This, The Day of My Father's Wedding...

Or, 'My Father Has Commitment Issues'

September 5, 2009 was the day my father got married for the third time. The first time was about 27 years ago when he married my mother and sired 3 children. He divorced her about 20 years ago not too long before I turned 1. One of the reasons given for that is 'she spent too much money' it wasn't even a joint account, it was her money, so he had no real place to tell her what she was spending or wasn't spending too much money on.

Some time later my two older brothers and I are in a rhythm of visiting him every other weekend, for two weeks during the summer, and for a few days after Christmas. We spent all major holidays with our mother. Father's Day we'd sometimes switch up the weekends so we could see him, and the same for Mother's Day if it was his weekend, we'd stay with out mother. In this period of time he got married a second time. His new wife could not produce children, so about 9 years ago he adopted a girl from birth, my energetic little sister. He divorced the second wife about 6, 7 years ago, for reasons I either can't remember or haven't been told. I disagreed with it because of my little sister. But he is a dick and does as he pleases.

Two years ago, a few days after my brother's and I buried our dead mother, he and his 'girlfriend' whom my brothers and I have known for maybe 2 years then, announced that he was engaged. We were floored, because that was another year that my father took home the great big golden 'bad fucking timing' award. Yesterday was the culmination of at least two years of being engaged.

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History done, now onto yesterday and my issues with just many things.

My brothers, Shani and I arrived at the Catholic Church about fifteen minutes early. We first saw our sister who was adorable was passing out programs for the wedding. She was excited to see us like usual. Inside was a mixture of doctors from the Veteran's Affairs hospital in DC, where both my father and Pattie work. There was family, so I said 'hi' to my Titi [diminutive of 'aunt' in spanish. I think it's akin to 'aunty'] and to my Abuela [grandmother]. I saw some of my cousins and some family friends, then there were all of Pattie's family, most of whom I didn't know. Hell, even the ones I've met, I didn't remember. One woman seemed annoyed I didn't remember her, but I met her, once, 5 fucking years ago!!! Over the past 4 gatdamn years I have more important things to remember, such as the nams of people I see daily, information for my classes, my own characters. I have my own life and it's not like I see you all the time.

Adults need to remember that, you see photos of my on my father's desk, or in his house all the fucking time. I only see you when when I go to your house, or to the VA with him which I haven't really done in ten years or so. It's not me being offensive, it's me being a kid and having much more pressing things to think about all the time and not some nurse who works with my father, or some family member who isn't really apart of my family.

We move onto the wedding, which is some sort of condensed Catholic wedding I assume. It was my first Catholic wedding to attend, every other one I've been to has been some sort of Protestant. There's the procession, that's whatever, I applaud like I should. Then Pattie enters, it's the bride's moment. The first time that 99% of the people attending even see the dress. She's all made up and smiling like she's a queen, or a princess. This I decide to take a little issue with due to her age. Let's say she's upside of 50, from what I hear later it's not her first wedding, and she's wearing white. I know she's not a virgin, disgustingly enough I know that. I look at her and thing 'isn't she too old to try and act like she's a princess at her own wedding anymore?' I've been to weddings for grown adults, I was in one, yeah, they looked happy, insanely happy, just not like how they imagine when they're a little kid imagining their wedding. I also think she's too old to be wearing a backless dress, but that's neither here nor there.

We get to the ceremony. Throughout it, I'm wondering what the presiding priest is saying to make them laugh throughout the wedding, but whatever. It's wrong to me every time they say 'Patricia' and the first time it's said I feel that something isn't right. That simply stems from my mother's name having been 'Patricia', she on the other hand hated to be called 'Patty' or any spelling of it, so I could deal with Pattie being called as such. Going through the vows and ceremony and shit I have to start tuning out. I start singing songs in my head to keep my composure. I still am irritated with this because I don't think my father has what it takes to stay married. He may prove me wrong, I don't know, but the vows of longevity and staying together have been broken twice with him. I wonder if they mean anything to him anymore.

I had my usual grievances with being in a Catholic church. The call and response crap, I don't know what to say, I'm not fucking Catholic, like how I'm not fucking Irish [that journal's on LJ] I just dismiss it like I did when I was younger and was forced to go. Huh, go figure, my first time going to a church in the past 2 years was for a wedding, before that, it was for a funeral.

The reception took forever and a day to get to, but there was an open bar. I didn't get drunk, but I did have a LI Iced Tea that was pretty killer. The lunch, was alright, it was really small and I hadn't eaten since 11 the previous night so I wanted food. No real issues with the reception, I was impressed with the MCs Spanish abilities, but I guess he was chosen just for that. The music was a combination of Spanish things and old Motown music. You'd think my father would run out of love songs about the longevity of marriage because he's had to failed marriages to date.

Thinking about it now, I don't know how I feel about the institution of marriage. They say that kids froma single parent household are quick to get married, but that's something that neither of my brother's nor I have really even thought about doing. Yeah, Miguel has a girlfriend, but they've been together for 2 years or so, I haven't heard a tittering about getting married, but I also make it my business to not be around them too much.

The only thing that really came out of this whole sham for me was being able to see my family that I rarely see. And I got to see my sister. I don't think much of this wedding. I doubt the two of them will have kids, my father is still paying my med. insurance, and has to pay child support to Debra I assume, but who knows, he's done stupid things in the past.

Jasmine P.