December 24, 2009

2009 in Review and Reflection

This year has been tumultuous. I gave myself the beginning of an education in movies and cinema. I've read a bit, more comics. And I made my biggest life change in a while, I switched college majors. If you care enough for more detail and a lot more griping, feel free to read the archives, this is a gloss over of the year.

From the top, January. I decided back in January that I was going to watch 365 movies in the year, more or less, one for every day of the year. I had a short lead, but then school happened and my plans came crashing down. I continued on and it was rough depending on how classes were going. I stuck to my own DVDs for a long while, but eventually stated renting more movies. I switched my rules to those on the View Askew boards after about three weeks. It's been a fun and interesting challenge. My super fucking awesome Creative Zen X-Fi got stolen by one of my roommates friends on the gatdamned Inauguration Day, which is fucking bull shit. I stopped talking to her seriously after that shit. We'd been on rocky terms since the previous November, as far as I was concerned. It was also no skin off my back to not talk to her anymore; we were never really that close to begin with. In late January, I believe, I followed Seph_Hunter on dA, which plays into other things throughout the year. Movie wise I was all across the board watching any random movie on Video OnDemand or new DVDs I had. It’s when I went through my age of watching 90’s ‘indie cinema’ by that I mean I started with Robert Rodriguez’s movies. I went through most of his by the end of February, then switched gears to Kevin Smith and on to Quentin Tarantino.

February was cold. More movies were watched and I planned for a surgery for my hidradenitis suppurativa. Gearing up for surgery sucked, aside from the pain killers, those were still nice. I apparently drank with Ian and Nicole, that’s when we crashed at Ian’s place. In February is also when we went to the VIWFA tournament in Charlottesville, VA. That was a pretty fun trip. I was really bothered by the hidradenitis. Shit fucking hurt, was itchy and uncomfortable. Ahh, I had my random driving adventure to Elizabeth City because I was bored one night. Really uneventful. On the movie front I worked my way through Kev Smith seriously, then Tarantino. The Kev Smith movies lasted a while.

March, had my surgery. I loved the morphine, and being relatively stoned for the following three to four weeks. Yup, I kicked off my month with a surgery at the tail end of spring break. That fucking sucked. I was in so much pain, I’m still periodically in a lot of pain. I paid a lot less attention in my English class after Spring Break because we had gotten into poetry, and I was bored with the poetry. I wrote about food for a journal. It’s so friggin’ trite, I was too out of it to really write properly, but I tried to. Movies were more Kev Smith then a bunch of things that have very little to do with one another.

April sucked. I got depressed about not having my mother once more, but I did write a bitchin' poem 'An Abecedarian About April' yeah, rockin' the alliteration in the title for the win. I bought a show called 'Dead Like Me' and got into an awesome conversation with Seph on Twitter about Bryan Fuller, which has since lead me to being a Fuller Fan. I've since watched most of his shows on DVD, or Hulu, depending. It's been sweet. Fuller’s stuff has been amazing. Seriously, watching Dead Like Me got me through my depression that I assume was related to my mother’s death from 2.5 years ago. I felt a lot better once I finished the show, then drove to Hampton for some friggin’ Waffle House at 5am, and I made it back before traffic. It was alright. April was the awkward that was the sentencing of the rowing club for being idiots. It really was horrible to have to listen to these other students explain their guilt or innocence to us, then have to lay down the punishment, knowing that campus could change the ‘verdict’ if they felt so inclined. Hmm, April was the end of the semester, that’s when I started finding and watching more Emile Hirsch movies. Sexy boy. April, when my heart was broken by a boy I actually knew. Well, the breaking was in May, but it started in April. April’s movie connection seems to just be Robert Downey Jr. flicks, which is just fine with me. It went from Jake Gyllenhaal to RDJ with Zodiac as the linking film. That’s something I started working on, having some sort of theme across the movies aside from the director. The theme was pretty much just actors.


May finished off the school year, and lead into summer school. I finally had the chance to watch the hell out of movies, and I did. The semester was over, I was taking one summer school class and that was twice a week in the mornings. Maybe it was three times a week, I can’t remember anymore. During this time I went out on a date with the guy from April, then he never calls nor answers his phone when I call. I hold out for another month before cursing him and giving up. The last Monday of the month is a naming ceremony at my mom’s office, they decided to honor her memory by naming a meeting room after her. I was able to return home after finish a final paper and moving into Jon and Josh’s place for the duration of the summer. It was nice to see my Gramma, since it’s too long of a drive to get up to New York. Well, I’d be cool with it if I was hanging with friends, I don’t really want to just go up on my own, especially not from Norfolk. Movies watched were following Hirsch, and picking up old movies that I’d been thinking about watching.

June I did nothing for most of June except for sleep, not take care of my surgery sites, then I went to Wisconsin for a week. I had my first drink in a bar out there, too. I was out there for the Summer Wetlands Association’s yearly conference. It was an excellent opportunity when I was still seriously thinking about becoming a botanist. I had been on the fence, but that kept me in the botanical frame of mind until I returned to Norfolk when I ultimately changed my mind. My biggest reason for changing my major is that being a botanist isn’t really what I wanted out of life. I wanted to draw cartoons and I finally decided to accept what I’d known all along, that I shouldn’t be a scientist, that I should hone my craft and become a comic artist. Back in Norfolk I proceeded to lounge around every day because I had nothing to do. I marathoned the first Pushing Daisies in early June the bought season 2 when it finally got released on DVD. That show and Wonderfalls, which I watched earlier in June, had me loving Lee Pace. Fucking adorable man right there. June movies were Emile Hirsch, then random other it seems. Most months didn’t have a theme that lasted more than a week.

July was more of the same. I was a lay-about. I went to Borjo, drank coffee and befriended more of the employees. Most constructive thing I think I did was rip into a poorly written letter that someone a part of Avatar wrote that was reposted by a movie critic who had criticized the movie back in July. It’s December, I’m not digging the movie. I know plenty of people are, but I don’t want to see it. The story doesn’t sound that interesting and why do non-mammalian creatures have breasts? I could go on and on, but the sooner I let it all go the sooner I can get past the bit blue cat-people bull shit. July has a lot of action-y movies. Some ridiculous movies, and movies that I was finally getting to while renting more movies from specific directors, or written by directors but directed by someone else. July also features Al Pacino; I watched The Godfather Trilogy and a lot of his movies from when he was younger.

August I went home got a new pair of glasses made, and rear ended someone when I came back to Norfolk. That sucked. The car I had in between was nice. A Pontiac something or other. When Dorien came down to sign off on the check for repairs it was his birthday, so I took him to lunch at IHOP. That’s nothing really special, but he doesn’t go often because the nearest one to us home in Reston is out in Vienna. It was nice being just the two of us. I showed him the place I’m currently staying in down at school. Time passes, classes started and I had one hell of a first week. I had to rush my moving because Jon came back early, I was trying to get class stuff straightened out and I thought something was wrong with my car. Getting fencing up and going was hell because Rec Sports decided to claim we hadn’t turned in things that I knew had already been turned in. That got going, then I got to drive home late as all fucking hell on Friday for my father’s wedding on Saturday. August movies were more Pacino and more action for the most part, it seems, and some Bruce Willis because seeing him as a cop, or in generall running round and shooting people pretty much always makes for a good time.

September was awkward as all hell because that’s when my father got married to someone with the same first name as my mother. I really did not like being there. It was really weird. I had to start tuning it all out to keep from crying. Not from the beauty, but from it being awkward. I started playing songs in my head after I’d stopped making faces at my little sister. The reception was fine, then there was a little shindig at the house with the family and friends. I made it back t Norfolk safely after this drive, just tired of having done the drive twice in one month’s there abouts. Classes settled down, and I spoke with the advisor for Art, and learned what I’d have to do to change my major. I explained that I wanted to draw educational biology comics to sell to school systems. I wrote my rant with the best title, ‘I’m a Judgemental Scunt’ about my opinion about current women’s fashion. September’s movies were Directed by Edgar Wright, features Robert DeNiro, or filled whatever other odd requirements I was interested in then.

October was more class and Fall Break in which I drove home and hung out with Alex. I can’t of anything really special that happened then. I got into Woodstock a lot in early October. I watched the documentary and bought the soundtracks which are the live recordings from the day. Watched some Guy Ritchie flicks, was all across the board for movie viewing. Watching what I could when I could. I was depressed for half of October which led into doing nothing interesting. I got a kidney infection and missed 5 days of classes. I had some insane cabin fever from that. I pray I don’t get another kidney infection ever, that was just really annoying after a while.

November, I get over the infection and turn 21, but can’t drink because I’m still on antibiotics. After that, I drink, that Saturday actually, with Brian and other Borjo people at a benefit for Jon who got concussed over the summer. It was fun drinking my first time legally, but I didn’t drink enough nor fast enough to get drunk and that did make me sad. It was great to hang out with people and not be a lonely bore. Classes sucked, I hated English all semester and Thanksgiving rolls around. My drive home is made exponentially better because I pick up Alex for the drive, so being in the car for five hours is nothing because there’s a distraction, and he’s driving. My brothers give me a new phone as a belated birthday gift, and then I spend about half of Wednesday and Thursday cooking for dinner. I got mad stressed out from cooking and latent depression and PSM all rolled into one big mess of boil emotion and hatred which spilled out when I yelled at Miguel on Friday. That sucked. Fuck, I was so gat damned depressed for the rest of the day and accomplished very little over break. November’s movies were across the board again. I sought out some Cohen Brothers stuff but all in all just interesting movies that I heard of around or I’d been sitting on getting around to watching.

December finished out classes. There were some minor adventures with people from Borjo and a random adventure on my own. I spent a lot of my time outside of class in Borjo, chatting up the employees more and just being a presence there. I fed my caffeine addiction like whoa but it was a great place for down time after classes. I think I’m becoming closer friends with people there, I really hope it’s not just in my head because that would be lame. I finished up classes and took finals, one of which sucked a fucking lot. I spent more time working on Cinema hoping to get it up online for early 2010, but I’ll get around to my art in a bit. Actually I have not much else to say, the month isn’t over, there’s another week and a day until the end of the year, hell the end of the decade. Moves were all over, and as of December 24th I am 3 movies from accomplishing my goal. I will continue to count until the year is over, then it will all be posted together as one mega post before I start up for 2010 with the same goal, just different rules.

As for my artwork for the year. I created some new no-world characters and a lot of characters for Cinema. I’ve spent about half the year re-working the characters, refining the art, and thinking about the stories to get it ready for being posted once a week with the hopes of updating more often up to three times a week by the time I graduate. For the uninitiated Cinema is a comic revolving around 4 high school juniors, their day to day school lives and their film making hobby. The story will not be presented in any true chronological order instead each chapter will for the most part deal with an event in their lives. Some chapters will be the movies they have made. After having spent this past year watching movies from mostly America, but from different times and seeing different motivations and ideas Cinema is also a celebration of the cinema and of comics because I love both. Over the past 6-7 months I have worked to round out the world and the characters much more. Aside from the initial 4, then their supporting I have increased secondary and tertiary characters so the world of the comic can work much more smoothly and logically. When the comic is posted I will be happy to share it with the internet.

Aside from working on Cinema this year I have taken some of my perfect story worlds and added chaos and rifts. They were too saccharine and one a couple was together nothing could shake them. That I’ve shaken up a little. Some characters have new family members and some have new friends. There’s no more story than the characters themselves but they will be put to some sort of use. I have started using new supplies this year, nib pens and ink. I like the challenge for these pens and my work and learning more about drawing comics and working in general. I think from this past January I have improved in making my character designs stronger and more unique. I think my inking in improving and aspects of my anatomy works out better now than it did before. I’ve been drawing more in the style required for Cinema than anything else, but I feel that the improvements can still be seen across different cartoon styles. I have officially changed majors from biology to art and look forward to what challenges await and improving my work.

I don’t like the idea of making resolutions for a new year, a thought I’ve touched on before. What I will say about, for, 2010 is bring it on. Bring on your joys, your pains, your sorrow and your happiness. I will do my best to succeed and to not lose to you New Year. I Look forward to getting Cinema online in the coming months and to my artwork improving. I look forward to the freaks and geeks I’ll meet, to the disagreements and the change. I look forward to personal growth and the chance to prove to people that I am the adult I pretend to be, that I’m better than that. Most of all I look forward to new adventures both small and large. It’s another year, like so many past, but there’s still something nice and shiny about it all. Life will happen. I’ve bought my ticket, I’m ready to take my ride.


Jasmine P.

December 17, 2009

New Wave of Plus Sized Models

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/42159348.html#cutid1

So, I went back to skimming things on Oh No They Didn't and came across this, an article about how Glamour or some such stupid magazine will be featuring plus-sized models, and people who look like they actually eat. Ever. I was "Oh, okay. Next." But decided to skim the comments and was getting annoyed with the callous idiocy I was seeing there. People were disgusted that overweight people would be featured in magazines. They were complaining that they just lost weight, and now their last weight size was going to be considered 'acceptable' for magazines. I really don't know how much of what was written in the comments was serious or sarcasm, but if as much of it was serious as I thought when reading it these people have issues.

Yes, I'm overweight, I don't really care. I eat what I like which includes Brussels sprouts, and also chicken nuggets. I'll eat a salad, tacos, burritos, nachos, baked chicken, fried chicken, rotisserie chicken, fish, pork, beef sometimes. I don't care for exercise, but I miss fencing, but current medical crap hell, it's not even current anymore, just medical crap makes fencing a bad idea. It's my fault I weigh what I do, but it is encouraging for impressionable children that the people that get seen on television and in magazines show not just one unhealthy size.

I wonder how that change in ideals came about. I mean, in the span of about 100 years, the 20th century people went from thinking that big women were best to waifishly unhealthily tiny people were the most attractive. In the past weight meant wealth, you were able to feed your self and the children you'd have. Underweight, tiny people kind of look like their underfed. I know people who would be asked if they had problems at home because of their low weight, but in actuality the would eat.

More of my thoughts from that post are about the people who bitched and moaned about losing weight and working off baby fat. You don't work off baby fat, it goes on it's own. You work off real fat. But I say eat what makes you happy, just be logical about it. I mean, I love peanut butter and unless I get an allergy I always will, but I don't gorge myself on it. I gorge myself on improperly fed chicken and coffee. I am more disgusted when I see tiny, underweight people in magazines then when I see normally weighted people. I don't want to see special definitions for each weight class, just show me models. And how the fuck did they become 'super' models? What are their powers? What do they do, going above and beyond to help people?

This rant is all over the place. I've had a headache for the past few days, nothing really helps. My next one should be better, and I have a personal 'year in review' thing to post.

Jasmine P.

December 4, 2009

Early Morning Musings

I've been spending some time over the past few days reading things off the site 'Stand for Christmas' http://www.standforchristmas.com/ and mostly been laughing at these ultra conservative Christians. In part it's from ignorance and non acceptance of other holidays that happen to take place in the winter. If you look at the ratings list for Best Buy people were all pissy and up in arms because the site and circular promoted the Muslim holiday, of Eid al-Adha, which as my meager research on wikipedia told me is a day about prayer and giving from one's flock to the poor. Seriously, that and Best But says nothing specific about Christmas.

I see these people up in arms angry that Christmas isn't getting the 'respect' they think it deserves. I say one comment for Old Navy that said, and I quote "I logged in to this sight to leave a positive feedback for Old Navy because in my local store I noticed the Merry Christmas tees and also gift cards with Merry Christmas on them---a big step up from past years, but I was unaware of the add including Christmas with Kwanza/soltice (the ice skating one is fine with me;goofy, but fine).” So sad that they took one step forward and two giant leaps back." How is being aware of a not-holiday, Kwanzaa in my opinion, and solstice taking two steps back. These people seems to forget that there are many religions in the world that have some sort of festivity in the winter. I know there are plenty of people who believe that Christianity, or factions of, are the 'only religion' it just seems implausible that everyone who decided to write on that site feels that way.

I think saying 'holiday' is fine because there are so many celebrations, religiously based or not. Using the non-reputable source that is Wikipedia, once more, let's see just the sheer number of holidays, festivals, remembrances, or celebrations there are LISTED for the 31 days that make up December. 38 different events around the world, that's not counting the smaller events that take place during the month. It's not just Christmas, there's also Chanukkah which I think is the second largest religious celebration in the month. On December 25th there are also these events:

# Re) birth of Sol Invictus. The winter solstice feast in the Roman Empire from 274 to 391

# Quaid-e-Azam's Day – Pakistan

# Constitution Day – Republic of China now based in Taiwan

# The feast day of Anastasia of Sirmium

# Yule

# Malkh-Festival. Sun festival in pre-Islamic pagan religion of Nakh people. Chechenya and Ingushetia

True, not all of them are celebrated anymore and are known more out of historic necessity, but they're still there. I'm sure there are plenty more. I don't get the fuss that people use 'holiday' over 'Christmas' when so much else goes on. Any why get so hard up for one day? It's about family? So is Thanksgiving. It's about giving? If you truly want to give to other people, give when you don't feel obligated. These people are making it about the material, if they want to really make it about a part of the true aspect of the day, Jesus and giving, they would go out into their communities and help those who are less fortunate instead of opening hundreds or thousands and thousands of dollars worth of things that they'll forget the next day.

With my tirade I'm not saying I don't like getting things, but I remember and like the gifts that I made for people a lot more than any of the stuff I've bought. Back in 2006 I made ornaments for my family and friends. I love those. In 2004 or 2005 I drew my brother a dragon, framed it and he still has it. I'm proud of those gifts. Last year I thought carefully about what people would appreciate, but I don't appreciate the gifts as much, I have to think hard to remember what I gave them. But I remember what I made, that had love, time and compassion not just money. Scupley costs money, and a lot of time, but those gifts were awesome.

The other part of my musings is on the concept of being politically correct. Thinking that it's more pc to be called 'African-American' is wrong for -me- because I'm not African. I'm 1/2 Dominican and 1/2 American. I only have American citizenship, and I don't know how many generations far back are off a boat from any part of Africa. I call myself 'black' or even just 'American' because that's what I am. I don't care so much about that aspect of American history. I respect it for what happened and all that shit, but I have more important things to be looking for in my future. That's what my status from the other day was about, someone on deviantart was talking about how with some Scandanavian comics she draws and posts people comment about where their family's from. I don't really care about my ancestors. It's not to be disrespectful, but that's not -me- so much. I don't want to go to Africa and see what it was like for them there, I don't really want to go to the Dominican Republic, I don't speak the language. I more often just think of myself as American because I don't speak Spanish. I was raised by my mother's side of the family and more often than not think about things they do than things my dad's side of the family does. I don't not love them, I just don't know them. It's different.

About being politically correct for the holidays, I don't see it about being disrespectful, it's about respect for more people. People seem to have a problem with respect. What if I worked retail and wished ' Happy Chanukkah' or even forwent December and started with 'Happy New Year'? That's non-denominational, just different countries or religions, follow different calendars, its offensive to calendars?

I go for politically correct terms because I don't like to be insulted. Once I know what will and won't mess with a person, I'll use it. I say 'I'm fat' not 'overweight' because it's fat, my body has an excess of it. If you have an excess of weight, it's not always fat, it could be water or muscle. I have an excess of fat, and I don't always have a problem with it. Buying clothing is when I have a problem with it. I say all sorts of ridiculous things; I know I say things than can be misconstrued as being disrespectful, but it's not out of disrespect. Sometimes it's due out of ignorance, which is different than going out and being rude. I think a large part about being politically correct is who you're interacting with. Some people mind and others don't. Listen to how I talk, I say ridiculous things EVERY DAY, sometimes on purpose, sometimes it just is what it is.

I know I’m politically correct when I speak. I do it for me because it feels right. I use more or less the same language in front of someone or behind their back, profanity aside. If I don’t know I’ll ask, and I’ll apologize if I think I said something wrong. The other day I was at a hookah bar when it was closing. I was curious what language some of the other patrons were using, so I asked. I had assumed it was Arabic, it was when I asked,. I had the chance to ask a question, so I did. I will. I have asked Muslim women one my few occasions, questions about their head wraps. I was curious about them, I know very little about those practices. I had an Indian friend in high school and I think she sometimes had the red dot on her forehead. I think I asked her what it was about, but have since forgotten. I’m curious and try not to be rude, I’ll admit I don’t know because I think it lets whomever I’m speaking to know that I’m honestly curious.

You know what, I’m not sure where exactly I wanted to go with my thoughts on being politically correct aside from questioning them. I don’t understand why people seem to have an issue about not offending other people. I want respect and to get it I have to give it equally. I understand terms change and I’m not always in the venue to learn when or why they changed. Za told me she learned that the new PC term for ‘Native Americans’ is ‘First Americans’. I really don’t see what’s wrong with ‘Native American’ but there’s a new term. I know I use ‘Indian’ more often, and I don’t know if I’ll ever use or need to use ‘First American’ but it’s a new term. Now I want to know why they changed it, what was wrong with calling them ‘Native’? Where would ‘aborigine’ fit in? It’s time I get back to the work I put off to write this, but I kept thinking about it. Now to work for a bit, sleep, then work some more. Joy. Good day, everyone!


Jasmine P.

November 27, 2009

Nothing Ever Changes

It's never fair. I'm not super happy right now, I rarely get what I want. Yes, a new phone is nice, but I did ask for an mp3 player. I don't come home because I can't deal with my brother. Either he decides to be pissy over something I've barely done, or I get angry with him. It's not healthy, and it's not right. I don't like coming home, not just because of the trip, but I never feel respected. I was the one with the remote, I had the choice of what to watch on tv. When we were younger I never said anything. I'm tired of acquiescing. I have the right to watch what I want to on my own or with other people. I should be respected. I am not respected by my eldest brother. I don't know what I feel right now, but I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of being depressed and feeling like no one respects me.

Yes, I understand you're going to work in an hour. So what if I'll be able to watch TV for the rest of the day, I wasn't planning on it, I was planning on getting out. I was planning on having fun and being happy. This day can turn around, but right now it sucks. I don't say anything because I knew he wouldn't understand. I wasn't talking about today or now. I was talking about before. Things change but they mostly stay the same. Yes, I do think about you. I put myself is places or not in places because I want to stay happy and because it's for you.

You make things too fucking difficult. You're too much of a wild card. I try one thing you take it the wrong way. But seriously. It's fucking television. I don't have cable, I don't spend my time watching TV or playing video games. I don't because I don't have it. Coming home's a treat because there are things here that I don't have in Norfolk. You make me not like being home, I don't like coming back to Reston because things in the house suck. You fucking smoke weed all the goddamn time, I never say anything. I never said a damned word when I heard you and your girlfriend having sex. When I come home and we're eating I next to never say a word about whatever's on TV, I'll watch it, or I go away because I don't like it.

That's my problem, I stay quiet too much, I never say anything. Maybe I'll start speaking up more, maybe that will make me happy. I always talk big when I write, but nothing ever changes. But I try. I try valiently, in my opinion, to roll with whatever happens. I try not to let him get to me. But in this instance I can remember them not like That 70's Show all that much and my wanting to watch it. Now it's not so much that I didn't want to watch it, I wanted the choice of watching it or not.

I'm also annoyed because I did so much work yesterday. He had next to nothing. He made cornbread, and he put the dishes in the dishwasher. He took a nap after doing nothing to help. I on the other hand, made sweet potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes, a turkey, a ham, mashed potatoes. My other brother made macaroni and cheese, stuffing and string beans. I did the heaving lifting, they barely said 'thank you'. I am so fucking under-appreciated. I feel that way if it's not the case.

I feel unloved. I don't feel like anybody really loves me. I know they both care, but really, how much would change if I didn't come home? We never do anything all together, I come home to see my friends. I always say things about 'the three of us' it feels more like it's 'the two of them, plus me'. As an adult, I'm still a hanger-on. I felt more welcome or appreciated when my brother's friend was here yesterday. Then I felt alone in a crowd. I want to disappear and not tell them where I go, see how much they care. Seriously, were I to drop off the face of the earth, would they care? I saw not him so much. More out of obligation than real caring.

Once I was angry I didn't care. Back the what started this I might have chosen 'That 70's Show' to watch anyway. That's the retarted part. Give me the chance to see what's on first. I don't get respected and it upsets me. I want to be loved, feel like someone loves me, cares about me. More than that, I want to feel respected. He was too dense to even notice that I said that I bet. I try to stay happy, content. I try so damned hard.

I'm fucking tired of crying, I'm tired of being depressed. I damn near want to hop in the car and go back to Norfolk today, after I finish my laundry. I'd be alone, and I'd have Borjo. I'd have people who aren't my brothers. I'd have my independence back, I'd feel like an adult. I'm independent here, I feel like and adult but I'd have respect. I would be respected in my own domicile, I'd have people to chit-chat with. I wasn't alone in the house yesterday, but for the better part of the day I was alone. Between 9am and about 9pm it was me in the kitchen. The guys made and appearance, then went to the basement, one of them was around for about the hour. The other barely did anything.

I damn near want to find a bar to escape to, but drinking alone in the epitome of lame and depression. I'm tired of being alone.

I'm tired of so much shit. I think it's time to take a shower, venture out to a coffee shop with a book, but on a day like today, trying to find a comfortable Borjo like atmosphere would be that much more difficult. But an adventure could clear the head and cheer me up.

Why do I make fewer typos when I'm upset?

Jasmine P.

November 22, 2009

My Evening

Well, these past 12 hours have been interesting. I spent a few hours reading and in general hanging around Borjo. That was fun, I doodled some, Dan asked, so I drew him, Brian and Jennifer. It was an aright sketch, I'll take a photo of it later when I'm back there so I have a copy of it.

I went over to SoBo, a pizza and bar, where there was a benefit concert for another employee of Borjo who was injured back over the summer. I spent my night hanging with the Borjo crowd. I do like them. I learned a lot about one of them and really met Rob's wife. She's nice.

Wow, I thought I had more to write, but details about things are not mine to share, and sober, they might not have been told. I dunno. I was quiet, dealing in a social depression. I was depressed in a social setting, but I kept hanging out with people because I knew I wasn't going to fall asleep. I'm not really tired, it sucks. I'll try to sleep once I'm done with this, but it might not happen too soon which is lame. We'll see.

From SoBo I hung out with Brian and Bones at a hookah bar. I drove them because even thought I did drink at SoBo, I was sober for at least an hour before we left. We smoked a little and they danced. I watched and was very internally quiet. That's why I dislike being depressed, I get quiet. That which normally runs at a mile a minute was moving a picasecond a year. I did talk with Bones, explained why I was depressed, a friendly ear was nice. I chatted with another fellow who apparently frequents Borjo, named Gerard. He was interesting.

Sometimes I wish I could make a stronger connection to someone my own age, most of the time they're years older than I am, but I can hold my on in a serious conversation. I dunno, depression is a mother fucker. I'm a bit more tired since I'm on my own, it's that nice sort of morning silence, and I don't really have any stimulation.

With that little voice off my recounting my night isn't all that interesting. Normally I'd've described what I drank and talk more about people I met and the experience, but not tonight. Let's write more over these next few days, something should come out of it.

Jasmine P.

November 10, 2009

A Little Catching Up and A Few Random Thoughts

I will do a proper birthday write up, I pretty much usually do, but friggin' Norfolk mail didn't deliver yesterday, so I'll see what I get today, and then there's chatting with the Ficus and figuring out if he's visiting, or if our revelry for me being old enough to purchase alcohol will have to wait. It would be lame for it to be delayed for another two weeks because until Thanksgiving.

But onto my thoughts. I haven't written not really, since before I was sick. I wrote while I was sick, but that only barely counts. On a positive side, I seriously have not been depressed since I had my kidney infection. Before I was writing my usual 'oh woah is me! Nobody loves me, I have no body I'm oh so fucking alone' type of crap because that's what it's always about. Then I was sick, and I've been pretty alright. I've been doodlin' and I do have a whole mess of sketches in my personal sketchbook and my class sketch book to scan one of these days. It'll be 'fun' sitting in Webb scanning 11x14" sheets of paper covered in silly pencil sketches, and some 'figure studies'. I put apostrophes around that because I was never looking at people, I imagined the figure I wanted to draw.

So, I saw my school's performance of Dracula on Saturday night, the last night of the show. It was pretty entertaining. I did enjoy the show, then I masochistically decided to help strike the set. I say masochistically because three days later my back, neck and arms are a little sore. But I plan on helping again in the future. Striking is fun. Best quote from the night was one of the prop masters found a black pump, just one shoe. I called it 'Cinderella's Goth Slipper' he called it 'Cinderellas Goth Fuck-Me Pump' me and two or three other people who heard it paused, then laughed. Pretty funny. Then after strike when the actors and crew got to eat, I was chatting with I think the lighting master/teacher whatever, and he remembered me from striking the Rocky Horror set from two years ago. Hell, I think I wrote up striking Rocky, but being remembered from two years ago from a more or less one off meeting is always pretty interesting.

So, I had this thought. I checked out this awesome photo that Paulo Coelho took when he went ot Kazakhstan back in 2005 and he was with some members of the village [i think he said village] who were out falcon hunting. My thoughts on this aren't on the hunting, though, the falcon was huge and a gorgeous animal. It was that he was wearing all black. It made me think that there's a weird dichotomy with wearing black. Depending on the type of black clothing you wear you can either look distinguished, you can look elegant, or you can look like you're emo, goth or depressed. I was just thinking that, it's kind of interesting. I know that depending on how anything is worn it can change how people will perceive the wearer. Black is just such a pivitol color it seems at time that the thought stood out the most to me when I saw that photo. Thinking about it, just about any time someone wants to dress up and look good, they wear black. Why is black the color of distinction? It has been considered slimming, and ever year something come out as 'the new black' but black still reigns. Nothing else lasts for more than a season as the color to wear before black is back. Or, they'll both be big together. My question on this point all together is, why black? But I also like rich darker colors. Wine or burgundy reds, royal blue and the like. The rich dark colors are some of my favorites. They have been. In the right type of suit with the right accents these color can work, or as accents with the black.

I'm not too sure where my thoughts on color are going, but it did start from my question of 'why black' after thinking about how it works for two types of people that society might not necessarily consider all that similar at face value.

Jasmine P.

November 1, 2009

A Short List of Speling Short Cuts that Irritate Me

I'm not talking about 'text speak' but that pisses me the fuck off. I'm talking about some things that are becoming more 'common' in the English language. I know languages evolve, but these bother me because they don't look right. I'm not an English major, thinking about becoming a minor, but that would be in literature not composition, but that aside. Here are a few things I've seen written that bother me.

"altho" is not "although"
"thru" is not "through"
"tuff" is not "tough"
"tho" is not "though"

I said it was a short list. I know there are plenty more that bother me, but I can't think of them at the moment. For this to be a much more thorough rant I would probably go into the whys and I'd elaborate on why I dislike text-speak. Simply, I dislike text-speak because people use it verbally and sound ignorant, or they use it while writing on the internet, when they easily have a full keyboard at their disposal. I don't understand why they can't use every letter. I mean, it's not like it's a telegram where you have to pay for every letter.

Jasmine P.

October 25, 2009

American Flaws

I just read a journal posted on deviantart by a member called Humon. She's been posting cute and silly little comics mostly about Scandinavian countries, but also other countries around the world. She's getting flack from people who don't like how she's portraying their own countries and consider her to be racist. She kind of just wants people to let the jokes and silliness stand, but also to not take things so personally. It's based on stereotypes, which in a way are based in truth of how other people perceive something to be. I perceive people who wear all black and dye their hair black and one other stupid color to be emo, that's not always the case, but it's a stereotype. Just like how back in the early 20th century women were considered to unstable to be able to vote o do a man's job. Blacks were considered to be too ignorant to to do anything other than menial labor, ever.

This all come back to an ignorant comment written by someone who was bore in 1993. that's... 16 years old. Someone else posted the valid point that they're some America and laugh at how America is depicted. That's fine, the issue I took was from the 16 year old who said 'Why not laugh at America, there are SO many flaws.'

It's that type of thinking that starts hate to begin with. No country is perfect, if that were the case people would be flocking there because the land would be made out f rainbows and sunshine. Puppies would be given away free on every street corner, there'd be no need for most of our laws because those issues would be nonexistent. People would be hired solely on their ability, skin color would play no part, so in theory there would be an even mixture of every skin-tone.

That is not the case. Yes, I agree that America has flaws, I see them pretty much every day, but I don't think the answer is leaving this country. In looking at British tabloid-news and the flack that's been falling there about Jan Moir's insensitive article and Nick Griffin now being lambasted in the public for being a Nazi, let's say sympathizer, those are issues in Britain. In talking in my not-really American Literature course we spoke about how few rights there are for women in other countries. All that are flaws. But if America is so fucked up, why are people flocking to come here. Some legally, some not, but in some instances all people want is to move to America. Some Americans want nothing more than to move out. Yes, this country has it's flaws, but in today's era of time they're not that bad, sometimes. In the past 100 years we have learned what to do and what not to do and things have changed. There are voting rights across the nation, people can't be barred from the polls. There are equal opportunity rights for rental, purchase, hiring et cetera in this nations. Laws are being passed every year to protect more people who in the past have gotten the short end of the stick. Not every country can talk about working towards that sort of acceptance for so many countries.

I'm not saying America is perfect, and I'm not saying it's a hellhole. It's another country, like so many other First World Countries where our issues are bourgeois such as 'oh no! there's a scratch in my car' or 'oh no! the screen on my 80 bajillion dollar electronic is cracked' and not something like 'oh shit! My neighboring country is invading and killing all my villagers' or 'oh shit-fuck! That factory up river is dumping billions of gallons of chemical waste into the river where my cooking water comes from' or 'oh shit! I now have HIV, am passing it onto my kid, an am dying of malaria.' I'm not trying to trivialize every issues that Americans may have, but when they're compared to the lives of people who don't have what we have, safety regulations for pretty much everything. People are trying which counts for more that people want to think.

Yes, America has it's flaws an I see them much more glaringly so than other countries because I haven't bee to other countries. Every country has different flaws for where they are in having money so they can work to bettering things for their country. America has made it so far and in the youngest major power in the world. That counts for something, but with such rapid progress and change, some corners were cut and events that happened hundreds of years ago are now happening in America.

I don't think I properly addressed what I wanted to say, but it kind of ties into my journal from a few weeks ago about people complaining about attending college at ODU, or complaining about America while still living here. I'll end this with one of my mother's mottoes. ''It could be worse, so I can't complain.'

Jasmine P.

October 18, 2009

200-306 Movie List

It continues. Getting into the home stretch, actually. I will succeed for the year, maybe next year there will be a different challenge. Onto the lists:

200) Little Miss Sunshine w. writer & director comm: July 16

201) Thank You For Smoking: July 16

202) Thank You For Smoking w. director commentary: July 17

203) Thank You For Smoking w. dir and actor comm: July 17

204) Vulgar: July 17

Singing Till I'm Blue in the Face

This list started off with some songs that travel through music. Tunes carry the story.

205) Little Shop of Horrors (1987): July 19

206) Little Shop of Horrors (1987) w. commentary: July 19

207) The Singing Detective: July 19

208) What Dreams May Come: July 20

209) Finding Neverland: July 20

210) Soldier’s Girl: July 23

211) Soldier’s Girl w. commentry: July 24

212) The Red Violin: July 24

213) The Corpse Bride: July 24

214) Dog Day Afternoon: July 25

215) The Godfather: July 27

216) The Godfather part II: July 28

217) The Godfather part III: July 28

218) Food, inc.: July 29

219) Scarface: July 30

220) Scent of a Woman: July 30

221) Serpico: July 30

Righteous Praise to Pacino

This title is a wee bit late, but the sentiment is still the same. Pacino when he was younger, was fucking adorable, attractive and is still incredibly impressive as an actor.

Amendment: maybe I spoke a little soon. There’s a fair few Pacino flicks on this list. Not as many as the last, but there are some

222) …And Justice For All: Aug 1

223) …And Justice for All w. commentary: Aug 1

224) Wet Hot American Summer: Aug 2

225) Wet Hot American Summer with commentary: Aug 2

226) Donnie Brasco: Aug 3

227) A Righteous Kill: Aug 4

228) Blade Runner: Aug 4

229) Lords of Dogtown w. Z-Boys commentary: Aug 4

230) I’m Through with White Girls (The Inevitable Undoing of Jay Brooks):Aug 6

231) Lakeview Terrace: Aug 8

232) Kentucky Fried Movie: Aug 9

233) Kentucky Fried Movie w. Commentary: Aug 9

234) Live Free or Die Hard [pg-13]: Aug 10

235) Bonnie and Clyde: Aug 10

And this is Thrilla! Thrilla yeah

Whee!! Free movies, and apparently a thriller genre marathon. Haha, awesome.

236) Vantage Point: Aug 11

237) 88 Minutes: Aug 11

238) The Contract: Aug 12

239) Enemy of the State: Aug 12

240) Men in Black: Aug 13

241) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Aug 13

242) Short Circuit: Aug 13

243) The Green Mile: Aug 14

245) Assault on Precinst 13 (1976): Aug 14

246) Armageddon: Aug 15

246) The Fifth Element: Aug 15

247) Crusing: Aug 16

248) Die Hard: Aug 17

24 Frames a second

I actually ventures forth for a movie in a theater. There will be more than one of those on this list before too long.

249) District 9: Aug 18

250) Plan 9 From Outer Space: Aug 19

251) M*A*S*H*: Aug 19

252) M*A*S*H* w. commentary: Aug 20

253) Glengarry Glen Ross: Aug 21

254) Glengarry Glen Ross w. commentary: Aug 21

255) Inglourious Basterds: Aug 21

256) Author! Author!: Aug 21

257) The Last Boy Scout: Aug 22

258) The Motorcycle Diaries: Aug 22

259) 1984 (1984): Aug 23

260) Dazed and Confused: Aug 25

261) Jaws: Aug 25

262) Death Proof: Aug 25

263) Ocean’s Eleven: Aug 29

264) Ocean’s Eleven w. actor comm: Aug 30


Fucked Up and some Soderbergh

265) Harold and Maude: Aug 31

266) Sex, Lies and Videotape: Sept 4

267) Insomnia: Sept 6

268) The Departed: Sept 6

269) Scarface (1932): Sept 10

270) Taxi Driver: Sept 13

271) Traffic: Sept 13

272) Traffic w. director & writer commentary: Sept 16

273) Groundhog Day: Sept 16

274) Minority Report: Sept 19

275) Hot Fuzz: Sept 19

276) Hot Fuzz w. Wright & Pegg commentary: Sept 20

277) Hot Fuzz with Wright & Tarantino commentary: Sept 20

278) Dead Right: Sept 20

279) Dead Right w. Wright commentary: Sept 20

280) Dead Right w. Frost and Pegg commentary: Sept 20

281) Adventureland: Sept 21

I have some fucking jaffa cakes in my pocket!!

282) Adventureland w/ commentary: Sept 24

283) Heat: Sept 25

284) Heat w. commentary: Sept 25

285) Hot Fuzz w. police character commentary: Sept 26

286) Hot Fuzz w. Sanford comm: Sept 26

287) Hot Fuzz w. ref. police commentary: Sept 26

288) Rounders: Sept 27

289) Rounders w. poker player commentary: Sept 27

290) Rounders w. comm: Oct 1

291) Blacula: Oct 2

292) Scream Blacula, Scream: Oct 3

293) Dog Day Afternoon w. commentary: Oct 3

294) Woodstock: 3 Days of Peace and Music: Documentary: Oct 4

Pre-production

Wow, my titles for these keep getting more and more stupid…but que sera… ~70 movies to go…Sweet.

295) Snatch: Oct 6

296) Snatch w. commentary/: Oct 6

297) Son of Rambow: Oct 7

298) Son of Rambow w. commentary: Oct 7

299) Things to do in Denver when you’re dead: Oct 8

300) Be Kind Rewind: Oct 10

301) In Bruges: Oct 10

302) Run Fat Boy Run: Oct 12

303) Chinatown: Oct 12

304) Lock, Stock and Two-Smoking Barrels: Oct 16

305) Sleepy Hollow: Oct 17

306) Sleepy Hollow w. commentary: Oct 18


Jasmine P.

October 11, 2009

Twitter

I spend a lot of time on Twitter, well TweetDeck specifically. It has ended up becoming my first source for news because I'm not really news mined enough to just go and check out Washington Post, or NY Times that often. I'll glance at CNN every now and again, Hufington Post when I decide I want to laugh at the right then hate the left for bieng just as bad as the right, and periodically I check out BBC for the fuck of it. I'll read interesting sounding news links, as bad as it is, I have sensationalist leanings toward my news, and every now and again the sensation is actually news and not just attention fodder, so it works out.

I have had varied conversations with people I don't know, people I don't know if I'll ever meet and those have been interesting. I'm am entirely intrigued by my followers. I consider myself to be a comic and art person, but I have a habit of talking about movies a lot. My followers astound me. I truly wonder how they find me. I know it's from the front page, or my '@' mentions to people, but still, I'm an 'Internet Nobody' and there are a few people I don't know IRL who take any time to read the stupid things I spout every day. I may post a movie quote, a song lyric, other quotes, or I end up just cursing the stupid things in life that happen. I promote my dA account periodically when I post stuff, but other than that my Twitter is just a place for me to yell into the void, just so what I have to say is heard by something and doesn't just echo off my skull.

But for me this relatively short and not super verbose journal is a wee bit of a shot out to some of the people I follow. On TweetDeck I have people broken down based on how/why I follow them, in some cases people who know each other if I have no other reason, and what they do. From Left to Right it's: All Friends, DA People, Thinkers, News, Webcomicers, Comics, Directors, Actors & Celebs, Critics and Reviews, Writers, Real Friends. My real friends are so far to the right because they as a collective don't say as much as the other groups, and they're always a pleasant surprise when I finally sit down and read my tweets. The groups have grown as the number of people I follow increases. It is currently at 152 accounts. It will grow. I break them down as such so going through all of them is less overwhelming. Some of the groups were one group until I realized I had too many in one group, Webcomics/Comics is one such, as are 'Directors-Writers' it's broken apart for my sanity.

But from all of my groups there are my gems. I'm taking a moment to highlight some of the accounts that I follow and a little bit about why.

@Joe_Hunter: Somebody I watched over on dA starting just this past January. It's been an amusing ride thus far. Conversations btween here and dA are an amusing combination of 'why the fuck do you have the Internet' and 'Hay! This movie owns!!1!' and 'Fuck I want to shoot my 13 year-old self in the face'. A person I gab with and horrify because it's all good and amusing.

@ThatKevinSmith I like the man's movies. They make me laugh and were a part of my shift in movie culture this year, it's been an avalanche ride since I finally sat down and rented Clerks back in February. His lve for his wife is easy to see, and the crudeness all in all I find amusing. I'm also a nosy frig, so taking a peek at someone else's life with as candid as he is in intriguing.

@mental_floss: Just about any sort of trivia can and will pop up here. I like trivia, I love the magazine and it's one of my favorite sites to check out when I'm killing time. It's also one of the accounts I retweet the most because their random trivia is always interesting to read, and I think some people need more random facts in their life.

@JonathanAmes: I was first introduced to his larger than life writing when I picked up 'The Alcoholic' out of the blue in my campus bookstore, and I do not regret that move. His writing is real life fantasy, some thing seem amazingly fantastic, but it's not shroud in magic, it's from his amusing way of looking at the world. His tweets are about his new TV show, and... not sure what else, I've only recently started following him on twitter.

@PauloCoelho: I loved The Alchemist when I was first assigned to read it back in 9th grade Pre-IB English I. I liked the adventure, I had a great introduction to his writing then. I didn't read another thing of his until I got to college and bought The Alchemist again, and some of his other books. His tweets are interesting, they kind of make me evaluate my life, my world and the people around me. Not so much in a negative fashion, but to get another look at things. He's very active with his posts, philosophical.

@EdgarWright and @JasonReitman I put these two together because it's their combined banter that makes me laugh. Edgar is doing a daily photoblog this year, so those are interesting to see. I like hearing about interaction between the directors as they're both editing films at the moment, or as they're taking them to different festivals.

@Slashfilm, @FirstShowing, @MovieGeeks a trifecta of movie reviewers and critics right there. I hear about a air number of movies from these accounts which is cool. Only downside to following them is it makes me really want to get to a movie festival some time, and also makes me annoyed that nothing interesting happens in Virginia, and if something does, it's far as fuck away from Hampton Roads.

@CameronStewart is the writer and artist for a Harvey Award Winning webcomic Sin Titulo. He has angry comments about Canada, nice comments about Canada and talks about drawing professional comics. He shares sketches periodically, and is pretty entertaining

@CalaveraKid another person makin' with the funny pages on and off the internet. His two comics are awesome to see when he has the chance to update, life and conventions happen often. Kukuburi is full of adventure, bright colors and a story that I can't wait to see how it continues. His other comic Butternut Squash is a slice of life comic that is fun to read. Fantastically silly happenings

@hawkster @ananathymous @aidosaur @konistehrad and @grohac all together inter-tweet and their collective conversations are entertaining. Hawkster draws Applegeeks, Ananthymous writes for both AG and Johnny*Wander which Aidosaur draws. The last two are friends of theirs, but between reading J*W and them on twitter their lives are highly amusing to read/see about. I've been reading AG for years and totally hopped over to J*W when Ananath started pimping it last fall.

@Serafinowicz I really only know him as 'Dwayne' from Spaced and the roommate from Shaun of the Dead, but he's been amusing to follow. He spends a bit of time every day tweeting short jokes which I know I've retweeted on more than one occasion.

@StehenFry He just is. I dunno really what to say, he's an English actor. Comedian, friend to Hugh Laurie who is a technophile and writes a blog where he periodically reviews new bits of technology that gets released. I enjoy following him. I dunno what else to say.

@Theory101* he is my best friend and a good third of things I quote are because I know he'll get a kick out of it. We frequent different universities and talk and quote the same shit all the time. He is The Ficus of awesome, he's a special frig, and that's how it should be. He's also the inspiration for Ficusxander the Great, yeah. Fuck yeah, best friends.

Well, for other people I follow and who happen to follow me, it's nothing against you for me not saying something, I just had more to say about these. This year I've been wrapped up in the romanticism of movies and film which may in part explain why I chose these accounts to begin with. I may do this again, go through the accounts I follow and comment on them. I'd work at not repeating accounts from this one, or I may go to some of those I copped out on and give better reasons for why I like following them. I mean, this is barely the tip of the following iceberg here. I think it's easy to see where I lost concentration when I typed this, but it's still something. I've been needing to just write for me for the past week, and here is it. I guess this one's for me, and for everyone I decided to pimp.

Jasmine P.

*note! he has a locked account as is, so no link will be provided...as if I don't openly tweet to him anyway, but no link nonetheless. Enjoy :)

October 4, 2009

Life- At A Glance

I dunno, kind of wanted to prove to myself that I can write without being irrational angry or irritated with something. I am saddened by the fact that I haven't 'reviewed' a movie in over a month. I've watched plenty, just not really reviewed them. I have some beginning in Word for 1932 Scarface, Heat, and Rounders, but seem to be nowhere near actually getting them done. I'm also fighting my desire to wrap up the year three months early. I might write it, but not post it because I like what I had, how it was planned out. This 'year in review' is very movie centric because all I did this friggin' year was watch movies, but I would have addressed it and how I feel it affected me.

But that is for another post.

This past week hasn't been as hellish as it might have been. A CS assignment was less annoying than I initially thought it would be because it didn't use the CS software. I had to look up how to do some things, but that's just because it's a different layout than Word 2003 is, and I just didn't know where some of the options were.

I had my stressful night when I thought Duke had died Wednesday morning, only to be sleeping. That would have been more sucky than it had been if not for Nick Frost replying to me on twitter. That made me morning. It was fucking auto-magically made better, so it's all good.

I got introduced to some new music on Friday, and will hopefully have my new CDs by the end of the week. One is a Swedish band called Movits! they're an odd jazz-rap combo, but I like it. I also finally shelled out the dough for the MASH soundtrack, then again, I really just want Suicide is Painless, but the entire soundtrack should be interesting to have. After watching the Woodstock Doc, I want more things by a band called Canned Heat from the 60s.

Jasmine P.

September 26, 2009

I Am A Judgemental Scunt

Earlier this week I was having a conversation about inappropriate clothing with some people in my local coffee shop, Borjo, and ultimately realized I am a judgemental scunt when it comes to other people's clothing. In part it's based in my mother's opinion, but it's also about a bit of professionalism. I mean, going to class is baggy messy clothing is one thing, but going to class in pajamas looks like you don't care about how you present yourself, or shorts that are just barely more material than your underoos looks very whorish in my opinion

These are all so fucking unnecessary to wear on a daily basis to classes. It's not really warm, we keep getting cold, wet and rainy days and girls are going to class in these. Going out in shorts that cover so little is unnecessary. There's a time and a place for things like this, and going to class on a daily basis is neither of those. I mean, I've seen more pantyshots than I'd ever care to because people's clothes are stupid small. I mean, why not just go out in your panties, these aren't really covering much. I see girls, sitting in chairs, trying to pull their two inches of 'skirt' or 'shorts' down because their legs are cold or are touching the seat. I mean, really. You don't know who had what on where and you're showing that much leg. It's not like we're at the fucking beach. I think I'd be a little less judgemental if I saw this at the beach. But no, people are going to college classes dressed as if they're tricks.

I think my biggest issue is the lack of professionalism in wearing clothing like this. If I ran a business, I would not take someone seriously if they came into my place of business wearing something like this. Hell, even if it was retail, if someone is coming to me for a job, I want them to dress at least as professional as they need to. Business casual or something similar and not the shortest shorts they can find.

I look at girls around campus wearing this crap and seriously, the first thing I think is that they look like tramps. It leaves so little to the imagination that if I were a guy I wouldn't see the need in talking to someone dressed like this. With someone who dresses like they have some sort of sense there's a challenge. A challenge of getting them out of their clothes, but also the challenge of actually getting to know them. Someone who dresses like this in my eyes, doesn't present themself as someone who really has a lot of self esteem, and therefore has to dress like this beause they want the attention that so little clothing brings.

I'm not saying women should be wearing hemlines to their ankles and to not show any skin ever, but be classy about it. If not classy, dress to be respected, it doesn't always have to be to impress. I have never thought I looked like much more than a bum in what I wear on a day-to-day basis, but hell, I like wearing hat, I bought a new one that looks more 'presentable' so when I talk to professors I don't have a pin that says 'fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck' above my temple. Hell, most days I think I look like a bum, baggy pants, a tee from threadless and a cap. I've overweight and usually cold so I grab a sweatshirt or something in general to cover my arms. When I need to look a bit better, I do. That second photo if from my summer conference, we didn't have to be super dressed up, but I did want to dress nicer than my day-to-day of tee-shirts and apparent gender ambiguity. I'm a function over fashion individual, so yes, I wanted to look a bit nice, but I dislike skirts for the simple reason if I need to haul ass, a skirt is a whore and a half to run in, and if I can help it, you know, it's nice to not give people a chunky-panty-shot as I'm running from a fire or some shit.

All in all, I'm judgemental, and I think most girls on my college campus look like whores on a daily basis. There's a time and a place for short-shorts, but class every day is not one of those places and seriously not one of those times.

Jasmine P.

September 13, 2009

Higher Education

I don't understand why people complain about where they've ended up for college. It doesn't make me doubt choosing ODU, but I question why other people 'settle' for it. I'm in one of the computer labs on campus and I can hear people complaining about choosing to attend this school. Saying it's 'where you go when you don't get accepted into any other school in Virginia.' What the hell is with that sentiment. If you're not happy here, go the fuck somewhere else. I have had a mostly fantastic experience here. The few short comings have been with my dormitory roommates, and a few faculty members who have made keeping an extra-curricular activity running smoothly on the difficult side.

What I mean is, I was accepted to every school I applied to. I was accepted to Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond and chose not to attend there. I was accepted to George Mason University in Fairfax County, that was too close to home for me. I was also accepted to Hampton University and too turned that school down. I turned down three relatively prestigious schools to come to the not as well known Old Dominion University.

Well, for one, it is a 'university' we have the means to grant students graduate degrees which is pretty fucking special in my mine. This school is apparently a really good school for dentistry. I've had questions about the dental program from my dentist and the technician every time I've gone to get my teeth worked on just about, since I told them I was attending ODU once I graduated from South Lakes HS. I mean, yeah, I ragged on SLHS when I was there, but it was a good school. I was challenged by my International Baccalaureate courses, I enjoyed my environment, but I did overall enjoy SLHS.

Why complain when you did make it somewhere? Be satisfied and transfer if you hate the school so much. I'm in no means saying there are a lot of things I 'love' about ODU, there are plenty of things I find irritating, but I really wouldn't want to be in a different school. I I wasn't at ODU I'd have no Borjo, I might not be fencing, I'd have no Local Heroes, I might not be as into Western comics as I currently am, I'd be an entirely different person. I've also met some awesome people in and around the campus area. But It kind of comes down to I really don't think I'd be happy elsewhere. Maybe that's their issue, they're not happy.They need to find a better coping mechanism than bitching. I mean, when I wrote this we were just barely through our second week of classes, and I think those bitching were freshmen. Not positive on that though.

Jasmine P.

September 6, 2009

Male Lactation

http://www.thelocal.se/21842.html

I don't understand what the big issue is. This guy wants to stimulate his nipples and breast to see if he can lactate. It is physically possible for men to lactate, and he wants to see if he can build a better, or different relationship with possible future children because women bond better with children due to this early bonding stage. I don't understand the rampant hate that some people have. All in all, it's a scientific experiment, or an experiment, I don't know how 'scientific' is truly is. He wants to try something, and it's not like men can't lactate. I don't understand why people are so aggro about. How it's 'wrong' and shit. If it were truly wrong, men wouldn't have nipples, nor the ability to lactate. If it was 'God's Will' for men not to lactate they'd be flat like a Ken doll. I believe evolution had a reason for this, possibly some time ago men did help feed the children, but then it dropped off, like many things have. Who knows what results this experiment will yield.

Jasmine P.

This, The Day of My Father's Wedding...

Or, 'My Father Has Commitment Issues'

September 5, 2009 was the day my father got married for the third time. The first time was about 27 years ago when he married my mother and sired 3 children. He divorced her about 20 years ago not too long before I turned 1. One of the reasons given for that is 'she spent too much money' it wasn't even a joint account, it was her money, so he had no real place to tell her what she was spending or wasn't spending too much money on.

Some time later my two older brothers and I are in a rhythm of visiting him every other weekend, for two weeks during the summer, and for a few days after Christmas. We spent all major holidays with our mother. Father's Day we'd sometimes switch up the weekends so we could see him, and the same for Mother's Day if it was his weekend, we'd stay with out mother. In this period of time he got married a second time. His new wife could not produce children, so about 9 years ago he adopted a girl from birth, my energetic little sister. He divorced the second wife about 6, 7 years ago, for reasons I either can't remember or haven't been told. I disagreed with it because of my little sister. But he is a dick and does as he pleases.

Two years ago, a few days after my brother's and I buried our dead mother, he and his 'girlfriend' whom my brothers and I have known for maybe 2 years then, announced that he was engaged. We were floored, because that was another year that my father took home the great big golden 'bad fucking timing' award. Yesterday was the culmination of at least two years of being engaged.

---

History done, now onto yesterday and my issues with just many things.

My brothers, Shani and I arrived at the Catholic Church about fifteen minutes early. We first saw our sister who was adorable was passing out programs for the wedding. She was excited to see us like usual. Inside was a mixture of doctors from the Veteran's Affairs hospital in DC, where both my father and Pattie work. There was family, so I said 'hi' to my Titi [diminutive of 'aunt' in spanish. I think it's akin to 'aunty'] and to my Abuela [grandmother]. I saw some of my cousins and some family friends, then there were all of Pattie's family, most of whom I didn't know. Hell, even the ones I've met, I didn't remember. One woman seemed annoyed I didn't remember her, but I met her, once, 5 fucking years ago!!! Over the past 4 gatdamn years I have more important things to remember, such as the nams of people I see daily, information for my classes, my own characters. I have my own life and it's not like I see you all the time.

Adults need to remember that, you see photos of my on my father's desk, or in his house all the fucking time. I only see you when when I go to your house, or to the VA with him which I haven't really done in ten years or so. It's not me being offensive, it's me being a kid and having much more pressing things to think about all the time and not some nurse who works with my father, or some family member who isn't really apart of my family.

We move onto the wedding, which is some sort of condensed Catholic wedding I assume. It was my first Catholic wedding to attend, every other one I've been to has been some sort of Protestant. There's the procession, that's whatever, I applaud like I should. Then Pattie enters, it's the bride's moment. The first time that 99% of the people attending even see the dress. She's all made up and smiling like she's a queen, or a princess. This I decide to take a little issue with due to her age. Let's say she's upside of 50, from what I hear later it's not her first wedding, and she's wearing white. I know she's not a virgin, disgustingly enough I know that. I look at her and thing 'isn't she too old to try and act like she's a princess at her own wedding anymore?' I've been to weddings for grown adults, I was in one, yeah, they looked happy, insanely happy, just not like how they imagine when they're a little kid imagining their wedding. I also think she's too old to be wearing a backless dress, but that's neither here nor there.

We get to the ceremony. Throughout it, I'm wondering what the presiding priest is saying to make them laugh throughout the wedding, but whatever. It's wrong to me every time they say 'Patricia' and the first time it's said I feel that something isn't right. That simply stems from my mother's name having been 'Patricia', she on the other hand hated to be called 'Patty' or any spelling of it, so I could deal with Pattie being called as such. Going through the vows and ceremony and shit I have to start tuning out. I start singing songs in my head to keep my composure. I still am irritated with this because I don't think my father has what it takes to stay married. He may prove me wrong, I don't know, but the vows of longevity and staying together have been broken twice with him. I wonder if they mean anything to him anymore.

I had my usual grievances with being in a Catholic church. The call and response crap, I don't know what to say, I'm not fucking Catholic, like how I'm not fucking Irish [that journal's on LJ] I just dismiss it like I did when I was younger and was forced to go. Huh, go figure, my first time going to a church in the past 2 years was for a wedding, before that, it was for a funeral.

The reception took forever and a day to get to, but there was an open bar. I didn't get drunk, but I did have a LI Iced Tea that was pretty killer. The lunch, was alright, it was really small and I hadn't eaten since 11 the previous night so I wanted food. No real issues with the reception, I was impressed with the MCs Spanish abilities, but I guess he was chosen just for that. The music was a combination of Spanish things and old Motown music. You'd think my father would run out of love songs about the longevity of marriage because he's had to failed marriages to date.

Thinking about it now, I don't know how I feel about the institution of marriage. They say that kids froma single parent household are quick to get married, but that's something that neither of my brother's nor I have really even thought about doing. Yeah, Miguel has a girlfriend, but they've been together for 2 years or so, I haven't heard a tittering about getting married, but I also make it my business to not be around them too much.

The only thing that really came out of this whole sham for me was being able to see my family that I rarely see. And I got to see my sister. I don't think much of this wedding. I doubt the two of them will have kids, my father is still paying my med. insurance, and has to pay child support to Debra I assume, but who knows, he's done stupid things in the past.

Jasmine P.

September 2, 2009

I am who I say I am

I'm reading the Declaration of Independence for the first time of ever. I just realized, I've studied the creation of this document, but I've never actually read it, or had it read. People talk about what it stands for, and they love the second paragraph, it's not even the first one that has the lines 'We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal...' with all the times we read the Articles of Confederation and the Bill of Rights, I don't understand why I have never really done a unit on the DoI.

This isn't about the Declaration, it's about St. Patrick's Day, actually. Near the end of the document Jefferson brought of Scottish mercenaries that were being hired and I assume sent over to the Colonies. Reading that, I thought of the statement that on St. Patrick's Day, everyone's Irish because I still get those two countries mixed up. The point is, I still don't give a rat's ass about March 15. I will never agree to be Irish. I don't like beer and I don't understand why it's celebrated in America, mixing pot or not, what are American's celebrating. But to my point, I'm not fucking Irish. Not that I know of, who knows what may have gotten into my family generations ago, but I've never considered myself Irish and find the sentiment that on the day some fucker died, people decided to insist that 'everyone' was 'Irish'. I have friends who will insist it to me, and I at them and say 'I'm not fucking Irish' because I don't relate to the 'holiday' at all.

Seriously, after middle school, I didn't care. I will go out of my way to not wear green and I will hit people who think it's cute to pinch me for not wearing green. Friend or unknown. I dunno, I'm tired, I feel a bit on edge and angry. It's now two days in a row I'm only sleeping for three hours, I don't have my sleeping pills, which annoyingly may be the issue, but who the fuck knows. I still have to answer a few questions about a draft of the DoI and the one that we apparently don't know.

Ths who point of this was to say: I'm not fucking Irish. Don't kiss me, because I'm not fucking Irish. I will punch a bitch because I'm not wearing green on a day I don't care about, because I'm not fucking Irish. I fucking hate beer. If it's green, keep it triply far away from me, some thins shouldn't not be a color other than it's 'natural' color.Get away you green, vomiting fucks. But most importantly, I'm not fucking Irish so don't tell me I am. I don't want to be Irish, I want to be me. I don't care about drinking into alcoholic poison levels, and if I did I don't need some arbitrary and idiotic day as an excuse, enough depressing and annoying shit happens on the day t day basis that if I really wanted to drink myself to death, I could for a better reason than fucking being Irish.

I ought to make that shirt 'I'm not fucking Irish, so go the fuck away' or simply 'I'm not fucking Irish'

August 21, 2009

Cinema

I don't think I've addressed the purpose of Cinema too often. I don't think I've addressed the purpose of any of my worlds too much further than talking about their inspiration.

As I've thought about creating and adding things to the world of Cinema I've picked up a few habits. From it's name being 'Cinema' to the characters loving old movies to this year deciding that the theater they go to is the Retro Cinema. The Retro is a theater that shows movies thirty years or older. As I've thought of that and chapter titles and themes I've come to an understanding about why Cinema is important to me.

The characters were originally some throw away characters I drew when I was depressed and couldn't draw my normal stuff. Alphabet was a joke, making fun of my self. She wasn't even the first one drawn, Davey was first. He was the star, but Alpha quickly became top dog in the world. Smyth was their third, the most level headed of them. There was originally only one chapter, but it blossomed. The cast grew. Sephy, Aster, Suma, Beta were all added in a few weeks of creating Alpha, Davey, and Smyth. Micha showed up in 2007, Jayden a bit later in 2007 early 2008 and most recently in 2009 an unnamed kid who has an interest in Sephy. I've also drawn Alpha's father at least once.

Wow I'm all over the place with this. Back to the main four, Alpha, Davey, Smyth and Sephy. These four characters love film and movies. They spend their time going to the RC every weekend pretty much. Aster, Alpha's younger brother, also has an intense interest in movies, and is out to make his own and Alpha and crew get enlisted to help him make these 'masterpieces'. Their lives pretty much revolve around film.

What I've learned from the Four, and the supporting cast is that they have a deep love tor the 20th Century. Cinema, I think, is a way for me to honor things from or about the 20th century. They love and damn near worship old film, but they also love modern, present films. They're just as happy seeing big blockbusters as they are seeing a 50's B-movie. They emulate what they see in these movies. But through my character's love for things of the 1900s, I think it shows my own love, or at least appreciation for these things. I have chapters planned called things like 'discotheque' and 'delicatessen' because those words are awesome, but they're also things that were big at different times of the 20th century.

The point for Cinema for me, I think, is for me to have a world where I can explore some aspects of the 20th century with modern characters. These characters have, and will gain, the ability to have intelligent discussions on film. They have leanings toward careers that are in the movies, in differing aspects of movies. If they're not in film, they'll still have that deep love and appreciation. With Cinema I have an excuse to watch more older movies and see a broad array of things.

It's great to see how they've grown. This is the first image of them of ever I think. They're may be a doodle before this, but this is the first. A more recent pic of them. And a collection of them from my sketch blog. I love these characters and hope that anything I do is worthy of them and their love of film, and I'm interested in seeing what I learn as I write their stories. This jumped all over the place, but I did get to what I wanted to talk about, I think.

Jasmine P.