Crossroads: Built to Help, Only Impede

I was originally going to do a write up of the past week I spent in Wisconsin, but this seemed to be a bit more pertinent. I still want to write up about the week before I forget. That's why Twitter's nice, I wrote some stuff up there most days, so I can review it and remind myself what I did and what to write about. But for now, less about last week and more about me.

I've in a funk, again. I don't know what to do to break it. I've spent the past few days since returning to Norfolk watching Wonderfalls and Pushing Daisies, which I guess I can include in my review blog. But not right now. I'm at that annoying impasse where I don't know what I want to do. Not with my education and not with tomorrow. I can't draw, so write I must.

I've recently fallen in love with writing things by hand. I hand wrote a note to a woman from New York, more to be expounded upon in the SWS/Wisconsin journal. But I kind of want to write more people letters. One to Scott, another to Ralph...that's it. Yeah, so two letters. There's the personal touch of recieving mail, and writing them. They take time, and even once the idea is written, there's writing a presentable form of the letter.

Well, let's start somewhere. Is It Okay If I Call You Mine? written and sung by Paul McCrane. Ironic time to play this song. This is kind of how I feel about Paul, but also at the moment, men in general. Kind of. I mean, first there is my interest in someone who hasn't called me back. I fear his phone is lost or something. Then there's Phillip, who's interest in my was professed by two other people in drunken stupor. I doubt they remember telling me this, but a large part of me doesn't want to inquire about it, but if someone cares, why not try for something. Then there's Beau, and that one I assume is all in my head. He's a cutie, and I could have sworn just last week when I friended him on facebook he was in a relationship with someone, but that's beside the point. Interest in him came from his drunken excitement in seeing me. Yeah, prefixed by drunken, so who knows. I have also decided that the actors Lee Pace and Tyrone Lietso. Bt incrredible cute and adorable. I see Paul is Pace's performace from PD, which makes me think he's still quite in the running for my heart for things more serous, but at the same time, I haven't seen the man/boy in a month! A month! He hasn't answered his phone or anything. I'm sitting in the middle of a road of attention, attraction and affection [alliterative a...] and not a peep. I tied calling about thirty minutes ago. Maybe he'll call. I hope so. Hell, I want the simplicity of a kiss. I want and crave contact. So many people, so close and yet oh so terribly far.

Like aways, I know what I want, but differently, I have potential venues, but won't go for any of them. I was fine, when I almost had someone, now? Ha! I'm back to just plain needing someone. I need something to guide my attention, to help motivate me. For whatever reason I've actually made the Fourth of July into something important and want someone to spend the night with. I normally couldn't give a rat's ass for the damn day, but apparently in my vulnerable state I want someone. Last week I was distracted, as with the week before, but now, it's me and only me.

This is an island that sucks. Maybe someone will actually call. The Ficus might, but that's not as pressing to me as pretty much anyone else calling. I want attention. I want to be loved. I want to be romantically loved. Hell, I know plenty of people on this stupid orb love me, platonically, but I want a romantic relationship. Pining, I'm pining away for most anything.

Aside from my heart, I was feeling a change of pace for a short period f time and going back to science for a degree, but now I'm feeling art again. I'm also feeling not earning a degree and just striking out on my own. Dorien and Miguel keep saying how hard it is, but they haven't done that. They both almost got away, then went crawling back home. I'm not doing that. Love or not, I'm getting out of this crummy state. I'm getting away where all the disturbed girls are. My papa never put his ping-ping in my po-po, but there is something rotten in the Denver of Virginia. And the Denmark too.

Apparenlty, I've stopping caring about who might stumble upon this piece of privacy, and that's well enough. It's here for someone to read, and not just for me to write. I dunno, maybe I'll escape the easiest way I know how, into the tombs of a new book. Well, new, old, re-read, or something I left to be enjoyed at a later date. I dunno, maybe I'm a little inspired from eading the writings of Jonathan Ames who had his writings published, and they were of a varying private nature, personal if nothing else. Maybe it's better to toss life out to the void of it's reality and see who stops and inspects. Maybe something good will come out of it. With my luck, nothing will, but that's also just as well. I always want someone to read these, but at the same time, I seriously want no one to read them.

Jasmine P.

Waiting.

So, I am currently sitting in the Norfolk International Airport. I'm bored to tears and cannot properly access the internet. Mildly amusing, I think this other guy thinks I'm online...but alas, I am not. Now I kind of wish I had Dorien's Air Card. Then I'd be online. I hope the other officers replied to that message I sent out. I also kind of wish I had gone to sleep. I have a solid hour and a half right now, but at the same time, I don't really want to be asleep and not able to prefect my possessions. Strangers already know about my pimp laptop.

Hmm, something to talk about. My lack of sleep is due to Josh throwing a b-day party for a friend, which was fun. It's been a while since I've had boozahol. I never got that drunk, I was more pleasantly buzzed. We watched Rent, then Starship Troopers, and about 4 or so Beau put on Full Metal Jacket, and a few movie quotes I've heard got a reference home. Well, I've dropped one name, so let's try to name the awesome people I met last night.

Beau, Phillip, Luke, Cat, Ally, Stephanie. Luke's sister, Dylan. Those cats were pimp-awesome.

Very much so not pimp awesome were Brandon, Zack...well...kin of just them.

Other. Didn't chat with them long enough, so I forgot their names. And there was the boozahol so...Not quite there.

My god, there's some bitch whining about how she wasn't in the long non-self check in line...gat damn. I mean, yeah, I'm here two hours early, but that's hella better than getting here too late. What kind of really fucking sucks right now is I'm just sitting here. Don't want to start reading just yet, but I do have two magazines, so that'll be a nice little respite from the books. Plus, I've got a long day ahead of me. I pray nothing goes wrong. Or very little.

Hmm, back to last night. Cat said that apparently Phillip was digging on me. I took that as a surprise. It didn't really seem like that to me, but you know your friends, no matter how they may act. Or more specifically when they act out f the norm. Cat, Luke, his sister and I think one other person agreed. I think she said he thought I was cute. I dunno, maybe it was a drunken whisper. Either way I'm on the highly flattered side.

God, my nerves are shot. I need food and sleep and airport food is hella expensive. I think I can make it another oh...three hours until I eat. I'll figure my way out around the Detroit layover then I'll get something to eat. Man, I really don't like these sounds. People talking. Messing with my nerves. Curse thee my tasty love. Coffee has me wired. Not sleeping has me tired. Oh, today is going to be a long day.

*Note* when posting online, change time to 7:45am June 20th. Jasmine P.

Nothing Doing

Huh. I haven't done much of anything recently. I've spent a whole mess of time watching TV and movies.

I do quite like where I'm staying atm. Josh, my housemate is pretty damn awesome. And the Netflix on the 360 is pretty sweet. I'm still a fai bit off of being 1 and 1 on the movie to day thing, but I'm working on it. I'm up to 156 right now.

Really. I have nothing to say. I need to do something interesting so I have something to write about.

Oh well, time t play more majhong while watching 30 Rock. :)