Crossroads: Built to Help, Only Impede

I was originally going to do a write up of the past week I spent in Wisconsin, but this seemed to be a bit more pertinent. I still want to write up about the week before I forget. That's why Twitter's nice, I wrote some stuff up there most days, so I can review it and remind myself what I did and what to write about. But for now, less about last week and more about me.

I've in a funk, again. I don't know what to do to break it. I've spent the past few days since returning to Norfolk watching Wonderfalls and Pushing Daisies, which I guess I can include in my review blog. But not right now. I'm at that annoying impasse where I don't know what I want to do. Not with my education and not with tomorrow. I can't draw, so write I must.

I've recently fallen in love with writing things by hand. I hand wrote a note to a woman from New York, more to be expounded upon in the SWS/Wisconsin journal. But I kind of want to write more people letters. One to Scott, another to Ralph...that's it. Yeah, so two letters. There's the personal touch of recieving mail, and writing them. They take time, and even once the idea is written, there's writing a presentable form of the letter.

Well, let's start somewhere. Is It Okay If I Call You Mine? written and sung by Paul McCrane. Ironic time to play this song. This is kind of how I feel about Paul, but also at the moment, men in general. Kind of. I mean, first there is my interest in someone who hasn't called me back. I fear his phone is lost or something. Then there's Phillip, who's interest in my was professed by two other people in drunken stupor. I doubt they remember telling me this, but a large part of me doesn't want to inquire about it, but if someone cares, why not try for something. Then there's Beau, and that one I assume is all in my head. He's a cutie, and I could have sworn just last week when I friended him on facebook he was in a relationship with someone, but that's beside the point. Interest in him came from his drunken excitement in seeing me. Yeah, prefixed by drunken, so who knows. I have also decided that the actors Lee Pace and Tyrone Lietso. Bt incrredible cute and adorable. I see Paul is Pace's performace from PD, which makes me think he's still quite in the running for my heart for things more serous, but at the same time, I haven't seen the man/boy in a month! A month! He hasn't answered his phone or anything. I'm sitting in the middle of a road of attention, attraction and affection [alliterative a...] and not a peep. I tied calling about thirty minutes ago. Maybe he'll call. I hope so. Hell, I want the simplicity of a kiss. I want and crave contact. So many people, so close and yet oh so terribly far.

Like aways, I know what I want, but differently, I have potential venues, but won't go for any of them. I was fine, when I almost had someone, now? Ha! I'm back to just plain needing someone. I need something to guide my attention, to help motivate me. For whatever reason I've actually made the Fourth of July into something important and want someone to spend the night with. I normally couldn't give a rat's ass for the damn day, but apparently in my vulnerable state I want someone. Last week I was distracted, as with the week before, but now, it's me and only me.

This is an island that sucks. Maybe someone will actually call. The Ficus might, but that's not as pressing to me as pretty much anyone else calling. I want attention. I want to be loved. I want to be romantically loved. Hell, I know plenty of people on this stupid orb love me, platonically, but I want a romantic relationship. Pining, I'm pining away for most anything.

Aside from my heart, I was feeling a change of pace for a short period f time and going back to science for a degree, but now I'm feeling art again. I'm also feeling not earning a degree and just striking out on my own. Dorien and Miguel keep saying how hard it is, but they haven't done that. They both almost got away, then went crawling back home. I'm not doing that. Love or not, I'm getting out of this crummy state. I'm getting away where all the disturbed girls are. My papa never put his ping-ping in my po-po, but there is something rotten in the Denver of Virginia. And the Denmark too.

Apparenlty, I've stopping caring about who might stumble upon this piece of privacy, and that's well enough. It's here for someone to read, and not just for me to write. I dunno, maybe I'll escape the easiest way I know how, into the tombs of a new book. Well, new, old, re-read, or something I left to be enjoyed at a later date. I dunno, maybe I'm a little inspired from eading the writings of Jonathan Ames who had his writings published, and they were of a varying private nature, personal if nothing else. Maybe it's better to toss life out to the void of it's reality and see who stops and inspects. Maybe something good will come out of it. With my luck, nothing will, but that's also just as well. I always want someone to read these, but at the same time, I seriously want no one to read them.

Jasmine P.

Waiting.

So, I am currently sitting in the Norfolk International Airport. I'm bored to tears and cannot properly access the internet. Mildly amusing, I think this other guy thinks I'm online...but alas, I am not. Now I kind of wish I had Dorien's Air Card. Then I'd be online. I hope the other officers replied to that message I sent out. I also kind of wish I had gone to sleep. I have a solid hour and a half right now, but at the same time, I don't really want to be asleep and not able to prefect my possessions. Strangers already know about my pimp laptop.

Hmm, something to talk about. My lack of sleep is due to Josh throwing a b-day party for a friend, which was fun. It's been a while since I've had boozahol. I never got that drunk, I was more pleasantly buzzed. We watched Rent, then Starship Troopers, and about 4 or so Beau put on Full Metal Jacket, and a few movie quotes I've heard got a reference home. Well, I've dropped one name, so let's try to name the awesome people I met last night.

Beau, Phillip, Luke, Cat, Ally, Stephanie. Luke's sister, Dylan. Those cats were pimp-awesome.

Very much so not pimp awesome were Brandon, Zack...well...kin of just them.

Other. Didn't chat with them long enough, so I forgot their names. And there was the boozahol so...Not quite there.

My god, there's some bitch whining about how she wasn't in the long non-self check in line...gat damn. I mean, yeah, I'm here two hours early, but that's hella better than getting here too late. What kind of really fucking sucks right now is I'm just sitting here. Don't want to start reading just yet, but I do have two magazines, so that'll be a nice little respite from the books. Plus, I've got a long day ahead of me. I pray nothing goes wrong. Or very little.

Hmm, back to last night. Cat said that apparently Phillip was digging on me. I took that as a surprise. It didn't really seem like that to me, but you know your friends, no matter how they may act. Or more specifically when they act out f the norm. Cat, Luke, his sister and I think one other person agreed. I think she said he thought I was cute. I dunno, maybe it was a drunken whisper. Either way I'm on the highly flattered side.

God, my nerves are shot. I need food and sleep and airport food is hella expensive. I think I can make it another oh...three hours until I eat. I'll figure my way out around the Detroit layover then I'll get something to eat. Man, I really don't like these sounds. People talking. Messing with my nerves. Curse thee my tasty love. Coffee has me wired. Not sleeping has me tired. Oh, today is going to be a long day.

*Note* when posting online, change time to 7:45am June 20th. Jasmine P.

Nothing Doing

Huh. I haven't done much of anything recently. I've spent a whole mess of time watching TV and movies.

I do quite like where I'm staying atm. Josh, my housemate is pretty damn awesome. And the Netflix on the 360 is pretty sweet. I'm still a fai bit off of being 1 and 1 on the movie to day thing, but I'm working on it. I'm up to 156 right now.

Really. I have nothing to say. I need to do something interesting so I have something to write about.

Oh well, time t play more majhong while watching 30 Rock. :)

Playing

I'm kind of just playing around with the blogger gadget I have on my desktop. Things are pretty shiney around here.

A wee bit of an update. I'm moving from Powatan into Jon and Josh's place on 49th and Killam. Moving everything has been a bitch. Seriously. I'm tied of it. I'm also getting down to the last bits of everything. It's garbage and the kitchen relly left. With any luck I can be finishd on Friday.

Field botany has been going alright. //my recognition is terrible, but my paper should make up for it.

I have a new computer and i'm still getting used to typing on it. It'll take some time, but I'll get up to speed and what not soon enough. I'll be making fewer typos then too.

/i have a sweet place to move into for the school year too. So that's ll set up, I just need a job now...fucking jobs. I'm thinking about trying a temp agency. it'll be something. also got the idea from re-watching Dead Like Me. I love that show too fucking much.

Man, I want to stay up later, but /i need to be up early for my class in the morning. it's my usual complaint...but early to bed and early to rise is shit. But, tomorrow I do get to see Paul for the first time since going out to see Sar Trek. I'm totally asking for a hug. I wonder how long we'll be able to hang out together... I also wish I knew the state of what we are. I'm thinking a couple, but I don't know about him.

Holidays Love Misery

Hello all! Here's another installment of my observations f the world around me and my questioning the motivations for what I see. I consider this to be a 'proper' journal for my to be writing because my day to day life isn't interesting enough for me to want to write about anyway. Hell, I think my last journal was on how nothnig was going on, but I was vaguely compelled to write anyway.

But first! A quick flash back to something I think I wrote back around Easter: [blank] I have no idea where that rant went...I remember writing somewhere about how I had no use for holiday's. I could have sword it was written on/around Easter, but I can't find anything about it. It may have been written in February about the lack there of of press for Black History Month.

I totally forgot my point after reading my first 6 journals here. They were terrible, no description of anything. I was keeping secrets from myself at times, and now, I post waaaay too much information. Cheers!

So, onto holidays. It might just be me, but it seems like the world over, retail over, people don't seem to be taking as much of a vested intereste din selling a holiday anymore. Not so much as when I was a kid. I'm not complaing so much as commentating. It's just that I walk into a Wal-Greens and there's barely anything they're trying to pimp for Mother's Day. What little television I've watched recently there've been very few commercials for this day either. It's almost as if the world doesn't care about holidays too much anymore. Well, some of them. I was in the mall, true, I was only up by the movie theater, but still, not much trying to pimp last minute gifts, which is what any mall is all about. I know times have changed, but...

On love.
This was originally going to be about holiday's and misery, but after I wrote that title, I knew I could write this and it would work out awesomely. Plus, that title wins.

Last night I went out on a date with Paul. I guess it was supposed to be a date, neither of us said that, and I've never been on a date, but I think that's what it all wrapped up to be. We went out and saw the new Star Trek movie, and I've never been a Trek fan, but this movie was pretty entertaining. I'd almost be interested in watching the show. If nothing else, I'll check out some of the other ST flicks, and maybe some of the future ones. I wasn't too into it until Kirk got into space. Too amused by the fact that he got his ass kicked thrice in the movie. Sometimes it's the little things that make me laugh, but it was one gorgeous piece of celluloid. I'll tell you what.

Ahem, the date. He paid for the movie, for the snacks and picked me up for it. We chatted prior to and after the movie. Still awkward saying goodbye, and he said he'd call today, which means tomorrow if I'm lucky, haha. Chances are we'll chat soon enough, and do something else together. Still, it makes me happy to think about him. Also, it's sad that this amuses me as much as it does, but after he commented on how scarcastic I am, I stopped being as scarcastic to him, but last night I had to! For Monsters vs Aliens there are these bins to collect the 3-D glasses after the movie. It says it alll around the box like, twenty times. He has to look inside the box. I had to laugh with him about it. it wasn't mean spirited, but it was funny. The box said that's where the glasses went, but he had to open it. My type of person, looking anyway. I didn't expect it to be full, but I also wasn't compelled to look. It was fun. Truely.

Now onto the misery =D

The following comments, long sentences, if you will, are partially to blame for this rant being ranted here, but c'est la vie :/

-The MB is such a cunt. I woke up and walked around the kitchen, there was a damp dirty sock on the towel where i dry my dishes. Why? Idk!!

-We're also the only people in the apt, and there were plenty of other counter space for her disgusting unsanitary sock. Fucking cunt.

-Why would misery want the company of one they disliked. MB might have to stand for miserable bitch, because she's that, and seems to cont.

-Want to bring me down to her unhappy level too. I've bothered nothing of hers, but she has this compulsion to mess with my possessions. Sad.

Those four tweets , and actually that final one, made her actions make sense to me. She's miserable, and I'm not. So fucking what i took back my own paper towels. Go buy your own. I don't have to share anything of mine with you. I haven't touched a damn thing of hers for personal gain other than moving it out of my way so I could go about my business. Time and time again I've seen my food go missing, an abnormal amount of my cleaning supplies gone and used, and my things moved. It's sad that it took me all year to realize she's just a miserable cunt whose bothered by my happiness. Anytime I'm happy she goes out of her way to make me unhappy. Hell, she usually looks haggered and unhappy when I see her, no matter what she's doing. I know I've walked past her and I looked happy. Not trying to look happy, but I was in a much better mood than she is.

My opinion is she's also a miserable little frig because she left her home the day before Mother's Day, when her mother is alive and I assume well. People with mother's take them for granted. I don't understand why she's not home expressing her love for her mother. I'm going to be out in Wisconsin for Father's Day, I loath my father, but I can be civil enough to call him while I'm there. Maybe I'll draw him a picture. That's not a terrible idea. But back to the Miserable Cunt or Midget Bitch because she's both. I've wasted more time this year dealing with my issues with her but it's only right that I finish it up. She's just in unhappy soul, it's almost as if she doesn't know how to be happy and I think my relaxed or passe or cheerful demeanor frighten her, so she retaliates with hatred. I'm also in a much happier place so I can see this. I will hold it against her because I've done nothing to her, and I will keep my things to myself because I don't need her contempt making me unhappy. Happiness is a wonderful weapon sometimes.

Jasmine P.

First 100 Movies

Just collected my first 100 movies for 2009

I know I've touched on my love of movies before but here I go again.

I recently procured Frank Miller's Sin City to watch again after having not seen it since this summer and it has of course reignited my love of Frank Miller. With me, of course I had to get the special edition, and have now purchased the soundtrack and a 'making of' type of book.

I have my love affair of escapism and Sin City was Miller's way to do that. "Sin City was meant to never be a movie." Robert Rodriguez.

God, the movie is distracting me from my rant, but I love movies and will continue with this sordid affair.

A tick, a starting tick. Every movie I've seen this year:

1) Nurse Betty
2) Sin City

This list will continue on and off line. T.V. or in the theater, but it has to be the entire movie. Dec 31, 2009 I'll compile the entire list. Hundreds of movies, and hopefully all in order day to day.

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3) Mars Attacks! : Jan 4th

4) Defininantly, Maybe : Jan 5th

5) The Three Amigos : Jan 5th

6) Death to Smoochy: Jan 6th

7) Hollywoodland: Jan 7th

8) No Reservation: Jan 7th

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9) Ed Wood: Jan 13

10) Will Eisner: Professional Cartoonist: Jan 16

11) Who Framed Roger Rabbit?: Jan 17

12) Defiance: Jan 23

13) A Few Good Men: Jan 24

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14) El Mariachi: Jan 24

15) Desperado: Jan 24/5

16) From Dusk Till Dawn: Jan 27

17) From Dusk Till Dawn: Jan 29

18) From Dusk Till Dawn: Jan 30

[I totally watched that movie three times in this short period of time. Good times. I wanna watch Desperado again]

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19) Zack and Miri Make A Porno: Jan 31

20) El Mariachi: Feb 3

21) The Legend of 1900: Feb 3

22) Desperado: Feb 5

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23) Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog: Feb 12

24) The Faculty: Feb 14

25) Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog: Feb 19

26) Four Rooms: Feb 20

27) Iron Man: Feb 21

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28) Phildelphia: Feb 21

29) Clerks: Feb 27

30) Clerks Documentary: Feb 27-8

31) Jackie Brown: Feb 28

32) Beetlejuice: Feb 28

33) Clerks: Feb 28

34) Reservoir Dogs: Mar 1

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35) Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: Mar 7

36) Watchmen: Mar 7

37 (In a row?) Clerks II: Mar 7

38) Hedwig and the Angry Inch: Mar 7

39) Clerks II: Mar 8 Fun time and random crack

40) Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back: Mar 9 makes me love Jay's Rap

41) Dogma: Mar 9, Mar 10. It makes me want a Buddy Christ

42) Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back: Mar 10

43) 27 Dresses: Mar 10

March is fucking movie madness, apparently in the lead are Kevin Smith movies...

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44) Daredevil: Mar 13

45) Mallrats: Mar 13

46) Mallrats: The edition that never should have been, but is: Mar 14

47) Love Actually: Mar 14

48) Jersey Girl: Mar 14

49) Zack and Miri Make A Porno: Mar 15

:) getting closer to being one-in-one

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50) The Legend of 1900: Mar 17

51) Mallrats: Mar 19

52) An Evening With Kevin Smith: Mar 20

53) An Evening With Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder: Mar 21

54) Chasing Amy: Mar 21

55) Dogma: Mar 21

56) Clerks II: Mar 21

57) Chasing Amy: Mar 23

58) Shaun of the Dead: Mar 25

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59) Drawing Flies: Mar 28

60) Shortbus: Mar 28

61) Gifted and Challenged: The Making of Shortbut: Mar 18

62) Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: Mar 29

63) Now You Know: Mar 29

64) Slacker: Apr 2

65) Sold Out: Threevening With Kevin Smith: Apr 3

66) Lords of Dogtown Unrated: Apr 4

67) Lords of Dogtown w/ Cast commentary: Apr 4

68) How To Lose Friends and Alienate People: Apr 4

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More movies. The list delightfully rolls on.

69) Once Upon A Time in Mexico: Apr 9

70) Big Nothing: Apr 10

71) Donnie Darko: Apr 10

72) Donnie Darko w/ Richard Kelly & Kevin Smith commentary: Apr 10

73) Brokeback Mountian: Apr 11

74) Zodiac: Apr 11

75) Good Night and Good Luck: Apr 11

76) Heart and Souls: Apr 11

77) Back to the Well - Clerks II: Apr 11

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more movies i've watched recently.

78) I Love You, Man: Apr 14

79) Dead Like Me: Life After Death: Apr 16

80) Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back w/ commentary: Apr 16

81) 10 Items or Less: Apr 17

82) Wonderboys: Apr 18

83) This Film Is Not Yet Rates: Apr 18

84) American History X: Apr 19

85) Eight Legged Freaks: Apr 19

86) Eight Legged Freaks w/ commentary: Apr 19

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More movies, peliculas, motion pictures.

87) The Shawshank Redemption: Apr 22

88) The Soloist: Apr 24

89) Two Girls and a Guy: Apr 24

90) Snakes on a Plane: Apr 25

91) Snakes on a Plane w/ commentary: Apr 26

92) Donnie Brasco: Apr 30

93) Small Town Gay Bar: Apr 30

94) Small Town Gay Bar w/ director & editor commentary: Apr 30

95) Dogtown and the Z-Boys: May 1

96) Dogtown and the Z-Boys: raw footage: May 1

97) Dogtown and the Z-Boys w/ director and editor commentary: May 1

98) Into the Wild: May 2

99) The Toy: May 3

--This week was apparently documentary week...

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100) X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Cheers ;)
Jasmine P.

Thread Response

Someone for research asked this question on the View Askew boards 'Why is Kevin Smith Influential To You?' I know I have my fan letters, but here's a new response, the one I posted in the thread. I like what I said, so here it is

Got me to see a string of movie she's done or spoken about. Interesting to see someone in the movie biz with an honest opinion, who likes to represent him opinion. the Evenings With, or Boring Ass Life are entertaining.

I'm also a nosy motherfucker who likes knowing about other people's lives too much, but he also willingly puts it out there. He likes hearing him name on tv, or much more so before, as he's said in his books and in the Evenings With.

And he's a strong person. He went out on a limb and made something that many people love. He's been good to his friends which is a positive example for people. He marches to the beat of his own drum, not always caring about what other people think. Though the naysayers are louder, he still gets a lot of love from his fans, which helps him do his own thing. In a way, at times, he's a voice for the normal person. It's not always perfect grammar and enunciation and the big picture, sometimes it's the little things in life, like the movies that we saw as children that still keep us out of the ocean, or the movies that took us to a galaxy far far away.

That's what I thought, and pretty much still do think. I like what I wrote, and wanted to keep the sentiment. :)

Jasmine P.

A Good Day

Today, over all has been a good day.

It's two years to the day...well, by the time this is posted, two years to yesterday that my mother died from organ failure after her body succumbed to pneumonia and cancer. I thought I'd be more upset about it, but I wasn't I took a moment not too long after noon to think about her, then I went back to the rest of my day, thinking my mother would rather have me happy then to dwell on her death. I spent my afternoon straightening up my room because Paul was going to see it. Paul is the guy referenced in the other two journals. I think I can use his name now.

Anywho, today I woke up and chilled. Took care of a few things, and was late to geology because I magically could not get to that class on time this semester. At least I was there, unlike last semester where I skipped. Hell, I skipped it a lot this semester too, but I was there for the last day of class. I went to class and then left so I could hit up the mall to buy AJ a graduation gift.

I got him a $50 gift card to Barnes & Noble then came back to campus. I hung out with Elizabeth for about an hour before I made it back to my own apartment to chill before hanging out with Paul. I made up the certificates then went to meet Paul outside. He was sweet enough to text me saying he'd be late. I assume traffic was a player in that. Then he called, I guess, saying he was there. We walked around for about 40 min, just chatting and walking around campus.

We roll over to IHOP and I tell him about my brothers and father a bit. He tells me a bit about his family. We're the first to arrive at IHOP closely followed by Jay and Allison, then Nick, Casy and Sean. We get a table then others join us. Nicole and Andrew, a friend of Seans. Glenn, A friend of Drew's then Ian and AJ. Dan shows up about an hour later. It's a usualy night at IHOP. Lot's of chatting and lots of fun and perversion.

Our waiter is awesome and splits the bill, two meals per bill seeing as Tuesday's are buy one, get one free. Paul pays for his, but my meal is on his ticket. The group makes plans to go over ot Jay and Allison's and as we're leaving IHOP Paul and I end up chatting with Drew and Nicole about Drew's broken window. This Saturday, someone broke into his car to steal his radio. He wasn't able to get the window fixed today.

We're out there chatting about cars for a while when this homeless man comes up to us and takes twenty minutes to get to his point of asking us for money. We give him maybe three dollars in change, he then keeps talking to us. It was a little awkward.

Paul drives me back to campus and we chat about nothing really. He gives me a hug before I get out the car, and both of us are apparently bad at farewells, because we said good bye a few times, and I wished him luck at his job interview for tomorrow. It was all pretty damn disconnected, but he did say he'd call to tell me how the interview went. And we agreed to make plans to hang out together again, so I think the next time will be more of a date. Yeah. It was nice. Man, I still feel special, and I think really dating him would be nice.

Even though it's been two years since my mother died, today wasn't a bad day. Better than last year, whatever I did. I'm glad I'm not as depressed as I was last year around this time.

Jasmine P.

Happyhappyhappyhappy

So, in another journal I said I was going to tell this guy I think he's cute.

I did.

He told me he thinks i'm pretty.

I'm happy. We exchanged numbers, so hopefully we'll go out...do something...soon... but I'm still just plain happy.

Jasmine P.

Quick Update

I spent today living in the lap of music. Great music. Things I could sing with.

After another grueling days of classes, I ate dinner on my own and walked out to the E. River and smoked some Golds, listened to the last few SMods I had waiting, and watched out over the water. There was lightening dancing through the clouds, which was awesome to see.

After the SMod was done I decided to hang out there for a short time longer and sang with some music. Some great songs that I will never tire of singing with. It was a great evening. So pleasant spending time on my own and singing as loudly as I wanted. I sang with Drunk Again, Sway, Welcome home, Western, Ban the Tube Top and I'm sure one or two others. It was just plain nice.

Tomorrow I'm going to shoot for a glory that I'm not too sure is necessary anymore, but it won't kill me. Maybe I'll finally win one.

Well, nothing interesting has happened, so like the title says, a short update. Cheers bitches.

Jasmine P.

Movie Marathon Dreams...And Men

And so, nothing really special has gone on. I'm currently in the middle of watching my 73rd movie for the year. I understand Donnie Darko a lot better now having watched it with commentary.

I have decided that I much preferred Heath Ledger's performance in Lords of Dogtown than to his performances in both Brokeback Mountian and The Dark Knight. The voice, mannerisms, the character/person. Much more engaging, and a character than one can like more.

I have also thought of a nice little connector for my movies, but I don't have some of them, so I'm more in the middle of the connector than the beginning. If I were to do that, I'd start with Emile Hirsch in Into the Wild, Milk then Dogtown which would segue into Ledger, then after that Brokeback which would lead into Donnie Darko then Zodiac then any friggin Downey movie I could think of to tickle my fancy. That would be a sweet marathon set up.

On another note. Emile Hirsch is a total friggin' cutie, and I'd love to tell him that to his face. Hell, it's not often that I en up fancying a actor anywhere near my own age, that little piece of bombshell is 24. Very attractive, I tells ya.

Another attractive gent is this dude from fencing club. I won' go into details...or hell..this is my journal, and after going into detail about my surgery, I can be as fucking personal as I damned well please. The gent in question is Paul. Not often at practice, but way too fun to tease when he is there. But I also think that's the basis for the attraction. So easily flustered, but that's also what I try to do at times, just plain make him flustered. I think I do it because I crush on him a little. I dunno, maybe if he's at practice on the 28th I'll tell him I think he's cute.

I have decided that Jake Gyllenhaal has an adorable smile. I think that's what I end up liking the most about dides, their smile. Their personality, of course, but their smiles. Mouths apparently.

I've always thoguht I was an eye person, but I love ot smile, so I probably like seeing someone who knows how to smile myself. Makes for a good personality, and good spirits with proper smiling. I dunno. I've waxed on why I liked Ledger in Dogtown but that chatacter ezperienced such a wide array of emotions and such a downfall that he was much mroe interesting. Granted the emotional waves that occurr during Brokeback, but it was still something different and much more intriguing.

I like me some men, but I've never had one. It's a pipedream that doesn't seem as if it'll ever come to fruition. I guess pipedreams don't some to fruition, that's what they're called pipedreams. But the problem is I can't see my future. Normally see something. Well, I do see me moving out to California after graduation. Maybe some part of my dream will come true then.

That would be fun. Having any sort of change onthe relationship front would be pretty alright. From where I'm sitting, it would be a change for the better. Portnetioanlly. Then again, I guess I'm saying I'm not entierly happy with my life where it is.

That's also me saying, or thinking I'm depressed. I tend to think about relationships more when I'm feeling depressed or alone. Considering the movies I end up watching sometimes, that doesn't help anything. I'm a lonely frig. That's what I'll be, pretending I'm not.

My depression writing, these journals, are always full of fail. I end up writing about being forlorn or lonely. Doesn't really help anythijng. Time will grant me things I don't have now, and let's hope that somewhere in my future is love.

Bah, any time I think about men, my writing goes to crap. It's so depressed and boring.

And to voice a lament I've voiced before-I wish someone here would choose me. However...I can't wait until I'm more than just a bench warmer of life. Maybe this fall. Heh, I keep pushing my time back further and further. Time is a whore of a mistress. Things you want never last as long as you want them. And things you're waiting for take too long to arrive.

Jasmine P.

Commendable Strengths

I just finished reading the story 'Me and My Shadow' the story of Jason Mewes cleaning up from drugs as told by Kevin Smith. I think both of them were commendable. I know Mewes cleaned up on his own, but Smith was still an inspiration for him. Not so much showing Mewes what he was hurting, but showing Mewes just how much he was still loved, and as he did his soul searching and everything it took for him to get clean, Mewes realized what he really wanted in life, in part to live, but also to spend more time with Smith.

I think Kevin was as commendable as he was for spending time for those long years with Mewes, bailing him out, but accepting him back after ever relapse. Yeah, he was not always in the right in what he did, but it helped, which is more important to a degree. He was strong enough to turn his back, but also supported Mewes and helped in the end, not just as an inspriation and giving him a home, but he never gave up.

I myself, don't know if I could ever go that far. I pray I never have to go that far for someone, and if I ever have to, that I have the strength to do whatever's necessary. I love and support my friends, but I don't know how far I'd go. It is inspiring to see just how far one would go for another. I know one person I might go to such lengths for, but I also hope I never have to. I don't know if I'm that strong.

Jasmine P.

A So Called 'Simple Explaination'

Kutner's death was irritating because out of the New Team, I like him the most. He was the most interesting and we knew the lease about him. The moderate lack of knowledge is one of the things that made him a more interesting character. That, and he was the most positive character on the whole fucking show!!! He wasn't like Cameron with the uber compassion, but the innocence is one of the things that made him more interesting. Fucking downer.

FREAKIN' FUCKING HELL!!!

le sigh. There's my rant. Short and disjuncted. Cheers, bitches

Jasmine P.

Speculation on Entertainment

I dunno. I love movies. That's how I escape from this sometimes abysmal reality. I also use movies for inspiration. I also watch for certain actors. New to my radar is Emile Hirsch. The cutie from Milk and The Lords of Dogtown. Noticed him first in Milk, but then rented Dogtown from the Naro, and will purchase it, and rent the other movies about the Z-Boys. I want to check out the documentaries about them because they are excellent references for Idrissa and maybe some generic charactes skating, but Dogtown did capture my imagination, but most movies are good at doing that. Then again, sometimes I'm just miles away, I guess that's what people would call a 'bad movie' one that doesn't keep the audience as engaged as it should. I dunno, I'm no movie critic, but I can find something enjoyable from most flicks I see.

That last part came up because I bought 'How To Lose Friends and Alienate People'. The issue with that movie is the main character isn't believable. It shouldn't take a guy months to stop making tremendous fuck ups at work and to be as alls to the wall idiotic as he was. Truly, I enjoyed the movie in the third act when everything picked up and the character was successful. I guess I lik stories that are deeply seated in reality, or just seated enough that I can belive it could happen. I mean, not everything that happens in a movie could, but if the characters are likable then...it was just very cartoony. Some things could have ben executed better, but it did what it was meant to. Entertain enough, distract from the doldrums of life fore a few hours.

Will I watch it again, quite probably. But to go back to the beginning, I still love me some Emile Hirsch and hope to see him in more things from the future. I have a slew of thumbs that I sketched up during Dogtown to work into real pictures, so I think I'll use at least one of them at some point. And I'm just plain a fan of being entertained and watching movies. Hell, documentaries entertain me. That baffles my brothers. Yeah, they teach me something, but it's still fascinating, or else I would be watching it. I'm enthralled sometimes, and it's onver the simple thing of how something is made. It answers a question I never knew I had.

Not terribly sure where this was going, but it's been written now, and I can totally go to sleep. No plans until tomorrow afternoon, so this girl is sleeping in! Good night world, don't stop revolving.

Jasmine P.

100 and Epic

So, this is my 100th journal, and do I have a lot of things to say. I seriously don't have the time right now to write, but here are some bullets that will give you a small taste of what's to come, and it will remind me off the many things I'd like to cover.

Well, this has taken me so long to get around to writing, that it has ended up being more more epic recant of my past week, for the most part. So, here we go, after putting it all off, let's get this ball rolling.

On Sunday I got a text message from Glenn asking someone to go to some meeting that Rec Sports is having on Monday. I think nothing of it, and say I can go. Monday rolls around and I'm so bone tired I fall asleep in three of my four classes, and I don't think my teacher's really noticed. I do my usual of hitting up the apartment to get my things for my afternoon math class because the meeting is 3-4 and that class starts at 4:20. I get into the meeting a few minutes late after reading more pages of 'My Uncomfortably Boring-Ass Life'. I walk past a small group of students and think nothing of it. Inside the meeting room Dr. Holt and some other people from the Rec Sports President's meetings that I've been to once a month are there and we're finally told that this is an appeals council.

Over Spring Break, Mar 9-13 our Crew club broke some rules and allowed a suspended member of the team to go on the trip, have an under age kid drive a rented truck, and another kid who hadn't passed the swim test to get into a boat on the water. It's a country and probably world wide rule that you need to pass a swim test which is swimming a few laps and treading water, before being allowed into a boat. These kids we were seeing on Monday were regular members of the club, not officers, but this is also the first I'd heard of anything so I was eventually filled in on what had happened back in October.

In October, it got back to ODU that members of the crew team were rowing without lights on their boats, and with many people who hadn't passed their swim test. Last semester's president and vice president were suspended and barred from ever holding an office at ODU ever. So this is some heavy shit that the same club has come back under fire so soon for some more stupid shit. We eventually decide that these kids lift their suspension for the rest of the semester, so only 4 weeks, and I think we gave them a probation for this coming fall semester, so if they're in the rowing club and some shit goes down that they're a part of, their infractions from this semester could cause them to have a more severe punishment. So Monday's meeting ended and we dispersed. The punishment isn't read to them until the following day because we ran out of time on Monday. For the sake of the story, I'll continue onto Tuesday's proceedings.

On Tuesday during Activity Hour we see one more member, hand down the same punishment, from the previous group. He had a class and was unable to make the initial meeting. We see the officers on Tuesday and we start from the club secretary who has failed her swim test and prior to the suspensions being handed out, was told by the other officers she was not allowed to participate because she had failed her swim test. But she was still on the water and in trouble when Rec Sports handed out their suspensions, this was an appeals process because these students didn't seem apologetic for putting ODU into a bad public light and giving their club the biggest black mark damn near available, well, given it's a student run organization, their idiocy was supreme. This girl knew about two days prior that the suspended president from the fall was going on the trip and did nothing to prevent him from coming. Her punishment was upholding her suspension and putting her on probation until December 2009. She also has the special requirement for completing all club paperwork and having to complete a swim test before being allowed to do anything really with the club.

The club Treasurer found out the ex-pres was going on their training trip when he was going over who had paid, so he knew only a few days prior to the trip. His punishment was just upholding his suspension and a fall semester probation. The VP knew the ex pres was going a full week before the trip. He accepted the President's [faulty] decision to allow this other kid to go because he knew more than what the current members did. His punishment was the same as the treasurer, but i think there was one other thing.

The President was the ring leader of this little charade. She decided on her own to allow this suspended kid to go on the trip because she figured he could help an outside coach at the place they were headed as a second pair of eyes. This coach they were going to has had some Olympic training, and a slew of other credentials, but this current president figured it wasn't enough and brought a suspended kid, who had been 'rowing in his own boat at the same time and same location as the club boats' on the trip. The suspended kid also drove a rented vehicle, and you can't drive rented vehicles until 21, he was 19. He was a liability issue, and she fucked with the honor code. That's all some pretty serious shit. Our pronouncement for her was she's not allowed to be an officer in that club ever again. She is suspended the rest of this academic year, and on probation until this December. We decided not to send her to the Honor Council, but Rec Sports still has the ability to have her referred to them because they went around the heads of their own department for a few reasons. They went to the Dean of Students to be allowed on this trip, they tried to get sent to a different department of ODU because they thought the black marks from the fall would be erased, but learned that is not the case. She also allowed the suspended kid, only 19, to drive the rented vehicle full of club equipment, and if there had been an accident, they would have fucked with some other Dead at ODU because he paid for the truck rental with his own card. So they were all sorts of wrong.

This all taught me, and the fencing club, who i recounted these tales of crime and punishment to quite promptly at practice Tuesday evening, to a) don't do stupid shit to go up in front of the council in the first place. b) make sure there's no photo evidence. c) just plain don't do it, it's stupid dangerous bullshit.
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To round out Monday, I decided I've been spending too much time on my computer and not just reading, so I take my time and read more of Kevin Smith's second book, My Uncomfortably Boring Ass Life until House Starts. Monday's House was interesting since the perspective was from inside the patient's head. Not hearing the differentials nor the character interaction, aside from how they acted at the bedside, was different. Then, right when House was going to drop some science and finally declare what the disease, my Glenn finally calls. I'd sent him a vague text message talking a bit about the meeting, but he doesn't have the chance to call me until then, when I miss House saving the same. Boo. I rounded out my evening reading until ten-thirty then decide 'fuck it, i need sleep' and hit the bed early.

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Tuesday, Mar 31
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I sleep until 9:30 which is sweet. I get sidetracked by the internet, and don't go to my geology class. I go the part 2 of the epic meeting of drama and punishment then head over the hospital to have all my joyful stitches removed from two, three weeks now, ago from my surgery on the 12th.

I get there and when I check in my appointment has disappeared from the books. What happened is when I went in the week after my surgery because I was worried about how I was healing and in pain that I needed more percocet my real appointment for my stitches to be removed was erased. I got to sit around for about 45minutes, so I read, waiting for my name to be called. Finally, as I'm getting really bored with just waiting, and wanting to go to sleep, and I'm incredibly hungry at this point having not eaten anything all day, I get called. Dr Reed removes the stitches and seriously, one stitch from each set, under each arm, and on his side of my groin, hurt like all hell. I was good about not flinching, but it hurt.

I giggle to more SMod while I hit up WalGreens for more gauze, bandages and some candy. Snacks in tow, I get back to campus and eat my other piece of sirloin I made on Sunday. The mirowave is apparently broken, so I heat my food in the oven, just waiting to eat. I haven't eaten since the previous evening, so this was like, epic hunger. I read a bit more before practice then walk to the gym to hang with the fencers and tell them about everything with the rowing club and their terrible faux pas, but I seem to be the only one to understand the brevity of the situation. Yeah, it wasn't us, but if it ever is, it's highly awkward, and embarassing because the majority of the college campus totally knew about it, the suspensions. I'd rather not have people know that shit happened to us if it did. We're still working at making a good name for ourselves before we go and make a bad one.

I'm feeling hungry, so I hit up IHOP with Nicole, Andrew and Nick. The four of us get out awesome waitress from when the Ficus and I were at IHOP over Spring Break. She was just as snarky, so just as much fun to have.

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Wednesday
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Wednesday is a painful day. I'm just getting used to not having the stitches, so every gat damned motion hurts, again, but now because grativy is taking it's toll on my aching flesh. I go to class on perc because I decide I won't do it without the painkillers. This is a day I decide I need them and by dammit, I have them. I make it through english, they start to kick in at Borjo where I just get sluggish. Not really tired, I'm just not really responsive. I get through the time, then I have a happy fun-time test in Logic. Fucking sucks. I blast through it in bout 30 min, then sit in psych early. Today we learn about Levinson's theory of adult develpment which follows the importance of having a dream. There's also Super, and some third dude, but the third dude is one I find intriguing because back in 2007 i think, I wrote a journal about me andanalysing myself and my career options. This makes me want to write, so I curse that I need to get off campus because the following day is my sister's birthday, and I had yet to buy her a gift.

Post Psych class, I run off campus and by my sister a 20$ gift card to gamestop, and this awesome card that's like a banner. I decide I have the time, so I hit up Local Heroes and buy a few new trades, Empowered and Kev Smith's first Green Arrow trade. I wanted to get Joe Quesada's book that had to do with his interaction with Hollywood, but that book was $35, and I was also spending 30 on two trades. I was also going to grab Frank Miller's second Daredevil since I'd read the first trade last year, but had to hold off because that was another $20, and i needed to save a little.

Get back to campus, go to math and dose midway through the class. I also doodle me in the Invader Zim style on something I have to turn in, thinking it's my personal notes. We're having a homework test on Monday, maybe I'll actually do my work for this one....maybe. Won't hurt my grade. After class I decide I don't want another cafeteria meal, so I call Za and Nicole and we hit up La Herradura. Well, it's me and Nicole because Za's apparently not feeling too well. Dinner was good, I got some burritos. It was all awesome until paying because our friggin' waitress left us sitting for at least 30 min before picking up the tab. What the hell? Bad tip because of that.

Nicole asks me to be a part of a little stidy for her english class. All I have to do is take a fish oil pill every day for two weeks, and a prelim quiz and another in two weeks. It was easy enough, aside from the sudoku, and one or two questions, I believe i got everything else correct. It was just a tedious hour.

I head back to the apatment, play on the internet for an hour then go to bed deciding I need sleep.

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Thuesday
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I get up today and end up wasting a whole mess of time because my roommate's 9:30 has been canceled. I would have taken an early shower and lounged around until my 11:00 class, I end up waiting. Shower's don't take forever, it's drying enough that tape will stick to me so my bandages actually work for the following ~24 hours. I BS some more then go to class, and get there late. I'm also busy trying to get some stuff together, I mail my sister's gift, so she should get it tomorrow, I hope. Hmm, I'm bored in geology then I print out some stuff during Activity Hour before hitting up Del Vich's for two slices of cheese pizza. I carry them to yhe geology building because I have class at 1:30 and it's after 1 as is. I listen to SMod 52 while eating before my class.

Lab is mad easy, then I go off campus...why....I remember. I rented Slacker, Sold Out a Threevening With Kevin Smith and The Lords of Dog Town from the Naro for the weekend. Get back to campus and decide to spend some flex points before the semester is out on some ice cream and some vitamin water from Whitehurst. I run into Za and Josh, her boyfriend before getting back to the apt. We three chat for a time, then I watch Slacker. I end up dosing while watching the movie, so I back track and re-watch half the movie while I made some frankfurters for dinner, and some fries. I'm mildly annoyed because I have no ketchup because, I assume, the MB used it, the cunt. I use hot water to warm up from nacho cheese and eat that on my franks and the fries I'd made. it works out well enough, but not the same as that awesome tomato-y sauce of delicious.

Hit the internet until practice. I'm very uninspired and melancholy at practice tonight and just sit on the side barely watching people practice. It's annoying a little because I've corrected and explained so many times, but there were things that they still do wrong. In my mild depression I decide Reel Big Fish is the band for me, and start off wtih Drunk Again, which I mouth along to twice. I then just let my player play RBF for the next twenty minutes and after locking up the studio and returning the key I just leave. I say 'good bye' but no one seems to notice, which is well enough considering my mood. I spend an hour and a half writing this and feel better, before deciding to go to bed early and write my stupid psych thing in the morning.

My Dream thing will be written later. I want sleep now, and some drugs. Sleep and pills. Tis a sad life I lead.

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Inspired by current topics in Psych class, talk about having a 'dream' and what my current dream is.

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enjoy the peek of what i've been wanting to write for days but haven't had the time to
Jasmine P.

---

So, it's all finally been written. I do feel better and ...well, nothing really important for this 'and' but this was written, and now it's also all been put to rest. Just the dream thing, and that I might be fine with not elaborating on. I also feel better since I've jsut plain needed to write.

short

I need to stop taking things so personally. but i think this isn't all my fault. i think i'm pms-ing, which is a bitch. never makes anything good in life. yeah, there's new life, but the whole pms part, not so much.

i think that's why i've been so angry this weekend, and bouncing from happy to angry. it makes sense to me. but i'm going to bed. declared that thirty minutes ago, so time to stop lying.

Jasmine P.

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amend.

i'm too fucking nice, which i think is the reason why i've been the target of mis directed anger as much as i have been. i don't really want to be mean, not my style, i just wish people would stop using me to vent their anger.it's not fair to me.

Rage Against the Idiotic

Just becuase I keep my flatware out on the counter, doesn't grant you leeway to use it. I can't stand half the people who live in this dorm/apartment.

What this is all about is I keep my flatware in a cup on a counter that is between two cabinets that my things stay in. It's about little things, in truth, but it's also about their lack of respect for property that is not theirs. I seriously go out of my way to not use other people's items, but it seems like at various turns, I find my items depleted. I've noticed my flatware sitting in the Midget-bitch's food bowls. What the fuck, she has her own shit, don't use mine. It was my money, hard earned, though not by me, that procured those spoons. Yeah, their cheap, but they do the job, they've been doing the job for me going on two years, well, a year and a half. I'm saying, why take my things. Use your own possessions, you fucker. Some time ago I noticed that my ketchup was disappearing. The fuck? Just because it was on the top shelf of the door, you'd think people would know what they bought. I can't recall ever granting them the right, ever allowing them to use my condiments.

I'm fucking appalled. I make sure I use what's mine and only mine. If i need things I go without until i buy it myself. Why can't these cock-smokers do the same thing? I'm not their gatdamn mother, I don't have to share everything little thing I buy.

I also just realized what happened to all my fucking pine-sol. When the MB drinks, she vomits. Every fucking time, you'd think she'd learn something by now. My revelation is that on at least one occassion she potentially missed the toilet, and got all her friggin' vomit on the floor or some such. Or maybe the toilet just plain stank, but that's not the point. The point is, why the fuck hasn't this cock-smoker hedonistic whore bought any more? Seriously? I'm going to buy my own pine-sol that will stay in my bedroom that I'll use before moving out.

Huh, my biggest dream is getting closer to becoming a reality. Tomorrow I'll make my fated call to the apartment complex I found last week, and I'll figure out if I can even rent, considreing I don't have any real credit, but maybe they're used to people not having credit trying to move in. April looks to be a busy whore. A very busy whore. The next week or two might not be too terrible, but then there's the last two weeks [i think i'm missing a week somewhere...] but finals start on the 28th or something, (what a lovely day...) until then, I get to make my plans for moving out, and with moving out, since i think the place i'm looking at in unfurnished, i get to buy furniture. Joy of joys. I'm not that cynical about it, it's just having to do it. I should be able t outfit my apartment for less than 3k if I'm careful. Most pertinent items are a bed, a couch, a TV table, and a small dining room table. I'll shoot for the bed first, then hopefully everything else i can get from the salvation army or one of the many thrift stores out here. I'll spring the duckets for a brand new bed, that's no big problem. Plus, this bed may have to last me a few years, so I'll get the most out of it.

Well, I've started delving into the world of mattress shopping, and i know this, I'm buying a qeeun sized frame and mattress. Maybe even an adjustable frame, but at least a queen sized matress. I'll take my space. Plenty of nesting space, and rolling around space. It will be awesome to literally be able to climb into bed again. It won't be 1.5ft off the ground anymore.

Ooh, i forgot about lighting. i assume there's at least one overhead/set per room, but I'll need a bedside light, and something for the living room. I like the standing ones that have 4 lights on it that come on in different patterns for low and high lighting. I'll write up a list soon so I can keep track of the immediate needs versus the needs that can wait a week or so.

Last major need is a job. I mean, after I pay off the summer and fall semester's tuition, I'll have a nice bit to start of my summer to pay for food prior to landing a job. I wonder how likely it would be for me to get this apartment without a job, even though I have the assests to pay for it. And I think I'll see about my trust fund, if not for immediate spending, then for the apartment. I'll talk to the guys about that.

Well, I've run the gamut from anger to calm and planning. Let's hope it stays plasse for the rest of the day. I like not being angry. Let's also go get something to eat. I now have excess cereal and milk, and doggonit, will I enjoy me some milk and cereal :) And maybe some doodling. I enjoyed drawing Seph Hunter, and I would like to work on a picture of Az, to color, I'd love to re-do the 'Masculinity' picture. I feel so much better now.

Jasmine P.

fucking cracktards. movie truths

the fuck? I'm i'm sitting here, watching a movie in the dark, and my fucking suitmate walks in, turns on a light to walk an expanse that she didn't need a light for, and then walked out, without turning the light back off. i fucking hate them.

fuck them. it's not even about earth day, which i say duck to, fuck earth day. it's about them not respecting my preference of relaxation, and their ignorance and inability to leave the lights off, or turn them back off upon leaving. i don't understand their lack of consideration toward me and how they can't turn lights back off.

watching shortbus. i love the progression of characters, their growth in their own sexuality. their growth of mind. i do enjoy the evolution they go through, this is a movie that i would love to share with people, but the true sex aspect, since it jumps right in on that, makes it a wee bit awkward, but it's still an interesting movie. a commentary on society. a comedic drama. three years past, and still, the emotions seem so real, so plausible.

that's why i like this movie, even if i haven't seen it in a year.

Jasmine P.

Smith & Movies

Well, I watched Chasing Amy once more and it put me in a mood. The type of mood where I had ot take some time before getting into anything else, but in that thought process I've decided to attempt to discuss just how I think Mr. Kevin Smith's movies have affected me. Why I like them and such. This is hopefully different from what I wrote before, but just as necessary for me.

Let's go!

Clerks: The writing was highly impressive. I liked the rapport between the characters. I like how there are distinct beats to his movies. They start showing an any person going about their business before the story gets going, but these characters are very human which makes relating to them that much easier. Clerks was important because it was a nice way to jump into the crew and the world, from the beginning.

Mallrats: Jason Lee. I'll say it here, I find younger Lee to be adorable beyond belief. I accept my mini crush on him. Aside form Lee, seeing Smith put Clerks in a mall, yes, but seeing how things changed from his absolute control to studio control and what he learned [i learned via commentary] was fine too. I've said this before, but Rats can't fail at making me laugh. It's light hearted and fun to watch. I can watch it repeatedly because of how much happens from Brodie and TS being dumped, to Jay and Bob's attempts to wreck the stage, and on to the conclusion of the movie. So much happens, and Less is just to brilliant in it that I can love it immensely every time I watch it.

Chasing Amy: just as Rats was a light hearted affair, Amy is the emotional rollercoaster. So much happens from the beginning of the movie to the end that I get wrapped up in it and sucked into the character's emotions as everything happens. I can get to such a depressed low from watching this movie. I mean, at the conclusion there's no defined 'happy ending' it ends. The characters have moved on. I would love to see a sequel to it where Banky accept his homosexuality or whatever, to see what Holden is up to, aside from drawing and writing the comic Chasing Amy, and to see what Alyssa is up to and how they each grew and will interact with one another after accepting the conclusion to the events in the lives in this movie. And any excuse to see Hooper X again, man, great side character.

Dogma: This movie is interesting seeing as how it's about Smith's relationship with religion and his opinion of it. I find it enjoyable for all the characters, and how slender and pretty Jason Lee is here, and clean shaven. Mmm, Lee. But to the movie, the growth of the characters is nice to see. I like watching it because of the journey, and in the scope of Smith's films it's a stretch because almost constantly there are more than two characters interacting on screen. It was a learning progression for him to have os many characters together at once. Nice to see. For me, I have my own questions for religion, but that's for another day. it's a heavy topic, but so few people share their relationship with religion as openly as he did in that movie, it's special in that way.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back: The movie to end all of the Askweniverse...but didn't. This was a very cartoony movie, out of all of them this had the most motion. Another trip movie with a varied cast, but at it's core, just Jay and Bob. It was an experiment in a way, very slapstick which makes it stand out. It's one of those movies that you don't need to watch too many time. It's not heavy, not ever. It's the lightest of all the movies, but it is different.

Jersey Girl: His first foray out of the Askewniverse. I liked the movie becuase it was all about a father having to grow up and take care of his child. It was his response to having a daughter and having to truely be responsible for something. I thuroughly enjoyed the movie for the range of emotions that happen, but the ultimate happy ending when Affleck's character understands that he doens't need New York to be happy, but to be home. His understanding that he wanted what was best for his daughter more than what he thought was best for him was nice and important to see. It makes me smile.

Clerks II: This, in a way, is how the Askweniverse truely needed to be closed out. It needed to end with Dante and Randal, and yeah, Kevin did say he pictured everything wrapping up in the Quick Stop so that's how it happened best. This movie had it's deep moments with Dante realizing who he really loved and why he loved Jersey. His extended family made it special and was what he really wanted out of his life. It had the over the top cartoony elements, like the dance number, but it was entertaining. From the first movie to the last there is the full gamut of emotions of drama and serious to slapstick and comedy. Maybe one day he'll venture to comedic mystery...

Zack and Miri Make A Porno: This movie was my first Smith Flick and this is where the writing frist and truly impressed me. The characters were fun to watch, and seeing Mewsey grow up from being Jay to being Lester, seeing him clean up and everything was kind of cool. Seeing Smith really get out of Jersey in spirit too, and not to travel was different. These new characters were interesting, and for a romantic comedy, one of the few I truely liked. It wasn't a 'love at first sight' type of thing, since Zack and Miri knew each other and their boundries were well established, it was interesting to see them pushing on their own boundries. How they resisted, but moved past their trepidation.

All these movies have been interesting. This is partially me understanding of some of the whys for everything that happens in the movies for the characters and behind the lense. I love that DP David Klein came back for CII to stay. Friendships make me happy. People who know each other better than anyone else know them. These movies make me want write, I want to go back to my characters I created oh so many years ago and re-work them. I want to make my characters better then show them off to the world. This is a wonder story, we need more stories of people making their life their own and going for it. That's what I'm slowing working towards, making my life my own. Moving out of the house, finishing off my education and getting on with what I need for me to be happy, which is venturing off on my own to live as an adult.

This rant barely had any guidence, but still needed to be writting. I'm glad I took the time to write this. It jumped from point to point and doesn't seem like it accomplished what I wrote it to accomplish, but it has. It seriously has. I need an emote or something for a laid back smirk, the smile of someone who accepts their life at the moment, and I think I should be sleeping soon. God night world, let's rock together tomorrow.

Jasmine P.

Self-loathing

Its been a long time since I outright hated myself or how I acted. Today was one of those days, one of those times. While I was out Elizabeth called to tell me she was too afraid to move off campus. I have made my resolution that I'm not living on campus anymore. I want to move on, but I was hoping to live with her. My motivation is I want to live with my own rules and not with people I disliked. I'm tired of having to share my living space with people I barely know and don't like, so I guess it works out. I mean, I've know for a long time that the only person I can truly rely on is myself, so I guess it's down to me a wee bit sooner than I thought, but it's what I want. I was a little annoyed and stress. I was annoyed because Elizabeth is so afraid of moving on. I'm trying to break my tethers, I'm fighting to be independent. I'm trying to grow up and she's too afraid of the outside world to be able to make the jump.

I'm a resolute person, I want to as close to the final say in my life as possible. She's not ready for that type of responsibility, I'm ready to try, to prove to the world that I'm an adult in my own right, or to try for it. She can't do that, I was upset that my friend whom I thought could make the trip into proving to the world that she was an adult too was unable to do it. I showed I was upset the way I always have. I cried. I sat in a chair in the middle of a Uni of Mary&Wash gym crying, I tried to sink into music, but I had friends to distract me which was both good and bad. I waxed on it a bit and explained how I was feeling, slightly betrayed, but how I need to move on. Living on campus is holding me back and I need more in my life that I'm in control of, so it's time for me to move on.

So, not too long after I've barely picked up the pieces of me and put myself back together and was almost back to being the strong Jasmine that I show the world I was broken by something as stupid as mushrooms being on my burger at Cheeburger Cheeburger. Nothing tastes as good when you're upset, and I was still upset for another ten minutes. I hated myself. Seriously. To a degree, I hated myself. I hate it when I cry and when I can't get back into control of myself.

Eventually when we were just about done I had calmed myself down, then I spent about ten minutes alone in the Barnes and Noble. I felt much better, then I had to apologize to Ian and AJ because I didn't like how I had acted, but I never like it when I cry especially not when I don't have the chance to sit on my own and get my mind straight. Now, a few hours past, and having written it out and apologized to everyone, except Tristan mostly because I don't know him on facebook, I'm feeling better. I'm back in control of my emotions and I think I can handle things now.

I can nw find a place of my own and be happy. A nice one person apartment, not in some fucking house, but a real apartment, and I'll make my own rules and I'll be happy. Things will be better for me, because I declared it how. Fucking seriously.

Jasmine P.