Journals and Journal Comics

I just finished reading Craig Thompson's Carnet de Voyage, it was a journal comic and sketchbook he wrote over a 2 month period when he was on a comic tour and vacation in 2004. At the end of the book he talks about why he did it. He talks about his motivation to draw it and his trepidation about selling his sketches and a journal. It made me think about why I like reading diaries and journal comics, and why I did my own journal comic.

I am a nosy person. In the past I've gone through bathroom cabinets, purses, wallets, bags, pockets, rooms, cellphones,  anything. I'm curious about other people. The things people keep in their wallets, the stories the items tell and the explanations their owners give. Items in a way, tell what someone finds important. IN my own wallet right now I have one dollar, my campus ID, my driver's license, my bank card, a membership card for Local Heroes, my social security card, a copy of my savings and checking account numbers, insurance cards, an expired bank card and a few other scraps. The sweatshirt I wore today has my wallet, phone, cigarettes, two lighters, two pens, scraps of paper, some garbage, and pain killers, it had my laptop and mp3 player in it earlier. My bag has ball point pens, inking pens, mechanical pencils, a set of Derwitt drawing pencils, two sketchbooks, two novels, one comic, hand lotion, some candy and probably garbage and loose pain killers.

Those items tell you I enjoy drawing, reading, I smoke, I don't remember my banking numbers, I like comics, I either don't carry cash or I have no cash. That's a lot of things to learn from not talking to me and just going through my things. I think that's why on dA the room meme or bag meme goes on, people are interested in what people keep with them. On formspring I've gotten the question 'what's in your pocket right now' a few times, people are curious about what people keep with them. I think that why I enjoy reading journals and diary comics, to see how others live.

As I was reading Carnet I was thinking about how I'd draw a different journal comic than 100 Days, I want to do another one at some point, maybe this spring. I've been thinking about limiting it to interesting events, but anything can come up, I don't know yet.

Carnet was interesting because of how personal it is. On the last page when Thompson is talking about why he did it, even with the pressure from his publisher, a friend told him he should draw it for himself. I went that route with 100 Days, but I think I may try something different with the last 50 or so pages that I haven't finished yet, in a way make them more personal, even though some days get incredibly personal. I don't know, I might save those ideas for another journal comic.

Some other Internet journal comics I've enjoyed are Dar, Ellerbisms, The Everyday, Journalin' Comix, Johnny Wander, Kid with Experience, Little Gamers, So Far Apart, Three Panel Soul and I'm sure I've got others I'm forgetting. Some published autobio comics I've enjoyed are Will Eisner's work, Blankets, Spent, Too Cool To Be Forgotten, Persepolis, Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic, and all the ones I can't see from my perch on my bed. Some biographies and published journals I've enjoyed are David Carradine's Kill Bill Diary, Room Full of Mirrors, everything I've read by Jonathan Ames, and as before, what I can't see form my perch on my bed. I really like being able to peek in at different people's lives, see how they live, what's important to them and how they change over time.

I think part of that was my motivation for 100 Days, to be able to look back at what my life was for a summer when I was 21. To see times when I was happy, what I enjoyed doing, watching, reading and then being able to reflect on things. Even now I find it enjoyable to look at what I did only three months ago, some of these pages I haven't seen in months so I've forgotten what I did, how I felt. Sometimes I get swept away by my own emotions, falling into a mild depression because of what I did that day or remembering happy days. It's been interesting and good I think. I don't regret drawing this out, I don't regret posting it online, I don't really regret anything I said there either. I do have a moleskin sketchbook/journal that's a larger format waiting for something to be put in it, I might use that for my next one. We'll see. Maybe I'll have a reason to start it earlier. 

Jasmine P.

Concepts of Beauty

My Grandmother keeps trying to get me to change what I like about myself. We're supposed to be going on a cruise this August around the Bahamas. When I spoke to her last week she told me what it was like on the boat, "you're going to forget you're on a boat, it's like being in a mall' or she'd tell me about the Governer's Ball which happens one night on the ship, and that I have to be dressed nicely for dinner. I'm like 'alright' and she continues asking me if I'm going to 'get my hair done' or wear earrings, or telling me I can't wear denims, she's old and doesn't usually say 'jeans' for whatever reason.

I try to listen, but when she asks me an honest question I decide I'm going to answer honestly:
-"Will you get my hair done in a beauty salon": no, I like my hair short and natural
-"well, will you go to a barber? How much does it cost?"; between $10-15, and no, my friend can cut my hair;
-"how do you know they can cut hair? What if you don't like it?": I'll cut it all off then let it grow back. Hair will grow back.
-"You're not going to wear a hat every day, your hair won't grow long if you wear a hat all the time.": I like my hats and I don't want my hair to grow long, Grandma.
-"Fine, you're going to wear earrings right?": No Grandma, they irritate my ears, I don't like 'em. As I kid I didn't like them.
"Well, you have to dress nice, you can't go out to eat wearing denims. When you go out with your friends you have to look nice so you can meet people."

You'd think I'd be dizzy from rolling my eyes so much. I finally get her to stop this ridiculous attempt at changing me by explaining I wear and present myself how I like. I don't like dresses or earrings so I don't wear them. I like my hats so I wear them. I have the commonsense to not go to a nice dinner in baggy messy jeans or cargos, but it's the same commonsense that keeps me from going to a messy art class in a really nice shirt. It's neither the time nor is it the place. No, I won't wear make-up, no I won't conform to society's conventions of beauty because I don't like them.

I am me, let me prove to you my life is fine, that I'm happy, when I'm not depressed - my appearance doesn't affect my depression, so I'm happy in how I look, how I dress and ow I carry myself. I have been told that things I have ae nice, that they look good, stop trying to compare me to my mother. Stop trying to compare me to other people, be happy that I'm happy.

I don't know. I could easily just say yes to everything she says I should do, but I wouldn't be happy. It's better to get this stupid non-important argument out of the way now instead of it being a stupid non-important argument in three months when sh sees me to wearing earrings, not wearing make-up, not wearing nail polish. I'll primp to my own tastes not hers. The thing is, like I said, I like how I dress, I like the clothes I wear, I don't want to 'work' that goes into being 'beautiful' and that shit all costs too much. Concealer, mascara, lipstick, blush, facial wash, zit cream, nail polish, nail polish remover, hair rollers, hair relaxant. If I had one of each of those things I'd've spent $100 easy. Why? To fit into what society considers to be beautiful. I want to buck trends and fuck convention.

It's like I questioned in this image http://dichigo.deviantart.com/gallery/#/d1kcwn9 a scribble from a few years ago, I want to go back to it again at some point, but why should I listen to the magazines, the voices outside. To hell with them, if I'm happy how I am, why do I have to listen to people out there who work so hard to change themselves and others to their own conventions and beauty, to what they think society would like. No, that's not me.

When I leave for that cruise I will have some nice shirts, I will have one or two skirts, I will also have sneakers, sandals, denim gouchos, one or two of my hats, either my FreakAngels or Israeli Paratrooper bag, at least one sketchbook, pens, pencils, two or three novels and my DS, plus other odds and ends. I'll have things to look nice in, to look nice with that I like, and I'll have the things I like that are comfortable. It's what I like

Jasmine P.

Some Thoughts on Religion

This past Thursday I kind of attempted to explain my thoughts on religion to a Christian friend of mine. It was difficult because I didn't want to sounds disrespectful of religion but at the same time I was attempting to explain, sort of, why I don't really prescribe to any "religion".

I was raised primarily attending a Protestant church, Heritage Fellowship United Church of Christ. With my father I'd attend a Catholic church, and when we visited my Grandmother if we went to church it was to Moravian church. I was an usher for my church, I participated in Sunday School and went to Bible Camp in the summer. I was an active enough member and helped with some outreach programs that were both religious and not religiously motivated.

I was raised Christian.

Since my mother died I stopped going to church, mostly because she was the one taking me. Church was also getting annoying because I was really getting tired of people's sympathy, there was more to my short life of 18 years than my mother's death. I didn't want to hear condolences. I tell people my mom 'died' because outside of that and saying she is 'deceased' it sounds like you're trying to soften the blow. The moment she died, I grew up. In some way. In many ways I was still a child, but as far as the death of someone close to me, I had handled it. I didn't need to go to God to find answers because science had provided them. A random mutation gave her lymphoma. Chemotherapy and medication ruined her body, she was dead. She's not 'lost', hasn't 'passed on', she's not 'gone' or whatever 'kind' words people use. She was dead, I accepted it and I don't like other people bringing it up. It's one thing if I were to initiate the conversation, it's another when I'd hear every time they saw me 'how are you doing?' or 'is everything okay?' I was tired of the compassion, I had things to do such as graduating and getting onto college. I mourned in my own way which involved dwelling, writing and drawing. A deity had nothing to do with it. I didn't pray, I meditated and decided it was better with her dead. She wasn't in pain, and I'd rather her be dead and a memory then a constant depressing reminder of just how fucked up death can be. Daily visits to a hospital to sit next to the body of my mother who was barely able to do more than listen was not fun. It was fucking depressing. My senior year of high school got fucked over. Things were different, difficult and easier with her dead. I can see no reason why she would have to die, but shit happens and you move on.

I can almost guarantee I'd be more fucked up and depressed if I tried to pin her death on God.

A few years later and more sciences classes that gave me more answers about the world in general than the Bible had, I decided I was Agnostic. The way I understood it, there was some sort of deity out there, maybe God, maybe gods, maybe something else. Some time later I heard of Deism, and how I understand it, some deity started everything then fucked off. I believe in science, I believe in what's tangible.

Tangible (adj); capable of being perceived especially by the sense of touch; : capable of being precisely identified or realized by the mind; capable of being appraised at an actual or approximate value.

As a kid I understood the word 'tangible' to mean something that could be seen or felt. You can't see wind but you can feel it. You can rationalize it, it affects things. Think carefully, you can't see glass or water when either is without imperfections. You see light reflected off of it, you can feel either. I understand God to be intangible. Things happen because God deems it necessary. It's blasphemous to question God. Why? The world I prefer is one where questioning things isn't just allowed, but encouraged.

With everything I have said I have yet to address my opinion of other people and their following of religion. I say 'believe what you want to'. As long as someone isn't attempting to force me to follow their beliefs, I don't care what they believe. I may think their beliefs sound a little stupid, or impractical; I may feel negatively about them, but as long as they don't try to force it on my, whatever floats their boat and finds their lost remote. If it makes you happy, so be it. If I seem happy or unhappy let me work it out myself. Don't tell me that some deity that I can't see nor truly speak to will give me the answers I desire. I can come to my own conclusion well enough.

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In thinking about religion I have thought about what it answers and contemplated why it exists. I think that as humanoid and humanity developed and evolved they questioned the world around them. Unable to understand it they decided that there was something they couldn't see and gave it various attributes. By saying that an all powerful being, or a group of all powerful beings controlled things, early humans felt more at ease with the world deciding they knew something. In our modern society there I think some people feel at ease having an answer to life, or having a guidance for life. I think that some people like believing that there's more to life than eating, sleeping and procreation.

I have decided on my own rules. My rules for life are to over all be a good person. Don't impede others, don't let them impede you. And accomplish something. In general, accomplish something positive. Why do I think this way, I dunno. Maybe it's some residual from when I went to church. My difference is there isn't any consequence for not being a good person. When you die, you're dead. I like the afterlife shown in the movie and book What Dreams May Come. It cheered me up after my mom died because people could look how they wanted, they could be reincarnated they chose and it was like life-plus. There was no point, everything just was and people were comfortable with it. I live working towards what I want to do with my life and I'm happy this way. I'm not trying to please some deity I can't directly interact with, and I don't care to try to dispel someone else's beliefs. To adapt one of my favorite quotes "I disagree with what you believe, but I defend your right to the death to believe it." I may not care to listen or to debate, but keep on trucking.

Jasmine P.