My Life: Different From What I'd Expected

Many adults at some point realize their life isn't what they had expected it would be when they were kids. I was blind, in a sense, to what my life would be come. Everyone is, the adventure wouldn't be much fun if we know what we'd be doing or where we'd go from the beginning, the exploration and adventure aren't the spice of life, they are life.

Few people expect their parents to die when they're young. It's not the misconception that people never die, it's more that it's something to worry about in the distant future. My mom was a rock of strength,  goal and a guide for my life. I figured I'd live how I wanted, but at the same time doing what she wished of me. I'm not who she thought I'd be, but I don't think she'd completely disapprove of who I am.

My life is interesting, the people I meet are all pretty damn great. I'm quiet, until I've decided I'm comfortable with people, I'm not always who people first think I'm going to be. I dress relatively conservatively, I don't flash a lot of skin, I never wear make-up, I wear a hat and headphones constantly. I could be considered anti-social with how much time I spend with my nose in a book or hunched over my sketchbook or being my laptop, but I'm not. I'm bright, I light up when people I like are around. People seem to put up with me. I'm brash and aggressive, and I have a variety of friends who have seen so many different aspects of who I am it's weird to think about how differently they all perceive me.

I spend time watching and judging before I actually interact with anyone. I'll judge, not in a hateful way (unless they seem like a prick) but so I know how to act around different people. People I met my freshman year of college wouldn't expect me to drink and smoke. Well, they'd accept the drinking, but the type of person I am, I don't seem to be the club type. I'm not, I'm the hang out and have a new experience type. I want to explore and try something new while I can. It's a special person who can put up with me or even wants to exert the energy to try to put up with me. I don't know. My life is not what I would have expected it to be, but in a way it's exactly what I knew it would be.

I think I lost some of the feeling I initially want to go for with this, and that's alright because I'm happy with my life. I hit fucked up depressions and hate everything, but I have different people for different types of conversations who can and will help me.

Jasmine P.