Many adults at some point realize their life isn't what they had expected it would be when they were kids. I was blind, in a sense, to what my life would be come. Everyone is, the adventure wouldn't be much fun if we know what we'd be doing or where we'd go from the beginning, the exploration and adventure aren't the spice of life, they are life.
Few people expect their parents to die when they're young. It's not the misconception that people never die, it's more that it's something to worry about in the distant future. My mom was a rock of strength, goal and a guide for my life. I figured I'd live how I wanted, but at the same time doing what she wished of me. I'm not who she thought I'd be, but I don't think she'd completely disapprove of who I am.
My life is interesting, the people I meet are all pretty damn great. I'm quiet, until I've decided I'm comfortable with people, I'm not always who people first think I'm going to be. I dress relatively conservatively, I don't flash a lot of skin, I never wear make-up, I wear a hat and headphones constantly. I could be considered anti-social with how much time I spend with my nose in a book or hunched over my sketchbook or being my laptop, but I'm not. I'm bright, I light up when people I like are around. People seem to put up with me. I'm brash and aggressive, and I have a variety of friends who have seen so many different aspects of who I am it's weird to think about how differently they all perceive me.
I spend time watching and judging before I actually interact with anyone. I'll judge, not in a hateful way (unless they seem like a prick) but so I know how to act around different people. People I met my freshman year of college wouldn't expect me to drink and smoke. Well, they'd accept the drinking, but the type of person I am, I don't seem to be the club type. I'm not, I'm the hang out and have a new experience type. I want to explore and try something new while I can. It's a special person who can put up with me or even wants to exert the energy to try to put up with me. I don't know. My life is not what I would have expected it to be, but in a way it's exactly what I knew it would be.
I think I lost some of the feeling I initially want to go for with this, and that's alright because I'm happy with my life. I hit fucked up depressions and hate everything, but I have different people for different types of conversations who can and will help me.
Jasmine P.
Showing posts with label I don't know. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I don't know. Show all posts
April 28, 2011
Summer Zombies
As the school year rounds comes to a close for college students the zombies are out and about again. The spindly claws of summer reach into the class rooms to drag students away from their studies, keep them up all night drinking and carousing until the small hours of the morning and spitting them out to wobble to class and finals in the morning. Students long to wile away their hours at the oceanfront, sunning themselves on the beach and cooling off in the water instead of cramming facts about 20th century painters or mathematical equations for their impending finals that they are veering into. Time progresses and students gleefully flee their dorms and apartments with summer properly started they are free.
They are free until August when summer isn't quite over but school drags them back. They go from staying up all night, sleeping all day, drinking when they please and working at some point to having to get up early in the morning, just shy of an hour from when they would go to bed. They lumber to class, dragging sun blistered and tan bodies into the air conditioned buildings with the bright summer sun outside to mock them. As the weather turns cool and ultimately cold they fall into the rut of school sleeping habits which are minimal as opposed to the excessive hours of rest from summer. They're wired of caffeine for class and work, running to and fro until winter break, a month to hibernate, the beaches are too cold to sleep on anymore. They lust and dream for summer, for the two weeks of being a zombie with the tantalizing warmth paying the Pied Piper luring them outside once more. The vicious cycle seems to never end, but the cycle breaks when graduation arrives and jobs with a yearly salary arrive and work happens all year round. The new graduates lust for the school cycle of work and rest, narcolepsy and insomnia in a yin yang harmony that drives them insane, but is a rote and comfortable track to follow.
Jasmine P.
They are free until August when summer isn't quite over but school drags them back. They go from staying up all night, sleeping all day, drinking when they please and working at some point to having to get up early in the morning, just shy of an hour from when they would go to bed. They lumber to class, dragging sun blistered and tan bodies into the air conditioned buildings with the bright summer sun outside to mock them. As the weather turns cool and ultimately cold they fall into the rut of school sleeping habits which are minimal as opposed to the excessive hours of rest from summer. They're wired of caffeine for class and work, running to and fro until winter break, a month to hibernate, the beaches are too cold to sleep on anymore. They lust and dream for summer, for the two weeks of being a zombie with the tantalizing warmth paying the Pied Piper luring them outside once more. The vicious cycle seems to never end, but the cycle breaks when graduation arrives and jobs with a yearly salary arrive and work happens all year round. The new graduates lust for the school cycle of work and rest, narcolepsy and insomnia in a yin yang harmony that drives them insane, but is a rote and comfortable track to follow.
Jasmine P.
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