Disclaimer(?): I'm not trying to sounds vain here, but this is what I've experienced from having "above 'average' intelligence" in school and the education system. Long story short, it fucks you up, or it just fucks me up, we'll see.
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So, it's pretty common knowledge now that schools and school systems test the shit out of children every year to find out who's 'gifted and talented (GT)', to find out who has the ability for more abstract thinking than their peers, so they can put them in classes to challenge and strengthen this type of thinking. This is relatively easy to do because there are a metric shit-ton of other tests going on generally if you tell a kid they have to take a test, they'll do what you ask.
Well, this is what it was like for me 15 years ago in elementary school when more parents told their kids to sit down and shut up, as opposed to now where it's always a compromise between parent and child. Also 15 years ago when it's not like children weren't respected and spoken to on their level by their teacher, but their teachers found ways to deal with them and it was closer to 1 in 15 being on Ritalin, or something else for ADD, as opposed to 1 in 5.
This isn't about that, this is about being an 'advanced thinker' and having people acknowledge that you're not 'average.'
Yes, as a kid I was proud to learn that I was 'intelligent' enough to be put into a special class for people who understood in second grade why triangles and domes are stronger than straight lines; in a class where in fourth grade I decided to use 'queer' by it's proper dictionary definition. Only odd thing about use of 'queer' is other people in my class laughing so it showed a part of my out-of-the-loop-ness that happens every now and again because I'd only ever known queer to mean something was strange or odd and not an insult to homosexual people.
But I digress. I'm saying from a young age, what...about 8 when I started in the 'advanced' classes in second grade, I was told I was different. I was told I was smarter than my peers. This information went straight to my head, giving me my inflated ego. I mean, who at the age of 8 wouldn't be all over the fact that they were 'better' than someone else? Also, to be honest, I enjoyed the GT course for a few reasons: it got me out of regular class once a week, what we did was interesting, and I was told I was better than other people. (Aside: maybe this started my superiority complex...) Third grade I went to a different elementary school where the entire class was GT, we were doing fourth grade work. Aspects of that year sucked, not the work so much as the school, not an encouraging environment so I went back to my original elementary school. I did get to raise chicks in my third grade class, an now I'm wondering what happened to the chickens and roosters. I don't know why I never did ask that question.
I went back to my primary elementary school for my last three years and went back to a 'pull out' GT program. In middle school I was in a GT program all day, every day, except this time it was called the IBMYP- the International Baccalaureate Middle Years Program. Upper level thinking, reading, writing all the time now. I've been taught MLA citation format ever since the seventh grade started. It also introduced me to who would be in most of my classes for the next six years. Seriously, my school system didn't lock down the IB program, in high school at least, but it was fairly contained. Many people took more than one IB class so it was fairly common on the first day of class to see about 1/3 of your first period class also in your second period class. I mean, my graduating class was something around 300-350 students. Of that number I think we had about 75 get the IB diploma, and another 100 or so get one or more IB certificates for the individual IB exams they passed.
Well, I've spent much of my time chronicling my education and what it was like, kind of. We all knew each other, would cheat off of each other and had been told we were special, smart for many years. We got to read multiple banned books over the years. Hell, I think at least one of my teachers tried for everything to be banned, and not just by religious groups, but by anyone. It made for interesting reading to say the least.
As I was saying earlier, sometimes being 'smart/er' sucked. I got tired of hearing "you're too smart to be failing" or "you're smart, so if you only applied yourself..." That shit never helps, it makes it worse because I'm already irritated that I wasn't passing, I don't need to be reminded that I'm failing, generally for stupid reasons. I said I was never good in a quiet environment, and my ability to focus is a bit worse when I'm in a quiet room because then I start making my own music for entertainment instead of drifting in and out of ignoring music that's playing while I do something. Hell, I've got music playing while I write this and I'm writing alright. I was never good at tests, in testing situation because it was always unnaturally quiet. It was a forced heavy silence, like an extended pregnant silence. Since it felt uncomfortable it distracted me more than noise might have.
Showing you were smart as a kid was just as bad as failing. I have been told 'You speak good English' many times. Every time I smile and say 'thank you' while inside I respond 'you don't.' Every time. I have been called articulate many times, my cousin told me I spoke like 'white people,' but he doesn't use proper grammar or pronunciation, I think he was trying to make fun of me, not to sure though. I was a reader as a kid, I still am. I actively seek out controversial, weird or interesting things to read. When I read comics I like something that questions or critiques our culture, same goes with novels and film. I also turn around and love and appreciate much lower brow humour. I enjoy The Shawshank Redemption just as much as I enjoy Tropic Thunder or The Fifth Element. Yes, Tropic Thunder does have more to it than the explosions and the silly, but that's what people see. I like explosions and boom! I like talking and critiquing, I like getting and understanding 'smart' things and enjoying 'not-smart (?)' things.
With what I've said I still haven't quite gotten to my point. The biggest flaw in being smart if knowing that you're smart. You want to be recognized as such when you succeed and when you don't you don't want people to think too hard about it because it's salt in the wound. There are things I've realized, things I know about myself from sitting and dwelling on it. I wonder, how many people sit down and think about when they stop thinking of themselves as a kid, and actually think of themselves as an adult? I'm not talking about turning 18 or 21 and saying 'I can smoke, drink, vote and die for my country; I'm an adult.' I'm talking about how many people can actually acknowledge and articulate, to some degree, why they think of themselves now as an adult. While talking with Alex this weekend we spoke about this for a minute which drunk, but we both have come to the point in our lives where we're looking less to our parents for guidance and we both want to strike out on our own and forge our own paths. In my mind stopping and attempting to put into words a gradual change like that is a very heady thing to do, thinking and dwelling and focusing.
Being smart, intelligent, gifted has been my life in the education system. No one is more annoying than I am with myself for bad grades. When I try to explain my career plans to my family I can hear the disappointment in their voices when I say I don't want to go into science anymore. That doesn't bring me down as much as it annoys me when I say I want to work for myself, drawing my own comics. They keep trying to dissuade me thinking it's childish precociousness and it's not. They think it's about money, I'll find the money, getting money's the easy part. Working the job, the career, I really want is the hard part.
Want to know another shitty part about being smart? I know why I'm depressed almost every time. Usually it's some sort of 'I don't feel loved' bullshit. Every now and again it's about my mom being dead. Knowing I'm not at a point to forgive my father for all of his bullshit, or any of it, I know I'm not ready and I know why. He won't listen, he won't try to listen. He thinks of me as a child, I'm not a child anymore. I don't think I'm a young adult anymore, I just am an adult. I think I'm finally moving out of categorization limbo, now everyone I know needs to learn this so they don't think of me as less then I am.
See, that thought process right there, I want to be respected on my level; I want to be taken seriously on my level. Not everyone is on my level. I think ultimately that's why I drifted away from people from high school. Not just that they knew the 'old' me, but that they weren't really looking to be Adults yet, they were looking to be Young Adults. I've gone back to speaking with some of them and it seems things are leveling back out, we're reaching our next maturity level.
Jasmine P.
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
June 15, 2010
January 7, 2010
Fuck the MPAA
I have said time and time again that I don't like the MPAA. I like the idea of it, but it's practice is so fucked up it's not doing much real good. It's a pack of people who are trying ot police other people's families, to police other people. Why? I think that just listing what's in a movie should be fine and not the soul crushing rating of G, PG, PG-13, R, and NC-17, I don't remember if X is still being used.
The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) and its international counterpart, the Motion Picture Association (MPA) serve as the voice and advocate of the American motion picture, home video and television industries, domestically through the MPAA and internationally through the MPA. Today, these associations represent not only the world of theatrical film, but serve as leader and advocate for major producers and distributors of entertainment programming for television, cable, home video and future delivery systems not yet imagined.
Founded in 1922 as the trade association of the American film industry, the MPAA has broadened its mandate over the years to reflect the diversity of an ever changing and expanding industry. The initial task assigned to the association was to stem criticism of American movies, which were then silent, and to restore a more favorable public image for the motion picture business. Today the association continues to advocate for strong protection of the creative works produced and distributed by the industry, fights copyright theft around the world, and provides leadership in meeting new and emerging industry challenges.
And it's parent company, the MPA
Our member companies' films are shown in theaters in more than 100 countries around the world and on television in more than 120 countries. The U.S. film industry provides the majority of home entertainment products seen in millions of homes throughout the world. This complex audiovisual industry is represented globally by the Motion Picture Association.
The MPA was formed in 1945 in the aftermath of World War II to reestablish American films in the world market, and to respond to the rising tide of protectionism resulting in barriers aimed at restricting the importation of American films.
"Today the [MPAA] continues to advocate for strong protection of the creative works produced." Really? I hear time and time again about directors damn near whoring themselves to get a lower rating because they don't believe their film is all that bad. If not for the fact that I have and have seen 'This Film is Not Yet Rated' a documentary from 2006 that discusses how the MPAA works with directors and filmmakers, I'd wonder what the criteria were for hiring someone to the ratings board. The film described it to a minor extent, but the information about some of the members of that years MPAA board intrigued me the most. Not everyone had children, or if they did their children were grown adults.
I continue to say ‘fuck the MPAA’ because they’re not addressing the content of films half the time, it’s the aesthetic of the film. It’s not plot points or ideas more often than not it’s language, violence and sexual situations. Those are more aesthetic than content in the film, and now people are advocating for the MPAA to cut down on smoking by automatically giving any movie where people smoke an R rating. Why? People smoke in real life. As a child I was dissuaded from smoking because I didn’t like the smell of the ash. My mother and grandfather smoked around me. My mom stopped because I asked her to. My mother was the most influential person in my life, and still is, amazingly so with her being dead and all, but ces’t la vie?
My point is that rating a movie R for smoking is akin to rating it R for alcohol, or for humping and sex. They’d soon be rating movies for necking, and it’s annoying enough that breasts are out, and the penis was just about never able to be seen on screen. None of these things are really content wise to the movies, its people who take some sort of virgin or puritanical offense at these things. Ignoring the hypothetical and back to the reality of the situation, the two things that give a movie an R rating in America are sex, and cursing, specifically the word ‘fuck’. Sex is because people have some issue with the human body. Cursing, that’s down right biblical. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephisians 4:20 [NIV].
I got sidetracked, my point is what is the MPAA really for? What they seem to be doing much of the time is policing other people and other people’s families and children. A better way for rating movies is to just take the little box from under the rating, make it bigger and call it a day. What box? The one that lists what’s in a movie, like ‘harsh language’ or ‘brief nudity’ etc. Inform people so they can make an educated decision. Parents should work at being positively involved in their children’s lives and not just there because they made them. Ask them about movies they want to see, ask them why. With the MPAA that we have now, families are coddled and parents have become lazy. They expect other people to tell them how to raise their children instead of taking the reins themselves.
I also advocate in parents policing their children because they would then be accountable, but people love not being accountable for things. They run and hide from criticism and accountability because they like having someone else to blame for why their children are fucked up. But the biggest part in them blaming someone else, it ultimately loops back to them and their inability to train and educate their children themselves.
But back to the MPAA and smoking as an R rating. What would that accomplish is what I really want to know. Yes, children would not be able to see smoking in the movies, but what about reality? In walking down a real New York street at least one in every ten or twenty people I saw was smoking. Going to a 7-Eleven the other night a car pulled up, the passenger was smoking a cigarette and the driver lit up a stogie. People smoke in real life. What about period pieces then? Smoking was pretty much considered a health benefit until the late 20th century. I’m saying, are you going to show me a western, or a movie about 1910 or about the settlers and people won’t be smoking.
Yes, smoking is harmful; yes, smoking is dangerous to your health. But remember, people have been smoking for hundreds and hundreds of years and acting like they didn’t isn’t going to help. I’m not advocating ultra-realism, movies are my escape from the doldrums of my day to day life of going to class or sitting around doing nothing. I’m advocating keeping life real enough that people can accept it. I accept and enjoy movies where people don’t smoke at all, I can also accept and enjoy movies where people smoke. It’s an aesthetic not content. Stop worrying about aesthetics and worry about the content that children get to see.
My biggest reason for leaving smoking in a movie is that it’s life. Life happens, if a character would do something, let them. Why change their character just to fit somebody else's moral standards. My standards are not those of my brothers. They make share similarities, but they’re ultimately not the same. But this blog is what inspired me to stick out my hat. It says what I want to say better, and more directly, but mine was not a failed effort.
Jasmine P.
I continue to say ‘fuck the MPAA’ because they’re not addressing the content of films half the time, it’s the aesthetic of the film. It’s not plot points or ideas more often than not it’s language, violence and sexual situations. Those are more aesthetic than content in the film, and now people are advocating for the MPAA to cut down on smoking by automatically giving any movie where people smoke an R rating. Why? People smoke in real life. As a child I was dissuaded from smoking because I didn’t like the smell of the ash. My mother and grandfather smoked around me. My mom stopped because I asked her to. My mother was the most influential person in my life, and still is, amazingly so with her being dead and all, but ces’t la vie?
My point is that rating a movie R for smoking is akin to rating it R for alcohol, or for humping and sex. They’d soon be rating movies for necking, and it’s annoying enough that breasts are out, and the penis was just about never able to be seen on screen. None of these things are really content wise to the movies, its people who take some sort of virgin or puritanical offense at these things. Ignoring the hypothetical and back to the reality of the situation, the two things that give a movie an R rating in America are sex, and cursing, specifically the word ‘fuck’. Sex is because people have some issue with the human body. Cursing, that’s down right biblical. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephisians 4:20 [NIV].
I got sidetracked, my point is what is the MPAA really for? What they seem to be doing much of the time is policing other people and other people’s families and children. A better way for rating movies is to just take the little box from under the rating, make it bigger and call it a day. What box? The one that lists what’s in a movie, like ‘harsh language’ or ‘brief nudity’ etc. Inform people so they can make an educated decision. Parents should work at being positively involved in their children’s lives and not just there because they made them. Ask them about movies they want to see, ask them why. With the MPAA that we have now, families are coddled and parents have become lazy. They expect other people to tell them how to raise their children instead of taking the reins themselves.
I also advocate in parents policing their children because they would then be accountable, but people love not being accountable for things. They run and hide from criticism and accountability because they like having someone else to blame for why their children are fucked up. But the biggest part in them blaming someone else, it ultimately loops back to them and their inability to train and educate their children themselves.
But back to the MPAA and smoking as an R rating. What would that accomplish is what I really want to know. Yes, children would not be able to see smoking in the movies, but what about reality? In walking down a real New York street at least one in every ten or twenty people I saw was smoking. Going to a 7-Eleven the other night a car pulled up, the passenger was smoking a cigarette and the driver lit up a stogie. People smoke in real life. What about period pieces then? Smoking was pretty much considered a health benefit until the late 20th century. I’m saying, are you going to show me a western, or a movie about 1910 or about the settlers and people won’t be smoking.
Yes, smoking is harmful; yes, smoking is dangerous to your health. But remember, people have been smoking for hundreds and hundreds of years and acting like they didn’t isn’t going to help. I’m not advocating ultra-realism, movies are my escape from the doldrums of my day to day life of going to class or sitting around doing nothing. I’m advocating keeping life real enough that people can accept it. I accept and enjoy movies where people don’t smoke at all, I can also accept and enjoy movies where people smoke. It’s an aesthetic not content. Stop worrying about aesthetics and worry about the content that children get to see.
My biggest reason for leaving smoking in a movie is that it’s life. Life happens, if a character would do something, let them. Why change their character just to fit somebody else's moral standards. My standards are not those of my brothers. They make share similarities, but they’re ultimately not the same. But this blog is what inspired me to stick out my hat. It says what I want to say better, and more directly, but mine was not a failed effort.
Jasmine P.
December 17, 2009
New Wave of Plus Sized Models
http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/42159348.html#cutid1
So, I went back to skimming things on Oh No They Didn't and came across this, an article about how Glamour or some such stupid magazine will be featuring plus-sized models, and people who look like they actually eat. Ever. I was "Oh, okay. Next." But decided to skim the comments and was getting annoyed with the callous idiocy I was seeing there. People were disgusted that overweight people would be featured in magazines. They were complaining that they just lost weight, and now their last weight size was going to be considered 'acceptable' for magazines. I really don't know how much of what was written in the comments was serious or sarcasm, but if as much of it was serious as I thought when reading it these people have issues.
Yes, I'm overweight, I don't really care. I eat what I like which includes Brussels sprouts, and also chicken nuggets. I'll eat a salad, tacos, burritos, nachos, baked chicken, fried chicken, rotisserie chicken, fish, pork, beef sometimes. I don't care for exercise, but I miss fencing, but current medical crap hell, it's not even current anymore, just medical crap makes fencing a bad idea. It's my fault I weigh what I do, but it is encouraging for impressionable children that the people that get seen on television and in magazines show not just one unhealthy size.
I wonder how that change in ideals came about. I mean, in the span of about 100 years, the 20th century people went from thinking that big women were best to waifishly unhealthily tiny people were the most attractive. In the past weight meant wealth, you were able to feed your self and the children you'd have. Underweight, tiny people kind of look like their underfed. I know people who would be asked if they had problems at home because of their low weight, but in actuality the would eat.
More of my thoughts from that post are about the people who bitched and moaned about losing weight and working off baby fat. You don't work off baby fat, it goes on it's own. You work off real fat. But I say eat what makes you happy, just be logical about it. I mean, I love peanut butter and unless I get an allergy I always will, but I don't gorge myself on it. I gorge myself on improperly fed chicken and coffee. I am more disgusted when I see tiny, underweight people in magazines then when I see normally weighted people. I don't want to see special definitions for each weight class, just show me models. And how the fuck did they become 'super' models? What are their powers? What do they do, going above and beyond to help people?
This rant is all over the place. I've had a headache for the past few days, nothing really helps. My next one should be better, and I have a personal 'year in review' thing to post.
Jasmine P.
So, I went back to skimming things on Oh No They Didn't and came across this, an article about how Glamour or some such stupid magazine will be featuring plus-sized models, and people who look like they actually eat. Ever. I was "Oh, okay. Next." But decided to skim the comments and was getting annoyed with the callous idiocy I was seeing there. People were disgusted that overweight people would be featured in magazines. They were complaining that they just lost weight, and now their last weight size was going to be considered 'acceptable' for magazines. I really don't know how much of what was written in the comments was serious or sarcasm, but if as much of it was serious as I thought when reading it these people have issues.
Yes, I'm overweight, I don't really care. I eat what I like which includes Brussels sprouts, and also chicken nuggets. I'll eat a salad, tacos, burritos, nachos, baked chicken, fried chicken, rotisserie chicken, fish, pork, beef sometimes. I don't care for exercise, but I miss fencing, but current medical crap hell, it's not even current anymore, just medical crap makes fencing a bad idea. It's my fault I weigh what I do, but it is encouraging for impressionable children that the people that get seen on television and in magazines show not just one unhealthy size.
I wonder how that change in ideals came about. I mean, in the span of about 100 years, the 20th century people went from thinking that big women were best to waifishly unhealthily tiny people were the most attractive. In the past weight meant wealth, you were able to feed your self and the children you'd have. Underweight, tiny people kind of look like their underfed. I know people who would be asked if they had problems at home because of their low weight, but in actuality the would eat.
More of my thoughts from that post are about the people who bitched and moaned about losing weight and working off baby fat. You don't work off baby fat, it goes on it's own. You work off real fat. But I say eat what makes you happy, just be logical about it. I mean, I love peanut butter and unless I get an allergy I always will, but I don't gorge myself on it. I gorge myself on improperly fed chicken and coffee. I am more disgusted when I see tiny, underweight people in magazines then when I see normally weighted people. I don't want to see special definitions for each weight class, just show me models. And how the fuck did they become 'super' models? What are their powers? What do they do, going above and beyond to help people?
This rant is all over the place. I've had a headache for the past few days, nothing really helps. My next one should be better, and I have a personal 'year in review' thing to post.
Jasmine P.
December 4, 2009
Early Morning Musings
I've been spending some time over the past few days reading things off the site 'Stand for Christmas' http://www.standforchristmas.com/ and mostly been laughing at these ultra conservative Christians. In part it's from ignorance and non acceptance of other holidays that happen to take place in the winter. If you look at the ratings list for Best Buy people were all pissy and up in arms because the site and circular promoted the Muslim holiday, of Eid al-Adha, which as my meager research on wikipedia told me is a day about prayer and giving from one's flock to the poor. Seriously, that and Best But says nothing specific about Christmas.
I see these people up in arms angry that Christmas isn't getting the 'respect' they think it deserves. I say one comment for Old Navy that said, and I quote "I logged in to this sight to leave a positive feedback for Old Navy because in my local store I noticed the Merry Christmas tees and also gift cards with Merry Christmas on them---a big step up from past years, but I was unaware of the add including Christmas with Kwanza/soltice (the ice skating one is fine with me;goofy, but fine).” So sad that they took one step forward and two giant leaps back." How is being aware of a not-holiday, Kwanzaa in my opinion, and solstice taking two steps back. These people seems to forget that there are many religions in the world that have some sort of festivity in the winter. I know there are plenty of people who believe that Christianity, or factions of, are the 'only religion' it just seems implausible that everyone who decided to write on that site feels that way.
I think saying 'holiday' is fine because there are so many celebrations, religiously based or not. Using the non-reputable source that is Wikipedia, once more, let's see just the sheer number of holidays, festivals, remembrances, or celebrations there are LISTED for the 31 days that make up December. 38 different events around the world, that's not counting the smaller events that take place during the month. It's not just Christmas, there's also Chanukkah which I think is the second largest religious celebration in the month. On December 25th there are also these events:
# Re) birth of Sol Invictus. The winter solstice feast in the Roman Empire from 274 to 391
# Quaid-e-Azam's Day – Pakistan
# Constitution Day – Republic of China now based in Taiwan
# The feast day of Anastasia of Sirmium
# Yule
# Malkh-Festival. Sun festival in pre-Islamic pagan religion of Nakh people. Chechenya and Ingushetia
True, not all of them are celebrated anymore and are known more out of historic necessity, but they're still there. I'm sure there are plenty more. I don't get the fuss that people use 'holiday' over 'Christmas' when so much else goes on. Any why get so hard up for one day? It's about family? So is Thanksgiving. It's about giving? If you truly want to give to other people, give when you don't feel obligated. These people are making it about the material, if they want to really make it about a part of the true aspect of the day, Jesus and giving, they would go out into their communities and help those who are less fortunate instead of opening hundreds or thousands and thousands of dollars worth of things that they'll forget the next day.
With my tirade I'm not saying I don't like getting things, but I remember and like the gifts that I made for people a lot more than any of the stuff I've bought. Back in 2006 I made ornaments for my family and friends. I love those. In 2004 or 2005 I drew my brother a dragon, framed it and he still has it. I'm proud of those gifts. Last year I thought carefully about what people would appreciate, but I don't appreciate the gifts as much, I have to think hard to remember what I gave them. But I remember what I made, that had love, time and compassion not just money. Scupley costs money, and a lot of time, but those gifts were awesome.
The other part of my musings is on the concept of being politically correct. Thinking that it's more pc to be called 'African-American' is wrong for -me- because I'm not African. I'm 1/2 Dominican and 1/2 American. I only have American citizenship, and I don't know how many generations far back are off a boat from any part of Africa. I call myself 'black' or even just 'American' because that's what I am. I don't care so much about that aspect of American history. I respect it for what happened and all that shit, but I have more important things to be looking for in my future. That's what my status from the other day was about, someone on deviantart was talking about how with some Scandanavian comics she draws and posts people comment about where their family's from. I don't really care about my ancestors. It's not to be disrespectful, but that's not -me- so much. I don't want to go to Africa and see what it was like for them there, I don't really want to go to the Dominican Republic, I don't speak the language. I more often just think of myself as American because I don't speak Spanish. I was raised by my mother's side of the family and more often than not think about things they do than things my dad's side of the family does. I don't not love them, I just don't know them. It's different.
About being politically correct for the holidays, I don't see it about being disrespectful, it's about respect for more people. People seem to have a problem with respect. What if I worked retail and wished ' Happy Chanukkah' or even forwent December and started with 'Happy New Year'? That's non-denominational, just different countries or religions, follow different calendars, its offensive to calendars?
I go for politically correct terms because I don't like to be insulted. Once I know what will and won't mess with a person, I'll use it. I say 'I'm fat' not 'overweight' because it's fat, my body has an excess of it. If you have an excess of weight, it's not always fat, it could be water or muscle. I have an excess of fat, and I don't always have a problem with it. Buying clothing is when I have a problem with it. I say all sorts of ridiculous things; I know I say things than can be misconstrued as being disrespectful, but it's not out of disrespect. Sometimes it's due out of ignorance, which is different than going out and being rude. I think a large part about being politically correct is who you're interacting with. Some people mind and others don't. Listen to how I talk, I say ridiculous things EVERY DAY, sometimes on purpose, sometimes it just is what it is.
I know I’m politically correct when I speak. I do it for me because it feels right. I use more or less the same language in front of someone or behind their back, profanity aside. If I don’t know I’ll ask, and I’ll apologize if I think I said something wrong. The other day I was at a hookah bar when it was closing. I was curious what language some of the other patrons were using, so I asked. I had assumed it was Arabic, it was when I asked,. I had the chance to ask a question, so I did. I will. I have asked Muslim women one my few occasions, questions about their head wraps. I was curious about them, I know very little about those practices. I had an Indian friend in high school and I think she sometimes had the red dot on her forehead. I think I asked her what it was about, but have since forgotten. I’m curious and try not to be rude, I’ll admit I don’t know because I think it lets whomever I’m speaking to know that I’m honestly curious.
You know what, I’m not sure where exactly I wanted to go with my thoughts on being politically correct aside from questioning them. I don’t understand why people seem to have an issue about not offending other people. I want respect and to get it I have to give it equally. I understand terms change and I’m not always in the venue to learn when or why they changed. Za told me she learned that the new PC term for ‘Native Americans’ is ‘First Americans’. I really don’t see what’s wrong with ‘Native American’ but there’s a new term. I know I use ‘Indian’ more often, and I don’t know if I’ll ever use or need to use ‘First American’ but it’s a new term. Now I want to know why they changed it, what was wrong with calling them ‘Native’? Where would ‘aborigine’ fit in? It’s time I get back to the work I put off to write this, but I kept thinking about it. Now to work for a bit, sleep, then work some more. Joy. Good day, everyone!
June 29, 2009
Crossroads: Built to Help, Only Impede
I was originally going to do a write up of the past week I spent in Wisconsin, but this seemed to be a bit more pertinent. I still want to write up about the week before I forget. That's why Twitter's nice, I wrote some stuff up there most days, so I can review it and remind myself what I did and what to write about. But for now, less about last week and more about me.
I've in a funk, again. I don't know what to do to break it. I've spent the past few days since returning to Norfolk watching Wonderfalls and Pushing Daisies, which I guess I can include in my review blog. But not right now. I'm at that annoying impasse where I don't know what I want to do. Not with my education and not with tomorrow. I can't draw, so write I must.
I've recently fallen in love with writing things by hand. I hand wrote a note to a woman from New York, more to be expounded upon in the SWS/Wisconsin journal. But I kind of want to write more people letters. One to Scott, another to Ralph...that's it. Yeah, so two letters. There's the personal touch of recieving mail, and writing them. They take time, and even once the idea is written, there's writing a presentable form of the letter.
Well, let's start somewhere. Is It Okay If I Call You Mine? written and sung by Paul McCrane. Ironic time to play this song. This is kind of how I feel about Paul, but also at the moment, men in general. Kind of. I mean, first there is my interest in someone who hasn't called me back. I fear his phone is lost or something. Then there's Phillip, who's interest in my was professed by two other people in drunken stupor. I doubt they remember telling me this, but a large part of me doesn't want to inquire about it, but if someone cares, why not try for something. Then there's Beau, and that one I assume is all in my head. He's a cutie, and I could have sworn just last week when I friended him on facebook he was in a relationship with someone, but that's beside the point. Interest in him came from his drunken excitement in seeing me. Yeah, prefixed by drunken, so who knows. I have also decided that the actors Lee Pace and Tyrone Lietso. Bt incrredible cute and adorable. I see Paul is Pace's performace from PD, which makes me think he's still quite in the running for my heart for things more serous, but at the same time, I haven't seen the man/boy in a month! A month! He hasn't answered his phone or anything. I'm sitting in the middle of a road of attention, attraction and affection [alliterative a...] and not a peep. I tied calling about thirty minutes ago. Maybe he'll call. I hope so. Hell, I want the simplicity of a kiss. I want and crave contact. So many people, so close and yet oh so terribly far.
Like aways, I know what I want, but differently, I have potential venues, but won't go for any of them. I was fine, when I almost had someone, now? Ha! I'm back to just plain needing someone. I need something to guide my attention, to help motivate me. For whatever reason I've actually made the Fourth of July into something important and want someone to spend the night with. I normally couldn't give a rat's ass for the damn day, but apparently in my vulnerable state I want someone. Last week I was distracted, as with the week before, but now, it's me and only me.
This is an island that sucks. Maybe someone will actually call. The Ficus might, but that's not as pressing to me as pretty much anyone else calling. I want attention. I want to be loved. I want to be romantically loved. Hell, I know plenty of people on this stupid orb love me, platonically, but I want a romantic relationship. Pining, I'm pining away for most anything.
Aside from my heart, I was feeling a change of pace for a short period f time and going back to science for a degree, but now I'm feeling art again. I'm also feeling not earning a degree and just striking out on my own. Dorien and Miguel keep saying how hard it is, but they haven't done that. They both almost got away, then went crawling back home. I'm not doing that. Love or not, I'm getting out of this crummy state. I'm getting away where all the disturbed girls are. My papa never put his ping-ping in my po-po, but there is something rotten in the Denver of Virginia. And the Denmark too.
Apparenlty, I've stopping caring about who might stumble upon this piece of privacy, and that's well enough. It's here for someone to read, and not just for me to write. I dunno, maybe I'll escape the easiest way I know how, into the tombs of a new book. Well, new, old, re-read, or something I left to be enjoyed at a later date. I dunno, maybe I'm a little inspired from eading the writings of Jonathan Ames who had his writings published, and they were of a varying private nature, personal if nothing else. Maybe it's better to toss life out to the void of it's reality and see who stops and inspects. Maybe something good will come out of it. With my luck, nothing will, but that's also just as well. I always want someone to read these, but at the same time, I seriously want no one to read them.
Jasmine P.
I've in a funk, again. I don't know what to do to break it. I've spent the past few days since returning to Norfolk watching Wonderfalls and Pushing Daisies, which I guess I can include in my review blog. But not right now. I'm at that annoying impasse where I don't know what I want to do. Not with my education and not with tomorrow. I can't draw, so write I must.
I've recently fallen in love with writing things by hand. I hand wrote a note to a woman from New York, more to be expounded upon in the SWS/Wisconsin journal. But I kind of want to write more people letters. One to Scott, another to Ralph...that's it. Yeah, so two letters. There's the personal touch of recieving mail, and writing them. They take time, and even once the idea is written, there's writing a presentable form of the letter.
Well, let's start somewhere. Is It Okay If I Call You Mine? written and sung by Paul McCrane. Ironic time to play this song. This is kind of how I feel about Paul, but also at the moment, men in general. Kind of. I mean, first there is my interest in someone who hasn't called me back. I fear his phone is lost or something. Then there's Phillip, who's interest in my was professed by two other people in drunken stupor. I doubt they remember telling me this, but a large part of me doesn't want to inquire about it, but if someone cares, why not try for something. Then there's Beau, and that one I assume is all in my head. He's a cutie, and I could have sworn just last week when I friended him on facebook he was in a relationship with someone, but that's beside the point. Interest in him came from his drunken excitement in seeing me. Yeah, prefixed by drunken, so who knows. I have also decided that the actors Lee Pace and Tyrone Lietso. Bt incrredible cute and adorable. I see Paul is Pace's performace from PD, which makes me think he's still quite in the running for my heart for things more serous, but at the same time, I haven't seen the man/boy in a month! A month! He hasn't answered his phone or anything. I'm sitting in the middle of a road of attention, attraction and affection [alliterative a...] and not a peep. I tied calling about thirty minutes ago. Maybe he'll call. I hope so. Hell, I want the simplicity of a kiss. I want and crave contact. So many people, so close and yet oh so terribly far.
Like aways, I know what I want, but differently, I have potential venues, but won't go for any of them. I was fine, when I almost had someone, now? Ha! I'm back to just plain needing someone. I need something to guide my attention, to help motivate me. For whatever reason I've actually made the Fourth of July into something important and want someone to spend the night with. I normally couldn't give a rat's ass for the damn day, but apparently in my vulnerable state I want someone. Last week I was distracted, as with the week before, but now, it's me and only me.
This is an island that sucks. Maybe someone will actually call. The Ficus might, but that's not as pressing to me as pretty much anyone else calling. I want attention. I want to be loved. I want to be romantically loved. Hell, I know plenty of people on this stupid orb love me, platonically, but I want a romantic relationship. Pining, I'm pining away for most anything.
Aside from my heart, I was feeling a change of pace for a short period f time and going back to science for a degree, but now I'm feeling art again. I'm also feeling not earning a degree and just striking out on my own. Dorien and Miguel keep saying how hard it is, but they haven't done that. They both almost got away, then went crawling back home. I'm not doing that. Love or not, I'm getting out of this crummy state. I'm getting away where all the disturbed girls are. My papa never put his ping-ping in my po-po, but there is something rotten in the Denver of Virginia. And the Denmark too.
Apparenlty, I've stopping caring about who might stumble upon this piece of privacy, and that's well enough. It's here for someone to read, and not just for me to write. I dunno, maybe I'll escape the easiest way I know how, into the tombs of a new book. Well, new, old, re-read, or something I left to be enjoyed at a later date. I dunno, maybe I'm a little inspired from eading the writings of Jonathan Ames who had his writings published, and they were of a varying private nature, personal if nothing else. Maybe it's better to toss life out to the void of it's reality and see who stops and inspects. Maybe something good will come out of it. With my luck, nothing will, but that's also just as well. I always want someone to read these, but at the same time, I seriously want no one to read them.
Jasmine P.
March 29, 2009
Rage Against the Idiotic
Just becuase I keep my flatware out on the counter, doesn't grant you leeway to use it. I can't stand half the people who live in this dorm/apartment.
What this is all about is I keep my flatware in a cup on a counter that is between two cabinets that my things stay in. It's about little things, in truth, but it's also about their lack of respect for property that is not theirs. I seriously go out of my way to not use other people's items, but it seems like at various turns, I find my items depleted. I've noticed my flatware sitting in the Midget-bitch's food bowls. What the fuck, she has her own shit, don't use mine. It was my money, hard earned, though not by me, that procured those spoons. Yeah, their cheap, but they do the job, they've been doing the job for me going on two years, well, a year and a half. I'm saying, why take my things. Use your own possessions, you fucker. Some time ago I noticed that my ketchup was disappearing. The fuck? Just because it was on the top shelf of the door, you'd think people would know what they bought. I can't recall ever granting them the right, ever allowing them to use my condiments.
I'm fucking appalled. I make sure I use what's mine and only mine. If i need things I go without until i buy it myself. Why can't these cock-smokers do the same thing? I'm not their gatdamn mother, I don't have to share everything little thing I buy.
I also just realized what happened to all my fucking pine-sol. When the MB drinks, she vomits. Every fucking time, you'd think she'd learn something by now. My revelation is that on at least one occassion she potentially missed the toilet, and got all her friggin' vomit on the floor or some such. Or maybe the toilet just plain stank, but that's not the point. The point is, why the fuck hasn't this cock-smoker hedonistic whore bought any more? Seriously? I'm going to buy my own pine-sol that will stay in my bedroom that I'll use before moving out.
Huh, my biggest dream is getting closer to becoming a reality. Tomorrow I'll make my fated call to the apartment complex I found last week, and I'll figure out if I can even rent, considreing I don't have any real credit, but maybe they're used to people not having credit trying to move in. April looks to be a busy whore. A very busy whore. The next week or two might not be too terrible, but then there's the last two weeks [i think i'm missing a week somewhere...] but finals start on the 28th or something, (what a lovely day...) until then, I get to make my plans for moving out, and with moving out, since i think the place i'm looking at in unfurnished, i get to buy furniture. Joy of joys. I'm not that cynical about it, it's just having to do it. I should be able t outfit my apartment for less than 3k if I'm careful. Most pertinent items are a bed, a couch, a TV table, and a small dining room table. I'll shoot for the bed first, then hopefully everything else i can get from the salvation army or one of the many thrift stores out here. I'll spring the duckets for a brand new bed, that's no big problem. Plus, this bed may have to last me a few years, so I'll get the most out of it.
Well, I've started delving into the world of mattress shopping, and i know this, I'm buying a qeeun sized frame and mattress. Maybe even an adjustable frame, but at least a queen sized matress. I'll take my space. Plenty of nesting space, and rolling around space. It will be awesome to literally be able to climb into bed again. It won't be 1.5ft off the ground anymore.
Ooh, i forgot about lighting. i assume there's at least one overhead/set per room, but I'll need a bedside light, and something for the living room. I like the standing ones that have 4 lights on it that come on in different patterns for low and high lighting. I'll write up a list soon so I can keep track of the immediate needs versus the needs that can wait a week or so.
Last major need is a job. I mean, after I pay off the summer and fall semester's tuition, I'll have a nice bit to start of my summer to pay for food prior to landing a job. I wonder how likely it would be for me to get this apartment without a job, even though I have the assests to pay for it. And I think I'll see about my trust fund, if not for immediate spending, then for the apartment. I'll talk to the guys about that.
Well, I've run the gamut from anger to calm and planning. Let's hope it stays plasse for the rest of the day. I like not being angry. Let's also go get something to eat. I now have excess cereal and milk, and doggonit, will I enjoy me some milk and cereal :) And maybe some doodling. I enjoyed drawing Seph Hunter, and I would like to work on a picture of Az, to color, I'd love to re-do the 'Masculinity' picture. I feel so much better now.
Jasmine P.
What this is all about is I keep my flatware in a cup on a counter that is between two cabinets that my things stay in. It's about little things, in truth, but it's also about their lack of respect for property that is not theirs. I seriously go out of my way to not use other people's items, but it seems like at various turns, I find my items depleted. I've noticed my flatware sitting in the Midget-bitch's food bowls. What the fuck, she has her own shit, don't use mine. It was my money, hard earned, though not by me, that procured those spoons. Yeah, their cheap, but they do the job, they've been doing the job for me going on two years, well, a year and a half. I'm saying, why take my things. Use your own possessions, you fucker. Some time ago I noticed that my ketchup was disappearing. The fuck? Just because it was on the top shelf of the door, you'd think people would know what they bought. I can't recall ever granting them the right, ever allowing them to use my condiments.
I'm fucking appalled. I make sure I use what's mine and only mine. If i need things I go without until i buy it myself. Why can't these cock-smokers do the same thing? I'm not their gatdamn mother, I don't have to share everything little thing I buy.
I also just realized what happened to all my fucking pine-sol. When the MB drinks, she vomits. Every fucking time, you'd think she'd learn something by now. My revelation is that on at least one occassion she potentially missed the toilet, and got all her friggin' vomit on the floor or some such. Or maybe the toilet just plain stank, but that's not the point. The point is, why the fuck hasn't this cock-smoker hedonistic whore bought any more? Seriously? I'm going to buy my own pine-sol that will stay in my bedroom that I'll use before moving out.
Huh, my biggest dream is getting closer to becoming a reality. Tomorrow I'll make my fated call to the apartment complex I found last week, and I'll figure out if I can even rent, considreing I don't have any real credit, but maybe they're used to people not having credit trying to move in. April looks to be a busy whore. A very busy whore. The next week or two might not be too terrible, but then there's the last two weeks [i think i'm missing a week somewhere...] but finals start on the 28th or something, (what a lovely day...) until then, I get to make my plans for moving out, and with moving out, since i think the place i'm looking at in unfurnished, i get to buy furniture. Joy of joys. I'm not that cynical about it, it's just having to do it. I should be able t outfit my apartment for less than 3k if I'm careful. Most pertinent items are a bed, a couch, a TV table, and a small dining room table. I'll shoot for the bed first, then hopefully everything else i can get from the salvation army or one of the many thrift stores out here. I'll spring the duckets for a brand new bed, that's no big problem. Plus, this bed may have to last me a few years, so I'll get the most out of it.
Well, I've started delving into the world of mattress shopping, and i know this, I'm buying a qeeun sized frame and mattress. Maybe even an adjustable frame, but at least a queen sized matress. I'll take my space. Plenty of nesting space, and rolling around space. It will be awesome to literally be able to climb into bed again. It won't be 1.5ft off the ground anymore.
Ooh, i forgot about lighting. i assume there's at least one overhead/set per room, but I'll need a bedside light, and something for the living room. I like the standing ones that have 4 lights on it that come on in different patterns for low and high lighting. I'll write up a list soon so I can keep track of the immediate needs versus the needs that can wait a week or so.
Last major need is a job. I mean, after I pay off the summer and fall semester's tuition, I'll have a nice bit to start of my summer to pay for food prior to landing a job. I wonder how likely it would be for me to get this apartment without a job, even though I have the assests to pay for it. And I think I'll see about my trust fund, if not for immediate spending, then for the apartment. I'll talk to the guys about that.
Well, I've run the gamut from anger to calm and planning. Let's hope it stays plasse for the rest of the day. I like not being angry. Let's also go get something to eat. I now have excess cereal and milk, and doggonit, will I enjoy me some milk and cereal :) And maybe some doodling. I enjoyed drawing Seph Hunter, and I would like to work on a picture of Az, to color, I'd love to re-do the 'Masculinity' picture. I feel so much better now.
Jasmine P.
March 28, 2009
fucking cracktards. movie truths
the fuck? I'm i'm sitting here, watching a movie in the dark, and my fucking suitmate walks in, turns on a light to walk an expanse that she didn't need a light for, and then walked out, without turning the light back off. i fucking hate them.
fuck them. it's not even about earth day, which i say duck to, fuck earth day. it's about them not respecting my preference of relaxation, and their ignorance and inability to leave the lights off, or turn them back off upon leaving. i don't understand their lack of consideration toward me and how they can't turn lights back off.
watching shortbus. i love the progression of characters, their growth in their own sexuality. their growth of mind. i do enjoy the evolution they go through, this is a movie that i would love to share with people, but the true sex aspect, since it jumps right in on that, makes it a wee bit awkward, but it's still an interesting movie. a commentary on society. a comedic drama. three years past, and still, the emotions seem so real, so plausible.
that's why i like this movie, even if i haven't seen it in a year.
Jasmine P.
fuck them. it's not even about earth day, which i say duck to, fuck earth day. it's about them not respecting my preference of relaxation, and their ignorance and inability to leave the lights off, or turn them back off upon leaving. i don't understand their lack of consideration toward me and how they can't turn lights back off.
watching shortbus. i love the progression of characters, their growth in their own sexuality. their growth of mind. i do enjoy the evolution they go through, this is a movie that i would love to share with people, but the true sex aspect, since it jumps right in on that, makes it a wee bit awkward, but it's still an interesting movie. a commentary on society. a comedic drama. three years past, and still, the emotions seem so real, so plausible.
that's why i like this movie, even if i haven't seen it in a year.
Jasmine P.
March 1, 2009
Too Cool
About an hour ago I finished reading Too Cool To Be Forgotten by Alex Robinson. I was totally engrossed in the story and wrapped up in it then it hit to close to home. I have figured that I probably haven't totally come to terms with my mother's death and seeing how he accepted his father's death through his anger left me feeling a wee bit melancholy. It was truly great to read, but I don't like reading about people losing parents as kids, especially if they're in high school because then it hit really close to home. His father died from ALS, so a disease based death doesn't make anything any better. I just had to be quite for a moment when I was done reading it.
On to another point, how the fuck can someone else tell me my living space is too dirty? I organize things when I feel like it and it's not like it's unsanitary, it's just cluttered, but it's not like ODU gave me storage space. I understand moving into an apartment that's not affiliated with the campus not having things, but this is my fucking campus. Why the fuck didn't you give me a goddam bookshelf and think about the realistic storage needs of a college student, fuck that, of a human. I seriously can't wait to move off campus.
Jasmine P.
On to another point, how the fuck can someone else tell me my living space is too dirty? I organize things when I feel like it and it's not like it's unsanitary, it's just cluttered, but it's not like ODU gave me storage space. I understand moving into an apartment that's not affiliated with the campus not having things, but this is my fucking campus. Why the fuck didn't you give me a goddam bookshelf and think about the realistic storage needs of a college student, fuck that, of a human. I seriously can't wait to move off campus.
Jasmine P.
A Continuation
Now, to continue with my not quite sordid affairs that have lasted me the past two months, we are now in February and I remember the past month with much more clarity than the prior, because it has been two goddamn months since January. Also, January was so long because it was packed with non-sequitors that came to mind and extra details. But onto the rest of Feruary.
On the 15th we went out to UVA for a tournament and I drank so much goddam coffee that my addiction as seriously be re-ignited in a painful way. Seriously, I drank 2 double shots before 8, and a edius Dunkin' Doughnuts coffee so I could be alert enough for the drive. I learned that Glenn is crap at maintaining a speed. He says this is the furthurest he's driven him 'new' stick shift, which I can accept, he also blames his cruise control for not working properly and I don't accept that because I can maintain my speed better, as far as I'm concerned, and I haveno cruise control. It's all in my foot, baby.
Oh yeah, the previous day, Valentines day, after sobering up enouhg for it to be safe for me to drive from Ian's place, I head over to the Walmart on Little Creek to buy some gatorade and thigns because I don't know what UVA's going to have, and it was a good idea. The gatorade was quite welomed as was the water, so I think I'll keep that up next semester, buying a case of water and a few gatorades for the fencers.
Za made some awesome cookies. Just pointing that out. They were delicious.
Hmm, I glossed over the torunie yesterday, it was a tournie the stats were put down quick style, so let's move back to me. That was Sunday, I was too tired upon returning to Norfolk to do my English reading, but ehh, I tink I had a writing and didn't do it it. Sleep prevailed. Hel, I was tired all day Monday from making the drive and not sleeping properly the weekend before. Hmm, On the Tuesday I went into the EVMS for a surgical consultation for my skin bacteria of terrible and pain and annoying and now itch. Fuck the healing, I'm tired fo the itchiness. But I go in there and after Dr. Britt sees them we figure outwhen I'll be getting them taken care of, the Thursday of my Spring Break, the 12th or something. I think it's the thirteenth.
After about an hour long conversation with my grandmother...
I spent the rest of that tuesday and that week to tell the truth trying to placate my family and tell them what was going on. That was tedious. Seriously tedious. I had to alay theri fears, but noe my father, Patti and my brothers are coming for about two days to hang with me and I dunno, to show they care. My brothers Ihave no problem with. But my father a few more issues because it's not like he's tried to maintan contact with me. I mean, yeah, I do call my brothers about once a week or so, so it's not that often, but we can still maintain a conversation. I never rally want to tell my father anything so I avoid telling him too many truths. He knows I'm goinginto surgery because you tell people that. And he's paying my insurance bills, he kind of really should know. I don't really want them to be here, but they're coming, so I guess I can deal.
Ehh, I've decided that augmentin is a bitch of a anti-bacterial. They gave it to me and now these things bleed, but they don't hurt all the time like before. They're just bloody and gross more often. Man, I'm sleepy now, but I have things to do and things I want to do, like see if I can find a new comic or two, but back to the past. That was that week.
I was bored and alone on Friday. I had been fine up until Friday to be on my own for the weekend, but once Friday ngiht hit I had a mean wave of lonely going on, so I went on an adventure down 64, heading east. That eventually took me to route 17, so I went south and all the way to Elizabeth City. I never didn't anything there, but that's because it was ten, it was dark and nothing was really open. Bumble-fuck towns suck like that. Back in Reston I could drive around and find something, almost anything would have been viable in NoVA, but not here. Yeah. I burned through half a tank of gas doing that too. Thankfully I havne't needed any more glas since then though, or else it would have been that much more annoying.
Saturday I don't remember what I did, but Saturday evening I hung out with Nicole. Incase of anything in the fture, Nicole is a new member to the odufc and she's pretty chill. Anywho, she made a homemade hot pocket, that's something I think I'll try, but I'll need a different type of binding agent, not cream cheese. I might try some type of gravy that's thickened with cracker crumbs or bread. I don't know yet.
This past week was fine, nothing spectacular. This past weekend I watched Clerks and have fallen in love. Ever since I saw Zack and Miri I read a book about Kevin Smith, well, it was a series of journals he had written back around 2003 before filming Jay and Silentbob Strike Back. I found the whole thing to be interesting and Smith has an interesting and unique writing style. I fell in love with Clerks for the reasons it got picked up. There's no real story, but it is a series of interactions. Some are inspired by things that have really happened, some are just some fucked up things he made up. It's a smooth combination of the two that make it awesome to watch. These conversations remind me of my favorite interactions with people, most notably, my interactions with Alex. Dant and Randal have a rapport that reminds me of me and Alex chatting about everything and nothing. And at the same time, everything is important, even if we're just talking about some movie or something stupid. Their conversations were what people did.
My opinion on why the movie is so well loved is that it is one of the most realistic looks at a normal 2o something. They're just stumbling around life and chatting about whatis important at that age. There's no easy way to lay the movie out, but I was caught my Smith's writing during Z&M which is why I needed to see this and for the next few months I'll be watching his other movies. I'll continue through the View Askew Universe to see what I can gleam from everything else. It's jsut a really unique writing style so it's also easy to see why he doesn't like ad-libbing, even thought ad-libbing is one of my favorite things.
I seriously can't put it all into words, this is easily something I'll be able to come back to some time in the future, what I think about this movie. But it's on my list. Something I will own as a DVD, and whatever entity of personal film ownership there will be in the future. It's something I will love when I'm 50, and I'll show it to my kids. Why, it just says something that most anyone at the age of 20-ish can get. Everyone will take away something different, but still important to know or understand about themselves and their friends.
From the extras there were comments about Randal's sexuality, but like they said it's a friend thing. People you're reall ygood friends with you become very protective of them. I'm highly protective of all of my friends, and I'm serious about it all. I would do most anything for any of my really good friends. That's how I am, that's how I pictured Randal. There's another character...Shawn and Gus from PSych have that type of relationship. They're best friends, and they're the only ones who can properly set the other straight, though in the movie Randal set Dante straight more often than not. It would seem like Dante would be in that position, but it works that it's Randal who does that. It's interesting to see the person who seems to be less serious and in control of things to be the much more centered person. The free spirit leads better sometimes and that day, that was the truth.
---
Well, not much more than a nut shell, that was the past two months for me. This journal and the previous one. I've needed to write and haven't had a good topic until now. A large part of it has been Clerks it made me want to write a script. I may start it. I may now, possibly. That's something I have to think about, but at the moment, it is something I'd like to do. But writing this out will also be good for the future when I don't remember my college experiences. Things like this will put some things back into perspective. I'll write more, probably. I might need to just write out something every evening since I have such a writing bug. I guess simply writing out my day will suffice. So maybe for a time this will just be a real journal and not a random collection of essays, but I do love the essays. They're me at my most me. Me at my most me. I'm at ease. I think the rain plus the movies and finally writing has set me to an easy. It's been so cathartic, I miss writing like this. I'll make the time for it since I can't draw worth shit right now, I might as well spend my time writing again.
Well, peace, love and applesauce. I'm not going to sleep, but I'm signing out for now. so PL&A and I'm rocked out, bitches.
Jasmine P.
On the 15th we went out to UVA for a tournament and I drank so much goddam coffee that my addiction as seriously be re-ignited in a painful way. Seriously, I drank 2 double shots before 8, and a edius Dunkin' Doughnuts coffee so I could be alert enough for the drive. I learned that Glenn is crap at maintaining a speed. He says this is the furthurest he's driven him 'new' stick shift, which I can accept, he also blames his cruise control for not working properly and I don't accept that because I can maintain my speed better, as far as I'm concerned, and I haveno cruise control. It's all in my foot, baby.
Oh yeah, the previous day, Valentines day, after sobering up enouhg for it to be safe for me to drive from Ian's place, I head over to the Walmart on Little Creek to buy some gatorade and thigns because I don't know what UVA's going to have, and it was a good idea. The gatorade was quite welomed as was the water, so I think I'll keep that up next semester, buying a case of water and a few gatorades for the fencers.
Za made some awesome cookies. Just pointing that out. They were delicious.
Hmm, I glossed over the torunie yesterday, it was a tournie the stats were put down quick style, so let's move back to me. That was Sunday, I was too tired upon returning to Norfolk to do my English reading, but ehh, I tink I had a writing and didn't do it it. Sleep prevailed. Hel, I was tired all day Monday from making the drive and not sleeping properly the weekend before. Hmm, On the Tuesday I went into the EVMS for a surgical consultation for my skin bacteria of terrible and pain and annoying and now itch. Fuck the healing, I'm tired fo the itchiness. But I go in there and after Dr. Britt sees them we figure outwhen I'll be getting them taken care of, the Thursday of my Spring Break, the 12th or something. I think it's the thirteenth.
After about an hour long conversation with my grandmother...
I spent the rest of that tuesday and that week to tell the truth trying to placate my family and tell them what was going on. That was tedious. Seriously tedious. I had to alay theri fears, but noe my father, Patti and my brothers are coming for about two days to hang with me and I dunno, to show they care. My brothers Ihave no problem with. But my father a few more issues because it's not like he's tried to maintan contact with me. I mean, yeah, I do call my brothers about once a week or so, so it's not that often, but we can still maintain a conversation. I never rally want to tell my father anything so I avoid telling him too many truths. He knows I'm goinginto surgery because you tell people that. And he's paying my insurance bills, he kind of really should know. I don't really want them to be here, but they're coming, so I guess I can deal.
Ehh, I've decided that augmentin is a bitch of a anti-bacterial. They gave it to me and now these things bleed, but they don't hurt all the time like before. They're just bloody and gross more often. Man, I'm sleepy now, but I have things to do and things I want to do, like see if I can find a new comic or two, but back to the past. That was that week.
I was bored and alone on Friday. I had been fine up until Friday to be on my own for the weekend, but once Friday ngiht hit I had a mean wave of lonely going on, so I went on an adventure down 64, heading east. That eventually took me to route 17, so I went south and all the way to Elizabeth City. I never didn't anything there, but that's because it was ten, it was dark and nothing was really open. Bumble-fuck towns suck like that. Back in Reston I could drive around and find something, almost anything would have been viable in NoVA, but not here. Yeah. I burned through half a tank of gas doing that too. Thankfully I havne't needed any more glas since then though, or else it would have been that much more annoying.
Saturday I don't remember what I did, but Saturday evening I hung out with Nicole. Incase of anything in the fture, Nicole is a new member to the odufc and she's pretty chill. Anywho, she made a homemade hot pocket, that's something I think I'll try, but I'll need a different type of binding agent, not cream cheese. I might try some type of gravy that's thickened with cracker crumbs or bread. I don't know yet.
This past week was fine, nothing spectacular. This past weekend I watched Clerks and have fallen in love. Ever since I saw Zack and Miri I read a book about Kevin Smith, well, it was a series of journals he had written back around 2003 before filming Jay and Silentbob Strike Back. I found the whole thing to be interesting and Smith has an interesting and unique writing style. I fell in love with Clerks for the reasons it got picked up. There's no real story, but it is a series of interactions. Some are inspired by things that have really happened, some are just some fucked up things he made up. It's a smooth combination of the two that make it awesome to watch. These conversations remind me of my favorite interactions with people, most notably, my interactions with Alex. Dant and Randal have a rapport that reminds me of me and Alex chatting about everything and nothing. And at the same time, everything is important, even if we're just talking about some movie or something stupid. Their conversations were what people did.
My opinion on why the movie is so well loved is that it is one of the most realistic looks at a normal 2o something. They're just stumbling around life and chatting about whatis important at that age. There's no easy way to lay the movie out, but I was caught my Smith's writing during Z&M which is why I needed to see this and for the next few months I'll be watching his other movies. I'll continue through the View Askew Universe to see what I can gleam from everything else. It's jsut a really unique writing style so it's also easy to see why he doesn't like ad-libbing, even thought ad-libbing is one of my favorite things.
I seriously can't put it all into words, this is easily something I'll be able to come back to some time in the future, what I think about this movie. But it's on my list. Something I will own as a DVD, and whatever entity of personal film ownership there will be in the future. It's something I will love when I'm 50, and I'll show it to my kids. Why, it just says something that most anyone at the age of 20-ish can get. Everyone will take away something different, but still important to know or understand about themselves and their friends.
From the extras there were comments about Randal's sexuality, but like they said it's a friend thing. People you're reall ygood friends with you become very protective of them. I'm highly protective of all of my friends, and I'm serious about it all. I would do most anything for any of my really good friends. That's how I am, that's how I pictured Randal. There's another character...Shawn and Gus from PSych have that type of relationship. They're best friends, and they're the only ones who can properly set the other straight, though in the movie Randal set Dante straight more often than not. It would seem like Dante would be in that position, but it works that it's Randal who does that. It's interesting to see the person who seems to be less serious and in control of things to be the much more centered person. The free spirit leads better sometimes and that day, that was the truth.
---
Well, not much more than a nut shell, that was the past two months for me. This journal and the previous one. I've needed to write and haven't had a good topic until now. A large part of it has been Clerks it made me want to write a script. I may start it. I may now, possibly. That's something I have to think about, but at the moment, it is something I'd like to do. But writing this out will also be good for the future when I don't remember my college experiences. Things like this will put some things back into perspective. I'll write more, probably. I might need to just write out something every evening since I have such a writing bug. I guess simply writing out my day will suffice. So maybe for a time this will just be a real journal and not a random collection of essays, but I do love the essays. They're me at my most me. Me at my most me. I'm at ease. I think the rain plus the movies and finally writing has set me to an easy. It's been so cathartic, I miss writing like this. I'll make the time for it since I can't draw worth shit right now, I might as well spend my time writing again.
Well, peace, love and applesauce. I'm not going to sleep, but I'm signing out for now. so PL&A and I'm rocked out, bitches.
Jasmine P.
On January and February 2009
Well, it's been a nie long while since I've taken any decent documentation of my life, or have written my rants and responses to muhc of anything. I think I posted on about R. Rodriguez, and just yesterday there was a letter to Kevin Smith, but nothing that will really remind me of what these past few months have been like. I have a few small things written on LJ, but nothing really major or interesting. Well a few things have happened, but I'm not at liberty to post it here, but that will be taken care of being written somewhere, but not on the internet. It was awkward to begin with and it's in my best interest to not have it wherever on the internet. I mean, I can reveal any of my own secrets, but other people's business to a degree, but we'll get to that when we get to February.
January.
2009 started up in Reston, VA, like most of my years. I just hung out with Dorien and we watched Burn After Reading, which I had purchased not too long prior to ringing in the New Year. That was an interesting movie, over all I liked it, but I'm not entirely sure why. I know I didn't do much for the beginning of January. Early in January I rocked out to Sin City a whole bunch. Seriously. I friggin' love that movie so it was a great way to break off 2009. I reember spending most of my time on my own, but that's the case when I'm back home.
January was when I'd run out of Vicodin and was in pretty extreme amounts of pain. That pain is from Hippastrum something, a bacteria that gets into your pores. It like a warm damp environment, such as the groin and the arm pit. I have it in both locations, I guess I'll thre beause it's under both arms. I mostly talk about ht eones under my arms, but that's because it's that muhc less awkways, and I highly doubt people want ot know about my fucked up twat. I mean, it's like a fucking asteroid down there, craters and shit. It's fucking gross. Yeah, this is my journal for my shit. If you don't like it then you can suck it. I haven't spoken about it because the ones on my arms do enouhg to slow a conversation that I don't need to talk about my groin, even if those are the ones that are the most bothersome at the moment. But back to january, I decided to use my Twitter to remind me a bit about what has gone on. This section of the rant was inspired by my comments on the effects of Tylenol Pm and my being in pain. I've been in almost constant pain for the past 8 months, and thankfully that will be coming to an end soon, but that will be spoken about at length in February. I'll add this last point, healing sucks, I'm itchy as all fuck.
So, January. I lived on the couch and colored two pictures and a comic. One is about Icarus and Leopold and I titled it 'Pink Lemonade' because of the background and boarder colors. I was mostly messing around, but I do like the over all and I really like the composition. I wish Icky was more in character, but I like the picture none the less. The second was one of Alexis, Daisuke and Aryan. A similar composition for all three, but keeping the colors was clashing was so friggin' irritating. Eahc character has their own scheme, then their background couldn't be too similar to eachother's back grounds, but couln't clash with their personal color schemes, and I didn't want the colors to be too similar. This one the characters are muhc mor ein character, even is Alexis isn't wearing her normal traveling garb, it still work quite nicely. And her abs are dead sexy here. I also finally finished the Christmas gift comic I drew for Za, CR and Sean, I just never made them their prints, but they have each seen the comic, which is well enough.
That is how I spent most of early January. I also started my big Movie List of 2009 and the less dramatic Big Book List of 2009. As of this writing I've watched 31 movies, probably about 26 different flicks. That's been prettty sweet. It's just that it seems to me that all I do is watch movies, so I might as well know what I spent my year watching. It'll also be an interesting wat to keep track of my varying interests, and at the end of the year to see what has influenced changes in my movie viewing pleasure. In Jnuary I was highly taken by Sin City. That started a Robert Rodriguez kick so I finally bought El Mariachi, his first movie and loved it to pieces and had to buy more of his movies. I know own many of the movies he's directed. But back to January. When I wasn't watching movies, I was watching House. Seriously, all I did over break was watch USA and the Food Network with a little bit of other in between. And some B:TAS, one seasn left to watch, I was thinking about over Spring Break, I dunno.
I'm supposed to hang out with the Ficus before leaving Nrofolk to drive back here and not see him unti some undetermined time, which has ended up being next weekend. Woot woot. But he decided to eat at the Wendy's back home. I schooled him, told him it was built on sketch and disease, because that Wendy's was, is. The end of my Winter Break wasn't that climatic, but I did spend my last days relaxing, which is pretty awesome.
I make my way back to campus and spend more time that I'd like alone. I have been and I think that plus my English class has started this littlemountian of writing and inspiration to write. I just haven't given into it until now.
My first day of classes isn't terrible and neither is my second day. I decided to roll all my spare change which is sweet becase it adds up to $40, so I have some extra spending change and extra money is always awesome. I hit up the Phoenix movie theater, the one by the Naval Base and watch Valkyrie. That was an interesting movie, and I was sad when they failed to kill Hitler. The characters were so fucking earnest. that made them likable and adorable. They were so honest in their desire to dethrone Hitler in a coup that when they fail I forgot that historically Hitler committed suicide. That made me think and maybe write a little. Somewhere.
My first week was ineventful. The second week things kick off early with my laptop catching some bitch of a virus. That was hell, and I slowly learn that Logic and Philosophy was a stupid class choice. Hmm, actually, remember time better, my computer got the virus on thef irst Tuesday of the semester which I was rolling my money so going out also doubled as something to do until I got it back two days later. Thankfully, his hard drive was intact from that little circle of hell.
I spend January going to classes and at some point I loose the Club election of President. Over winter Break Jason realised that being a captain and president was a ahll of a position to be in and resigned form being President. Glenn was elected into his position and I was elected to be Vice President, and have spent most of my club time for the past few weeks shadowing whatever Glenn's needed to do for the Club and taking care of things that he has hasn't been able to make for some reason or another.
Nothing really special happens for the rest of January, I don't think. Twitter for the verification. Ahh, I remember this now. I started smoking a little the night I went to see Vaklyrie. Part of it was I missed how relaxful break was and the few cigs I had with the Ficus, so I bought a pack I still have like half of it because it's usually too goddam cold out there to stand around for ten minutes smoking. I like my hands thank you very much.
Around the end of January a few upper classmen started chatting with me up in Borjo because I was reading Brenner's book and they're logic majors or some bull shit. They are interesting to chat with. A few really sweet OSTs came into my possession at thi time. That was pretty awesome. Sin City, Darjeeling Limited, No Reservations. All three have their own bit of special and sex.
I lost Onyx on Inauguration Day, and haven't found him since and hope I find him by the end of the semester when I'm moving out.
BEfore January was over I saw Defiance with Glenn and Dan F. that was interesting, but Glenn was his usually distracting self, but the experience wouldn't be the same if he hasn't been like that. I accept it, but will still totaly hit him at the time for it.
There was a litt bit of internet drama that I successfully broke up. That was cool. I got back into the Pan RPG. That's where the drama was. Well, that and the club drama.
Ooh, my weekend with no caffeine was back in January. Bad weekend. that's when my parking permit disappeared and I almost got hit by a car.
February.
So I've written about the car incident a few times, but don't feel like going into it anymore, it was a bitch. The first weel of February was a little slow. I made my first maradaide from scratch this weekend, and watched Zack and Miri which started me on Kevin Smith. Nothing realy big happened. More movies and soundtracks.
I got my phone replaced. The last was was bieng a glitchy shit, and Miguel still had him instinct, so he mailed that to me. Freak'in awesome.
Hmm, Feb 13 I hang out with ian and Nicole and we spend the evnign getting drunk. Well, Nicle is more drunk than Ian or myself, and I'm way more drunk than Ian is, but I remember the big things. We played a few drinking games and watched futurama and Grandma's Boy. There was pletny of stupid conversation to go around. We decide to all go to bed at 5 and all pretty much stay up until about 7. I don't sleep except for in hour incriments so I give up and read until the other two wake up then I sober up and we all chat. I drive out to the wal-mart down Little Creek to buy some gatorade because on the 15th I drive out to UVa for a tournament.
The Tournament was Diana's first and she killed in her poor snad placed 13 out of 16 from the pools It was awesome. Mackenzie had a slow morning but owned her second poor and attacked on to victory in her first DE where she was last seed and beat the top seed. Casey had a bad morning all morning. That drive was a bitch but I made it. God, I'm ready to go to bed, so sometime after sleeping I'll wrap up February in a different journal and my not too interesting little tale will some it its pretty dull end.
Jasmine P.
January.
2009 started up in Reston, VA, like most of my years. I just hung out with Dorien and we watched Burn After Reading, which I had purchased not too long prior to ringing in the New Year. That was an interesting movie, over all I liked it, but I'm not entirely sure why. I know I didn't do much for the beginning of January. Early in January I rocked out to Sin City a whole bunch. Seriously. I friggin' love that movie so it was a great way to break off 2009. I reember spending most of my time on my own, but that's the case when I'm back home.
January was when I'd run out of Vicodin and was in pretty extreme amounts of pain. That pain is from Hippastrum something, a bacteria that gets into your pores. It like a warm damp environment, such as the groin and the arm pit. I have it in both locations, I guess I'll thre beause it's under both arms. I mostly talk about ht eones under my arms, but that's because it's that muhc less awkways, and I highly doubt people want ot know about my fucked up twat. I mean, it's like a fucking asteroid down there, craters and shit. It's fucking gross. Yeah, this is my journal for my shit. If you don't like it then you can suck it. I haven't spoken about it because the ones on my arms do enouhg to slow a conversation that I don't need to talk about my groin, even if those are the ones that are the most bothersome at the moment. But back to january, I decided to use my Twitter to remind me a bit about what has gone on. This section of the rant was inspired by my comments on the effects of Tylenol Pm and my being in pain. I've been in almost constant pain for the past 8 months, and thankfully that will be coming to an end soon, but that will be spoken about at length in February. I'll add this last point, healing sucks, I'm itchy as all fuck.
So, January. I lived on the couch and colored two pictures and a comic. One is about Icarus and Leopold and I titled it 'Pink Lemonade' because of the background and boarder colors. I was mostly messing around, but I do like the over all and I really like the composition. I wish Icky was more in character, but I like the picture none the less. The second was one of Alexis, Daisuke and Aryan. A similar composition for all three, but keeping the colors was clashing was so friggin' irritating. Eahc character has their own scheme, then their background couldn't be too similar to eachother's back grounds, but couln't clash with their personal color schemes, and I didn't want the colors to be too similar. This one the characters are muhc mor ein character, even is Alexis isn't wearing her normal traveling garb, it still work quite nicely. And her abs are dead sexy here. I also finally finished the Christmas gift comic I drew for Za, CR and Sean, I just never made them their prints, but they have each seen the comic, which is well enough.
That is how I spent most of early January. I also started my big Movie List of 2009 and the less dramatic Big Book List of 2009. As of this writing I've watched 31 movies, probably about 26 different flicks. That's been prettty sweet. It's just that it seems to me that all I do is watch movies, so I might as well know what I spent my year watching. It'll also be an interesting wat to keep track of my varying interests, and at the end of the year to see what has influenced changes in my movie viewing pleasure. In Jnuary I was highly taken by Sin City. That started a Robert Rodriguez kick so I finally bought El Mariachi, his first movie and loved it to pieces and had to buy more of his movies. I know own many of the movies he's directed. But back to January. When I wasn't watching movies, I was watching House. Seriously, all I did over break was watch USA and the Food Network with a little bit of other in between. And some B:TAS, one seasn left to watch, I was thinking about over Spring Break, I dunno.
I'm supposed to hang out with the Ficus before leaving Nrofolk to drive back here and not see him unti some undetermined time, which has ended up being next weekend. Woot woot. But he decided to eat at the Wendy's back home. I schooled him, told him it was built on sketch and disease, because that Wendy's was, is. The end of my Winter Break wasn't that climatic, but I did spend my last days relaxing, which is pretty awesome.
I make my way back to campus and spend more time that I'd like alone. I have been and I think that plus my English class has started this littlemountian of writing and inspiration to write. I just haven't given into it until now.
My first day of classes isn't terrible and neither is my second day. I decided to roll all my spare change which is sweet becase it adds up to $40, so I have some extra spending change and extra money is always awesome. I hit up the Phoenix movie theater, the one by the Naval Base and watch Valkyrie. That was an interesting movie, and I was sad when they failed to kill Hitler. The characters were so fucking earnest. that made them likable and adorable. They were so honest in their desire to dethrone Hitler in a coup that when they fail I forgot that historically Hitler committed suicide. That made me think and maybe write a little. Somewhere.
My first week was ineventful. The second week things kick off early with my laptop catching some bitch of a virus. That was hell, and I slowly learn that Logic and Philosophy was a stupid class choice. Hmm, actually, remember time better, my computer got the virus on thef irst Tuesday of the semester which I was rolling my money so going out also doubled as something to do until I got it back two days later. Thankfully, his hard drive was intact from that little circle of hell.
I spend January going to classes and at some point I loose the Club election of President. Over winter Break Jason realised that being a captain and president was a ahll of a position to be in and resigned form being President. Glenn was elected into his position and I was elected to be Vice President, and have spent most of my club time for the past few weeks shadowing whatever Glenn's needed to do for the Club and taking care of things that he has hasn't been able to make for some reason or another.
Nothing really special happens for the rest of January, I don't think. Twitter for the verification. Ahh, I remember this now. I started smoking a little the night I went to see Vaklyrie. Part of it was I missed how relaxful break was and the few cigs I had with the Ficus, so I bought a pack I still have like half of it because it's usually too goddam cold out there to stand around for ten minutes smoking. I like my hands thank you very much.
Around the end of January a few upper classmen started chatting with me up in Borjo because I was reading Brenner's book and they're logic majors or some bull shit. They are interesting to chat with. A few really sweet OSTs came into my possession at thi time. That was pretty awesome. Sin City, Darjeeling Limited, No Reservations. All three have their own bit of special and sex.
I lost Onyx on Inauguration Day, and haven't found him since and hope I find him by the end of the semester when I'm moving out.
BEfore January was over I saw Defiance with Glenn and Dan F. that was interesting, but Glenn was his usually distracting self, but the experience wouldn't be the same if he hasn't been like that. I accept it, but will still totaly hit him at the time for it.
There was a litt bit of internet drama that I successfully broke up. That was cool. I got back into the Pan RPG. That's where the drama was. Well, that and the club drama.
Ooh, my weekend with no caffeine was back in January. Bad weekend. that's when my parking permit disappeared and I almost got hit by a car.
February.
So I've written about the car incident a few times, but don't feel like going into it anymore, it was a bitch. The first weel of February was a little slow. I made my first maradaide from scratch this weekend, and watched Zack and Miri which started me on Kevin Smith. Nothing realy big happened. More movies and soundtracks.
I got my phone replaced. The last was was bieng a glitchy shit, and Miguel still had him instinct, so he mailed that to me. Freak'in awesome.
Hmm, Feb 13 I hang out with ian and Nicole and we spend the evnign getting drunk. Well, Nicle is more drunk than Ian or myself, and I'm way more drunk than Ian is, but I remember the big things. We played a few drinking games and watched futurama and Grandma's Boy. There was pletny of stupid conversation to go around. We decide to all go to bed at 5 and all pretty much stay up until about 7. I don't sleep except for in hour incriments so I give up and read until the other two wake up then I sober up and we all chat. I drive out to the wal-mart down Little Creek to buy some gatorade because on the 15th I drive out to UVa for a tournament.
The Tournament was Diana's first and she killed in her poor snad placed 13 out of 16 from the pools It was awesome. Mackenzie had a slow morning but owned her second poor and attacked on to victory in her first DE where she was last seed and beat the top seed. Casey had a bad morning all morning. That drive was a bitch but I made it. God, I'm ready to go to bed, so sometime after sleeping I'll wrap up February in a different journal and my not too interesting little tale will some it its pretty dull end.
Jasmine P.
February 28, 2009
Mr. Smith
Kevin Smith,
It is apparently imperative that I write a letter you will most likely never see. If I in fact leave my waning sanity and send it to you, this line would be kept in because that's how I roll.
To being, let's put something in perspective, you graduated high school the year I was born.
Now that that's out of the way, to the meat and potatoes of this little little bit of verbose lovefest. I seriously loved Clerks. The second time I tried to watch it. Funny thin is it's been about two months since the first time I tried to watch it, but something wasn't right with me. I loved the cartoon and had to see where it all stemmed from, and finally after readng Silent Bob Speaks and after watching Robert Rodriguez's first couple of movies I had a better appreciation for 1) modern black and white film and 2) something as box destroying as Clerks.
I have spent the past month of January loving El Mariachi, Desperados, From Dusk Till dawn, Four Rooms and The Faculty and I read his book Rebel Without A Crew which put a whole new perspective in my mind about smaller budgeted films that legally there was no way I was seeing when they came out.
What I have decided I have to say to you is that I have spent my entire evening watching Clerks, about 4 times, and most of the special features from the Tenth anniversary collection that I rented from an independent movie rental place near my college campus. I loved the writing. I loved seeing words that most people don't see much too much further than outside of an English class room or in a dictionary when they're looking for dirty words. The rifts between the characters were hella realistic. That's not near how I talk with my friends, but we can and have gotten into conversations, deep conversations on such a variety of topics that how serious they were when they were talking about the most trite of subjects was one of the things that made it special.
Every group of friends has their topic[s]. It was an interesting peek inside your world, well, the world you lived in when you were about my age [you old fuck :)]and it is always nice to see that the youth of the world do have the love of a good conversation or debate, no matter what age they are. Here, it's that awkward stage between being an adult and being a child. I mean, in my eyes right now, I don't usually think of myself as an adult, and I don't can, truly call myself a child.
What this movie has done was inspire me to take my writing mroe seriously. I don't really want to write for a movie, but like many non-famous people I am interested in meeting some celebs. I'm much more interested in getting my own comic drawn and published, or to become a world reknown botanist. Those are things that make me happy. Comics and plants. What was the point of that, note sure, these things are mostly rants to tell the truth.
I loved Clerks and when I have the chance I'm renting the rest of the flicks from the Askewniverse. It seems to be an interesting place to visit every now and again. I know the rest won't be like Clerks, but I'm sure I'll fall in love with each of them for different reasons.
And another point, I loved Zack and Miri Make a Porno. That was the most interesting romantic comedy I've ever seen. The characters did seem to be the most real and they didn't follow the stereotypic relationship arc as in most romantic comedys. And the set up that they've known eachother for just about the entireity of their lives and they live together is a great set up for why they never slept together themselves. I loved what you did with the characters, everybody. Everything fit into the rules of the world. Every movie world has it's own set of rules, and the rules for Z&M were engaging and awesome.
Jasmine P.
It is apparently imperative that I write a letter you will most likely never see. If I in fact leave my waning sanity and send it to you, this line would be kept in because that's how I roll.
To being, let's put something in perspective, you graduated high school the year I was born.
Now that that's out of the way, to the meat and potatoes of this little little bit of verbose lovefest. I seriously loved Clerks. The second time I tried to watch it. Funny thin is it's been about two months since the first time I tried to watch it, but something wasn't right with me. I loved the cartoon and had to see where it all stemmed from, and finally after readng Silent Bob Speaks and after watching Robert Rodriguez's first couple of movies I had a better appreciation for 1) modern black and white film and 2) something as box destroying as Clerks.
I have spent the past month of January loving El Mariachi, Desperados, From Dusk Till dawn, Four Rooms and The Faculty and I read his book Rebel Without A Crew which put a whole new perspective in my mind about smaller budgeted films that legally there was no way I was seeing when they came out.
What I have decided I have to say to you is that I have spent my entire evening watching Clerks, about 4 times, and most of the special features from the Tenth anniversary collection that I rented from an independent movie rental place near my college campus. I loved the writing. I loved seeing words that most people don't see much too much further than outside of an English class room or in a dictionary when they're looking for dirty words. The rifts between the characters were hella realistic. That's not near how I talk with my friends, but we can and have gotten into conversations, deep conversations on such a variety of topics that how serious they were when they were talking about the most trite of subjects was one of the things that made it special.
Every group of friends has their topic[s]. It was an interesting peek inside your world, well, the world you lived in when you were about my age [you old fuck :)]and it is always nice to see that the youth of the world do have the love of a good conversation or debate, no matter what age they are. Here, it's that awkward stage between being an adult and being a child. I mean, in my eyes right now, I don't usually think of myself as an adult, and I don't can, truly call myself a child.
What this movie has done was inspire me to take my writing mroe seriously. I don't really want to write for a movie, but like many non-famous people I am interested in meeting some celebs. I'm much more interested in getting my own comic drawn and published, or to become a world reknown botanist. Those are things that make me happy. Comics and plants. What was the point of that, note sure, these things are mostly rants to tell the truth.
I loved Clerks and when I have the chance I'm renting the rest of the flicks from the Askewniverse. It seems to be an interesting place to visit every now and again. I know the rest won't be like Clerks, but I'm sure I'll fall in love with each of them for different reasons.
And another point, I loved Zack and Miri Make a Porno. That was the most interesting romantic comedy I've ever seen. The characters did seem to be the most real and they didn't follow the stereotypic relationship arc as in most romantic comedys. And the set up that they've known eachother for just about the entireity of their lives and they live together is a great set up for why they never slept together themselves. I loved what you did with the characters, everybody. Everything fit into the rules of the world. Every movie world has it's own set of rules, and the rules for Z&M were engaging and awesome.
Jasmine P.
December 22, 2008
Behind Closed Doors
Last night I saw Milk, starring Sean Penn, Emile Hirch and Josh Brolin. It reminded me of things I knew but it introduced me to many things I hadn't ans it showed the severity of the hatred people have for others.
I know people have issues with homosexuality but I can't understand why? Why do the Christian Fundamentalists believe that they're trying to 'recruit' children to love those of the same sex? Because some men sexually abused children doesn't mean that all men want to. It did say that statically child abusers were heterosexual. I saw somewhere once that abuse is primarially a rift on power, for the man to feel as if he's in control.
But today I've read over Harvey Milk's life, I've read over the 'Save our Children' campaign and at the moment I can't read about John Briggs or his Initiation. It's painful and illogical. That amout of idiocy in the world, why? Why do people hate so much? Why do the they feel the need to shut down people who have done nothing wrong. Yes, I understand homosexualty is a sin, but when did humanity become God? Just because you believe wiht all your heart that it's right, but science or something can prove you're wrong, that doesn't mean you're right.
I truely don't know what I'm trying to say here, but if people are allowed to be discriminated on and they're banned from housing and work, what are they supposed to do with themselves? There's nothing wrong with their cognitive abiities but they can't have a home because they love their own gender. How does that hurt other people? People go to prison because they are a danger to the world around them, but how is homosexuality a danger to the surrounding world? Unless they're knowing transmitting diseases, they're not a danger.
I don't know if I truely want to understand what those type of people think. I don't think I want to understand why because I'm that much happier not knowing. My homosexual friends are fun and amazing to have. People are people before their sexuality. People eat, breath, live and want to pursue whatever their happiness is, so how does who they sleep next to fut into this?
Jasmine P.
I know people have issues with homosexuality but I can't understand why? Why do the Christian Fundamentalists believe that they're trying to 'recruit' children to love those of the same sex? Because some men sexually abused children doesn't mean that all men want to. It did say that statically child abusers were heterosexual. I saw somewhere once that abuse is primarially a rift on power, for the man to feel as if he's in control.
But today I've read over Harvey Milk's life, I've read over the 'Save our Children' campaign and at the moment I can't read about John Briggs or his Initiation. It's painful and illogical. That amout of idiocy in the world, why? Why do people hate so much? Why do the they feel the need to shut down people who have done nothing wrong. Yes, I understand homosexualty is a sin, but when did humanity become God? Just because you believe wiht all your heart that it's right, but science or something can prove you're wrong, that doesn't mean you're right.
I truely don't know what I'm trying to say here, but if people are allowed to be discriminated on and they're banned from housing and work, what are they supposed to do with themselves? There's nothing wrong with their cognitive abiities but they can't have a home because they love their own gender. How does that hurt other people? People go to prison because they are a danger to the world around them, but how is homosexuality a danger to the surrounding world? Unless they're knowing transmitting diseases, they're not a danger.
I don't know if I truely want to understand what those type of people think. I don't think I want to understand why because I'm that much happier not knowing. My homosexual friends are fun and amazing to have. People are people before their sexuality. People eat, breath, live and want to pursue whatever their happiness is, so how does who they sleep next to fut into this?
Jasmine P.
October 18, 2008
Change
To fill in the blanks from the beginning, if for nothing, my terrible memory. On Monday, I decided to ask this guy out. His response is 'maybe' then we talk about other things. We happen to not see each other until Wednesday night, when he agrees to try going out with me. I'm happy, but things between us don't seem any different, in any way shape or form. This is what happens upon question him. [originally a letter to Za]
Nope, not what you were thinking. I brought up with the guy, the fact that things seem to be the same between us as before, and wondered why he said 'yes' to me after he asked me why I asked.
I said 'I feel really comfortable and I was wondering where things would go' blah blah blah, stuff I've told you before.
Upon asking him why he said 'yes' he said he wanted to try to open himself up to people more. I asked him if he could think of me as more than a friend, and he thinks 'no'. So we decided to break things off now.
I don't really feel sad, at the moment I'm sleepy, but it's fucking 1:30am and I've been up since 7. I felt a bit melancholy, but ehh, things will apparently be the same because after decided we'd stay friends, he asked me some art question and I answered.
I'll be fine, don't worry. I'll go back to ...well, I haven't really changed, so there's not much for me to go back to. I guess in my mind, or maybe I'll go back to not thinking about guys. This would have been easier if he'd just said 'no' before but ces't la vie.
In the grand scheme of relationships, I won't count this as anything because it's barely been 48hrs since the original conversation [which was 12 after practice on Wednesday]. I regret nothing, because nothing happened to regret. And I've learned something, an experience to put to use in some of my stories, so a win-nothing situation? I've also learned how I think I'll feel if I like someone else, but let's see how long it is until I feel this way again.
I assume he said 'yes' and talks to me the most because I'm patient with dealing with people [shut up, I am/can be!] and I kept trying to engage him. But that's who I am, a social being who focuses on what stands out somehow, with him, it was his silence. That, and he was always there.
Well, now I get to go back to pondering other guys and then wondering if it's something with me that scares guys away. Too aggressive of a personality or too masculine of an aura. It's not my fault, but it is my hindrance in life.
-To conclude, before actually saying anything I was thinking we feel more like friends than anything else, so it never seemed right to say anything. I think that's why I felt so unsure, there were friend vibes then from me, god to tell what. Now what to do until anther guy approaches me? I'm not big on changing who I am nor how I act, I'd rather not lie to some guy who thinks he has a chance with me, then I turn into my normal self, so fuck that.
Hell, I'm not even looking for marriage, I'm not looking for anything too serious, but I am looking for something that's meaningful and worth whatever time, energy and effort gets put into it. This had it's worth, but now I'm off to explore my psyche and figure out what I want, maybe a 'who' will respond.
Jasmine P.
Nope, not what you were thinking. I brought up with the guy, the fact that things seem to be the same between us as before, and wondered why he said 'yes' to me after he asked me why I asked.
I said 'I feel really comfortable and I was wondering where things would go' blah blah blah, stuff I've told you before.
Upon asking him why he said 'yes' he said he wanted to try to open himself up to people more. I asked him if he could think of me as more than a friend, and he thinks 'no'. So we decided to break things off now.
I don't really feel sad, at the moment I'm sleepy, but it's fucking 1:30am and I've been up since 7. I felt a bit melancholy, but ehh, things will apparently be the same because after decided we'd stay friends, he asked me some art question and I answered.
I'll be fine, don't worry. I'll go back to ...well, I haven't really changed, so there's not much for me to go back to. I guess in my mind, or maybe I'll go back to not thinking about guys. This would have been easier if he'd just said 'no' before but ces't la vie.
In the grand scheme of relationships, I won't count this as anything because it's barely been 48hrs since the original conversation [which was 12 after practice on Wednesday]. I regret nothing, because nothing happened to regret. And I've learned something, an experience to put to use in some of my stories, so a win-nothing situation? I've also learned how I think I'll feel if I like someone else, but let's see how long it is until I feel this way again.
I assume he said 'yes' and talks to me the most because I'm patient with dealing with people [shut up, I am/can be!] and I kept trying to engage him. But that's who I am, a social being who focuses on what stands out somehow, with him, it was his silence. That, and he was always there.
Well, now I get to go back to pondering other guys and then wondering if it's something with me that scares guys away. Too aggressive of a personality or too masculine of an aura. It's not my fault, but it is my hindrance in life.
-To conclude, before actually saying anything I was thinking we feel more like friends than anything else, so it never seemed right to say anything. I think that's why I felt so unsure, there were friend vibes then from me, god to tell what. Now what to do until anther guy approaches me? I'm not big on changing who I am nor how I act, I'd rather not lie to some guy who thinks he has a chance with me, then I turn into my normal self, so fuck that.
Hell, I'm not even looking for marriage, I'm not looking for anything too serious, but I am looking for something that's meaningful and worth whatever time, energy and effort gets put into it. This had it's worth, but now I'm off to explore my psyche and figure out what I want, maybe a 'who' will respond.
Jasmine P.
September 23, 2008
Social Study
Its interesting to see how people interact, but it's even more to try to observe oneself on the objective in a very subjective situation. It's also interesting to analyze how I act and to try to figure out why.
A few of the whys: I'm horny, I'm getting depressed, I am just plain lonely.
Now that we have a few possible answers, let's get to the meat of the situation. I'm trying to figure out how a guy I know feels about me, but I'm not sure if this is just me pushing my feelings onto him, or if there is something behind how I'm thinking. I could just be horny, my period is right around the corner and I do get needy and horny right before it so that could be it. Or I could be feeling something for him and that's what I'm unsure of. Two things I noticed today was we got into a bit of a poking war while playing Rock Band, but it didn't just tickle when he poked my side, it was pleasurable. Then there was a time a bit later when we were done fencing and we shook hands, a pleasant feeling ran through my hand.
These are feelings I normally associate with a crush, but this is potentially mutual, so I don't want to just write it off. Another thing is though, last year I said I'd date no fencers, and I met him through fencing. But at the same time, I've not been in a relationship for...well, ever, so I might say 'yes' if he says something just so I can feel loved and feel special and everything that is involved with being in a real relationship with someone. I guess that's what I want, but I don't know if he's who I want.
There's another guy who's always nice and fun to talk to, but he's someone I never see. Well, it's rare, then we don't usually have the chance to talk about much. He might just be nice to all the girls, which would be fine and saddening at the same time. But between these two guys, Guy 2 has props for being both older than me and not a fencer, but Guy 1 has a much closer proximity and we have been hanging out a lot.
That might also be the inspiration for false feelings, close social interaction.
So, like I said, Social Study. A study of me socially. I want some answers soon, hell, I want one of them to say something so I'd actually have something to think about and something to get advice on. I would finally need advice, and it would be fine with me.
Time shall tell.
Jasmine P.
A few of the whys: I'm horny, I'm getting depressed, I am just plain lonely.
Now that we have a few possible answers, let's get to the meat of the situation. I'm trying to figure out how a guy I know feels about me, but I'm not sure if this is just me pushing my feelings onto him, or if there is something behind how I'm thinking. I could just be horny, my period is right around the corner and I do get needy and horny right before it so that could be it. Or I could be feeling something for him and that's what I'm unsure of. Two things I noticed today was we got into a bit of a poking war while playing Rock Band, but it didn't just tickle when he poked my side, it was pleasurable. Then there was a time a bit later when we were done fencing and we shook hands, a pleasant feeling ran through my hand.
These are feelings I normally associate with a crush, but this is potentially mutual, so I don't want to just write it off. Another thing is though, last year I said I'd date no fencers, and I met him through fencing. But at the same time, I've not been in a relationship for...well, ever, so I might say 'yes' if he says something just so I can feel loved and feel special and everything that is involved with being in a real relationship with someone. I guess that's what I want, but I don't know if he's who I want.
There's another guy who's always nice and fun to talk to, but he's someone I never see. Well, it's rare, then we don't usually have the chance to talk about much. He might just be nice to all the girls, which would be fine and saddening at the same time. But between these two guys, Guy 2 has props for being both older than me and not a fencer, but Guy 1 has a much closer proximity and we have been hanging out a lot.
That might also be the inspiration for false feelings, close social interaction.
So, like I said, Social Study. A study of me socially. I want some answers soon, hell, I want one of them to say something so I'd actually have something to think about and something to get advice on. I would finally need advice, and it would be fine with me.
Time shall tell.
Jasmine P.
September 14, 2008
Saturday
So, yesterday Za and I left campus so I could get my car inspected at this place that Glenn suggested and that's how we decided on an excuse for an adventure and lunch, then during lunch we decided to make this a monthly thing. But let's travel to yesterday morning.
She comes over and I make us breakfast because...I wanted bacon and I figured I could get rid of those last few eggs I had since they were really just going to sit there until I had another chance to cook them for someone else. Seriously. So we watch Psych then roll out onto Portsmouth and realize that the shop is closed on Saturdays. When backing out of the parking lot, I break my bumper by hitting a piece of scrap metal but it looks like the only thing that needs to be replaced is the bumper which makes things that much better, even thought they really aren't. So we're both a bit shaken up, Za more then myself, and we decide to explore down 64. We drive out to Pembroke Town Center then decide to more or less never go out there because it's too expensive to buy anything.
We're both hungry...again...and we're both jonesing for salad and decide to hit up the Unos on Military, so we get there and after driving through the parking lot a bit to actually get to the restaurant we have the best experience there, overall. Two dirty spoons were not enough to mar our day. We chat about our usual bull and wabout what had happened that day so far. But the experience at the restaurant has more or less made me forget about the bumper, thant and I think my escapist habits of not thinking about things that are bad so I can regain control of a situation and myself.
The experience is so nice because the restaurant is on the empty, it's between the lunch and dinner rush so it would be. I assume out waitress had just starter her shift so she's in moderately high spirits and we're polite, we've no reason not to be. But the thing is everyone's nice. A manager opens the door for us then when we're on our way out every employee tells us to have a good evening and another waiter holds the door open on our way out. We were floored, this was seriously my best experience at an Unos, and I've been to a few, though they were usually the same restaurant over and over again.
On the way back, still riding the good vibes we decide to go to the Naro rental and pick up Ghostbusters 1&2. On the way I start singing, partially to Za, mostly because it's fun. Driving down Hampton I'm making parodies of what we're listening to, and Za's amusement only encouraged me. One of them was to Junior Senior's Move Your Feet because I was in no mood to sit in traffic. So I was talking about wanting to speed, but it was silly, and she kept laughing so I made up one about Paula Deen killing everyone with butter.
Back in the apartment we watch Ghostbusters before CR calls inviting us over to watch The Sword in the Stone and Teeth. Teeth is fucking amazing, it's about this pure virginal girl who was born with vagina dentata, teeth in her vagina. But the problem is I'm in a goofy mood and none of us are taking anything seriously so we're making fun of this movie. The crabs were the best part. Mario Kart Wii is our next activity followed by my general makng fun of the staples of video games, then we're spicifically talking about Zelda.
Saturday started off slow, but ended up being awesome! And I'm making dinner tonight, so I need to get to the store and buy me some chicken soon...
Jasmine P.
She comes over and I make us breakfast because...I wanted bacon and I figured I could get rid of those last few eggs I had since they were really just going to sit there until I had another chance to cook them for someone else. Seriously. So we watch Psych then roll out onto Portsmouth and realize that the shop is closed on Saturdays. When backing out of the parking lot, I break my bumper by hitting a piece of scrap metal but it looks like the only thing that needs to be replaced is the bumper which makes things that much better, even thought they really aren't. So we're both a bit shaken up, Za more then myself, and we decide to explore down 64. We drive out to Pembroke Town Center then decide to more or less never go out there because it's too expensive to buy anything.
We're both hungry...again...and we're both jonesing for salad and decide to hit up the Unos on Military, so we get there and after driving through the parking lot a bit to actually get to the restaurant we have the best experience there, overall. Two dirty spoons were not enough to mar our day. We chat about our usual bull and wabout what had happened that day so far. But the experience at the restaurant has more or less made me forget about the bumper, thant and I think my escapist habits of not thinking about things that are bad so I can regain control of a situation and myself.
The experience is so nice because the restaurant is on the empty, it's between the lunch and dinner rush so it would be. I assume out waitress had just starter her shift so she's in moderately high spirits and we're polite, we've no reason not to be. But the thing is everyone's nice. A manager opens the door for us then when we're on our way out every employee tells us to have a good evening and another waiter holds the door open on our way out. We were floored, this was seriously my best experience at an Unos, and I've been to a few, though they were usually the same restaurant over and over again.
On the way back, still riding the good vibes we decide to go to the Naro rental and pick up Ghostbusters 1&2. On the way I start singing, partially to Za, mostly because it's fun. Driving down Hampton I'm making parodies of what we're listening to, and Za's amusement only encouraged me. One of them was to Junior Senior's Move Your Feet because I was in no mood to sit in traffic. So I was talking about wanting to speed, but it was silly, and she kept laughing so I made up one about Paula Deen killing everyone with butter.
Back in the apartment we watch Ghostbusters before CR calls inviting us over to watch The Sword in the Stone and Teeth. Teeth is fucking amazing, it's about this pure virginal girl who was born with vagina dentata, teeth in her vagina. But the problem is I'm in a goofy mood and none of us are taking anything seriously so we're making fun of this movie. The crabs were the best part. Mario Kart Wii is our next activity followed by my general makng fun of the staples of video games, then we're spicifically talking about Zelda.
Saturday started off slow, but ended up being awesome! And I'm making dinner tonight, so I need to get to the store and buy me some chicken soon...
Jasmine P.
July 21, 2008
Being A Blogger
I guess this is technically a blog. It's on Blogger, but I don't quite consider myself a 'blogger' these are more often streams of consciousness that no one reads and I'm fine with the fact that maybe a friend or two of mine reads this. I don't really want or need people responding other than people who know me. I put this out here on the internet for myself. I catalog my life here so my friends can read about what happens when we're not together, but also so people have the opportunity to figure out why I may be acting differently from my own norm.
I was reading the August Wired and they had this article about this chick, Julia Allison or whatever the fuck her last name is, and how this woman aggressively pimps everything. She pimps her Twitter, her blogs, her vlogs, everything about her life. She lives for the attention. I don't. I barely want attention from people I know at times, like from Mikey or Santos at the USBG. Their intense interest in me is quite odd and disquieting at times.
To me, someone who fits the mantel of a 'blogger' is someone who puts their everything out there and people respond. People they don't know. I get no responses here. This journal has been up since September 2007, and i've never gotten a single response, but I do know people have been here. My profile pageview counter is somewhere around 30, and I know of t least one person who reads this periodically.
This is a stream of consciousness that I maintain for myself. I would rather have ten years of anonymity than one hour of celebrialtiy online because tis is for me. If necessary, I'll make another blog for more 'public' affairs. Like how I wanted a separate Flikr for my fencing photos, but it's apparently one account per e-mail, I may make that other e-mail just for those photos. Hell, it would sit there and collect spam, just so I could keep my personal photos separate from my club's photos.
Different facets of my life get different attention. My private and public stay separate. For the most part, they conjoin with me. What's funny is I think you could start on one end of my various websites and following links to damn near every other site, not that I have that many that are active.
I guess this was more about my personal life and keeping it private than about being a blogger, unless both concepts go hand in hand. I mean, being a blogger is about choosing aspects of your personal life to put online, aspects of your opinion about things in life that you're going to put online. I choose to put my mind here for others to try to comprehend. I don't always understand what I put here, but I do know it's important to me. if not, why write it?
This one went in circles. Worse than usual. Interesting, my stream of consciousness. Or is it dull? I've been told it's interesting. I wouldn't know. I almost never read my own writing.
Jasmine P.
I was reading the August Wired and they had this article about this chick, Julia Allison or whatever the fuck her last name is, and how this woman aggressively pimps everything. She pimps her Twitter, her blogs, her vlogs, everything about her life. She lives for the attention. I don't. I barely want attention from people I know at times, like from Mikey or Santos at the USBG. Their intense interest in me is quite odd and disquieting at times.
To me, someone who fits the mantel of a 'blogger' is someone who puts their everything out there and people respond. People they don't know. I get no responses here. This journal has been up since September 2007, and i've never gotten a single response, but I do know people have been here. My profile pageview counter is somewhere around 30, and I know of t least one person who reads this periodically.
This is a stream of consciousness that I maintain for myself. I would rather have ten years of anonymity than one hour of celebrialtiy online because tis is for me. If necessary, I'll make another blog for more 'public' affairs. Like how I wanted a separate Flikr for my fencing photos, but it's apparently one account per e-mail, I may make that other e-mail just for those photos. Hell, it would sit there and collect spam, just so I could keep my personal photos separate from my club's photos.
Different facets of my life get different attention. My private and public stay separate. For the most part, they conjoin with me. What's funny is I think you could start on one end of my various websites and following links to damn near every other site, not that I have that many that are active.
I guess this was more about my personal life and keeping it private than about being a blogger, unless both concepts go hand in hand. I mean, being a blogger is about choosing aspects of your personal life to put online, aspects of your opinion about things in life that you're going to put online. I choose to put my mind here for others to try to comprehend. I don't always understand what I put here, but I do know it's important to me. if not, why write it?
This one went in circles. Worse than usual. Interesting, my stream of consciousness. Or is it dull? I've been told it's interesting. I wouldn't know. I almost never read my own writing.
Jasmine P.
April 1, 2008
Friends.
Friend. Friends. Friendships.
I keep saying to my college buddies that they should meet some of my high school buddies, and vice versa. Trust me, i wouldn't say something like that lightly. I value my friends a hell of a lot more than any of them realize so saying i want them to meet is a big deal in my mind. There are just people whom i think would work out well together, and other whom i think it'd be interesting if they met. Amusing even. this is also up there with the fact that I want to stay connected with everyone. It's not that much fun that any/all time we end up spending together back home is half trying to fill in people in funny things from the past semester. But the problem with living in the present with people you don't see for any time from one month to three is that we all grow and change. The jokes are old and the new jokes make no sense.
Only two people get and will laugh if I jut my bottom row of teeth out tuck my upper lip behind them. A hand full of people with get it if I say 'thuper arthistic' and having to designate all people with repeat names gets old sometimes, but every one i knew before college is still important to me because of how much i grew from hanging out with them. But the people from college are also important because there is another aspect of life to look at, different growth and more changes.
Part of what i'm saying is that I don't like living in the past for daydreaming about the future when i'll see people who aren't around every day. It's be cool if everyone knew one another, but I'm fine with that not being the case, but what i think i really want to change the most is how much interaction I still have with people who aren't right next to me.
I seriously don't want to lose my old friend connections due to the fact that we're all a few hours away from one another. There are reasons for my phone calls and for my not leaving a message. I hate answering machines and truly only leave messages if I think it's absolutely necessary. I'd rather get in contact with you than with your voice mail.
I don't know. I just want some sort of assurance that in ten years that when I think about people from now that it's not just in the past tense, but also in the present and future with what we'll be doing when we still hang out. I don't want a guarantee because broken promises are more painful and annoying to deal with, but even a compromise that we'll both try not to seriously lose touch with one another is good enough to please me.
i want to be 20 years, 30 years meet up with you and know we'll still be friends enough that the meetings won't be awkward. i want to be close enough still that when we talk about what we were, are like at 18, 19, 20 that we can all laugh and share the stupid secrets we can't say now. i want to be able to say, 'that's my friend on stage' then go back stage in the theater and see you. All of you, or say 'I was there when they filmed that' or something stupid.
I'm no so much afraid of not meeting new people, but I want to stay in contact with people from now so that in the future other friends I have may be able to meet some of you also and will be able to hear the stupid stories i won't tell them. There will have to be someone to tell my kids about the stupid things i did in college, from stay up for 72+ hours with another friend to late night peep-jousting and whatever the hell else I do in my future years here.
I want my college and high school friends to meet so they can then understand how I've changed and what they all mean to me. That's something I'll never be able to fully express nor explain, but I want people to meet so when i tell the stories there's something more than my photos of what happened to tell the stories, but also actually meeting ...
i don't know how to finish this. I've sort of lost my train of thought, but i think you all get the message. i don't want to lose you no matter how much time passes. We can change and whatever, but if we can still kick back, play some Wii and reminisce about when it came out and what we're like now that's cool.
Adios for now
:salute and bow:
Jasmine P.
I keep saying to my college buddies that they should meet some of my high school buddies, and vice versa. Trust me, i wouldn't say something like that lightly. I value my friends a hell of a lot more than any of them realize so saying i want them to meet is a big deal in my mind. There are just people whom i think would work out well together, and other whom i think it'd be interesting if they met. Amusing even. this is also up there with the fact that I want to stay connected with everyone. It's not that much fun that any/all time we end up spending together back home is half trying to fill in people in funny things from the past semester. But the problem with living in the present with people you don't see for any time from one month to three is that we all grow and change. The jokes are old and the new jokes make no sense.
Only two people get and will laugh if I jut my bottom row of teeth out tuck my upper lip behind them. A hand full of people with get it if I say 'thuper arthistic' and having to designate all people with repeat names gets old sometimes, but every one i knew before college is still important to me because of how much i grew from hanging out with them. But the people from college are also important because there is another aspect of life to look at, different growth and more changes.
Part of what i'm saying is that I don't like living in the past for daydreaming about the future when i'll see people who aren't around every day. It's be cool if everyone knew one another, but I'm fine with that not being the case, but what i think i really want to change the most is how much interaction I still have with people who aren't right next to me.
I seriously don't want to lose my old friend connections due to the fact that we're all a few hours away from one another. There are reasons for my phone calls and for my not leaving a message. I hate answering machines and truly only leave messages if I think it's absolutely necessary. I'd rather get in contact with you than with your voice mail.
I don't know. I just want some sort of assurance that in ten years that when I think about people from now that it's not just in the past tense, but also in the present and future with what we'll be doing when we still hang out. I don't want a guarantee because broken promises are more painful and annoying to deal with, but even a compromise that we'll both try not to seriously lose touch with one another is good enough to please me.
i want to be 20 years, 30 years meet up with you and know we'll still be friends enough that the meetings won't be awkward. i want to be close enough still that when we talk about what we were, are like at 18, 19, 20 that we can all laugh and share the stupid secrets we can't say now. i want to be able to say, 'that's my friend on stage' then go back stage in the theater and see you. All of you, or say 'I was there when they filmed that' or something stupid.
I'm no so much afraid of not meeting new people, but I want to stay in contact with people from now so that in the future other friends I have may be able to meet some of you also and will be able to hear the stupid stories i won't tell them. There will have to be someone to tell my kids about the stupid things i did in college, from stay up for 72+ hours with another friend to late night peep-jousting and whatever the hell else I do in my future years here.
I want my college and high school friends to meet so they can then understand how I've changed and what they all mean to me. That's something I'll never be able to fully express nor explain, but I want people to meet so when i tell the stories there's something more than my photos of what happened to tell the stories, but also actually meeting ...
i don't know how to finish this. I've sort of lost my train of thought, but i think you all get the message. i don't want to lose you no matter how much time passes. We can change and whatever, but if we can still kick back, play some Wii and reminisce about when it came out and what we're like now that's cool.
Adios for now
:salute and bow:
Jasmine P.
January 6, 2008
Lasting Impressions
'They' say that first impressions are lasting, and for me I do know that's true. When I first meet somebody it's not so much that I pass judgement on them and it can't change so much that I give them an 'interest rate' if I find them interesting then I will try to and I will desire to talk to them, befriend them. All my friend were given these ratings and from this I decided to trust people.
Earlier, I was thinking about how I've changed. This past weekend I drove halfway across the state, alone, to watch a fencing tournament. I stayed in the house of one of my brother's friends, a woman I've spoken to maybe twice, and I slept in the bed of a man I just met on New Years. It's not like that, he's away at the bachelor party for a friend. I am currently alone in the friend's house with her 'evil' cat that seriously loves me. I swear, I came back last night and the cat was sleeping on my dirty laundry...cats are weird sometimes.
But back to the point so I can get to some fencing, I've never thought about how easy it is for me to trust someone and befriend them. All of my friend I've done this to. Well, Gg was a friend out of opportunity [our brothers were friends], Diane I'd befriended after she lost her clique in elementary school, but she seemed interesting which is why I noticed. Sam R. was interesting because everyone else shunned her. Alex was interesting because I thought he was cute, he reminded me of the way a webcomic artist drew herself, and he was new, and therefore interesting. Glenn was interesting because he could teach me to fence, CR just plain looks interesting, Matt L he's random, but when I first met him he was incredibly intelligent. Elizabeth was fun to talk to, easy to talk to. Allison is very silly and fun to talk to. Nick S. was interesting and amusing.
I use the word 'interesting' a lot, for me it's a word for every occasion. I draw or say 'interesting' things, I find people 'interesting' but that's a different form of interesting. Interesting is a perfect blanket term you can use to describe anything in a very non insulting way. I do love my rampant use of it.
Gahhh! Back to impressions, I have always been a very much so 'first impression' sort of person, but I am also quite willing to make changes to my opinions after I know someone better and they prove to be not as 'interesting' and I'd first thought.
Adios for now
:salute and bow:
Jasmine P.
Earlier, I was thinking about how I've changed. This past weekend I drove halfway across the state, alone, to watch a fencing tournament. I stayed in the house of one of my brother's friends, a woman I've spoken to maybe twice, and I slept in the bed of a man I just met on New Years. It's not like that, he's away at the bachelor party for a friend. I am currently alone in the friend's house with her 'evil' cat that seriously loves me. I swear, I came back last night and the cat was sleeping on my dirty laundry...cats are weird sometimes.
But back to the point so I can get to some fencing, I've never thought about how easy it is for me to trust someone and befriend them. All of my friend I've done this to. Well, Gg was a friend out of opportunity [our brothers were friends], Diane I'd befriended after she lost her clique in elementary school, but she seemed interesting which is why I noticed. Sam R. was interesting because everyone else shunned her. Alex was interesting because I thought he was cute, he reminded me of the way a webcomic artist drew herself, and he was new, and therefore interesting. Glenn was interesting because he could teach me to fence, CR just plain looks interesting, Matt L he's random, but when I first met him he was incredibly intelligent. Elizabeth was fun to talk to, easy to talk to. Allison is very silly and fun to talk to. Nick S. was interesting and amusing.
I use the word 'interesting' a lot, for me it's a word for every occasion. I draw or say 'interesting' things, I find people 'interesting' but that's a different form of interesting. Interesting is a perfect blanket term you can use to describe anything in a very non insulting way. I do love my rampant use of it.
Gahhh! Back to impressions, I have always been a very much so 'first impression' sort of person, but I am also quite willing to make changes to my opinions after I know someone better and they prove to be not as 'interesting' and I'd first thought.
Adios for now
:salute and bow:
Jasmine P.
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