I have always considered myself to be someone who's not memorable and I think that I fly under the radar, but I've apparently made a mark on a few people. From being in my one class, Rhetoric of the Graphic Novel I have made three opportunities to not languish in obscurity. I have a foundation for making a name of myself and it's terrifying. I want to run away, but this is what I want for my life.
First opportunity is to get a comic going in a few university newspapers, I've been lazy about that, putting it behind my journal comic, which has not been the smartest thing, but I was afraid of success and how much time it would detract from my ideas.
My second opportunity is in general talking comic art and working with someone. Getting him started and being someone he can ask for help and advice and possible collaborate on something.
My third opportunity is the one that's really freaking me out, there's a dude in my class who's trying to start being a small press publisher, and I could use his publishing house to print my comics. It seems overwhelming to have so many opportunities all from one class.
I have an older opportunity to draw and sell an art book for a local business I frequent. All of these feed and support each other. I know college is where these things happen, it's just shocking to think of it happening to me. I need to really get serious about my comic work and progress and finish things. I have a million ideas and now I have so many opportunities to really get somewhere with it all that I'm freaking out.
An opportunity I instigated in my journal comic and drawing bands. I went to a concert this past weekend and sketched out the bands and performers, I'm planning on doing nice ink and wash images for the bands. This is a door I'm opening myself to get my art out there. I plan on sending scans of the images to a local paper to put them up online and to also gt my work out there. I'm planning on taking commissions and getting my work out there, if these bands like these little pieces, I'm imagining what it would be like to make much larger, much nicer pieces but as commissions and not just these little sketches.
I wonder how many successful people wanted to run away. I bet they were all equally terrified about where things were headed. The difference is they didn't run away, so I need to keep from running and accept and work toward what I imagine. I'm terrified of my imagination becoming a reality, I don't know if I'm ready for it yet. I have to have myself ready at some point and now is as good as ever. I started on this road and I don't want to diverge from it. This is what I need to prove to my family that my art work will get me somewhere. I start small, I start local and I will have to work to get what I imagine. I make myself into a local legend, a local name, then I take on the rest of the small press community one event, one book, one image at a time.
Jasmine P.
Showing posts with label crisis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crisis. Show all posts
December 7, 2010
January 16, 2010
(Potential) Existential Crisis
About an hour or so ago on Twitter I declared that 'I crave chaos' and not too much longer ago I said 'how existential is it to acknowledge that you have no existential thoughts? I had nothing meaningful to say today which sparked the question" then "A part of me thinks that craving chaos means that I'm seeking existential thought."
All in all I really don't know where I'm going with this train of thought. In a way I think I'm having some sort of minor existential crisis, but what is it? I crave chaos, disorder, some sort of scene. I just finished watching Sid and Nancy and there was chaos and compassion, disorder and danger. I've been listening to the Fuck Buttons, chaos and no lyrics to distract. Audible chaos and disorder that flows, it has some sort of direction. At this minute I have no direction. My hand still aches from Wednesday when I spent about three hours using an x-acto to cut apart cardboard boxes from my 3-D Design class. I filed my nails away so when I go to ceramics I'll get less clay trapped under them, and now I don't know which way I'm going.
I'm jut wondering about the short term, I vaguely want to talk to somebody, I know who I'd love to interact with, but I don't know what they're up to but in my state of mind just being in their presence would probably benefit me. I've loosely been like this all day, drifting. Anger, annoyance rather, to being blank and vaguely listless.
"Checked the clock when I got home, I realized that I'm alone, sat for hours by the window, wondering where did you go. " Song lyrics race, I like the song anyway. It plays sporadically.
But I questioned my own presence of existential thought and in questioning the seeming lack there of, would there be something? In wondering that it was missing, was I then thinking existentially? I thought that way because I had nothing really deep or interesting to say on Twitter. I don't always pose a question that I considered thought provoking, but I seemed to be bothered today by my lack of questioning. I decided my life had too much order, and it's not that organized. I have things everywhere, not much of a strict schedule outside of classes, but I'm like a still pond, a lake, waiting for that rock to be chucked in to start something. The placidity of the water seemed to be bothering me. I need something, I don't know if it's conversation that I need, or just something to shake things up a little.
I'm not depressed, this isn't the listlessness of depression, this is the listlessness of a lack of direction. I know in general where I want to go, but what do I see right now? Where am I stopping along the way? That's what's bothering me right now I guess. Just drifting along, I need something to shake it all up. Maybe I'll head out, the coffee shop has the potential to be interesting right now, or at least outside of my head which is good enough. Maybe to the bar, just something. I think I want to be wrapped up in someone else's issues, their ideas their business. I don't want to go my own way, but to bum a ride with someone else for a little while. Not for too long, just long enough to break my spell of blank so I can continue wherever I'm headed.
My life needs a little chaos to remind it where I'm trying to go. Maybe a shove in some direction will remind me to take control of the little things as I roll on to the bigger things down the road. Maybe something interesting will happen.
Jasmine P.
All in all I really don't know where I'm going with this train of thought. In a way I think I'm having some sort of minor existential crisis, but what is it? I crave chaos, disorder, some sort of scene. I just finished watching Sid and Nancy and there was chaos and compassion, disorder and danger. I've been listening to the Fuck Buttons, chaos and no lyrics to distract. Audible chaos and disorder that flows, it has some sort of direction. At this minute I have no direction. My hand still aches from Wednesday when I spent about three hours using an x-acto to cut apart cardboard boxes from my 3-D Design class. I filed my nails away so when I go to ceramics I'll get less clay trapped under them, and now I don't know which way I'm going.
I'm jut wondering about the short term, I vaguely want to talk to somebody, I know who I'd love to interact with, but I don't know what they're up to but in my state of mind just being in their presence would probably benefit me. I've loosely been like this all day, drifting. Anger, annoyance rather, to being blank and vaguely listless.
"Checked the clock when I got home, I realized that I'm alone, sat for hours by the window, wondering where did you go. " Song lyrics race, I like the song anyway. It plays sporadically.
But I questioned my own presence of existential thought and in questioning the seeming lack there of, would there be something? In wondering that it was missing, was I then thinking existentially? I thought that way because I had nothing really deep or interesting to say on Twitter. I don't always pose a question that I considered thought provoking, but I seemed to be bothered today by my lack of questioning. I decided my life had too much order, and it's not that organized. I have things everywhere, not much of a strict schedule outside of classes, but I'm like a still pond, a lake, waiting for that rock to be chucked in to start something. The placidity of the water seemed to be bothering me. I need something, I don't know if it's conversation that I need, or just something to shake things up a little.
I'm not depressed, this isn't the listlessness of depression, this is the listlessness of a lack of direction. I know in general where I want to go, but what do I see right now? Where am I stopping along the way? That's what's bothering me right now I guess. Just drifting along, I need something to shake it all up. Maybe I'll head out, the coffee shop has the potential to be interesting right now, or at least outside of my head which is good enough. Maybe to the bar, just something. I think I want to be wrapped up in someone else's issues, their ideas their business. I don't want to go my own way, but to bum a ride with someone else for a little while. Not for too long, just long enough to break my spell of blank so I can continue wherever I'm headed.
My life needs a little chaos to remind it where I'm trying to go. Maybe a shove in some direction will remind me to take control of the little things as I roll on to the bigger things down the road. Maybe something interesting will happen.
Jasmine P.
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