Warning: I discuss my disgusting medical problems to get a point across. I generally call it 'medical shit' or 'what I had surgery for'. It's why I am now on antibiotics and have painkillers because it causes me a lot of discomfort. I wrote about extensively last year when I had my surgery, if you don't want to read about my medical crap feel free to close the tab or window. I'm being nice because I didn't give a warning the last time I described this crap.
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Not too long ago I read a thing about how when Matthew McConaughey announced somewhere that he didn't used deodorant that Axe sent him a case of their shit. I keep seeing here and there that little tidbit of information, then people's disgust of his supposed body odor.
That said, I haven't used deodorant in about two years and I don't think other people notice. I can't use deodorant even if I wanted to and I'll explain why. My hidradenitis is located in a few locations. I have them and surgically removed patches of skin underneath both of my arms. It's open skin that needs to be covered with gauze daily, or else pus and disgusting gets on my clothes and sticks to the wounds making them hurt when I go to take a shower. My second set are all around my vagina, on the labia and now down in the buttocks which makes going to the bathroom suck I can't bandage them properly and am in varying amounts of discomfort because of this. I do my best and try not to go into too much detail because it's gross. I don't really care about personal, it's just disgusting and I do want people to continue to talk to me.
As I said, and with the point of this, I don't wear deodorant. I haven't since about a year prior to my surgery, so 1.5 years at this point. The only time my odor has been brought up has been less me and more the disgusting puss, bile, and whatever else is pouring from my bandaged wounds on a daily basis. I have asked my roommate about my odor, she says she doesn't smell anything. Nobody around me has told me my odor is all that offensive. Not my body odor and not the stench from my wounds, and that can be really rank. Back in September when I had a new abscess opened, it was causing me a lot of pain and discomfort, that stank. It was like rotting eggs, and it was inside me, underneath my skin. Fucking horrible is what it was. I take one shower a day, in the mornings so the bandages are good for whatever I have to do for the day. The hidradenitis hurts like a mofo after about ten hours, so I have to shower daily. The only times I may skip bathing are when I don't go out and it's getting late and I don't want to waste bandages. I hurt when I do that, so it's not often. Not bathing actually hurts me, I think the daily shower does help my cause, and the fact that I don't wear deodorant. But nobody says anything about my odor. I notice it, but I'm always around it, I know what it smells like, I know what to look for. I also know what my own odor smells like, I know the difference. My own odor isn't that bad.
One's natural body odor isn't inherently a bad thing. I like the way men smell, their body odor and their cologne. It's not like I want them to put on sweat as a cologne, but average day to day odor isn't bad. In extreme cases then body odor is rank. If people don't bathe normally like they should, if it's an oppressively hot day, yes, they should take a god damned shower and wear deodorant. But people are fine without it. Not all people emit loads of offensive odor, I'm not saying the world should drop the use of deodorant all together, I'm just saying it's not that noticeable if people aren't wearing any.
On the note of people and odors, I fucking swear, last Sunday there was a woman in the coffee shop who smelled like a gatdamn port-a-potty. That was rank. I mean, did she put on Eau du Biffy that morning?
Jasmine P.
Important links
Matthew McConaughey on (1)not using (2)deodorant - two links
Wikipdeia on Hidradenitis suppurativa (warning, kinda gross)
My blog about surgery and hidradenitis (ranty, angry and gross)
January 30, 2010
January 29, 2010
I Talk About S-E-X!! (Scandalous)
I'm reading an article talking about why a new edition of The diary of Anne Frank has been pulled from the reading curriculum of a Culpepper County school. They bring up Frank talking about her vagina and sex as the reasons why a parent didn't want their child to study this book. I give the school some credit in just pulling this edition from the study curriculum and not from the system entirely. It is still available to find in the library, which is better than what I normally read in censorship issues.
A disclaimer before I go off the topic of the story, I've never read it, I don't want to. The Holocaust was a depressing era of the collective human history, just like slavery is, specific to me, America slavery of Africans, and the Soviet Union. I respect what the book is and why it was written, maybe one day I will read it, until then I speak on behalf of text I have never first hand experienced.
That said, going off my sex education classes, male genitalia was described in use and anatomically shown by the time I was in eighth grade. I knew the basics of how things worked and that was all described in a scientific and very 70s fashion, because for some reason, newer educational films haven't been made. That said, I don't understand why or how the book in 'too sexual' for an eighth grade class. They've have sex-ed since 5th grade, many have older siblings who have told them things, and most have probably seen porn by that age, or mainstream movies which sometimes have explicit-ish amounts of sex in them. How is real account of someone experiencing what all other girls are going through too graphic for their children? The way I see it, it shows the readers that they are not the only ones to ask certain questions. They may share the same criticisms of their genitalia as some kid who lived 60 years before them, before their parents even. How is something that wasn't written to necessarily to be sexually arousing a negative? It was just her thoughts and her experiences with her body. Everybody questions their body at some point, explores and finally puts a mirror between their legs to see what things look like. If not everybody, than some, probably many, but the point I'm trying to make is teenagers are trying to understand what is going on. To see someone else try similar things, or their thoughts on the same things is not a negative. It's not salacious, it just is, they are the facts of her life for the world to read.
I think that what this parent was doing was a disservice to their child, the blog (second link below) sounds like it was a son who apparently was disgusted by reading a description of a vagina, or a description of mestruation. Which ever. By not reading the book, or having an honest, real life experience with it the smoke and mirrors are still there. In reading someone going through the thoughts of learning their body it is more useful than watching 30 and 40 year old videos about hip kids like them going to class with a hard one, or getting a period, or the other joys of puberty. That kid will have less of an understanding about sex because the technical lexicon used to educate is annoying to dig through. The more relaxed vocabulary that Frank used in the book is probably more akin to what someone between the ages of 12 and 14 would more likely use, time and slang aside.
Along with that, I think that the mystification of sex is a disservice to maturing teenagers everywhere. It is such a taboo that parents give cutesy names to sexual organs, which in turn makes explaining the science behind it more awkward. Calling it a 'pee-pee' is stupid, a penis or vagina is not pee. Twat, cunt, dick, prick, pee-pee, so forth and so on are not useful, they're not correct terms for things. They're stupid euphemisms that parents hide behind when they're too afraid of breaking their child's fragile mind to give things real names. The less special you make something the less a kid will notice. I've seen it first hand, I used the word 'frig' in front of my sister. She didn't notice until my brother told me not to say it, then she noticed the word she didn't know and assumed it was something naughty. That's not how it goes, if it's something common and every day than your kid will hopefully act less stupid about when they're older.
After using proper names for things, parents need to get used to trying to answer the 'hard' questions. The child favorite, 'how are babies made' or 'where did I come from' are not that hard to answer. "When a man and a woman have sex, there is the possibility that a baby will be made, and grow inside the woman's body for nine months, until it is pushed out. Sex is when the penis enters the vagina, it is the primary reason for having each, to make more babies and people." It's simple, not really arousing explains it. Details provided as questions are asked. It makes more sense than the stork bullshit, and the 'love makes a baby' is a lie that shouldn't be perpetuated. To make it more compassionate, you could say love and caring is involved, but what I said up there is a template, it's simple and described in a way how a baby is born.
By giving a child the truth, they learn they can trust you better. What the parents gets out of telling the kids the truth, simple or complex language aside, they are helping their kids understand things. Many children crave knowledge, the answer to the whys and hows of their life. Giving them a real answer is much more beneficial because it is a safe environment to learn something. You are giving them the tools to learn things the right way. I was more bothered when my mother didn't give me a real explanation to things then when she gave it to me straight. I may not have liked the answer, but her honest was nice. I knew I could trust her that much more than hearing one thing and being taught another.
Our society makes sex out to be such a secret, an exclusive club that most adults experience that people have issues talking about it. Let your kid know that masturbation is all right, just to clean up afterward. Explain to them why they shouldn't have sex too early, let them ask you questions. Sex shouldn't be a secret. It is natural, most living creatures experience it to some degree so lying about it doesn't make much sense. It's not inherently dangerous, but not respecting what has the potential to come from sexual intercourse is.
Jasmine P.
Important Links:
Article - Blog Response
A disclaimer before I go off the topic of the story, I've never read it, I don't want to. The Holocaust was a depressing era of the collective human history, just like slavery is, specific to me, America slavery of Africans, and the Soviet Union. I respect what the book is and why it was written, maybe one day I will read it, until then I speak on behalf of text I have never first hand experienced.
That said, going off my sex education classes, male genitalia was described in use and anatomically shown by the time I was in eighth grade. I knew the basics of how things worked and that was all described in a scientific and very 70s fashion, because for some reason, newer educational films haven't been made. That said, I don't understand why or how the book in 'too sexual' for an eighth grade class. They've have sex-ed since 5th grade, many have older siblings who have told them things, and most have probably seen porn by that age, or mainstream movies which sometimes have explicit-ish amounts of sex in them. How is real account of someone experiencing what all other girls are going through too graphic for their children? The way I see it, it shows the readers that they are not the only ones to ask certain questions. They may share the same criticisms of their genitalia as some kid who lived 60 years before them, before their parents even. How is something that wasn't written to necessarily to be sexually arousing a negative? It was just her thoughts and her experiences with her body. Everybody questions their body at some point, explores and finally puts a mirror between their legs to see what things look like. If not everybody, than some, probably many, but the point I'm trying to make is teenagers are trying to understand what is going on. To see someone else try similar things, or their thoughts on the same things is not a negative. It's not salacious, it just is, they are the facts of her life for the world to read.
I think that what this parent was doing was a disservice to their child, the blog (second link below) sounds like it was a son who apparently was disgusted by reading a description of a vagina, or a description of mestruation. Which ever. By not reading the book, or having an honest, real life experience with it the smoke and mirrors are still there. In reading someone going through the thoughts of learning their body it is more useful than watching 30 and 40 year old videos about hip kids like them going to class with a hard one, or getting a period, or the other joys of puberty. That kid will have less of an understanding about sex because the technical lexicon used to educate is annoying to dig through. The more relaxed vocabulary that Frank used in the book is probably more akin to what someone between the ages of 12 and 14 would more likely use, time and slang aside.
Along with that, I think that the mystification of sex is a disservice to maturing teenagers everywhere. It is such a taboo that parents give cutesy names to sexual organs, which in turn makes explaining the science behind it more awkward. Calling it a 'pee-pee' is stupid, a penis or vagina is not pee. Twat, cunt, dick, prick, pee-pee, so forth and so on are not useful, they're not correct terms for things. They're stupid euphemisms that parents hide behind when they're too afraid of breaking their child's fragile mind to give things real names. The less special you make something the less a kid will notice. I've seen it first hand, I used the word 'frig' in front of my sister. She didn't notice until my brother told me not to say it, then she noticed the word she didn't know and assumed it was something naughty. That's not how it goes, if it's something common and every day than your kid will hopefully act less stupid about when they're older.
After using proper names for things, parents need to get used to trying to answer the 'hard' questions. The child favorite, 'how are babies made' or 'where did I come from' are not that hard to answer. "When a man and a woman have sex, there is the possibility that a baby will be made, and grow inside the woman's body for nine months, until it is pushed out. Sex is when the penis enters the vagina, it is the primary reason for having each, to make more babies and people." It's simple, not really arousing explains it. Details provided as questions are asked. It makes more sense than the stork bullshit, and the 'love makes a baby' is a lie that shouldn't be perpetuated. To make it more compassionate, you could say love and caring is involved, but what I said up there is a template, it's simple and described in a way how a baby is born.
By giving a child the truth, they learn they can trust you better. What the parents gets out of telling the kids the truth, simple or complex language aside, they are helping their kids understand things. Many children crave knowledge, the answer to the whys and hows of their life. Giving them a real answer is much more beneficial because it is a safe environment to learn something. You are giving them the tools to learn things the right way. I was more bothered when my mother didn't give me a real explanation to things then when she gave it to me straight. I may not have liked the answer, but her honest was nice. I knew I could trust her that much more than hearing one thing and being taught another.
Our society makes sex out to be such a secret, an exclusive club that most adults experience that people have issues talking about it. Let your kid know that masturbation is all right, just to clean up afterward. Explain to them why they shouldn't have sex too early, let them ask you questions. Sex shouldn't be a secret. It is natural, most living creatures experience it to some degree so lying about it doesn't make much sense. It's not inherently dangerous, but not respecting what has the potential to come from sexual intercourse is.
Jasmine P.
Important Links:
Article - Blog Response
January 24, 2010
On Having A Boyfriend, and why I Haven't Had One
On Friday I updated my Facebook status to 'man, Facebook really wants me to find a man' to which a cousin of mine, who is 8 months older than I am inquired to if I ever had a boyfriend, I replied no, he asked why, I ignored him. He somehow inferred that I was a lesbian, to be more specific, he was surprised that 'I didn't like boys' to which I explained that is not the case, and he was wrong for inferring that. I explained that I've have and have had friends whom were male, but not fulfilling the title of 'boyfriend'. I continued by saying I decided to ignore the previous question. In all honesty, I don't know why guys don't like me enough to date me. I didn't say that last sentence, he replied along the lines of seeing why I didn't have a boyfriend. I told him to enlighten me, since he apparently knows so much, which brings me to here.
I don't really care for bringing my lack of a love life to attention unless I'm ranting about it. I didn't want to really have a conversation about it with a cousin I barely know. I was also tired of his writing as if he doesn't know the fucking language. I don't really know why he writes like he doesn't know proper grammar and sentence structure, so I tend to ignore him on Facebook until he decides to say something to me, which was sadly the case this time. This isn't the worst written post from him, but he's had some that just made my brothers and myself wonder what the fuck happened when he got older.
Brenton, my cousin, is 21, has a kid, is also an uncle, and is ignorantly proud of having not finished college, because he now has a family. His sister also never finished college before having a kid. My family values education so we don't think he should be so proud of having a kid and barely attained a college education, not even a 2-year partial degree thing. He's proud of his "baby's mama" and joined the army to appease her father. I can't remember if he got married. As far as I'm concerned, my cousin has not acquired anything to be able to criticise my life nore my lackthereof of a significant other. He only has a few months over me, which isn't enough for me to really respect his opinion. I humor him, in my mind because he'll ask me the same sort of question every few months, I respond once or twice, then I ignore him. He has some obsession with my having a boyfriend. Part of me does, but I have better things to do than wait for someone else to 'make me happy'.
I've gone 21 years on my own, I've really only wanted someone for the past 6 years. I haven't hd one for a few reasons: in high school any guy I was interested in was gay or taken. In college that has persisted, but I have attempted to pursue guys which failed each time. Now I'm content on my own, it's only when I start PMS-ing that I want somebody. It gets annoying, but it doesn't last long until I'm content to being back on my own. I love me, I worship me on a daily basis and I make myself the before fucking food ever. I feel like I'm bragging, and I probably am, when I tell people the awesome things I make for myself. Cornish hens, pan-cooked boneless pork ribs, steak, pots of chicken noodle soup. I decided if I don't make awesome things for myself, why does anyone I meet from here on in deserve things I don't give myself, or those types of things.
I'm on my own and I'm well enough as is. I have plenty of friends, I have a bunch of guy friends so it works out. I get them to do things for me, I pay them back. I'm around guys in general all the time that helps me because I can't stand being around girls all the time. Hell, my roommate this year, Megan, she weirds me out a little. she has some obsession with talking to me every time I walk in, EVERY TIME! If I open the door to the bathroom she's there sometimes, wanting to talk. She'll watch me cook, we're not even talking, and she'll just watch me cook. It's kind of creepy. I don't get it. I don't have anything interesting to say, but she'll be there. I've no problem talking, I generally talk most people's ears off, but it's an odd situation that kind of makes my skin crawl. It's like she doesn't have social skills, which could be stunted actually as she is an only child, but yeah, it's weird.
I just creeped myself out, so let me get around to my reasons on why I have never had a boyfriend. First, I can be quite loud, obnoxious and brash. I talk like I'm one of the guys, I'm vulgar and can be quite abrasive. I may not seem as feminine as I really am I considere myself more or less the best damn Drag Queen ever because if I was a guy I think I'd be a drag queen, if not that then I'd be gay. Second, I'm overweight. Why would anyone want to date an overweight chick who never flaunts or oversized assets. Hell, I only draw attention to my chest when I'm making fun of it. They're like painful, natural air bags, flotation devices, I can use my chest as a shelf to hold things, which I have done before. My chest can enter a room before my feet do. I've got more, but I have a large chest that I cover up because it's not just large, it's flabby and I'm fat. Third, I have too many guy friends. I said before I kind of act like I'm one of the guys, well it doesn't help that most of my friends are guys. I prefer being around or talking to guy. My best friend is a guy, most of the fencers are guys. I assume that it either looks like I'm dating one of my guy friends, or guys think that a friend of mine will 'steal me away' during a relationship. Fourth, I value intelligence to some degree, and displaying it. It takes more than brightly colored feathers and a skillful dance to attract this mate, you have to show you have a brain that's useful for something. Yes, I love an attractive body, few people don't, I mean, who wants to look at someone they consider ugly, fuck society's perception of what's attractive. What I really like is a brain, someone I can have an intelligent conversation with, but also knows how to have a great stupid conversation. They don't have to know all the things I know, it's better if they don't and they can make something I don't get understandable. We can both bring something to the table, and of course some mutual things, but who really gets in a good relationship with someone they don't have something in common with. Too many guys run around acting like chickens with their heads cut off. Being intelligent is one thing, displaying it is another beast all together. Fifth, being able to take my bullshit. I go back and forth all the time from being sane to being ridiculous, so being able to deal with me and my bullshit is pretty much a necessary. That's a given about any sort of relationship if you really thing about it. I'm a vain son of a bitch sometimes, in that vanity is intelligence, now just physical attributes.
I realized how that last paragraph was written switched mid-way through, but ehh, it all still gets the point I was intending across, I think. I'm too ridiculous for anyone, and that's why I'm alone. I also figure that why rush into something with someone I either barely know, or don't really like. Someone will accept my ridiculous ass at some point, and then who knows. Until then I fly solo, paralleling people every now and again before I'm back on my own.
*edit*
So, the saga of idiocy continues. The pirate outfit he's talking about is simple. I was dressed in a striped red and gold tunic-ish shirt, white skirt and had a scarf in my hair for a banquet I went to. I was at my university's sport club banquet as one of the representatives for the fencing club, I realized with a saber in my hand I kind of looked like a pirate and thought the picture was fun. My cousin on the other hand thought it was lame. He says I have an attitude because I act like I was raised educated, I'm sorry* if acting like I have common sense is offensive to you, but fuck off. Really. What the fuck does he mean by presentable? Wearing hoochie skirts and low cut shirt? Wearing what's popular? Fat people don't look good in that shit, and it's shit. Fuck fads, I work with clay twice a week and various drawing supplies the rest of the week. I don't have time for that shit I'm function over fashion. I don't consider 'feminine' clothing to be all that functional, which is why I stray away from it usually. But, when I need to dress nicer than I normally do, I have nicer things, but if I know I'll be using something that stains and messes up good clothing why should I wear it? He needs to stop focusing on my life and get a job and an education and better himself. He's not from skid-row, he's from a damn suburb of Cleveland, OH, an upper-middle class suburb at that. ['Skid Row' Little Shop of Horrors Watch the first 30 seconds]. Learning how to type properly he can do from home. Trying to decipher his last message I realized it's all one sentence with no period at the end. My ten year old sister can write better than him, and she's a gat damn kid 12 years his junior.
*Edit 2* My retarded cousin has shown a lack of reading comprehension and straight up ignorance. I can't talk to this fool. I'd rather be poor and fucking homeless than to go to him with his normal like of 'girls n cash n cars'. I'm about to drop him from facebook. He does nothing positive for me and my decided upon life style.
Jasmine P.
* Not sorry in the least.
I don't really care for bringing my lack of a love life to attention unless I'm ranting about it. I didn't want to really have a conversation about it with a cousin I barely know. I was also tired of his writing as if he doesn't know the fucking language. I don't really know why he writes like he doesn't know proper grammar and sentence structure, so I tend to ignore him on Facebook until he decides to say something to me, which was sadly the case this time. This isn't the worst written post from him, but he's had some that just made my brothers and myself wonder what the fuck happened when he got older.
Brenton, my cousin, is 21, has a kid, is also an uncle, and is ignorantly proud of having not finished college, because he now has a family. His sister also never finished college before having a kid. My family values education so we don't think he should be so proud of having a kid and barely attained a college education, not even a 2-year partial degree thing. He's proud of his "baby's mama" and joined the army to appease her father. I can't remember if he got married. As far as I'm concerned, my cousin has not acquired anything to be able to criticise my life nore my lackthereof of a significant other. He only has a few months over me, which isn't enough for me to really respect his opinion. I humor him, in my mind because he'll ask me the same sort of question every few months, I respond once or twice, then I ignore him. He has some obsession with my having a boyfriend. Part of me does, but I have better things to do than wait for someone else to 'make me happy'.
I've gone 21 years on my own, I've really only wanted someone for the past 6 years. I haven't hd one for a few reasons: in high school any guy I was interested in was gay or taken. In college that has persisted, but I have attempted to pursue guys which failed each time. Now I'm content on my own, it's only when I start PMS-ing that I want somebody. It gets annoying, but it doesn't last long until I'm content to being back on my own. I love me, I worship me on a daily basis and I make myself the before fucking food ever. I feel like I'm bragging, and I probably am, when I tell people the awesome things I make for myself. Cornish hens, pan-cooked boneless pork ribs, steak, pots of chicken noodle soup. I decided if I don't make awesome things for myself, why does anyone I meet from here on in deserve things I don't give myself, or those types of things.
I'm on my own and I'm well enough as is. I have plenty of friends, I have a bunch of guy friends so it works out. I get them to do things for me, I pay them back. I'm around guys in general all the time that helps me because I can't stand being around girls all the time. Hell, my roommate this year, Megan, she weirds me out a little. she has some obsession with talking to me every time I walk in, EVERY TIME! If I open the door to the bathroom she's there sometimes, wanting to talk. She'll watch me cook, we're not even talking, and she'll just watch me cook. It's kind of creepy. I don't get it. I don't have anything interesting to say, but she'll be there. I've no problem talking, I generally talk most people's ears off, but it's an odd situation that kind of makes my skin crawl. It's like she doesn't have social skills, which could be stunted actually as she is an only child, but yeah, it's weird.
I just creeped myself out, so let me get around to my reasons on why I have never had a boyfriend. First, I can be quite loud, obnoxious and brash. I talk like I'm one of the guys, I'm vulgar and can be quite abrasive. I may not seem as feminine as I really am I considere myself more or less the best damn Drag Queen ever because if I was a guy I think I'd be a drag queen, if not that then I'd be gay. Second, I'm overweight. Why would anyone want to date an overweight chick who never flaunts or oversized assets. Hell, I only draw attention to my chest when I'm making fun of it. They're like painful, natural air bags, flotation devices, I can use my chest as a shelf to hold things, which I have done before. My chest can enter a room before my feet do. I've got more, but I have a large chest that I cover up because it's not just large, it's flabby and I'm fat. Third, I have too many guy friends. I said before I kind of act like I'm one of the guys, well it doesn't help that most of my friends are guys. I prefer being around or talking to guy. My best friend is a guy, most of the fencers are guys. I assume that it either looks like I'm dating one of my guy friends, or guys think that a friend of mine will 'steal me away' during a relationship. Fourth, I value intelligence to some degree, and displaying it. It takes more than brightly colored feathers and a skillful dance to attract this mate, you have to show you have a brain that's useful for something. Yes, I love an attractive body, few people don't, I mean, who wants to look at someone they consider ugly, fuck society's perception of what's attractive. What I really like is a brain, someone I can have an intelligent conversation with, but also knows how to have a great stupid conversation. They don't have to know all the things I know, it's better if they don't and they can make something I don't get understandable. We can both bring something to the table, and of course some mutual things, but who really gets in a good relationship with someone they don't have something in common with. Too many guys run around acting like chickens with their heads cut off. Being intelligent is one thing, displaying it is another beast all together. Fifth, being able to take my bullshit. I go back and forth all the time from being sane to being ridiculous, so being able to deal with me and my bullshit is pretty much a necessary. That's a given about any sort of relationship if you really thing about it. I'm a vain son of a bitch sometimes, in that vanity is intelligence, now just physical attributes.
I realized how that last paragraph was written switched mid-way through, but ehh, it all still gets the point I was intending across, I think. I'm too ridiculous for anyone, and that's why I'm alone. I also figure that why rush into something with someone I either barely know, or don't really like. Someone will accept my ridiculous ass at some point, and then who knows. Until then I fly solo, paralleling people every now and again before I'm back on my own.
*edit*
So, the saga of idiocy continues. The pirate outfit he's talking about is simple. I was dressed in a striped red and gold tunic-ish shirt, white skirt and had a scarf in my hair for a banquet I went to. I was at my university's sport club banquet as one of the representatives for the fencing club, I realized with a saber in my hand I kind of looked like a pirate and thought the picture was fun. My cousin on the other hand thought it was lame. He says I have an attitude because I act like I was raised educated, I'm sorry* if acting like I have common sense is offensive to you, but fuck off. Really. What the fuck does he mean by presentable? Wearing hoochie skirts and low cut shirt? Wearing what's popular? Fat people don't look good in that shit, and it's shit. Fuck fads, I work with clay twice a week and various drawing supplies the rest of the week. I don't have time for that shit I'm function over fashion. I don't consider 'feminine' clothing to be all that functional, which is why I stray away from it usually. But, when I need to dress nicer than I normally do, I have nicer things, but if I know I'll be using something that stains and messes up good clothing why should I wear it? He needs to stop focusing on my life and get a job and an education and better himself. He's not from skid-row, he's from a damn suburb of Cleveland, OH, an upper-middle class suburb at that. ['Skid Row' Little Shop of Horrors Watch the first 30 seconds]. Learning how to type properly he can do from home. Trying to decipher his last message I realized it's all one sentence with no period at the end. My ten year old sister can write better than him, and she's a gat damn kid 12 years his junior.
*Edit 2* My retarded cousin has shown a lack of reading comprehension and straight up ignorance. I can't talk to this fool. I'd rather be poor and fucking homeless than to go to him with his normal like of 'girls n cash n cars'. I'm about to drop him from facebook. He does nothing positive for me and my decided upon life style.Jasmine P.
* Not sorry in the least.
January 16, 2010
(Potential) Existential Crisis
About an hour or so ago on Twitter I declared that 'I crave chaos' and not too much longer ago I said 'how existential is it to acknowledge that you have no existential thoughts? I had nothing meaningful to say today which sparked the question" then "A part of me thinks that craving chaos means that I'm seeking existential thought."
All in all I really don't know where I'm going with this train of thought. In a way I think I'm having some sort of minor existential crisis, but what is it? I crave chaos, disorder, some sort of scene. I just finished watching Sid and Nancy and there was chaos and compassion, disorder and danger. I've been listening to the Fuck Buttons, chaos and no lyrics to distract. Audible chaos and disorder that flows, it has some sort of direction. At this minute I have no direction. My hand still aches from Wednesday when I spent about three hours using an x-acto to cut apart cardboard boxes from my 3-D Design class. I filed my nails away so when I go to ceramics I'll get less clay trapped under them, and now I don't know which way I'm going.
I'm jut wondering about the short term, I vaguely want to talk to somebody, I know who I'd love to interact with, but I don't know what they're up to but in my state of mind just being in their presence would probably benefit me. I've loosely been like this all day, drifting. Anger, annoyance rather, to being blank and vaguely listless.
"Checked the clock when I got home, I realized that I'm alone, sat for hours by the window, wondering where did you go. " Song lyrics race, I like the song anyway. It plays sporadically.
But I questioned my own presence of existential thought and in questioning the seeming lack there of, would there be something? In wondering that it was missing, was I then thinking existentially? I thought that way because I had nothing really deep or interesting to say on Twitter. I don't always pose a question that I considered thought provoking, but I seemed to be bothered today by my lack of questioning. I decided my life had too much order, and it's not that organized. I have things everywhere, not much of a strict schedule outside of classes, but I'm like a still pond, a lake, waiting for that rock to be chucked in to start something. The placidity of the water seemed to be bothering me. I need something, I don't know if it's conversation that I need, or just something to shake things up a little.
I'm not depressed, this isn't the listlessness of depression, this is the listlessness of a lack of direction. I know in general where I want to go, but what do I see right now? Where am I stopping along the way? That's what's bothering me right now I guess. Just drifting along, I need something to shake it all up. Maybe I'll head out, the coffee shop has the potential to be interesting right now, or at least outside of my head which is good enough. Maybe to the bar, just something. I think I want to be wrapped up in someone else's issues, their ideas their business. I don't want to go my own way, but to bum a ride with someone else for a little while. Not for too long, just long enough to break my spell of blank so I can continue wherever I'm headed.
My life needs a little chaos to remind it where I'm trying to go. Maybe a shove in some direction will remind me to take control of the little things as I roll on to the bigger things down the road. Maybe something interesting will happen.
Jasmine P.
All in all I really don't know where I'm going with this train of thought. In a way I think I'm having some sort of minor existential crisis, but what is it? I crave chaos, disorder, some sort of scene. I just finished watching Sid and Nancy and there was chaos and compassion, disorder and danger. I've been listening to the Fuck Buttons, chaos and no lyrics to distract. Audible chaos and disorder that flows, it has some sort of direction. At this minute I have no direction. My hand still aches from Wednesday when I spent about three hours using an x-acto to cut apart cardboard boxes from my 3-D Design class. I filed my nails away so when I go to ceramics I'll get less clay trapped under them, and now I don't know which way I'm going.
I'm jut wondering about the short term, I vaguely want to talk to somebody, I know who I'd love to interact with, but I don't know what they're up to but in my state of mind just being in their presence would probably benefit me. I've loosely been like this all day, drifting. Anger, annoyance rather, to being blank and vaguely listless.
"Checked the clock when I got home, I realized that I'm alone, sat for hours by the window, wondering where did you go. " Song lyrics race, I like the song anyway. It plays sporadically.
But I questioned my own presence of existential thought and in questioning the seeming lack there of, would there be something? In wondering that it was missing, was I then thinking existentially? I thought that way because I had nothing really deep or interesting to say on Twitter. I don't always pose a question that I considered thought provoking, but I seemed to be bothered today by my lack of questioning. I decided my life had too much order, and it's not that organized. I have things everywhere, not much of a strict schedule outside of classes, but I'm like a still pond, a lake, waiting for that rock to be chucked in to start something. The placidity of the water seemed to be bothering me. I need something, I don't know if it's conversation that I need, or just something to shake things up a little.
I'm not depressed, this isn't the listlessness of depression, this is the listlessness of a lack of direction. I know in general where I want to go, but what do I see right now? Where am I stopping along the way? That's what's bothering me right now I guess. Just drifting along, I need something to shake it all up. Maybe I'll head out, the coffee shop has the potential to be interesting right now, or at least outside of my head which is good enough. Maybe to the bar, just something. I think I want to be wrapped up in someone else's issues, their ideas their business. I don't want to go my own way, but to bum a ride with someone else for a little while. Not for too long, just long enough to break my spell of blank so I can continue wherever I'm headed.
My life needs a little chaos to remind it where I'm trying to go. Maybe a shove in some direction will remind me to take control of the little things as I roll on to the bigger things down the road. Maybe something interesting will happen.
Jasmine P.
January 7, 2010
Why
Fuck the MPAA
I have said time and time again that I don't like the MPAA. I like the idea of it, but it's practice is so fucked up it's not doing much real good. It's a pack of people who are trying ot police other people's families, to police other people. Why? I think that just listing what's in a movie should be fine and not the soul crushing rating of G, PG, PG-13, R, and NC-17, I don't remember if X is still being used.
The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) and its international counterpart, the Motion Picture Association (MPA) serve as the voice and advocate of the American motion picture, home video and television industries, domestically through the MPAA and internationally through the MPA. Today, these associations represent not only the world of theatrical film, but serve as leader and advocate for major producers and distributors of entertainment programming for television, cable, home video and future delivery systems not yet imagined.
Founded in 1922 as the trade association of the American film industry, the MPAA has broadened its mandate over the years to reflect the diversity of an ever changing and expanding industry. The initial task assigned to the association was to stem criticism of American movies, which were then silent, and to restore a more favorable public image for the motion picture business. Today the association continues to advocate for strong protection of the creative works produced and distributed by the industry, fights copyright theft around the world, and provides leadership in meeting new and emerging industry challenges.
And it's parent company, the MPA
Our member companies' films are shown in theaters in more than 100 countries around the world and on television in more than 120 countries. The U.S. film industry provides the majority of home entertainment products seen in millions of homes throughout the world. This complex audiovisual industry is represented globally by the Motion Picture Association.
The MPA was formed in 1945 in the aftermath of World War II to reestablish American films in the world market, and to respond to the rising tide of protectionism resulting in barriers aimed at restricting the importation of American films.
"Today the [MPAA] continues to advocate for strong protection of the creative works produced." Really? I hear time and time again about directors damn near whoring themselves to get a lower rating because they don't believe their film is all that bad. If not for the fact that I have and have seen 'This Film is Not Yet Rated' a documentary from 2006 that discusses how the MPAA works with directors and filmmakers, I'd wonder what the criteria were for hiring someone to the ratings board. The film described it to a minor extent, but the information about some of the members of that years MPAA board intrigued me the most. Not everyone had children, or if they did their children were grown adults.
I continue to say ‘fuck the MPAA’ because they’re not addressing the content of films half the time, it’s the aesthetic of the film. It’s not plot points or ideas more often than not it’s language, violence and sexual situations. Those are more aesthetic than content in the film, and now people are advocating for the MPAA to cut down on smoking by automatically giving any movie where people smoke an R rating. Why? People smoke in real life. As a child I was dissuaded from smoking because I didn’t like the smell of the ash. My mother and grandfather smoked around me. My mom stopped because I asked her to. My mother was the most influential person in my life, and still is, amazingly so with her being dead and all, but ces’t la vie?
My point is that rating a movie R for smoking is akin to rating it R for alcohol, or for humping and sex. They’d soon be rating movies for necking, and it’s annoying enough that breasts are out, and the penis was just about never able to be seen on screen. None of these things are really content wise to the movies, its people who take some sort of virgin or puritanical offense at these things. Ignoring the hypothetical and back to the reality of the situation, the two things that give a movie an R rating in America are sex, and cursing, specifically the word ‘fuck’. Sex is because people have some issue with the human body. Cursing, that’s down right biblical. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephisians 4:20 [NIV].
I got sidetracked, my point is what is the MPAA really for? What they seem to be doing much of the time is policing other people and other people’s families and children. A better way for rating movies is to just take the little box from under the rating, make it bigger and call it a day. What box? The one that lists what’s in a movie, like ‘harsh language’ or ‘brief nudity’ etc. Inform people so they can make an educated decision. Parents should work at being positively involved in their children’s lives and not just there because they made them. Ask them about movies they want to see, ask them why. With the MPAA that we have now, families are coddled and parents have become lazy. They expect other people to tell them how to raise their children instead of taking the reins themselves.
I also advocate in parents policing their children because they would then be accountable, but people love not being accountable for things. They run and hide from criticism and accountability because they like having someone else to blame for why their children are fucked up. But the biggest part in them blaming someone else, it ultimately loops back to them and their inability to train and educate their children themselves.
But back to the MPAA and smoking as an R rating. What would that accomplish is what I really want to know. Yes, children would not be able to see smoking in the movies, but what about reality? In walking down a real New York street at least one in every ten or twenty people I saw was smoking. Going to a 7-Eleven the other night a car pulled up, the passenger was smoking a cigarette and the driver lit up a stogie. People smoke in real life. What about period pieces then? Smoking was pretty much considered a health benefit until the late 20th century. I’m saying, are you going to show me a western, or a movie about 1910 or about the settlers and people won’t be smoking.
Yes, smoking is harmful; yes, smoking is dangerous to your health. But remember, people have been smoking for hundreds and hundreds of years and acting like they didn’t isn’t going to help. I’m not advocating ultra-realism, movies are my escape from the doldrums of my day to day life of going to class or sitting around doing nothing. I’m advocating keeping life real enough that people can accept it. I accept and enjoy movies where people don’t smoke at all, I can also accept and enjoy movies where people smoke. It’s an aesthetic not content. Stop worrying about aesthetics and worry about the content that children get to see.
My biggest reason for leaving smoking in a movie is that it’s life. Life happens, if a character would do something, let them. Why change their character just to fit somebody else's moral standards. My standards are not those of my brothers. They make share similarities, but they’re ultimately not the same. But this blog is what inspired me to stick out my hat. It says what I want to say better, and more directly, but mine was not a failed effort.
Jasmine P.
I continue to say ‘fuck the MPAA’ because they’re not addressing the content of films half the time, it’s the aesthetic of the film. It’s not plot points or ideas more often than not it’s language, violence and sexual situations. Those are more aesthetic than content in the film, and now people are advocating for the MPAA to cut down on smoking by automatically giving any movie where people smoke an R rating. Why? People smoke in real life. As a child I was dissuaded from smoking because I didn’t like the smell of the ash. My mother and grandfather smoked around me. My mom stopped because I asked her to. My mother was the most influential person in my life, and still is, amazingly so with her being dead and all, but ces’t la vie?
My point is that rating a movie R for smoking is akin to rating it R for alcohol, or for humping and sex. They’d soon be rating movies for necking, and it’s annoying enough that breasts are out, and the penis was just about never able to be seen on screen. None of these things are really content wise to the movies, its people who take some sort of virgin or puritanical offense at these things. Ignoring the hypothetical and back to the reality of the situation, the two things that give a movie an R rating in America are sex, and cursing, specifically the word ‘fuck’. Sex is because people have some issue with the human body. Cursing, that’s down right biblical. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephisians 4:20 [NIV].
I got sidetracked, my point is what is the MPAA really for? What they seem to be doing much of the time is policing other people and other people’s families and children. A better way for rating movies is to just take the little box from under the rating, make it bigger and call it a day. What box? The one that lists what’s in a movie, like ‘harsh language’ or ‘brief nudity’ etc. Inform people so they can make an educated decision. Parents should work at being positively involved in their children’s lives and not just there because they made them. Ask them about movies they want to see, ask them why. With the MPAA that we have now, families are coddled and parents have become lazy. They expect other people to tell them how to raise their children instead of taking the reins themselves.
I also advocate in parents policing their children because they would then be accountable, but people love not being accountable for things. They run and hide from criticism and accountability because they like having someone else to blame for why their children are fucked up. But the biggest part in them blaming someone else, it ultimately loops back to them and their inability to train and educate their children themselves.
But back to the MPAA and smoking as an R rating. What would that accomplish is what I really want to know. Yes, children would not be able to see smoking in the movies, but what about reality? In walking down a real New York street at least one in every ten or twenty people I saw was smoking. Going to a 7-Eleven the other night a car pulled up, the passenger was smoking a cigarette and the driver lit up a stogie. People smoke in real life. What about period pieces then? Smoking was pretty much considered a health benefit until the late 20th century. I’m saying, are you going to show me a western, or a movie about 1910 or about the settlers and people won’t be smoking.
Yes, smoking is harmful; yes, smoking is dangerous to your health. But remember, people have been smoking for hundreds and hundreds of years and acting like they didn’t isn’t going to help. I’m not advocating ultra-realism, movies are my escape from the doldrums of my day to day life of going to class or sitting around doing nothing. I’m advocating keeping life real enough that people can accept it. I accept and enjoy movies where people don’t smoke at all, I can also accept and enjoy movies where people smoke. It’s an aesthetic not content. Stop worrying about aesthetics and worry about the content that children get to see.
My biggest reason for leaving smoking in a movie is that it’s life. Life happens, if a character would do something, let them. Why change their character just to fit somebody else's moral standards. My standards are not those of my brothers. They make share similarities, but they’re ultimately not the same. But this blog is what inspired me to stick out my hat. It says what I want to say better, and more directly, but mine was not a failed effort.
Jasmine P.
Fuck the MPAA
I have said time and time again that I don't like the MPAA. I like the idea of it, but it's practice is so fucked up it's not doing much real good. It's a pack of people who are trying ot police other people's families, to police other people. Why? I think that just listing what's in a movie should be fine and not the soul crushing rating of G, PG, PG-13, R, and NC-17, I don't remember if X is still being used.
The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) and its international counterpart, the Motion Picture Association (MPA) serve as the voice and advocate of the American motion picture, home video and television industries, domestically through the MPAA and internationally through the MPA. Today, these associations represent not only the world of theatrical film, but serve as leader and advocate for major producers and distributors of entertainment programming for television, cable, home video and future delivery systems not yet imagined.
Founded in 1922 as the trade association of the American film industry, the MPAA has broadened its mandate over the years to reflect the diversity of an ever changing and expanding industry. The initial task assigned to the association was to stem criticism of American movies, which were then silent, and to restore a more favorable public image for the motion picture business. Today the association continues to advocate for strong protection of the creative works produced and distributed by the industry, fights copyright theft around the world, and provides leadership in meeting new and emerging industry challenges.
And it's parent company, the MPA
Our member companies' films are shown in theaters in more than 100 countries around the world and on television in more than 120 countries. The U.S. film industry provides the majority of home entertainment products seen in millions of homes throughout the world. This complex audiovisual industry is represented globally by the Motion Picture Association.
The MPA was formed in 1945 in the aftermath of World War II to reestablish American films in the world market, and to respond to the rising tide of protectionism resulting in barriers aimed at restricting the importation of American films.
"Today the [MPAA] continues to advocate for strong protection of the creative works produced." Really? I hear time and time again about directors damn near whoring themselves to get a lower rating because they don't believe their film is all that bad. If not for the fact that I have and have seen 'This Film is Not Yet Rated' a documentary from 2006 that discusses how the MPAA works with directors and filmmakers, I'd wonder what the criteria were for hiring someone to the ratings board. The film described it to a minor extent, but the information about some of the members of that years MPAA board intrigued me the most. Not everyone had children, or if they did their children were grown adults.
I continue to say ‘fuck the MPAA’ because they’re not addressing the content of films half the time, it’s the aesthetic of the film. It’s not plot points or ideas more often than not it’s language, violence and sexual situations. Those are more aesthetic than content in the film, and now people are advocating for the MPAA to cut down on smoking by automatically giving any movie where people smoke an R rating. Why? People smoke in real life. As a child I was dissuaded from smoking because I didn’t like the smell of the ash. My mother and grandfather smoked around me. My mom stopped because I asked her to. My mother was the most influential person in my life, and still is, amazingly so with her being dead and all, but ces’t la vie?
My point is that rating a movie R for smoking is akin to rating it R for alcohol, or for humping and sex. They’d soon be rating movies for necking, and it’s annoying enough that breasts are out, and the penis was just about never able to be seen on screen. None of these things are really content wise to the movies, its people who take some sort of virgin or puritanical offense at these things. Ignoring the hypothetical and back to the reality of the situation, the two things that give a movie an R rating in America are sex, and cursing, specifically the word ‘fuck’. Sex is because people have some issue with the human body. Cursing, that’s down right biblical. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephisians 4:20 [NIV].
I got sidetracked, my point is what is the MPAA really for? What they seem to be doing much of the time is policing other people and other people’s families and children. A better way for rating movies is to just take the little box from under the rating, make it bigger and call it a day. What box? The one that lists what’s in a movie, like ‘harsh language’ or ‘brief nudity’ etc. Inform people so they can make an educated decision. Parents should work at being positively involved in their children’s lives and not just there because they made them. Ask them about movies they want to see, ask them why. With the MPAA that we have now, families are coddled and parents have become lazy. They expect other people to tell them how to raise their children instead of taking the reins themselves.
I also advocate in parents policing their children because they would then be accountable, but people love not being accountable for things. They run and hide from criticism and accountability because they like having someone else to blame for why their children are fucked up. But the biggest part in them blaming someone else, it ultimately loops back to them and their inability to train and educate their children themselves.
But back to the MPAA and smoking as an R rating. What would that accomplish is what I really want to know. Yes, children would not be able to see smoking in the movies, but what about reality? In walking down a real New York street at least one in every ten or twenty people I saw was smoking. Going to a 7-Eleven the other night a car pulled up, the passenger was smoking a cigarette and the driver lit up a stogie. People smoke in real life. What about period pieces then? Smoking was pretty much considered a health benefit until the late 20th century. I’m saying, are you going to show me a western, or a movie about 1910 or about the settlers and people won’t be smoking.
Yes, smoking is harmful; yes, smoking is dangerous to your health. But remember, people have been smoking for hundreds and hundreds of years and acting like they didn’t isn’t going to help. I’m not advocating ultra-realism, movies are my escape from the doldrums of my day to day life of going to class or sitting around doing nothing. I’m advocating keeping life real enough that people can accept it. I accept and enjoy movies where people don’t smoke at all, I can also accept and enjoy movies where people smoke. It’s an aesthetic not content. Stop worrying about aesthetics and worry about the content that children get to see.
My biggest reason for leaving smoking in a movie is that it’s life. Life happens, if a character would do something, let them. Why change their character just to fit somebody else's moral standards. My standards are not those of my brothers. They make share similarities, but they’re ultimately not the same. But this blog is what inspired me to stick out my hat. It says what I want to say better, and more directly, but mine was not a failed effort.
Jasmine P.
I continue to say ‘fuck the MPAA’ because they’re not addressing the content of films half the time, it’s the aesthetic of the film. It’s not plot points or ideas more often than not it’s language, violence and sexual situations. Those are more aesthetic than content in the film, and now people are advocating for the MPAA to cut down on smoking by automatically giving any movie where people smoke an R rating. Why? People smoke in real life. As a child I was dissuaded from smoking because I didn’t like the smell of the ash. My mother and grandfather smoked around me. My mom stopped because I asked her to. My mother was the most influential person in my life, and still is, amazingly so with her being dead and all, but ces’t la vie?
My point is that rating a movie R for smoking is akin to rating it R for alcohol, or for humping and sex. They’d soon be rating movies for necking, and it’s annoying enough that breasts are out, and the penis was just about never able to be seen on screen. None of these things are really content wise to the movies, its people who take some sort of virgin or puritanical offense at these things. Ignoring the hypothetical and back to the reality of the situation, the two things that give a movie an R rating in America are sex, and cursing, specifically the word ‘fuck’. Sex is because people have some issue with the human body. Cursing, that’s down right biblical. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephisians 4:20 [NIV].
I got sidetracked, my point is what is the MPAA really for? What they seem to be doing much of the time is policing other people and other people’s families and children. A better way for rating movies is to just take the little box from under the rating, make it bigger and call it a day. What box? The one that lists what’s in a movie, like ‘harsh language’ or ‘brief nudity’ etc. Inform people so they can make an educated decision. Parents should work at being positively involved in their children’s lives and not just there because they made them. Ask them about movies they want to see, ask them why. With the MPAA that we have now, families are coddled and parents have become lazy. They expect other people to tell them how to raise their children instead of taking the reins themselves.
I also advocate in parents policing their children because they would then be accountable, but people love not being accountable for things. They run and hide from criticism and accountability because they like having someone else to blame for why their children are fucked up. But the biggest part in them blaming someone else, it ultimately loops back to them and their inability to train and educate their children themselves.
But back to the MPAA and smoking as an R rating. What would that accomplish is what I really want to know. Yes, children would not be able to see smoking in the movies, but what about reality? In walking down a real New York street at least one in every ten or twenty people I saw was smoking. Going to a 7-Eleven the other night a car pulled up, the passenger was smoking a cigarette and the driver lit up a stogie. People smoke in real life. What about period pieces then? Smoking was pretty much considered a health benefit until the late 20th century. I’m saying, are you going to show me a western, or a movie about 1910 or about the settlers and people won’t be smoking.
Yes, smoking is harmful; yes, smoking is dangerous to your health. But remember, people have been smoking for hundreds and hundreds of years and acting like they didn’t isn’t going to help. I’m not advocating ultra-realism, movies are my escape from the doldrums of my day to day life of going to class or sitting around doing nothing. I’m advocating keeping life real enough that people can accept it. I accept and enjoy movies where people don’t smoke at all, I can also accept and enjoy movies where people smoke. It’s an aesthetic not content. Stop worrying about aesthetics and worry about the content that children get to see.
My biggest reason for leaving smoking in a movie is that it’s life. Life happens, if a character would do something, let them. Why change their character just to fit somebody else's moral standards. My standards are not those of my brothers. They make share similarities, but they’re ultimately not the same. But this blog is what inspired me to stick out my hat. It says what I want to say better, and more directly, but mine was not a failed effort.
Jasmine P.
January 4, 2010
Quotes
Changing up my quotes on facebook, so here are my old ones once more.
accomplishing loving and being loved are more important than the gender you wish to love or be loved by. - Jasmine Y. P.
Life happens, it's more fun to be there when it happens than to hear about it after the fact. -me
"Straight men are naturally slower while gay men are a lot like women, therefore smarter." -Nick S.
A house is not a home without a family. Families are made of more than blood.
I would totally do that.
This -is- me you're talking to
When it comes to love, we're all in the dark -Kinsey
God grant me the strength to accept the things I can't change. -RDJ, 'Broken' -The Futurist
Last Night was an A1, tip-top, clubbing, jam fair. It was a sandwich of fun, on ecstasy bread, wrapped up in a big bag like disco fudge. It doesn't get much better than that. I just wish that I could control these *fucking mood swings!* -Tyres "Spaced"
I disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it -Voltaire
'I hate this song! This is a stupid song'
-'Shut up and sing'
- irl convo between me and Za
I can hear the sounds of violins
Long before it begins (it begins)
Make me thrill as only you know how (you know how)
Sway me smooth, sway me now (give me more) -Sway
There was no helmet on those nights, no speed limit, and no cooling it down on the curves. the momentary freedom of the park was like one unlucky drink that shoves a wavering alcoholic off the wagon. -H.S. Thompson
Nationalized health care: because one day, seriously, it is actually going to be lupus.- Warren Ellis
I am Energy and I am Indestructible - Albert Einstein
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city - George Burns
My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror. - W. Somerset Maugham
Jasmine P.
accomplishing loving and being loved are more important than the gender you wish to love or be loved by. - Jasmine Y. P.
Life happens, it's more fun to be there when it happens than to hear about it after the fact. -me
"Straight men are naturally slower while gay men are a lot like women, therefore smarter." -Nick S.
A house is not a home without a family. Families are made of more than blood.
I would totally do that.
This -is- me you're talking to
When it comes to love, we're all in the dark -Kinsey
God grant me the strength to accept the things I can't change. -RDJ, 'Broken' -The Futurist
Last Night was an A1, tip-top, clubbing, jam fair. It was a sandwich of fun, on ecstasy bread, wrapped up in a big bag like disco fudge. It doesn't get much better than that. I just wish that I could control these *fucking mood swings!* -Tyres "Spaced"
I disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it -Voltaire
'I hate this song! This is a stupid song'
-'Shut up and sing'
- irl convo between me and Za
I can hear the sounds of violins
Long before it begins (it begins)
Make me thrill as only you know how (you know how)
Sway me smooth, sway me now (give me more) -Sway
There was no helmet on those nights, no speed limit, and no cooling it down on the curves. the momentary freedom of the park was like one unlucky drink that shoves a wavering alcoholic off the wagon. -H.S. Thompson
Nationalized health care: because one day, seriously, it is actually going to be lupus.- Warren Ellis
I am Energy and I am Indestructible - Albert Einstein
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city - George Burns
My own belief is that there is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror. - W. Somerset Maugham
Jasmine P.
January 1, 2010
300-370 Movies
The last 70 movies I watched last year. Cheers! I made my goal!
Jasmine P.
300) Be Kind Rewind: Oct 10
301) In Bruges: Oct 10
302) Run Fat Boy Run: Oct 12
303) Chinatown: Oct 12
304) Lock, Stock and Two-Smoking Barrels: Oct 16
305) Sleepy Hollow: Oct 17
306) Sleepy Hollow w. commentary: Oct 18
A Whole Lot of Depp, apparently
307) Secret Window: Oct 20
308) Secret Window w. comm: Oct 21
309) Raising Arizona: Oct 21
310) The Addams Family: Oct 23
311) The Addams Family Values: Oct 23
312) American Gangster unrated: Oct 24
313) American Gangster theatrical w. commentary Oct 24
314) Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl: Oct 30
315) Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl w/ Verbinski and Depp commentary: Oct 30
316) Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest: Oct 31
317) Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End: Oct 31
318) Blow: Oct 31
Flicks 'n' Features
319) Fight Club: Nov 1
320) Fight Club w. Dir and actor comm: Nov 2
321) Fight Club w. Dir commentary: Nov 2
322) The Untouchables: Nov 3
323) American Psycho: Nov 4
324) Bram Stoker’s Dracula: Nov 6
325) Leon: The Professional: Nov 6
326) Leon: The Professional w. trivia track: Nov 7
327) The Painted Veil: Nov 8
328) Barton Fink: Nov 8
329) The Usual Suspects: Nov 10
330) The Usual Suspects w. Director & Writer comm: Nov 11
331) Traitor: Nov 11
332) Traitor w. commentary: Nov 12
It Started with a Rainy Day Marathon
333) Righteous Kill w. commentary: Nov 12
334) Ghostbusters: Nov 12
335) Ghostbusters w. commentary: Nov 13
336) A Christmas Story: Nov 14
337) A Christmas Story w. commentary: Nov 14
338) Burn After Reading: Nov 14
339) Where The Wild Things Are: Nov 14
340) Fargo: Nov 14
341) The Italian Job (2003): Nov 17
342) The Italian Job (1969): Nov 17
343) The Italian Job w. commentary : Nov 18
344) Gone in 60 Seconds: Nov 19
345) Gone in 60 sec w. commentary: Nov 19
346) The French Connection: Nov 20
Home Stretch!!
My last 19 movies will all be together in this blog. Huzzah! Here we go!!
347) Porky’s: Nov 27
348) 101 Dalmatians: Nov 30
349) Downfall: Dec 3
350) Groundhog Day w. Commentary: Dec 9
351) Goonies: Dec 11
351) Goonies w. commentary: Dec 12
352) Goodfellas: Dec 15
353) The Royal Tenenbaums: Dec 19
354) Cadillac Records: Dec 19
355) Gran Torino: Dec 19
356) Kill Bill Vol. 1: Dec 19
357) Eagle Eye: Dec 20
358) Made of Honor: Dec 20
359) It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World: Dec 20
360) Ghost Town: Dec 22
361) The Incredibles: Dec 23
362) The Incredibles w. director and producer commentary: Dec 23
363) The Incredibles w animator commentary: Dec 24
364) Bottle Shock: Dec 24
365) Seven Pounds: Dec 27
Over the Moon!
366) Blind Sided: Dec 29
367) Watchmen Ultimate Cut: Dec 30
368) Sherlock Holmes: Dec 31
369) Grumpy Old Men: Dec 31
370) Speed: Dec 31
Jasmine P.
December 24, 2009
2009 in Review and Reflection
This year has been tumultuous. I gave myself the beginning of an education in movies and cinema. I've read a bit, more comics. And I made my biggest life change in a while, I switched college majors. If you care enough for more detail and a lot more griping, feel free to read the archives, this is a gloss over of the year.
From the top, January. I decided back in January that I was going to watch 365 movies in the year, more or less, one for every day of the year. I had a short lead, but then school happened and my plans came crashing down. I continued on and it was rough depending on how classes were going. I stuck to my own DVDs for a long while, but eventually stated renting more movies. I switched my rules to those on the View Askew boards after about three weeks. It's been a fun and interesting challenge. My super fucking awesome Creative Zen X-Fi got stolen by one of my roommates friends on the gatdamned Inauguration Day, which is fucking bull shit. I stopped talking to her seriously after that shit. We'd been on rocky terms since the previous November, as far as I was concerned. It was also no skin off my back to not talk to her anymore; we were never really that close to begin with. In late January, I believe, I followed Seph_Hunter on dA, which plays into other things throughout the year. Movie wise I was all across the board watching any random movie on Video OnDemand or new DVDs I had. It’s when I went through my age of watching 90’s ‘indie cinema’ by that I mean I started with Robert Rodriguez’s movies. I went through most of his by the end of February, then switched gears to Kevin Smith and on to Quentin Tarantino.
February was cold. More movies were watched and I planned for a surgery for my hidradenitis suppurativa. Gearing up for surgery sucked, aside from the pain killers, those were still nice. I apparently drank with Ian and Nicole, that’s when we crashed at Ian’s place. In February is also when we went to the VIWFA tournament in Charlottesville, VA. That was a pretty fun trip. I was really bothered by the hidradenitis. Shit fucking hurt, was itchy and uncomfortable. Ahh, I had my random driving adventure to Elizabeth City because I was bored one night. Really uneventful. On the movie front I worked my way through Kev Smith seriously, then Tarantino. The Kev Smith movies lasted a while.
March, had my surgery. I loved the morphine, and being relatively stoned for the following three to four weeks. Yup, I kicked off my month with a surgery at the tail end of spring break. That fucking sucked. I was in so much pain, I’m still periodically in a lot of pain. I paid a lot less attention in my English class after Spring Break because we had gotten into poetry, and I was bored with the poetry. I wrote about food for a journal. It’s so friggin’ trite, I was too out of it to really write properly, but I tried to. Movies were more Kev Smith then a bunch of things that have very little to do with one another.
April sucked. I got depressed about not having my mother once more, but I did write a bitchin' poem 'An Abecedarian About April' yeah, rockin' the alliteration in the title for the win. I bought a show called 'Dead Like Me' and got into an awesome conversation with Seph on Twitter about Bryan Fuller, which has since lead me to being a Fuller Fan. I've since watched most of his shows on DVD, or Hulu, depending. It's been sweet. Fuller’s stuff has been amazing. Seriously, watching Dead Like Me got me through my depression that I assume was related to my mother’s death from 2.5 years ago. I felt a lot better once I finished the show, then drove to Hampton for some friggin’ Waffle House at 5am, and I made it back before traffic. It was alright. April was the awkward that was the sentencing of the rowing club for being idiots. It really was horrible to have to listen to these other students explain their guilt or innocence to us, then have to lay down the punishment, knowing that campus could change the ‘verdict’ if they felt so inclined. Hmm, April was the end of the semester, that’s when I started finding and watching more Emile Hirsch movies. Sexy boy. April, when my heart was broken by a boy I actually knew. Well, the breaking was in May, but it started in April. April’s movie connection seems to just be Robert Downey Jr. flicks, which is just fine with me. It went from Jake Gyllenhaal to RDJ with Zodiac as the linking film. That’s something I started working on, having some sort of theme across the movies aside from the director. The theme was pretty much just actors.
From the top, January. I decided back in January that I was going to watch 365 movies in the year, more or less, one for every day of the year. I had a short lead, but then school happened and my plans came crashing down. I continued on and it was rough depending on how classes were going. I stuck to my own DVDs for a long while, but eventually stated renting more movies. I switched my rules to those on the View Askew boards after about three weeks. It's been a fun and interesting challenge. My super fucking awesome Creative Zen X-Fi got stolen by one of my roommates friends on the gatdamned Inauguration Day, which is fucking bull shit. I stopped talking to her seriously after that shit. We'd been on rocky terms since the previous November, as far as I was concerned. It was also no skin off my back to not talk to her anymore; we were never really that close to begin with. In late January, I believe, I followed Seph_Hunter on dA, which plays into other things throughout the year. Movie wise I was all across the board watching any random movie on Video OnDemand or new DVDs I had. It’s when I went through my age of watching 90’s ‘indie cinema’ by that I mean I started with Robert Rodriguez’s movies. I went through most of his by the end of February, then switched gears to Kevin Smith and on to Quentin Tarantino.
February was cold. More movies were watched and I planned for a surgery for my hidradenitis suppurativa. Gearing up for surgery sucked, aside from the pain killers, those were still nice. I apparently drank with Ian and Nicole, that’s when we crashed at Ian’s place. In February is also when we went to the VIWFA tournament in Charlottesville, VA. That was a pretty fun trip. I was really bothered by the hidradenitis. Shit fucking hurt, was itchy and uncomfortable. Ahh, I had my random driving adventure to Elizabeth City because I was bored one night. Really uneventful. On the movie front I worked my way through Kev Smith seriously, then Tarantino. The Kev Smith movies lasted a while.
March, had my surgery. I loved the morphine, and being relatively stoned for the following three to four weeks. Yup, I kicked off my month with a surgery at the tail end of spring break. That fucking sucked. I was in so much pain, I’m still periodically in a lot of pain. I paid a lot less attention in my English class after Spring Break because we had gotten into poetry, and I was bored with the poetry. I wrote about food for a journal. It’s so friggin’ trite, I was too out of it to really write properly, but I tried to. Movies were more Kev Smith then a bunch of things that have very little to do with one another.
April sucked. I got depressed about not having my mother once more, but I did write a bitchin' poem 'An Abecedarian About April' yeah, rockin' the alliteration in the title for the win. I bought a show called 'Dead Like Me' and got into an awesome conversation with Seph on Twitter about Bryan Fuller, which has since lead me to being a Fuller Fan. I've since watched most of his shows on DVD, or Hulu, depending. It's been sweet. Fuller’s stuff has been amazing. Seriously, watching Dead Like Me got me through my depression that I assume was related to my mother’s death from 2.5 years ago. I felt a lot better once I finished the show, then drove to Hampton for some friggin’ Waffle House at 5am, and I made it back before traffic. It was alright. April was the awkward that was the sentencing of the rowing club for being idiots. It really was horrible to have to listen to these other students explain their guilt or innocence to us, then have to lay down the punishment, knowing that campus could change the ‘verdict’ if they felt so inclined. Hmm, April was the end of the semester, that’s when I started finding and watching more Emile Hirsch movies. Sexy boy. April, when my heart was broken by a boy I actually knew. Well, the breaking was in May, but it started in April. April’s movie connection seems to just be Robert Downey Jr. flicks, which is just fine with me. It went from Jake Gyllenhaal to RDJ with Zodiac as the linking film. That’s something I started working on, having some sort of theme across the movies aside from the director. The theme was pretty much just actors.
May finished off the school year, and lead into summer school. I finally had the chance to watch the hell out of movies, and I did. The semester was over, I was taking one summer school class and that was twice a week in the mornings. Maybe it was three times a week, I can’t remember anymore. During this time I went out on a date with the guy from April, then he never calls nor answers his phone when I call. I hold out for another month before cursing him and giving up. The last Monday of the month is a naming ceremony at my mom’s office, they decided to honor her memory by naming a meeting room after her. I was able to return home after finish a final paper and moving into Jon and Josh’s place for the duration of the summer. It was nice to see my Gramma, since it’s too long of a drive to get up to New York. Well, I’d be cool with it if I was hanging with friends, I don’t really want to just go up on my own, especially not from Norfolk. Movies watched were following Hirsch, and picking up old movies that I’d been thinking about watching.
June I did nothing for most of June except for sleep, not take care of my surgery sites, then I went to Wisconsin for a week. I had my first drink in a bar out there, too. I was out there for the Summer Wetlands Association’s yearly conference. It was an excellent opportunity when I was still seriously thinking about becoming a botanist. I had been on the fence, but that kept me in the botanical frame of mind until I returned to Norfolk when I ultimately changed my mind. My biggest reason for changing my major is that being a botanist isn’t really what I wanted out of life. I wanted to draw cartoons and I finally decided to accept what I’d known all along, that I shouldn’t be a scientist, that I should hone my craft and become a comic artist. Back in Norfolk I proceeded to lounge around every day because I had nothing to do. I marathoned the first Pushing Daisies in early June the bought season 2 when it finally got released on DVD. That show and Wonderfalls, which I watched earlier in June, had me loving Lee Pace. Fucking adorable man right there. June movies were Emile Hirsch, then random other it seems. Most months didn’t have a theme that lasted more than a week.
July was more of the same. I was a lay-about. I went to Borjo, drank coffee and befriended more of the employees. Most constructive thing I think I did was rip into a poorly written letter that someone a part of Avatar wrote that was reposted by a movie critic who had criticized the movie back in July. It’s December, I’m not digging the movie. I know plenty of people are, but I don’t want to see it. The story doesn’t sound that interesting and why do non-mammalian creatures have breasts? I could go on and on, but the sooner I let it all go the sooner I can get past the bit blue cat-people bull shit. July has a lot of action-y movies. Some ridiculous movies, and movies that I was finally getting to while renting more movies from specific directors, or written by directors but directed by someone else. July also features Al Pacino; I watched The Godfather Trilogy and a lot of his movies from when he was younger.
August I went home got a new pair of glasses made, and rear ended someone when I came back to Norfolk. That sucked. The car I had in between was nice. A Pontiac something or other. When Dorien came down to sign off on the check for repairs it was his birthday, so I took him to lunch at IHOP. That’s nothing really special, but he doesn’t go often because the nearest one to us home in Reston is out in Vienna. It was nice being just the two of us. I showed him the place I’m currently staying in down at school. Time passes, classes started and I had one hell of a first week. I had to rush my moving because Jon came back early, I was trying to get class stuff straightened out and I thought something was wrong with my car. Getting fencing up and going was hell because Rec Sports decided to claim we hadn’t turned in things that I knew had already been turned in. That got going, then I got to drive home late as all fucking hell on Friday for my father’s wedding on Saturday. August movies were more Pacino and more action for the most part, it seems, and some Bruce Willis because seeing him as a cop, or in generall running round and shooting people pretty much always makes for a good time.
September was awkward as all hell because that’s when my father got married to someone with the same first name as my mother. I really did not like being there. It was really weird. I had to start tuning it all out to keep from crying. Not from the beauty, but from it being awkward. I started playing songs in my head after I’d stopped making faces at my little sister. The reception was fine, then there was a little shindig at the house with the family and friends. I made it back t Norfolk safely after this drive, just tired of having done the drive twice in one month’s there abouts. Classes settled down, and I spoke with the advisor for Art, and learned what I’d have to do to change my major. I explained that I wanted to draw educational biology comics to sell to school systems. I wrote my rant with the best title, ‘I’m a Judgemental Scunt’ about my opinion about current women’s fashion. September’s movies were Directed by Edgar Wright, features Robert DeNiro, or filled whatever other odd requirements I was interested in then.
October was more class and Fall Break in which I drove home and hung out with Alex. I can’t of anything really special that happened then. I got into Woodstock a lot in early October. I watched the documentary and bought the soundtracks which are the live recordings from the day. Watched some Guy Ritchie flicks, was all across the board for movie viewing. Watching what I could when I could. I was depressed for half of October which led into doing nothing interesting. I got a kidney infection and missed 5 days of classes. I had some insane cabin fever from that. I pray I don’t get another kidney infection ever, that was just really annoying after a while.
November, I get over the infection and turn 21, but can’t drink because I’m still on antibiotics. After that, I drink, that Saturday actually, with Brian and other Borjo people at a benefit for Jon who got concussed over the summer. It was fun drinking my first time legally, but I didn’t drink enough nor fast enough to get drunk and that did make me sad. It was great to hang out with people and not be a lonely bore. Classes sucked, I hated English all semester and Thanksgiving rolls around. My drive home is made exponentially better because I pick up Alex for the drive, so being in the car for five hours is nothing because there’s a distraction, and he’s driving. My brothers give me a new phone as a belated birthday gift, and then I spend about half of Wednesday and Thursday cooking for dinner. I got mad stressed out from cooking and latent depression and PSM all rolled into one big mess of boil emotion and hatred which spilled out when I yelled at Miguel on Friday. That sucked. Fuck, I was so gat damned depressed for the rest of the day and accomplished very little over break. November’s movies were across the board again. I sought out some Cohen Brothers stuff but all in all just interesting movies that I heard of around or I’d been sitting on getting around to watching.
December finished out classes. There were some minor adventures with people from Borjo and a random adventure on my own. I spent a lot of my time outside of class in Borjo, chatting up the employees more and just being a presence there. I fed my caffeine addiction like whoa but it was a great place for down time after classes. I think I’m becoming closer friends with people there, I really hope it’s not just in my head because that would be lame. I finished up classes and took finals, one of which sucked a fucking lot. I spent more time working on Cinema hoping to get it up online for early 2010, but I’ll get around to my art in a bit. Actually I have not much else to say, the month isn’t over, there’s another week and a day until the end of the year, hell the end of the decade. Moves were all over, and as of December 24th I am 3 movies from accomplishing my goal. I will continue to count until the year is over, then it will all be posted together as one mega post before I start up for 2010 with the same goal, just different rules.
As for my artwork for the year. I created some new no-world characters and a lot of characters for Cinema. I’ve spent about half the year re-working the characters, refining the art, and thinking about the stories to get it ready for being posted once a week with the hopes of updating more often up to three times a week by the time I graduate. For the uninitiated Cinema is a comic revolving around 4 high school juniors, their day to day school lives and their film making hobby. The story will not be presented in any true chronological order instead each chapter will for the most part deal with an event in their lives. Some chapters will be the movies they have made. After having spent this past year watching movies from mostly America, but from different times and seeing different motivations and ideas Cinema is also a celebration of the cinema and of comics because I love both. Over the past 6-7 months I have worked to round out the world and the characters much more. Aside from the initial 4, then their supporting I have increased secondary and tertiary characters so the world of the comic can work much more smoothly and logically. When the comic is posted I will be happy to share it with the internet.
Aside from working on Cinema this year I have taken some of my perfect story worlds and added chaos and rifts. They were too saccharine and one a couple was together nothing could shake them. That I’ve shaken up a little. Some characters have new family members and some have new friends. There’s no more story than the characters themselves but they will be put to some sort of use. I have started using new supplies this year, nib pens and ink. I like the challenge for these pens and my work and learning more about drawing comics and working in general. I think from this past January I have improved in making my character designs stronger and more unique. I think my inking in improving and aspects of my anatomy works out better now than it did before. I’ve been drawing more in the style required for Cinema than anything else, but I feel that the improvements can still be seen across different cartoon styles. I have officially changed majors from biology to art and look forward to what challenges await and improving my work.
I don’t like the idea of making resolutions for a new year, a thought I’ve touched on before. What I will say about, for, 2010 is bring it on. Bring on your joys, your pains, your sorrow and your happiness. I will do my best to succeed and to not lose to you New Year. I Look forward to getting Cinema online in the coming months and to my artwork improving. I look forward to the freaks and geeks I’ll meet, to the disagreements and the change. I look forward to personal growth and the chance to prove to people that I am the adult I pretend to be, that I’m better than that. Most of all I look forward to new adventures both small and large. It’s another year, like so many past, but there’s still something nice and shiny about it all. Life will happen. I’ve bought my ticket, I’m ready to take my ride.
Jasmine P.
December 17, 2009
New Wave of Plus Sized Models
http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/42159348.html#cutid1
So, I went back to skimming things on Oh No They Didn't and came across this, an article about how Glamour or some such stupid magazine will be featuring plus-sized models, and people who look like they actually eat. Ever. I was "Oh, okay. Next." But decided to skim the comments and was getting annoyed with the callous idiocy I was seeing there. People were disgusted that overweight people would be featured in magazines. They were complaining that they just lost weight, and now their last weight size was going to be considered 'acceptable' for magazines. I really don't know how much of what was written in the comments was serious or sarcasm, but if as much of it was serious as I thought when reading it these people have issues.
Yes, I'm overweight, I don't really care. I eat what I like which includes Brussels sprouts, and also chicken nuggets. I'll eat a salad, tacos, burritos, nachos, baked chicken, fried chicken, rotisserie chicken, fish, pork, beef sometimes. I don't care for exercise, but I miss fencing, but current medical crap hell, it's not even current anymore, just medical crap makes fencing a bad idea. It's my fault I weigh what I do, but it is encouraging for impressionable children that the people that get seen on television and in magazines show not just one unhealthy size.
I wonder how that change in ideals came about. I mean, in the span of about 100 years, the 20th century people went from thinking that big women were best to waifishly unhealthily tiny people were the most attractive. In the past weight meant wealth, you were able to feed your self and the children you'd have. Underweight, tiny people kind of look like their underfed. I know people who would be asked if they had problems at home because of their low weight, but in actuality the would eat.
More of my thoughts from that post are about the people who bitched and moaned about losing weight and working off baby fat. You don't work off baby fat, it goes on it's own. You work off real fat. But I say eat what makes you happy, just be logical about it. I mean, I love peanut butter and unless I get an allergy I always will, but I don't gorge myself on it. I gorge myself on improperly fed chicken and coffee. I am more disgusted when I see tiny, underweight people in magazines then when I see normally weighted people. I don't want to see special definitions for each weight class, just show me models. And how the fuck did they become 'super' models? What are their powers? What do they do, going above and beyond to help people?
This rant is all over the place. I've had a headache for the past few days, nothing really helps. My next one should be better, and I have a personal 'year in review' thing to post.
Jasmine P.
So, I went back to skimming things on Oh No They Didn't and came across this, an article about how Glamour or some such stupid magazine will be featuring plus-sized models, and people who look like they actually eat. Ever. I was "Oh, okay. Next." But decided to skim the comments and was getting annoyed with the callous idiocy I was seeing there. People were disgusted that overweight people would be featured in magazines. They were complaining that they just lost weight, and now their last weight size was going to be considered 'acceptable' for magazines. I really don't know how much of what was written in the comments was serious or sarcasm, but if as much of it was serious as I thought when reading it these people have issues.
Yes, I'm overweight, I don't really care. I eat what I like which includes Brussels sprouts, and also chicken nuggets. I'll eat a salad, tacos, burritos, nachos, baked chicken, fried chicken, rotisserie chicken, fish, pork, beef sometimes. I don't care for exercise, but I miss fencing, but current medical crap hell, it's not even current anymore, just medical crap makes fencing a bad idea. It's my fault I weigh what I do, but it is encouraging for impressionable children that the people that get seen on television and in magazines show not just one unhealthy size.
I wonder how that change in ideals came about. I mean, in the span of about 100 years, the 20th century people went from thinking that big women were best to waifishly unhealthily tiny people were the most attractive. In the past weight meant wealth, you were able to feed your self and the children you'd have. Underweight, tiny people kind of look like their underfed. I know people who would be asked if they had problems at home because of their low weight, but in actuality the would eat.
More of my thoughts from that post are about the people who bitched and moaned about losing weight and working off baby fat. You don't work off baby fat, it goes on it's own. You work off real fat. But I say eat what makes you happy, just be logical about it. I mean, I love peanut butter and unless I get an allergy I always will, but I don't gorge myself on it. I gorge myself on improperly fed chicken and coffee. I am more disgusted when I see tiny, underweight people in magazines then when I see normally weighted people. I don't want to see special definitions for each weight class, just show me models. And how the fuck did they become 'super' models? What are their powers? What do they do, going above and beyond to help people?
This rant is all over the place. I've had a headache for the past few days, nothing really helps. My next one should be better, and I have a personal 'year in review' thing to post.
Jasmine P.
December 4, 2009
Early Morning Musings
I've been spending some time over the past few days reading things off the site 'Stand for Christmas' http://www.standforchristmas.com/ and mostly been laughing at these ultra conservative Christians. In part it's from ignorance and non acceptance of other holidays that happen to take place in the winter. If you look at the ratings list for Best Buy people were all pissy and up in arms because the site and circular promoted the Muslim holiday, of Eid al-Adha, which as my meager research on wikipedia told me is a day about prayer and giving from one's flock to the poor. Seriously, that and Best But says nothing specific about Christmas.
I see these people up in arms angry that Christmas isn't getting the 'respect' they think it deserves. I say one comment for Old Navy that said, and I quote "I logged in to this sight to leave a positive feedback for Old Navy because in my local store I noticed the Merry Christmas tees and also gift cards with Merry Christmas on them---a big step up from past years, but I was unaware of the add including Christmas with Kwanza/soltice (the ice skating one is fine with me;goofy, but fine).” So sad that they took one step forward and two giant leaps back." How is being aware of a not-holiday, Kwanzaa in my opinion, and solstice taking two steps back. These people seems to forget that there are many religions in the world that have some sort of festivity in the winter. I know there are plenty of people who believe that Christianity, or factions of, are the 'only religion' it just seems implausible that everyone who decided to write on that site feels that way.
I think saying 'holiday' is fine because there are so many celebrations, religiously based or not. Using the non-reputable source that is Wikipedia, once more, let's see just the sheer number of holidays, festivals, remembrances, or celebrations there are LISTED for the 31 days that make up December. 38 different events around the world, that's not counting the smaller events that take place during the month. It's not just Christmas, there's also Chanukkah which I think is the second largest religious celebration in the month. On December 25th there are also these events:
# Re) birth of Sol Invictus. The winter solstice feast in the Roman Empire from 274 to 391
# Quaid-e-Azam's Day – Pakistan
# Constitution Day – Republic of China now based in Taiwan
# The feast day of Anastasia of Sirmium
# Yule
# Malkh-Festival. Sun festival in pre-Islamic pagan religion of Nakh people. Chechenya and Ingushetia
True, not all of them are celebrated anymore and are known more out of historic necessity, but they're still there. I'm sure there are plenty more. I don't get the fuss that people use 'holiday' over 'Christmas' when so much else goes on. Any why get so hard up for one day? It's about family? So is Thanksgiving. It's about giving? If you truly want to give to other people, give when you don't feel obligated. These people are making it about the material, if they want to really make it about a part of the true aspect of the day, Jesus and giving, they would go out into their communities and help those who are less fortunate instead of opening hundreds or thousands and thousands of dollars worth of things that they'll forget the next day.
With my tirade I'm not saying I don't like getting things, but I remember and like the gifts that I made for people a lot more than any of the stuff I've bought. Back in 2006 I made ornaments for my family and friends. I love those. In 2004 or 2005 I drew my brother a dragon, framed it and he still has it. I'm proud of those gifts. Last year I thought carefully about what people would appreciate, but I don't appreciate the gifts as much, I have to think hard to remember what I gave them. But I remember what I made, that had love, time and compassion not just money. Scupley costs money, and a lot of time, but those gifts were awesome.
The other part of my musings is on the concept of being politically correct. Thinking that it's more pc to be called 'African-American' is wrong for -me- because I'm not African. I'm 1/2 Dominican and 1/2 American. I only have American citizenship, and I don't know how many generations far back are off a boat from any part of Africa. I call myself 'black' or even just 'American' because that's what I am. I don't care so much about that aspect of American history. I respect it for what happened and all that shit, but I have more important things to be looking for in my future. That's what my status from the other day was about, someone on deviantart was talking about how with some Scandanavian comics she draws and posts people comment about where their family's from. I don't really care about my ancestors. It's not to be disrespectful, but that's not -me- so much. I don't want to go to Africa and see what it was like for them there, I don't really want to go to the Dominican Republic, I don't speak the language. I more often just think of myself as American because I don't speak Spanish. I was raised by my mother's side of the family and more often than not think about things they do than things my dad's side of the family does. I don't not love them, I just don't know them. It's different.
About being politically correct for the holidays, I don't see it about being disrespectful, it's about respect for more people. People seem to have a problem with respect. What if I worked retail and wished ' Happy Chanukkah' or even forwent December and started with 'Happy New Year'? That's non-denominational, just different countries or religions, follow different calendars, its offensive to calendars?
I go for politically correct terms because I don't like to be insulted. Once I know what will and won't mess with a person, I'll use it. I say 'I'm fat' not 'overweight' because it's fat, my body has an excess of it. If you have an excess of weight, it's not always fat, it could be water or muscle. I have an excess of fat, and I don't always have a problem with it. Buying clothing is when I have a problem with it. I say all sorts of ridiculous things; I know I say things than can be misconstrued as being disrespectful, but it's not out of disrespect. Sometimes it's due out of ignorance, which is different than going out and being rude. I think a large part about being politically correct is who you're interacting with. Some people mind and others don't. Listen to how I talk, I say ridiculous things EVERY DAY, sometimes on purpose, sometimes it just is what it is.
I know I’m politically correct when I speak. I do it for me because it feels right. I use more or less the same language in front of someone or behind their back, profanity aside. If I don’t know I’ll ask, and I’ll apologize if I think I said something wrong. The other day I was at a hookah bar when it was closing. I was curious what language some of the other patrons were using, so I asked. I had assumed it was Arabic, it was when I asked,. I had the chance to ask a question, so I did. I will. I have asked Muslim women one my few occasions, questions about their head wraps. I was curious about them, I know very little about those practices. I had an Indian friend in high school and I think she sometimes had the red dot on her forehead. I think I asked her what it was about, but have since forgotten. I’m curious and try not to be rude, I’ll admit I don’t know because I think it lets whomever I’m speaking to know that I’m honestly curious.
You know what, I’m not sure where exactly I wanted to go with my thoughts on being politically correct aside from questioning them. I don’t understand why people seem to have an issue about not offending other people. I want respect and to get it I have to give it equally. I understand terms change and I’m not always in the venue to learn when or why they changed. Za told me she learned that the new PC term for ‘Native Americans’ is ‘First Americans’. I really don’t see what’s wrong with ‘Native American’ but there’s a new term. I know I use ‘Indian’ more often, and I don’t know if I’ll ever use or need to use ‘First American’ but it’s a new term. Now I want to know why they changed it, what was wrong with calling them ‘Native’? Where would ‘aborigine’ fit in? It’s time I get back to the work I put off to write this, but I kept thinking about it. Now to work for a bit, sleep, then work some more. Joy. Good day, everyone!
November 27, 2009
Nothing Ever Changes
It's never fair. I'm not super happy right now, I rarely get what I want. Yes, a new phone is nice, but I did ask for an mp3 player. I don't come home because I can't deal with my brother. Either he decides to be pissy over something I've barely done, or I get angry with him. It's not healthy, and it's not right. I don't like coming home, not just because of the trip, but I never feel respected. I was the one with the remote, I had the choice of what to watch on tv. When we were younger I never said anything. I'm tired of acquiescing. I have the right to watch what I want to on my own or with other people. I should be respected. I am not respected by my eldest brother. I don't know what I feel right now, but I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of being depressed and feeling like no one respects me.
Yes, I understand you're going to work in an hour. So what if I'll be able to watch TV for the rest of the day, I wasn't planning on it, I was planning on getting out. I was planning on having fun and being happy. This day can turn around, but right now it sucks. I don't say anything because I knew he wouldn't understand. I wasn't talking about today or now. I was talking about before. Things change but they mostly stay the same. Yes, I do think about you. I put myself is places or not in places because I want to stay happy and because it's for you.
You make things too fucking difficult. You're too much of a wild card. I try one thing you take it the wrong way. But seriously. It's fucking television. I don't have cable, I don't spend my time watching TV or playing video games. I don't because I don't have it. Coming home's a treat because there are things here that I don't have in Norfolk. You make me not like being home, I don't like coming back to Reston because things in the house suck. You fucking smoke weed all the goddamn time, I never say anything. I never said a damned word when I heard you and your girlfriend having sex. When I come home and we're eating I next to never say a word about whatever's on TV, I'll watch it, or I go away because I don't like it.
That's my problem, I stay quiet too much, I never say anything. Maybe I'll start speaking up more, maybe that will make me happy. I always talk big when I write, but nothing ever changes. But I try. I try valiently, in my opinion, to roll with whatever happens. I try not to let him get to me. But in this instance I can remember them not like That 70's Show all that much and my wanting to watch it. Now it's not so much that I didn't want to watch it, I wanted the choice of watching it or not.
I'm also annoyed because I did so much work yesterday. He had next to nothing. He made cornbread, and he put the dishes in the dishwasher. He took a nap after doing nothing to help. I on the other hand, made sweet potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes, a turkey, a ham, mashed potatoes. My other brother made macaroni and cheese, stuffing and string beans. I did the heaving lifting, they barely said 'thank you'. I am so fucking under-appreciated. I feel that way if it's not the case.
I feel unloved. I don't feel like anybody really loves me. I know they both care, but really, how much would change if I didn't come home? We never do anything all together, I come home to see my friends. I always say things about 'the three of us' it feels more like it's 'the two of them, plus me'. As an adult, I'm still a hanger-on. I felt more welcome or appreciated when my brother's friend was here yesterday. Then I felt alone in a crowd. I want to disappear and not tell them where I go, see how much they care. Seriously, were I to drop off the face of the earth, would they care? I saw not him so much. More out of obligation than real caring.
Once I was angry I didn't care. Back the what started this I might have chosen 'That 70's Show' to watch anyway. That's the retarted part. Give me the chance to see what's on first. I don't get respected and it upsets me. I want to be loved, feel like someone loves me, cares about me. More than that, I want to feel respected. He was too dense to even notice that I said that I bet. I try to stay happy, content. I try so damned hard.
I'm fucking tired of crying, I'm tired of being depressed. I damn near want to hop in the car and go back to Norfolk today, after I finish my laundry. I'd be alone, and I'd have Borjo. I'd have people who aren't my brothers. I'd have my independence back, I'd feel like an adult. I'm independent here, I feel like and adult but I'd have respect. I would be respected in my own domicile, I'd have people to chit-chat with. I wasn't alone in the house yesterday, but for the better part of the day I was alone. Between 9am and about 9pm it was me in the kitchen. The guys made and appearance, then went to the basement, one of them was around for about the hour. The other barely did anything.
I damn near want to find a bar to escape to, but drinking alone in the epitome of lame and depression. I'm tired of being alone.
I'm tired of so much shit. I think it's time to take a shower, venture out to a coffee shop with a book, but on a day like today, trying to find a comfortable Borjo like atmosphere would be that much more difficult. But an adventure could clear the head and cheer me up.
Why do I make fewer typos when I'm upset?
Jasmine P.
Yes, I understand you're going to work in an hour. So what if I'll be able to watch TV for the rest of the day, I wasn't planning on it, I was planning on getting out. I was planning on having fun and being happy. This day can turn around, but right now it sucks. I don't say anything because I knew he wouldn't understand. I wasn't talking about today or now. I was talking about before. Things change but they mostly stay the same. Yes, I do think about you. I put myself is places or not in places because I want to stay happy and because it's for you.
You make things too fucking difficult. You're too much of a wild card. I try one thing you take it the wrong way. But seriously. It's fucking television. I don't have cable, I don't spend my time watching TV or playing video games. I don't because I don't have it. Coming home's a treat because there are things here that I don't have in Norfolk. You make me not like being home, I don't like coming back to Reston because things in the house suck. You fucking smoke weed all the goddamn time, I never say anything. I never said a damned word when I heard you and your girlfriend having sex. When I come home and we're eating I next to never say a word about whatever's on TV, I'll watch it, or I go away because I don't like it.
That's my problem, I stay quiet too much, I never say anything. Maybe I'll start speaking up more, maybe that will make me happy. I always talk big when I write, but nothing ever changes. But I try. I try valiently, in my opinion, to roll with whatever happens. I try not to let him get to me. But in this instance I can remember them not like That 70's Show all that much and my wanting to watch it. Now it's not so much that I didn't want to watch it, I wanted the choice of watching it or not.
I'm also annoyed because I did so much work yesterday. He had next to nothing. He made cornbread, and he put the dishes in the dishwasher. He took a nap after doing nothing to help. I on the other hand, made sweet potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes, a turkey, a ham, mashed potatoes. My other brother made macaroni and cheese, stuffing and string beans. I did the heaving lifting, they barely said 'thank you'. I am so fucking under-appreciated. I feel that way if it's not the case.
I feel unloved. I don't feel like anybody really loves me. I know they both care, but really, how much would change if I didn't come home? We never do anything all together, I come home to see my friends. I always say things about 'the three of us' it feels more like it's 'the two of them, plus me'. As an adult, I'm still a hanger-on. I felt more welcome or appreciated when my brother's friend was here yesterday. Then I felt alone in a crowd. I want to disappear and not tell them where I go, see how much they care. Seriously, were I to drop off the face of the earth, would they care? I saw not him so much. More out of obligation than real caring.
Once I was angry I didn't care. Back the what started this I might have chosen 'That 70's Show' to watch anyway. That's the retarted part. Give me the chance to see what's on first. I don't get respected and it upsets me. I want to be loved, feel like someone loves me, cares about me. More than that, I want to feel respected. He was too dense to even notice that I said that I bet. I try to stay happy, content. I try so damned hard.
I'm fucking tired of crying, I'm tired of being depressed. I damn near want to hop in the car and go back to Norfolk today, after I finish my laundry. I'd be alone, and I'd have Borjo. I'd have people who aren't my brothers. I'd have my independence back, I'd feel like an adult. I'm independent here, I feel like and adult but I'd have respect. I would be respected in my own domicile, I'd have people to chit-chat with. I wasn't alone in the house yesterday, but for the better part of the day I was alone. Between 9am and about 9pm it was me in the kitchen. The guys made and appearance, then went to the basement, one of them was around for about the hour. The other barely did anything.
I damn near want to find a bar to escape to, but drinking alone in the epitome of lame and depression. I'm tired of being alone.
I'm tired of so much shit. I think it's time to take a shower, venture out to a coffee shop with a book, but on a day like today, trying to find a comfortable Borjo like atmosphere would be that much more difficult. But an adventure could clear the head and cheer me up.
Why do I make fewer typos when I'm upset?
Jasmine P.
November 22, 2009
My Evening
Well, these past 12 hours have been interesting. I spent a few hours reading and in general hanging around Borjo. That was fun, I doodled some, Dan asked, so I drew him, Brian and Jennifer. It was an aright sketch, I'll take a photo of it later when I'm back there so I have a copy of it.
I went over to SoBo, a pizza and bar, where there was a benefit concert for another employee of Borjo who was injured back over the summer. I spent my night hanging with the Borjo crowd. I do like them. I learned a lot about one of them and really met Rob's wife. She's nice.
Wow, I thought I had more to write, but details about things are not mine to share, and sober, they might not have been told. I dunno. I was quiet, dealing in a social depression. I was depressed in a social setting, but I kept hanging out with people because I knew I wasn't going to fall asleep. I'm not really tired, it sucks. I'll try to sleep once I'm done with this, but it might not happen too soon which is lame. We'll see.
From SoBo I hung out with Brian and Bones at a hookah bar. I drove them because even thought I did drink at SoBo, I was sober for at least an hour before we left. We smoked a little and they danced. I watched and was very internally quiet. That's why I dislike being depressed, I get quiet. That which normally runs at a mile a minute was moving a picasecond a year. I did talk with Bones, explained why I was depressed, a friendly ear was nice. I chatted with another fellow who apparently frequents Borjo, named Gerard. He was interesting.
Sometimes I wish I could make a stronger connection to someone my own age, most of the time they're years older than I am, but I can hold my on in a serious conversation. I dunno, depression is a mother fucker. I'm a bit more tired since I'm on my own, it's that nice sort of morning silence, and I don't really have any stimulation.
With that little voice off my recounting my night isn't all that interesting. Normally I'd've described what I drank and talk more about people I met and the experience, but not tonight. Let's write more over these next few days, something should come out of it.
Jasmine P.
I went over to SoBo, a pizza and bar, where there was a benefit concert for another employee of Borjo who was injured back over the summer. I spent my night hanging with the Borjo crowd. I do like them. I learned a lot about one of them and really met Rob's wife. She's nice.
Wow, I thought I had more to write, but details about things are not mine to share, and sober, they might not have been told. I dunno. I was quiet, dealing in a social depression. I was depressed in a social setting, but I kept hanging out with people because I knew I wasn't going to fall asleep. I'm not really tired, it sucks. I'll try to sleep once I'm done with this, but it might not happen too soon which is lame. We'll see.
From SoBo I hung out with Brian and Bones at a hookah bar. I drove them because even thought I did drink at SoBo, I was sober for at least an hour before we left. We smoked a little and they danced. I watched and was very internally quiet. That's why I dislike being depressed, I get quiet. That which normally runs at a mile a minute was moving a picasecond a year. I did talk with Bones, explained why I was depressed, a friendly ear was nice. I chatted with another fellow who apparently frequents Borjo, named Gerard. He was interesting.
Sometimes I wish I could make a stronger connection to someone my own age, most of the time they're years older than I am, but I can hold my on in a serious conversation. I dunno, depression is a mother fucker. I'm a bit more tired since I'm on my own, it's that nice sort of morning silence, and I don't really have any stimulation.
With that little voice off my recounting my night isn't all that interesting. Normally I'd've described what I drank and talk more about people I met and the experience, but not tonight. Let's write more over these next few days, something should come out of it.
Jasmine P.
November 10, 2009
A Little Catching Up and A Few Random Thoughts
I will do a proper birthday write up, I pretty much usually do, but friggin' Norfolk mail didn't deliver yesterday, so I'll see what I get today, and then there's chatting with the Ficus and figuring out if he's visiting, or if our revelry for me being old enough to purchase alcohol will have to wait. It would be lame for it to be delayed for another two weeks because until Thanksgiving.
But onto my thoughts. I haven't written not really, since before I was sick. I wrote while I was sick, but that only barely counts. On a positive side, I seriously have not been depressed since I had my kidney infection. Before I was writing my usual 'oh woah is me! Nobody loves me, I have no body I'm oh so fucking alone' type of crap because that's what it's always about. Then I was sick, and I've been pretty alright. I've been doodlin' and I do have a whole mess of sketches in my personal sketchbook and my class sketch book to scan one of these days. It'll be 'fun' sitting in Webb scanning 11x14" sheets of paper covered in silly pencil sketches, and some 'figure studies'. I put apostrophes around that because I was never looking at people, I imagined the figure I wanted to draw.
So, I saw my school's performance of Dracula on Saturday night, the last night of the show. It was pretty entertaining. I did enjoy the show, then I masochistically decided to help strike the set. I say masochistically because three days later my back, neck and arms are a little sore. But I plan on helping again in the future. Striking is fun. Best quote from the night was one of the prop masters found a black pump, just one shoe. I called it 'Cinderella's Goth Slipper' he called it 'Cinderellas Goth Fuck-Me Pump' me and two or three other people who heard it paused, then laughed. Pretty funny. Then after strike when the actors and crew got to eat, I was chatting with I think the lighting master/teacher whatever, and he remembered me from striking the Rocky Horror set from two years ago. Hell, I think I wrote up striking Rocky, but being remembered from two years ago from a more or less one off meeting is always pretty interesting.
So, I had this thought. I checked out this awesome photo that Paulo Coelho took when he went ot Kazakhstan back in 2005 and he was with some members of the village [i think he said village] who were out falcon hunting. My thoughts on this aren't on the hunting, though, the falcon was huge and a gorgeous animal. It was that he was wearing all black. It made me think that there's a weird dichotomy with wearing black. Depending on the type of black clothing you wear you can either look distinguished, you can look elegant, or you can look like you're emo, goth or depressed. I was just thinking that, it's kind of interesting. I know that depending on how anything is worn it can change how people will perceive the wearer. Black is just such a pivitol color it seems at time that the thought stood out the most to me when I saw that photo. Thinking about it, just about any time someone wants to dress up and look good, they wear black. Why is black the color of distinction? It has been considered slimming, and ever year something come out as 'the new black' but black still reigns. Nothing else lasts for more than a season as the color to wear before black is back. Or, they'll both be big together. My question on this point all together is, why black? But I also like rich darker colors. Wine or burgundy reds, royal blue and the like. The rich dark colors are some of my favorites. They have been. In the right type of suit with the right accents these color can work, or as accents with the black.
I'm not too sure where my thoughts on color are going, but it did start from my question of 'why black' after thinking about how it works for two types of people that society might not necessarily consider all that similar at face value.
Jasmine P.
But onto my thoughts. I haven't written not really, since before I was sick. I wrote while I was sick, but that only barely counts. On a positive side, I seriously have not been depressed since I had my kidney infection. Before I was writing my usual 'oh woah is me! Nobody loves me, I have no body I'm oh so fucking alone' type of crap because that's what it's always about. Then I was sick, and I've been pretty alright. I've been doodlin' and I do have a whole mess of sketches in my personal sketchbook and my class sketch book to scan one of these days. It'll be 'fun' sitting in Webb scanning 11x14" sheets of paper covered in silly pencil sketches, and some 'figure studies'. I put apostrophes around that because I was never looking at people, I imagined the figure I wanted to draw.
So, I saw my school's performance of Dracula on Saturday night, the last night of the show. It was pretty entertaining. I did enjoy the show, then I masochistically decided to help strike the set. I say masochistically because three days later my back, neck and arms are a little sore. But I plan on helping again in the future. Striking is fun. Best quote from the night was one of the prop masters found a black pump, just one shoe. I called it 'Cinderella's Goth Slipper' he called it 'Cinderellas Goth Fuck-Me Pump' me and two or three other people who heard it paused, then laughed. Pretty funny. Then after strike when the actors and crew got to eat, I was chatting with I think the lighting master/teacher whatever, and he remembered me from striking the Rocky Horror set from two years ago. Hell, I think I wrote up striking Rocky, but being remembered from two years ago from a more or less one off meeting is always pretty interesting.
So, I had this thought. I checked out this awesome photo that Paulo Coelho took when he went ot Kazakhstan back in 2005 and he was with some members of the village [i think he said village] who were out falcon hunting. My thoughts on this aren't on the hunting, though, the falcon was huge and a gorgeous animal. It was that he was wearing all black. It made me think that there's a weird dichotomy with wearing black. Depending on the type of black clothing you wear you can either look distinguished, you can look elegant, or you can look like you're emo, goth or depressed. I was just thinking that, it's kind of interesting. I know that depending on how anything is worn it can change how people will perceive the wearer. Black is just such a pivitol color it seems at time that the thought stood out the most to me when I saw that photo. Thinking about it, just about any time someone wants to dress up and look good, they wear black. Why is black the color of distinction? It has been considered slimming, and ever year something come out as 'the new black' but black still reigns. Nothing else lasts for more than a season as the color to wear before black is back. Or, they'll both be big together. My question on this point all together is, why black? But I also like rich darker colors. Wine or burgundy reds, royal blue and the like. The rich dark colors are some of my favorites. They have been. In the right type of suit with the right accents these color can work, or as accents with the black.
I'm not too sure where my thoughts on color are going, but it did start from my question of 'why black' after thinking about how it works for two types of people that society might not necessarily consider all that similar at face value.
Jasmine P.
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