought on more than one occasion that I am a gay man in a woman's body. Seriously, I don't dress like a woman, I rarely admit to liking woman's things, I enjoy hanging out with guys and to a point I'm much more comfortable around men. Something I working with at the moment though is how I present myself. Like I said, kind of, I'm straight. I like men. I've contemplated women and end with men. I dress like a lesbian and worry that other people think I'm a lesbian.

In saying I dress like a lesbian, I prefer wearing men's clothes, I keep my hair cropped short and rarely display my breasts. [I was going to use the euphemism 'assets' but decided we're fucking adults, call them what they are.] I have been called sir on many an occasion, which is irritating. I wear a cap every day very rarely outwardly display myself as female.

With how I dress and present myself and my vulgar sense of humor I'm really not trying to make a statement, I'm just trying to be comfortable. Because of my hidridenitis I don't really wear revealing shirts, I know it is possible to show off breasts without showing off arms. But, I can't wear tank tops because the edge of the material cut into the wounds or bandages causing pain, and I don't want people to see the bandages and judge or question them. They're kind of disgusting and not really socially fun to talk about. I accept my weight, but am still a bit self-conscious of it. That self-consciousness leads to what I wear, I don't wear sleek, tight or formfitting because it would show and highlight all of the fat. All of the fat everywhere.

Most days I'm wearing a tee shirt from Threadless, if it's cool or cold a sweatshirt or a light shirt/jacket. In the summer I wear man shorts, the ones that stop below the knee, and in the winder jeans or cargo pants. I prefer buying man pants because they have better pockets, I swear you can only fit a condom into woman's pants pockets. In man's pants pockets you could save the moon, or at least hold onto a sandwich.

I wear what I consider to be comfortable. Dressing like a woman is rarely comfortable in my mind because there's heeled shoes which I rebel against. There's primping which I dislike because that hiding who I am in a way I don't like. Make up and nail polish, why? I don't want it so I don't wear it. Then there's tight, form fitting clothes, or even just clothes cut for the female figure. I prefer to know my breasts aren't going anywhere. I don't care if people stare, they're fat. Breasts are fat, fat my body decided I needed hanging off my front. I don't understand why people are so uptight about men looking at their breasts and I'm tired of that joke in movies. I actually find them to be annoying, seriously. The pains that you go through with large breasts, not worth it. If you have average or a small sized bust, rejoice! Bras costs too much as is, but the bigger the boob the more they cost. Hell, my bras cost more than the shirts that cover them, seriously. It's fucked up.

But as I was saying, sometimes I feel as if people give me the title of Lesbian when they see me without knowing me. Everyone judges on first sight, but I want people to value me for my mind and not because I have a large bust that is on display. My figure is far from an hour glass, but I like it, it's mine dammit. I do want to lose some weight, but I am happy with where I am.

I dunno, just some thoughts. 

Jasmine P.

I Am A Judgemental Scunt

Earlier this week I was having a conversation about inappropriate clothing with some people in my local coffee shop, Borjo, and ultimately realized I am a judgemental scunt when it comes to other people's clothing. In part it's based in my mother's opinion, but it's also about a bit of professionalism. I mean, going to class is baggy messy clothing is one thing, but going to class in pajamas looks like you don't care about how you present yourself, or shorts that are just barely more material than your underoos looks very whorish in my opinion

These are all so fucking unnecessary to wear on a daily basis to classes. It's not really warm, we keep getting cold, wet and rainy days and girls are going to class in these. Going out in shorts that cover so little is unnecessary. There's a time and a place for things like this, and going to class on a daily basis is neither of those. I mean, I've seen more pantyshots than I'd ever care to because people's clothes are stupid small. I mean, why not just go out in your panties, these aren't really covering much. I see girls, sitting in chairs, trying to pull their two inches of 'skirt' or 'shorts' down because their legs are cold or are touching the seat. I mean, really. You don't know who had what on where and you're showing that much leg. It's not like we're at the fucking beach. I think I'd be a little less judgemental if I saw this at the beach. But no, people are going to college classes dressed as if they're tricks.

I think my biggest issue is the lack of professionalism in wearing clothing like this. If I ran a business, I would not take someone seriously if they came into my place of business wearing something like this. Hell, even if it was retail, if someone is coming to me for a job, I want them to dress at least as professional as they need to. Business casual or something similar and not the shortest shorts they can find.

I look at girls around campus wearing this crap and seriously, the first thing I think is that they look like tramps. It leaves so little to the imagination that if I were a guy I wouldn't see the need in talking to someone dressed like this. With someone who dresses like they have some sort of sense there's a challenge. A challenge of getting them out of their clothes, but also the challenge of actually getting to know them. Someone who dresses like this in my eyes, doesn't present themself as someone who really has a lot of self esteem, and therefore has to dress like this beause they want the attention that so little clothing brings.

I'm not saying women should be wearing hemlines to their ankles and to not show any skin ever, but be classy about it. If not classy, dress to be respected, it doesn't always have to be to impress. I have never thought I looked like much more than a bum in what I wear on a day-to-day basis, but hell, I like wearing hat, I bought a new one that looks more 'presentable' so when I talk to professors I don't have a pin that says 'fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck' above my temple. Hell, most days I think I look like a bum, baggy pants, a tee from threadless and a cap. I've overweight and usually cold so I grab a sweatshirt or something in general to cover my arms. When I need to look a bit better, I do. That second photo if from my summer conference, we didn't have to be super dressed up, but I did want to dress nicer than my day-to-day of tee-shirts and apparent gender ambiguity. I'm a function over fashion individual, so yes, I wanted to look a bit nice, but I dislike skirts for the simple reason if I need to haul ass, a skirt is a whore and a half to run in, and if I can help it, you know, it's nice to not give people a chunky-panty-shot as I'm running from a fire or some shit.

All in all, I'm judgemental, and I think most girls on my college campus look like whores on a daily basis. There's a time and a place for short-shorts, but class every day is not one of those places and seriously not one of those times.

Jasmine P.