My Grandmother keeps trying to get me to change what I like about myself. We're supposed to be going on a cruise this August around the Bahamas. When I spoke to her last week she told me what it was like on the boat, "you're going to forget you're on a boat, it's like being in a mall' or she'd tell me about the Governer's Ball which happens one night on the ship, and that I have to be dressed nicely for dinner. I'm like 'alright' and she continues asking me if I'm going to 'get my hair done' or wear earrings, or telling me I can't wear denims, she's old and doesn't usually say 'jeans' for whatever reason.
I try to listen, but when she asks me an honest question I decide I'm going to answer honestly:
-"Will you get my hair done in a beauty salon": no, I like my hair short and natural
-"well, will you go to a barber? How much does it cost?"; between $10-15, and no, my friend can cut my hair;
-"how do you know they can cut hair? What if you don't like it?": I'll cut it all off then let it grow back. Hair will grow back.
-"You're not going to wear a hat every day, your hair won't grow long if you wear a hat all the time.": I like my hats and I don't want my hair to grow long, Grandma.
-"Fine, you're going to wear earrings right?": No Grandma, they irritate my ears, I don't like 'em. As I kid I didn't like them.
"Well, you have to dress nice, you can't go out to eat wearing denims. When you go out with your friends you have to look nice so you can meet people."
You'd think I'd be dizzy from rolling my eyes so much. I finally get her to stop this ridiculous attempt at changing me by explaining I wear and present myself how I like. I don't like dresses or earrings so I don't wear them. I like my hats so I wear them. I have the commonsense to not go to a nice dinner in baggy messy jeans or cargos, but it's the same commonsense that keeps me from going to a messy art class in a really nice shirt. It's neither the time nor is it the place. No, I won't wear make-up, no I won't conform to society's conventions of beauty because I don't like them.
I am me, let me prove to you my life is fine, that I'm happy, when I'm not depressed - my appearance doesn't affect my depression, so I'm happy in how I look, how I dress and ow I carry myself. I have been told that things I have ae nice, that they look good, stop trying to compare me to my mother. Stop trying to compare me to other people, be happy that I'm happy.
I don't know. I could easily just say yes to everything she says I should do, but I wouldn't be happy. It's better to get this stupid non-important argument out of the way now instead of it being a stupid non-important argument in three months when sh sees me to wearing earrings, not wearing make-up, not wearing nail polish. I'll primp to my own tastes not hers. The thing is, like I said, I like how I dress, I like the clothes I wear, I don't want to 'work' that goes into being 'beautiful' and that shit all costs too much. Concealer, mascara, lipstick, blush, facial wash, zit cream, nail polish, nail polish remover, hair rollers, hair relaxant. If I had one of each of those things I'd've spent $100 easy. Why? To fit into what society considers to be beautiful. I want to buck trends and fuck convention.
It's like I questioned in this image http://dichigo.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d1kcwn9 a scribble from a few years ago, I want to go back to it again at some point, but why should I listen to the magazines, the voices outside. To hell with them, if I'm happy how I am, why do I have to listen to people out there who work so hard to change themselves and others to their own conventions and beauty, to what they think society would like. No, that's not me.
When I leave for that cruise I will have some nice shirts, I will have one or two skirts, I will also have sneakers, sandals, denim gouchos, one or two of my hats, either my FreakAngels or Israeli Paratrooper bag, at least one sketchbook, pens, pencils, two or three novels and my DS, plus other odds and ends. I'll have things to look nice in, to look nice with that I like, and I'll have the things I like that are comfortable. It's what I like
Jasmine P.
May 23, 2010
May 12, 2010
Faceook Privacy Issues and a Rant
Facebook's newest privacy policy
Why does any of my personal information have to be linked to what other people have put up or to Wikipedia? I currently have no information for my education, movies, books, interests or anything because I have to share it, or you can see it because Facebook has really retarded visibility previews. I don't know what anyone other than myself can see in relation to my information, but I disagree that it has to be linked to something else other than either a)Facebook or b) my network. If I want to find more information about what anyone I know has under their information, I can look it up myself without having to use a short cut given by Facebook, or forced upon me. This is bullshit and I feel that it's infringing upon my rights to keep things private. Yes, I want to share my reading or movie interests with my friends, but I don't feel that to do that I have to have it linked to whatever Facebook decides I need to be linked to. Yes, I say I like something, but does that mean I endorse it? Not always, and not for everyone.
I will again share a link I saw a few weeks ago [click here] How to opt out of some of Facebook's new changes that they never really announced. I mean, really, who updates or looks at their personal information every day? Hell, most of the time I only really look at anyone else information when I friend them, I have better things to do than to memorize what my friends love, and just reading it here would make me feel like a really creepy stalker.
[Click Here -2] This is a Facebook page about governing the changes, if you disagree with what they have automatically decided for you to share, you can voice your opinion here, now, let's see if they really care. Irritatingly you have to 'like' the site governance before you can comment, but if I must, I will. Only I plan on voice my opinion, do you? So far only 4 thousand of the few million Facebook members have voiced an opinion about the privacy changes, if you disagree with them say something. The more who do, the sooner we might be able to make our private information private again.
Another stupid Facebook thing I'm getting tired of is having to jump through hoops to see information about a group or idea. Like, if you want to see a list you have to join and possibly share the list with your friends. This hearkens back to about two years ago when there were a million and a half quizzes on the site and to see your result you -had- to share it with your friends to see some inane information. And if you wanted to see it again, you had to send it to more friends. Yeah, no. All those stupid lists and jokes are on the Internet and I'm sure I've seen many of them in some form or another over the years. It's not work it, I have other more interesting things I can be doing than whatever stupid tasks there are to see some group's information. Every day I see more and more little things that make me want to delete my account, clear out everything and leave one link to my main blog where all my other information can be found. My photos would only be on Flickr, what's on my mind on twitter and blogger and this would just be a front to my sites.
A few more Electronics Foundation Frontier (EFF) pages relating to current Facebook changes and Facebook in general
[Click Here 3] [Click Here 4]
[Click Here 5] - A very useful link, did you know your friends list was automatically visible to EVERYONE on Facebook?
Linked from an EFF post [Click Here 6] - Mark Zuckerberg "does not believe in 'privacy'"
Note, some of that information I may have shared in the past.
[Click Here 7] Our 'rights and responsibilities' according to Facebook
"Your privacy is very important to us. We designed our Privacy Policy to make important disclosures about how you can use Facebook to share with others and how we collect and can use your content and information. We encourage you to read the Privacy Policy, and to use it to help make informed decisions." From the beginning of that link. What the hell.
Good luck protecting your privacy.
Jasmine P.
Why does any of my personal information have to be linked to what other people have put up or to Wikipedia? I currently have no information for my education, movies, books, interests or anything because I have to share it, or you can see it because Facebook has really retarded visibility previews. I don't know what anyone other than myself can see in relation to my information, but I disagree that it has to be linked to something else other than either a)Facebook or b) my network. If I want to find more information about what anyone I know has under their information, I can look it up myself without having to use a short cut given by Facebook, or forced upon me. This is bullshit and I feel that it's infringing upon my rights to keep things private. Yes, I want to share my reading or movie interests with my friends, but I don't feel that to do that I have to have it linked to whatever Facebook decides I need to be linked to. Yes, I say I like something, but does that mean I endorse it? Not always, and not for everyone.
I will again share a link I saw a few weeks ago [click here] How to opt out of some of Facebook's new changes that they never really announced. I mean, really, who updates or looks at their personal information every day? Hell, most of the time I only really look at anyone else information when I friend them, I have better things to do than to memorize what my friends love, and just reading it here would make me feel like a really creepy stalker.
[Click Here -2] This is a Facebook page about governing the changes, if you disagree with what they have automatically decided for you to share, you can voice your opinion here, now, let's see if they really care. Irritatingly you have to 'like' the site governance before you can comment, but if I must, I will. Only I plan on voice my opinion, do you? So far only 4 thousand of the few million Facebook members have voiced an opinion about the privacy changes, if you disagree with them say something. The more who do, the sooner we might be able to make our private information private again.
Another stupid Facebook thing I'm getting tired of is having to jump through hoops to see information about a group or idea. Like, if you want to see a list you have to join and possibly share the list with your friends. This hearkens back to about two years ago when there were a million and a half quizzes on the site and to see your result you -had- to share it with your friends to see some inane information. And if you wanted to see it again, you had to send it to more friends. Yeah, no. All those stupid lists and jokes are on the Internet and I'm sure I've seen many of them in some form or another over the years. It's not work it, I have other more interesting things I can be doing than whatever stupid tasks there are to see some group's information. Every day I see more and more little things that make me want to delete my account, clear out everything and leave one link to my main blog where all my other information can be found. My photos would only be on Flickr, what's on my mind on twitter and blogger and this would just be a front to my sites.
A few more Electronics Foundation Frontier (EFF) pages relating to current Facebook changes and Facebook in general
[Click Here 3] [Click Here 4]
[Click Here 5] - A very useful link, did you know your friends list was automatically visible to EVERYONE on Facebook?
Linked from an EFF post [Click Here 6] - Mark Zuckerberg "does not believe in 'privacy'"
Note, some of that information I may have shared in the past.
[Click Here 7] Our 'rights and responsibilities' according to Facebook
"Your privacy is very important to us. We designed our Privacy Policy to make important disclosures about how you can use Facebook to share with others and how we collect and can use your content and information. We encourage you to read the Privacy Policy, and to use it to help make informed decisions." From the beginning of that link. What the hell.
Good luck protecting your privacy.
Jasmine P.
May 9, 2010
Some Thoughts on Sex, Religion and Other
I don't know if I'll ever get laid, I say this because of the hidridenitis I have around my vagina. It sucks enough sitting or bull shit, but the idea of anything other than my hand near it is kind of horrifying, all I can imagine is the pain. Not the good type of sexual pain that turns into pleasure, the horrible type of contact pain that happens when anything touches sore, irritated skin. It's a very depressing thought. When I first contemplated having sex with this shit and the fact that no sane man would ever want to go anywhere near it I actually wanted to kill myself. The idea lasted no longer than one, two days, then I realized I was being stupid. I no longer wish to die because I don't think I'll ever get laid, it just depresses me. I now wonder if I'll end up trying to push away any relationship that could happened because the proverbial 'happy ending' might not occur. That's a thought that's more difficult for me to shove away because I know that if I saw what I had on someone else I wouldn't want to touch it. It looks gross and it hurts like mofo. Everything makes it hurt. Movement of fabric over them, soap and water, stretching; hell, sometimes breathing hurts or even my blood moving underneath my skin causes sharp unpleasant pain. But I digress, I'll get back to my thoughts on sex, and my sexuality.
Sometimes I fear I won't get anybody because of how I act an dress. I am female, but I have said things and I think things that are not generally considered to be especially feminine. Those things make me worried that I won't be loved by someone. I know there are people out there that like people like me, but that's much harder to believe when none of them have approached me. I also wonder if because of how I dress that people think I'm a lesbian. I like men, I have no problem with ladies who like ladies, hell, I'm all for it. The only time not is when they're interested in me. I have said I'd like a compliment from anyone, male or female, but I think I'd be taken aback if too many women started coming onto me. I know I don't carry myself especially femininely, but it's another ball park if someone thought I liked women.
As I said before I'm all about whatever makes someone happy, but I guess a minor exception would be a female who was interested in me. I'd be nice about letting them down, but I doubt that will ever happen. As for men who like men, women who like women, or both who like both, party on! Do what and who [as long as it's not rape, incest or pedophilia] makes you happy. I have nothing wrong with homosexuality. I don't understand why other people have such an issue with people who like something they're against. I read an article, or heard a story somewhere where someone was gay and they asked a protester or someone who was against homosexuality why they cared so much. The response was along the lines of they were upset that they were going to hell.
Now, I care about people, I care a lot about the people around me, but I can't care to that extent about someone I don't know. I'm not religious, I'm Agnostic and/or Deist - something started it and isn't involved. I don't believe in heaven or hell. I believe that when you die, you're gone, just like when you're born you appear. It's not like your soul or spirit existed, got trapped in a body and is now free, it's there, then when you die, it's gone. What's the point of an afterlife? Why live a life, hellish or awesome, just to be shoved into another life that is a consequence of your first life. That doesn't make much sense. I don't believe if you're homosexual you go to hell, I don't believe that if you're heterosexual you go to heaven. I believe in what goes on on earth, if you're a good person life is alright, if you're a bad person life is less alright because you're possibly in prison or on the lam. Then when you die, you're gone. Said and done.
Back to the ideas of sex, I'd rather no know my friend's sexual proclivities. It's one thing to know if they've had sex, it's another thing to know any details. My life is going quite well without whatever details there may be. When I think to much about it, which is at all, my active imagination starts to picture things my life would have been fine without my thinking of. I mean, it's one thing to help and give advice. Actually, with my mind that's pretty bad, but it's another thing to hear about it. What he/she was like, how it started. I don't need to know. I'll wave a flag and cheer, but thinking much more than that is weird for me. I'll cheer for an promote safe sex and not using an abortion to 'fix' things, but after that I'm fine with not knowing. This goes for both genders.
I've noticed I really don't care about hearing people objectify either gender I'll just start tuning it out. Hearing all that much more is another thing. Talking about sex in general is fine, but putting a name, face, body to the situation is a lot weirder. I'm fine with knowing my friends quite well, but when my mind starts setting up a scene for them to go at it I need to stop, I need something else to think about.
I really don't know where this was supposed to go, this is a thought that I started some time ago. I figure I'll address it again at some point, but here's some type of starter. It's quite jumbled and nothing is really complete, but I feel it was good for me to give it a go and get some of thoughts down.
Jasmine P.
Sometimes I fear I won't get anybody because of how I act an dress. I am female, but I have said things and I think things that are not generally considered to be especially feminine. Those things make me worried that I won't be loved by someone. I know there are people out there that like people like me, but that's much harder to believe when none of them have approached me. I also wonder if because of how I dress that people think I'm a lesbian. I like men, I have no problem with ladies who like ladies, hell, I'm all for it. The only time not is when they're interested in me. I have said I'd like a compliment from anyone, male or female, but I think I'd be taken aback if too many women started coming onto me. I know I don't carry myself especially femininely, but it's another ball park if someone thought I liked women.
As I said before I'm all about whatever makes someone happy, but I guess a minor exception would be a female who was interested in me. I'd be nice about letting them down, but I doubt that will ever happen. As for men who like men, women who like women, or both who like both, party on! Do what and who [as long as it's not rape, incest or pedophilia] makes you happy. I have nothing wrong with homosexuality. I don't understand why other people have such an issue with people who like something they're against. I read an article, or heard a story somewhere where someone was gay and they asked a protester or someone who was against homosexuality why they cared so much. The response was along the lines of they were upset that they were going to hell.
Now, I care about people, I care a lot about the people around me, but I can't care to that extent about someone I don't know. I'm not religious, I'm Agnostic and/or Deist - something started it and isn't involved. I don't believe in heaven or hell. I believe that when you die, you're gone, just like when you're born you appear. It's not like your soul or spirit existed, got trapped in a body and is now free, it's there, then when you die, it's gone. What's the point of an afterlife? Why live a life, hellish or awesome, just to be shoved into another life that is a consequence of your first life. That doesn't make much sense. I don't believe if you're homosexual you go to hell, I don't believe that if you're heterosexual you go to heaven. I believe in what goes on on earth, if you're a good person life is alright, if you're a bad person life is less alright because you're possibly in prison or on the lam. Then when you die, you're gone. Said and done.
Back to the ideas of sex, I'd rather no know my friend's sexual proclivities. It's one thing to know if they've had sex, it's another thing to know any details. My life is going quite well without whatever details there may be. When I think to much about it, which is at all, my active imagination starts to picture things my life would have been fine without my thinking of. I mean, it's one thing to help and give advice. Actually, with my mind that's pretty bad, but it's another thing to hear about it. What he/she was like, how it started. I don't need to know. I'll wave a flag and cheer, but thinking much more than that is weird for me. I'll cheer for an promote safe sex and not using an abortion to 'fix' things, but after that I'm fine with not knowing. This goes for both genders.
I've noticed I really don't care about hearing people objectify either gender I'll just start tuning it out. Hearing all that much more is another thing. Talking about sex in general is fine, but putting a name, face, body to the situation is a lot weirder. I'm fine with knowing my friends quite well, but when my mind starts setting up a scene for them to go at it I need to stop, I need something else to think about.
I really don't know where this was supposed to go, this is a thought that I started some time ago. I figure I'll address it again at some point, but here's some type of starter. It's quite jumbled and nothing is really complete, but I feel it was good for me to give it a go and get some of thoughts down.
Jasmine P.
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